EVA Sessions: Ten Year Whole
by Gob Hobblin
Summary: Ten years after the Third Impact, humanity has entered a new grind, living and thriving in a world rebuilding itself. Asuka Langley Soryu approaches the anniversary of the Return still organizing her memories of that day. Events transpire to push her beyond the remains of Tokyo-3, and follow on the trail left by the long departed Shinji Ikari...
1. Return Day: Human Sinister

When the sun rose into the red sky on the third day, the Boy and the Girl went to ocean, compelled by something they could not define. They had become passengers in their own flesh, spectators to something beyond and above them. They gazed out over the crimson water, filled with the primordial soup that mankind had been consigned to. They had been there, only a few days recent. The Boy had rebelled, and rejected the bond that had been made. The Girl had been pulled with him, by a connection that was stronger than either had cared to acknowledge, or been able to admit. And now, they were here, three days later, pulled to the sea.

Here, a vast number of souls was about to reject the bond themselves. They had been called as witnesses. An operation had been enacted, for something…great…had been introduced to the mass of humanity before them. There was unrest. The bonds were starting to break. The world was quiet, but the seams were restless.

The Girl knelt down, in her red and tattered Plug suit. One blue eye and one red eye gazed over the ocean, pensive and quiet. The Boy knelt behind her, higher and braced against her back. They sat like this for a long time, no measure to mark the passage of it. Soon, however, something occurred. A wind blew, the sky warped, and ocean seemed to broil. A vast chorus of voices more felt than heard seemed to wash over them.

The Boy drew up his hands, and placed them palm down over the Girl's eyes. She brought up her own, placing the backs of her fingers over his eyes. They began to breathe, in time, slow and surely. There was a religion to this act, this trance that neither had planned but had been pulled to. It was demanded. Expected.

In spite of their hands, they could still See. The Saw the Rebellion. The Fall. The Return.

The crimson sea glowed, red light rising into the air. A sound like tearing cloth warped the air, and a great burst echoed through the sky. The Boy and the Girl stiffened, gasping as something electric seized them. The light dispersed, separate points of a star exploding through the ocean to cardinal points on the Earth.

The air grew silent, and the glow faded. As though their strings had been cut, the Boy and the Girl fell to the side, their arms still entangled. They lay there, unconscious, for a long time.

They were there when the first people walked from the ocean, naked and glistening under the sun.


	2. Patterns and Control

Ten years after the first groups of people had returned from the Ocean of Man, the messy, unorganized, but undoubtedly _alive _collection of structures known as the Spread had occupied the remnants of Tokyo-3. Officially, part of the Restored Government of Japan, it was still called Tokyo-3. That was irrelevant, in the long run. To its inhabitants, it was just the Spread.

Asuka Langley Soryu ran a finger through her shortly cropped hair, staring out of her window down the hill. Every morning, she was greeted with the sight, and every morning she scratched at her head, remembering long silky locks. She would ponder growing her hair out again, the way it used to be. She would ponder leaving the Spread, going out to some of the other settlements. Maybe taking the crossing to Siberia or China. Cut through the wilderness to Europe.

She would sigh, and say the same thing. "Not yet."

Hikari Horaki had been dismayed when she first saw her friends haircut, but was at least accepting of the fact that she had let her bangs stay long. It was the one concession to the formally feminine hairdo. "Was it because of him?" she had asked.

Asuka had said nothing, but it was apparent. It was. When he had left.

She kicked out of the bed, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. She had slept deep. She always slept deep, but that meant she awoke feeling like a corpse coming to life. She stretched her arms up, and felt muscles and tendons crack in her back. Asuka breathed in; breathed out; rocked to her feet. The ritual was completed, and she would start her day, a ritual in itself.

It was always the same. She would two hundred push-ups in the morning, slow and on her fingers. It used to burn, and hurt, but now, it was simply a motion. She would perform two hundred sit-ups, and then stand. It was not really for health, or strength, or vanity about her figure, which was still lithe. It was just a ritual. Something to do, to occupy her time. She would run later, a full sprint three miles uphill to a spring where she would soak, then return walking down the hill. That was for the evening, however, something to turn herself off. Burn herself out.

She had thought herself burned to the wick, but it seemed there was still a little wax to take off. She was doing her best to pick at it.

The next would be a hot shower, thank God for that. The occupied parts of Japan were probably somewhere at a 19th century level of productivity, but Tokyo-3 still had a working water treatment plant and a series of power stations fueled by windmills on the hill and several arrays of solar plants. So, clean hot water was something she could enjoy. It was probably one of the reasons Asuka stayed in the Spread. There were many other settlements far worse off, having to start from scratch.

First, of course, she had to chase Pen-Pen out of the tub. "Scat," she grumbled, and he warked at her in irritation. He had been alone when they found him so long ago, and had stayed when Shinji left. It was ironic, Asuka thought, that the bird and her would be the two still stuck together after all this time. Their temperaments had not especially changed towards each other, but they could live in the same household. Someone had to watch out for him, after all.

Having reclaimed the bathroom, Asuka allowed herself a very long shower. She was toweling off when her phone rang. It was a land-line, unfortunately, as they were still trying to figure out how to bring the cell towers back up. She answered it, knowing who it was. "Yes, Hikari?" she said in mock exasperation.

"Just making sure you aren't acting like a bump on a log," her friend teased. She had been among the First Group, those that had wandered from the Ocean of Man ten years ago. She was probably at the office right now, in the Spread's Central Directory. "Are we still having lunch today?"

"Of course," Asuka sighed.

"And you will go to work today, right?"

Asuka grimaced. "Yes. Of course," she said. Hikari snorted on the line.

"I can tell when you're lying," she sniffed.

"You shouldn't have sent Aida over to be my manager," Asuka retorted. Thanks to Aida, she rarely went down to her own shop, and reaped the benefits of it. Aida didn't mind, very much. Every time he saw her, there seemed to be just a hint of sadness in what he did. She normally didn't like pity, but he made such an effort to hide it, that she didn't bear down on him as she would with others.

"He works too hard," Hikari hissed. "Go to work."

Asuka rolled her eyes and hung up the phone. That made her feel somewhat better; Hikari would be fuming on the other end, but Asuka would tease her about it at lunch and all would be forgiven.

Still…Hikari was right. She hadn't been down to the shop in four days. She should probably go check up on things. Grumbling, she went and got dressed.

* * *

One of the problems with living in an apocalyptic society was the issue of electronics. The small human population, with the vast quantity of leftover electronic devices, meant that hundreds of millions of computers, phones, _everything_, was at risk of corroding, degrading, and generally falling apart. Businesses like the one Asuka started had initially been little more than massive salvage operations, rushing out and piling everything together in one spot to be sorted, sold, or stored. Now, some shops, like Asuka's were actually able to produce and repair items, rather than merely running to the hills to pull things in.

They were still a long way from establishing a viable infrastructure for the production and distribution of electronics, but they were closer than they were before.

Asuka strolled onto the main floor, where three work benches and tables had been set up. Kensuke had consistently attempted to get the environment sealed and sterilized, like an actual production facility, but Asuka continually reminded him that they were lucky just to keep moisture out of the place. Kensuke was talking to one of the workers now, pondering a desktop computer tower. He glanced up, and held up his hands in exasperation.

"Our fearless leader is upon us!" he exclaimed, and Asuka grimaced. She waved him off with one hand, walking up to the worker, a young woman named Kikiyo.

"What's up with this?" she asked.

"Burnt out motherboard," Kikiyo replied. "We're trying to figure if it's worth salvaging, or see if we have a spare." Asuka traced the circuits mentally, noting some warping. Generally, that was a death sentence for a motherboard, but there were so few to spare, they had to make due with what they could.

"Aside from that, how else are things?" Asuka asked, leaving it in Kikiyo's hands.

"Orders are up, parts are coming in, and we're making a lot of bread," Kensuke said with a grin, escorting her to the main office. He was still short, but he had filled out well in the years, though he was down to a single eye now. A bad accident in a salvage run had robbed him of the right one, but he had treated it as a lesson in being careful. It was a well-learned one; those who salvaged for Asuka had a lower casualty rate than any other group. People continued to forget how dangerous some structures could get without an infrastructure to maintain them, and collapses still happened, even in the heart of the Spread.

Walking into the office, Asuka received greetings from the few workers in there, flanked by a large map of the immediate area. Several spots were marked, some as joint salvage operations, some as solo. There were still a few areas that had yet to be explored, even today. Kensuke opened a door to his own office, where they could have a bit of privacy.

"We've also been getting updates from Toji, aerial survey off the map," Kensuke added, viewing the larger map of Japan on his own wall.

"Hmm. I bet Hikari is pleased with that."

"She'd probably be more pleased if he got around to marrying her," he said with a scoff. He plopped down in a chair while scratching at the scar tissue under his eye. "I hear he's one of the best pilots in the Survey Corps."

"Is he supposed to be passing information along to us?" Asuka pondered, worrying that he might be breaking a rule somewhere.

"Eh," Kensuke muttered, throwing his hands up in a non-committal gesture. "It's not like we're paying him. He just likes to throw a bone our way every now and then."

"He's a good guy," Asuka said, with a sad smile.

"You would have never have said that in school," Kensuke teased. She shrugged.

"There are a lot of things I wouldn't have done then," she admitted. Asuka leaned against a window pane, looking down into the street. They were on a good spot of real estate, a nice and busy road with access to a few eateries. It made happy employees, she thought absentmindedly.

"Well, I think your inspection tour is up," Kensuke said through a smile.

"Actually, I was going to try and get some work done. Hikari's orders."

"Asuka, you know I don't pry," he said, and she gave him a dangerous look. Her friend plowed on. "I also know that you've got something going on up here," he tapped his head, "and in here," he tapped his heart, "that I don't think any of us are going to understand or connect to. I won't push, I still won't pry, and if you ever want to talk about it, you can come to me. Or Hikari, or even Toji. Just…you know, you can take the time you need to figure it out." He smiled. "I'm a pretty good manager, you know, and let's face it: one of the perks of being a business owner with a good manager is setting your own hours."

She sighed. She then fixed him with a mean look. "Enabler."

"I won't tell if you won't," he chided.

* * *

She met Hikari at twelve, at an outdoor restaurant not far from the Central Directory. A combination aid agency, city government, and utility company, the Central Directory seemed the most natural place that the Class Representative would find work. She excelled at it, in fact, and was a rising star in the offices. Last Asuka had heard, Hikari was on the fast track to being the Restored Government's representative in the area.

Hikari was already at their table, uniform and all, when Asuka arrived. The food had been ordered; as usual, Hikari knew what Asuka was going to be in the mood for. She looked her friend up and down, and gave a deep huff. "You didn't go to work."

"I did, and got kicked out," she said, sticking out her tongue. "I didn't tell you that, by the way."

"Won't even let me yell at Aida?"

"Naw," she said, plopping into the other chair, "but you can yell at me all you want."

"Like that'll take," Hikari sighed. "This eight year funk needs to end."

"It's not a funk," Asuka protested, rubbing her right arm. It would throb, on occasion. Nothing painful, just…a tension. "It's…hard to explain."

"It _looks_ like a funk," Hikari sighed. "Have you heard anything from him?"

"What makes you think it has anything to do with Shinji?" Asuka asked innocently. Hikari's expression dropped, the kind that implied precisely what she thought of Asuka's question. It was not flattering.

Asuka wilted under the gaze, and Hikari pointed a finger at her. "Look at you! All you need is a snarky look from me and you buckle in. This is not the great Asuka Langley Soryu I grew up with."

"I know," she said thoughtfully, "It feels that I have…how do I describe it?" Asuka leaned forward, thoughtful. "It's like when you pull a rubber band taut over and over. When the tension finally breaks. It's not exhaustion, but I feel…subdued. I can't describe it." She began to pick at her food. "More and more each day, I look in the mirror and feel like I'm looking at someone else." She rubbed at her red eye, and pondered her scarred hand. "Maybe I am someone else…"

"You're still Asuka," Hikari chided, smiling a little.

"Hmm. I guess I am. You know, that is something I've been thinking about," she noted, leaning back. "As weary as my soul feels, it's not…torn up. I think I feel more complete each day. It's funny, isn't it? Ever since I woke up with Shinji at the shore, it's just been one little step after the next. I guess the Third Impact was the best therapy money could buy." She giggled, without knowing why, but feeling better for it.

Hikari gave a more relaxed smile. Truthfully, she was less worried about Asuka than she appeared. Considering the few horrible details that her friend had been willing to share with her, Hikari suspected she was doing much better than she should be. Asuka should have been doing a lot worse, all things considered.

"What was it about that, do you think? That makes you…more whole, or more sane?" Hikari asked, curious. Talking seemed to be doing Asuka some good.

"Well…I guess I had an outside perspective. There are lot of memories upstairs that aren't mine, you know. I guess it's the price of being the first out. Shinji seemed to have experienced the same thing. It's like parts of me and…everybody else got mixed up. It's like I got to see myself through other people's eyes. It wasn't flattering."

Hikari stared at Asuka, her meal forgotten. She had never shared her experiences about those first days before…it was usually just hints and vague references. Asuka continued, seemingly in a trance. "I had a lot of opinions about myself, in those first few moments. Those first couple of days. Very few of them were my own. I had to sort through a lot. It was…confusing. Still…" She drifted, lost in memory.

"Maybe that's what it is," Hikari reasoned, "Maybe you're still sorting." Asuka made a vague sound of agreement. "Speaking of which, I'm guessing you forgot that tomorrow is the tenth anniversary," Hikari said.

"Huh? Of what?" Asuka perked up, confused.

"Of the Return," Hikari noted. "When the First Group walked up out of the Sea."

Asuka blinked. "Eh…what month is it?"

Hikari sighed, exasperated. "I take it back. You're not Asuka. Asuka had a sense of time and organization. You're a bum." Asuka flicked some of her rice at Hikari, who scoffed and flicked some back. They both began giggling, though in the back of Asuka's mind, something squirmed. The Return. Damn.

The rest of the day was spent just wandering. Asuka had found strange pleasure in watching people go about their daily tasks, a reversal from the walls that she had so lovingly constructed over her adolescence. The walls were still there in their fashion, but she found herself looking over them constantly. Today, though, she felt pensive and little fretful.

The Return. Damn.

* * *

She was irritated that she hadn't kept track, but time did things like that. It explained her restlessness two nights ago, however. She had been shifty and squirmy all night and all day, without really knowing why. It should have been apparent, but without Shinji to help her keep track…things got muddled. It occurred to her that the same thing was probably happening to him, wherever he was. It had been eight years ago that he had left. A compulsion, he called it, like the room he was in had shrunk. Or maybe his skin. Or his mind. Or his place in the world. He couldn't phrase it, which was something Asuka had become familiar with herself.

The Return. Damn.

She had walked for a long time, aimless, until she realized that the neighborhood had taken a queer familiarity. She blinked when she realized that, in her unconscious musing, she had come to the place where Misato's old apartment was. She blinked, wondering what little demon of the mind had led her here. She stopped in the street, glancing around in uncertainty.

"Excuse, me, miss," someone said. She turned to see one of the Spread's peacekeepers, a constable in black fatigues. "You're looking lost. Is everything all right?"

"Fine, thank you," she said, "Just visiting an old friend. Memories, you know?" She smiled, and the constable blushed a little and tipped the brim of his cap. There was a sudden spark of pleasure in her heart, a little bit of the old Asuka Langley Soryu that was satisfied with her ability to make men follow her with their eyes, heap their praise in her direction. She didn't seek it out so much these days, but it was nice to know it was still there.

At least she didn't have to answer questions about her eye. Following the Return, and the constant trickle of people still flowing from the Ocean, it was clear that a lot of injured or damaged people were coming back whole. There was a mild price to pay for that, of course, what Shinji had called 'a little bit of Rei. Like a memorial.' Here are there were red eyes, porcelain skin, maybe patches of blue hair. It was a little bit of her in all things. Even the constable had a brilliant white swath on his face, from an injury received in the past before the Third Impact.

The Return. Damn.

Leaving the constable behind, Asuka decided to go the apartment. Misato had still not returned after all this time, and she felt a wistful memory of the erratic woman. Something inside prodded her, and that memory just solidified it. They were not all happy memories, and some of them were awful, but they were _her_ memories. She continued on, finally coming to the structure. It had been zoned for non-habitation, and throughly picked over for anything valuable. They didn't have the ability to demolish it, so it stood, ugly and unkempt. She walked up to the iron fence that had been erected around the site, picking at it with her thumb and forefinger. Something very young and very impish took hold, and she scrambled up on top of it, flipping off and landing lightly on the other side. She straightened, placed her hands on her hips, and smirked. That felt very good. That felt like her.

Leaving the spot, she walked over to the elevator, long since rusted shut. She poked at the call button, the action in itself bringing a strange flood of thoughts to her mind. The last time she had been here, Shinji and her had retrieved Pen-Pen and a few other things. That had been ten years ago, almost to the day.

She walked up stairs choked with dust and other detritus. Broken tiling and scuffed concrete. She made it to their old floor, angling down the open-air passage to their corner apartment. Her heart was not racing, but it seemed to be beating very loudly in her ears. To anyone observing, however, she seemed the very image of calm. "Maybe this _is _calm," she said out loud, to no one in particular. Her fingers ran along the railing as she approached the apartment, regarding it with vague curiosity and a little nostalgia.

Opening the door, she entered the musty place. It was empty, now. Anything of value had been stripped and taken, and it seemed lonely and mysterious. It was both familiar and alien. "This is where it all happened," she said out loud, sweeping her arm in front of her like a ring master. "Hmm. Whimsical today, aren't we?" she chided herself. She had always talked to herself, and felt little need to end the habit. Looking down, she froze.

There were footprints in the dust, leading into the apartment. But none leading out. And they were recent.

She glanced up, slightly concerned. If there was someone in here, they may have heard her, but they seemed reluctant to show themselves. For the most part, people had been surprisingly civil in the wake of the Third Impact. There were those, however, that were less…cordial. She narrowed her eyes, and glanced down again. She cocked her head, and placed her own foot next to them. Whoever had entered was either small or young. It may be a child.

Feeling a slight irritation mingled with concern, Asuka slowly entered the apartment. If it was a child, she was obligated to take them to a local shelter, especially if it was one who had wandered off. She did know of some gangs that would use that trick to isolate and trap people, however. Children in peril were something that was more common these days, and something that drove people to act impulsively. She had been impulsive, once. Still could be.

She had also been a soldier. Maybe not a very good one, she admitted, but she had fought. She had been trained. She was the great Asuka Langley Soryu, after all. And she could still clear a room if she needed to. She should know; she did it one year ago at Hikari's birthday. It was a reminder that, when drunk, she could still very much be her old self. She had won that fight against a room of six men, and felt very good about it. She wasn't allowed back at that bar, anymore, but Hikari had forgiven her for that.

Slowly, Asuka crossed the floor, her hands relaxed at her sides. She listened, and looked, and smelled. She let her jaw drop slightly, feral, and sucked air over her tongue. All she could taste was dust, but nothing else. She didn't smell or taste the telltale signs of anyone out for violence. No body odor, no tang of musk or gun oil. She followed the trail to the back, and was surprised to see it led into a familiar place. Shinji's room. Her hands tightened unconsciously, but she stepped up to the door frame. There was someone there. She gasped, her throat suddenly too small.

Turning, Rei Ayaname regarded Asuka with curious eyes. She smiled. "Hello, Asuka," she said, "You've cut your hair."


	3. Different Life Views

Asuka couldn't decide what was stranger. The fact that Rei Ayaname was there in front of her was the most obvious one, of course. That she was still fourteen by appearances was another. That she was smiling and interested in Asuka's change in hairstyle was a third. Her knees started to wobble, and Asuka slid down the door frame, trembling. Her teeth chattered, and a wave of emotion and memory crushed her being under their weight. She would have fallen over completely if Rei had not placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I caught you off guard." There was emotion…inflection in her voice. It made Asuka want to back away, but her limbs wouldn't respond.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"I'm Rei. Don't you remember?" The girl seemed surprised.

"You're not Rei. You're not acting like her," Asuka said, shaking her head but unable to look away. Rei was squatting in front of her, that face reflecting emotion. Rei never showed her feelings. Asuka doubted that she had any, contrary to what Shinji had always thought.

The girl in front of her adopted a mask of understanding. Not a mask…Asuka was good at reading false intentions, especially these days. That was _real_ empathy. True emotion.

"No, I'm not. There's a reason for that." One of her hands touched Asuka's cheek, and Asuka felt suddenly drowsy, but strangely calm. Rei's hand was warm, and soft. Asuka grunted, slightly, as she sank down a bit more. "You feel very flushed," Rei said, "Let's get you back out into fresh air. You'll feel better, I imagine." Helping her up, and squeaking slightly under the weight, Rei walked Asuka out of the apartment. Feeling the breeze, Asuka felt her legs gain a little more strength, her feet a bit more traction. She leaned against the railing, and regarded Rei.

She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, with a windbreaker thrown over it. It was the kind of hand-me-down look that was fairly common, and expected. Asuka chuckled, suddenly, and Rei smiled uncertainly. "What?" she asked.

"You're not wearing a Plug suit or that stupid uniform," she said, feeling something like a second wind coming on. She stood, and looked down at Rei. She smiled up.

"You're older," Rei commented.

"And you're a shrimp," Asuka responded. Rei gave a toothy grin, and Asuka shook her head.

"Seriously, you can't be Rei. I must be hallucinating. Maybe there was a mold in there that's attacking my brain right now. Good old brain death for Asuka," she grumbled, rubbing her head.

"I just got back two days ago," Rei said, gently. "I'm here, and real."

"That explains why you're a shrimp," Asuka breathed. Anyone leaving the Ocean came back generally as was, down to the age they had been deprived of their AT Fields. If she had come back two days ago, she would still be fourteen. Asuka shook her head. "No, that doesn't explain anything. We would have seen you! Everybody has been coming in off the same spot on the shore for ten years."

"I wouldn't know about that," Rei said with a shrug. "I chose my own spot."

"What y…you chose a spot?" Asuka stared at her.

"It didn't seem that hard when I did it." Rei was rocking on her heels, her hands behind her back.

"Stop looking impish, it's weird," Asuka said, shuddering.

"I bet it looks cute," Rei chided.

"Stop making jokes, that's also weird," Asuka pleaded, feeling a sweat break out on her forehead. Where was this coming from? Was this what Rei was like all along? Impossible.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't how you remember me, and I know that I'm not helping. I _am_ hungry, and it might be better to explain this over something to eat. There was a ramen cart down the way, but I didn't have money. I hate to ask, but—"

"No, I understand. You don't have to ask," Asuka said hurriedly.

"Thanks," Rei said, leading the way. Meekly, Asuka followed.

* * *

It was strange to be sitting on the side of the road, eating ramen with Rei, in what could be called a friendly atmosphere. Especially as Rei was attacking her bowl with all the energy of a starving dog, another strange and out of place feature. Asuka stirred her noodles, letting Rei eat her fill while watching the street. Every now and then, someone would glance at Rei and find themselves transfixed, in wonder. Perhaps they thought back to the massive head that had dominated the horizon, staring with it's strange grin until finally collapsing in on itself, reduced to trickles and then rivers of LCL. Perhaps it was the general look of her, the all white skin, the ruby eyes, the blue hair.

They would stare, something stirring…and then be on their way, confused but dismissive. It was interesting to watch the reactions, Asuka thought.

Rei drank her broth from the bowl, and then let out a great heaving sigh of satisfaction. "That good?" Asuka chided. She felt a little girl part of her brain want to pick at Rei, but it was a very quiet voice. Asuka now was not entirely Asuka then, and this Rei was so unlike the Rei she had needled that it was hard to start that habit again. Yet in a way, it felt nice, like finding something she had forgotten about.

"Very," Rei said with satisfaction. "It was a good idea to come back."

"You need to explain yourself," Asuka said, "I have a lot of questions and I don't even know what to ask first."

"Well, it's simple," Rei said, stealing noodles from Asuka's bowl, "The part of Lilith that was Rei was cut off."

Asuka blinked. "That's really not very simple," she said.

Rei smiled. "It's not, is it? It's hard to explain in verbal terms." She thought for a moment. "Think of it this way: when I merged with Lilith, I stopped being Rei, but Lilith stopped being Lilith. My memories, my personality, all of that, was consumed and parceled into her. Then I became Lilith."

"Okay, I'm following you. That was the start of the Third Impact," Asuka noted, watching as Rei picked out more noodles from her bowl.

"Yes. I could still remember you, and Shinji. I spoke to Shinji, allowed him to decide how the Third Impact would proceed. He made his decision, and humanity was released from the Black Moon, to make it's own decisions. I abandoned the shell I had—"

"—the big version of you that was scattered over most of Japan—"

"—yeah, that. I merged into the Sea, becoming one with the humanity I had released. My last act before I submerged was sending Shinji back. As well as you."

Asuka felt a strangeness in her heart, something out of place. A question that didn't have a form, but she couldn't place it yet. It felt like 'why send me back,' but that wasn't it. It was more complex than that.

"Why did Shinji need me?" she asked. That was it. Out of all the people that needed to come back, why her over…Misato? Or Toji?

Rei smiled. "It was his decision. It wasn't one he made consciously, but yours was the soul he was most drawn to. I can say that you were just as drawn to his."

"Did you know that he strangled me on the beach?" Asuka asked, squinting. "It was the first contact we had."

"Did you leave him after that? Or resent him for it?"

"No. That's the strange thing. I felt awful for him. I felt a lot of pity in that moment. It made me sick, I remember. I actually said that out loud, you know…'I feel sick.'" She chuckled. "I remembered seeing him through his own eyes. I saw his memories. I didn't like a lot of them. Especially in regards to me. Some were flattering and some…less so." She scratched her cheek. "It didn't seem so bad as time went on, though."

"All wounds heal after awhile, you know. Even ones of the mind."

"And the heart," Asuka added. She looked over. "That doesn't explain your chipper attitude, though. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with?"

Rei laughed, still picking food out of Asuka's bowel. "Well…when I was in the Sea, I was part of everything, and yet not. I was an observer, watching the memories that were merging and splitting away. There was no one soul anymore, and everything that everyone had was combined together. It was…intoxicating. It was those first few days, that messy period where everything was unorganized and new. It was a cacophony, and glorious. But everything was at a risk, you see."

She poked her chopsticks back into Asuka's bowel, and let them hang in the air over it. As the drops plopped into the broth, Rei explained. "Do you see how each drop merges back into the broth, like it was never a drop to begin with? That's what was happening. The individuality of everyone was vanishing, and all those…millions of lives were slipping away like they had never been there at all. The memories remained, but they were no longer one persons. They were everyones."

"A human soul. For all of humanity," Asuka mused.

"Yes. It was a chorus of noise, and I couldn't resist it. I had to see…so I let my own fields down. I let Lilith into the pool."

Asuka gasped in realization. "_You_ caused the Return!"

"Not intentionally, but it was a side effect. It forced a…gathering, I guess. It allowed people to find the parts of themselves that were drifting and diluted, and form themselves once more. Like a defense mechanism."

"There are still people missing," Asuka noted. "But people return everyday. Why is that?"

"Well, you wouldn't know it, but the Sea of LCL is no longer a single entity. It's millions of entities, breathing life into their own worlds, places they create for themselves. They drift and merge through each others dreams without realizing it. Occasionally…someone wakes up."

"How did you wake up?"

"I got bored," Rei said, sheepish. "Though Lilith sees things on a perspective that could be described as…divine, part of me was still Rei. I was still the girl that had existed before the Third Impact. And…I missed people. I missed Shinji. I even missed you."

"Snarky is not a good addition to your personality's inventory," Asuka said, glancing belatedly at her bowl. Rei had picked it clean. She poured the broth into Rei's bowel in resignation.

"Yeah, that was the thing. All those memories…all that experience. It washed through me, and it was…oh, Asuka, I can't even describe it!" She shivered in delight at the thought of it. "It was like having windows blown out, or doors ripped off the hinges. I got to see and feel things I had never seen or felt before, all through the contact I shared with…everyone. All the bad things, the good things, the whole package. I started to feel regret, genuine regret, that I hadn't felt those things in life. So I came back. I cut the part that was me off of Lilith, and came back."

Asuka turned her gaze in the direction that would be where the ocean was. "Is Lilith still out there, then? Just…doing whatever it was you were doing?"

"Keeping things from flying off the rails? Yeah. She is still _me_…but she's mostly her. She has good intentions, I think. Either way, we just have to wait and see."

"So this…new flash of emotion. This was all triggered by being in the Ocean of Man?"

"Is that what it's called? That's poetic. But to answer your question, yeah. It gave me a…compulsion. To be human. So I wanted to come back and be human. It took a little time, as you can see, but here I am."

Asuka laughed. She had just listened to one of the greatest philosophical and theological mysteries of the modern age, as filtered through the eyes of a teenage girl. Who had directed it. She doubted Moses and the Burning Bush could top that.

"Here you are," she sighed, "But not the way we all came."

"No," Rei admitted, "I needed to flesh some things out. I came back in the Geofront. It's mostly underwater, now, connected to the ocean. I was still very much my old self, but at the same time, not. I needed to muddle some stuff out."

"That must have been a trip," Asuka mused.

"Well…I laughed like an idiot for about five hours. I seriously thought I was going to die, doing that," Rei admitted.

"Call it years of repression vanishing," Asuka replied, standing up. Rei joined her, taking Asuka's dinnerware and dropping their trash in a nearby dustbin. "I have to admit, I'm starting to like this side of you. Even if it's very strange."

"Imagine what Shinji'll think," she said, giving a devilish grin. She lost the grin at Asuka's expression. It had gone dark.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I'm not going to chase him or anything. I imagine you two have been close while I've been gone. Besides, he's a little old now."

Asuka said nothing, then blinked. She had wandered, and it took her a moment to process Rei's words. "No…" she said, her voice weary, "No, that's not it. Shinji's…gone. He's not in the Spread."

Rei looked confused for a moment, and vaguely worried. "Uh, Tokyo-3, we call it the Spread," Asuka explained. "Shinji left eight years ago. I haven't seen him since."

The girl in front of her looked stunned, her eyes wide. "Oh…" she said, quietly, and her gaze fell to the ground. "Oh." Asuka stood, watching Rei with a sadness of her own. She watched as tears began to form and fall, Rei's cheeks becoming wet. "I was…just excited to see him again. I missed him." She looked up and smiled, but it was a heartbreaking expression.

"That's why you went to Misato's apartment," Asuka said.

"I thought that there'd be a clue or something. Just…some sort of direction." She sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "Why did he leave?"

Asuka sighed, using her own sleeve to wipe the remaining tears off of the girl's cheeks. "It was hard to say. He couldn't explain it, and I don't know if he really wanted to do it. He just…he couldn't stay. And I couldn't leave. And so that was that." She smiled. "I'm not angry at him for it. I can't resent him. I understand why he did it, even if I can't explain it any better than he can. I just…" Asuka shrugged.

Rei nodded. She rubbed her head. "My eyes hurt," she explained. "I never really cried like this before. I don't like it." She laughed. Asuka smiled.

"I don't like doing it either. You always feel better afterwords, though. Come on; you can stay with me and Pen-Pen."

"Pen-Pen is still alive?" Rei asked.

"And grumpy. He doesn't like me. But I feed him, so he tolerates me." Asuka kicked a rock. "I still keep up with Toji and Hikari, and Kensuke is working for me. They were in the First Group."

"That's good. I hoped they would be. Was there anyone else?" Rei asked.

"Ah…some of the old NERV staff came out, in bits and pieces after that. Maya Ibuki, remember her? She was the first, about a month after the original group. Makoto Hyuga was a year after that. Shigeru Aoba was next, but…he wasn't entirely normal. He's not the same. Maya and Makoto are, but Aoba went a little south."

"He didn't have a good transition," Rei explained. "I remember that."

"Do you remember everyone's transition? When the AT Fields were removed?" Asuka asked, surprised.

"Yes," Rei said, smiling, "Or I did when I was Lilith. Now, I only remembered those that were important to me." She suddenly looked pensive. Asuka felt a chill.

"Do you remember mine?" she asked.

Rei closed her eyes. "I don't want to."

Asuka nodded. Breathing in through her nose, she continued. "Kozo Fuyutsuki hasn't returned, and neither has Dr. Akagi. Or Misato." She kicked a second rock. "Or Gendo Ikari." Rei pondered that, thinking through the list of names.

"I imagine Maya must be sad about Dr. Akagi. She was very fond of her," Rei said thoughtfully.

"Less so than you think. I mean, yeah, she was disappointed and all, but she's been good. Better than some. Better than Aoba, at any rate." Asuke sighed, somewhat exasperated.

As they walked, Rei looked at Asuka's hair. "So…you cut your hair. Why?"

Asuka smirked at her. "Only when you tell me where the hell you got clothes in the middle of nowhere."

* * *

Returning to the apartment, Asuka decided against the run for the night. She would pay for it the next day, but that was her decision. Rei was aglow when they entered. "It's filthy with life out there!" she crowed, "And so much to do!"

"I know," Asuka mused, "I often just wander and watch."

"But not interact?" Rei asked, in shock. That seemed so unlike the assertive Asuka.

Dropping her keys on the table, Asuka shrugged. "You seemed to process everything you needed in a day or so. I'm still processing. And I still feel out of place, at times."

"You still miss Shinji," Rei added, and Asuka simply shrugged again.

"Of course. Not as much as you think, but probably more than I'll admit."

Pen-Pen wandered in, to retrieve a beer from the fridge. Asuka kept it stocked, but it was more for the penguin and the odd guest than her own consumption. The bird saw Rei, paused, and stared.

The silence was delicious. Rei smiled, and waved. "Hello, Pen-Pen. Long time, no see!" The bird gaped, it's beak dropping. Without another sound, it opened the fridge and took a whole six-pack with it and retreated to his own corner of the apartment. Rei laughed.

"You drink all of that, you get to wait six days for more!" Asuka hollered, walking to the couch. "I have a spare room, but it's filled with boxes. I've been using it for storage. You can take the couch until I get it cleared out," she said, tossing the pillows and unfolding the bed. She turned to go get some sheets, and saw Rei standing in the doorway, her feet pigeon-toed and her expression shy.

"Rei? Everything okay?"

"Eh…that sounds like you expect me to stay here," she said.

"Well, of course. Where else would you stay?"

"It's just…I didn't want to impose on you. I thought you'd help me find an apartment later."

Asuka shrugged, "I know you're used to living on your own, but you can stay here as long as you would like." Rei blinked.

"Really? You're okay with that?"

"My only roommate is Pen-Pen," Asuka lamented. "And I'll admit that with Shinji gone, it's nice to have someone from back in the day. You know, who…experienced all that. Plus, you're technically a minor. It'd be better if you stayed with an adult."

Rei gave her a sly look. "_Technically_ a minor," she drawled.

"And former living god, yes, we know," Asuka announced, throwing her hands up into the air.

The blue-haired girl crossed her arms, "And you're an adult. To think that you'd be my guardian…" She shuddered, and Asuka laughed, going to a cabinet for the sheets. She tossed them to Rei.

"Guardian, hell," Asuka chided, "We're rooommates."

"You're here, alone, with Pen-Pen, asking a teenager to be a roommate. Where have I heard that before?" Rei asked coyly, unfolding the sheets. Asuka snorted around a grin.

"At least you're a _girl_. I still have one up on Misato for that!"


	4. First Day, Human Simple

The first sign that Asuka's rhythm was going to be off was when she woke up to find Rei in bed with her.

She had come awake slowly, enjoying a strange but soothing warmth. She snuggled up to it, before opening her eyes, and coming to full consciousness with a start. Rei was still sleeping peacefully, in some spare pajamas that were too big for her, both arms wrapped around Asuka and snoring lightly. Asuka glanced at the clock, seeing that it was six, and wondered how she was going to extricate herself from this. She had a routine, after all.

_Really, you wake up with Rei in your bed and the first thing you think is that you have a routine_, she thought. She analyzed the situation: she was against the wall and window, and Rei was between her and the floor. She tried to gently pry Rei's arms off, but the girl mumbled and muttered in her sleep at the disturbance. Asuka stopped, sighing. She was committed.

At about eight, Rei began to wake up. Asuka had, at this point, wrapped one arm around the girl and simply accepted it, waiting for her to wake up. It was strange, watching Rei sleep there. She looked very young, and very vulnerable. Truthfully, she was: there was no doubt that, in spite of the unspeakable heights at which she been, she was still a fourteen year old girl. A fourteen year old girl who was trying out a whole new personality.

When Rei finally awoke, she blinked, and mumbled. She seemed confused. She sat up, and saw the situation that they were in, and her eyes popped open. She tried to form a sentence, but couldn't. Asuka finally sat up, watching Rei with a smirk.

"I don't know how I got here," Rei finally said.

"You probably sleepwalked," Asuka explained. Rei continued to look around as if lost, and spied the clock.

"It's eight?"

"About."

"I…I've never slept past five thirty. Even without an alarm," she said, putting a hand to her forehead.

"You were probably comfortable," Asuka said, sliding out of the bed. "I bet you got lonely and fidgety during the night, and wandered in here. I did the same thing with Shinji. I didn't hang on to him when he slept, of course…though in hindsight I probably should have."

Rei nodded, as that seemed to make sense. "I'm…I'm very sorry."

"Don't be. Just try not to make it a habit, you know? I'm off schedule now," she teased. Rei sat up, and smiled at her new roommate.

"How do you think Misato would have reacted if you went into her room instead of Shinji's?" Rei asked.

"Oh, God, I can only imagine!" Asuka laughed.

Rei stood up, padding towards the door. She looked at Asuka as she pulled a t-shirt and cargo pants from a drawer. It was not the effeminate clothing of her youth, and something about that made Rei sad. It seemed things were very different now.

"It's weird seeing you without your hair," she said.

"And it's weird hearing you make jokes," Asuka chided. She sighed, though, scratching the back of her head. "It's funny, but seeing you made me think about growing it back."

"You cut it when Shinji left, right?" Rei asked, leaning against the door frame. Asuka nodded. "Maybe you just feel like it's okay to be yourself again. With another Pilot."

Every now and then, Asuka had a twinge when she heard the word 'pilot.' For the most part, it meant nothing, but when Rei said it, something about the word made Asuka stiffen. It was like trigger, for memory and longing and fear…many things. "Yeah," Asuka said, standing up, "Yeah, probably."

She looked down at her drawers, and seemed to sense what Rei had been thinking. All these utilitarian clothes. She smiled at Rei. "There's not a lot of high-fashion going around down there. I'd kill to wear heels again, but I'd probably just trip over them now. No sandals, either. Too much of a risk for tetanus." Her shoulders dropped, and she looked off somewhere in the space over Rei's head, forlorn. "Oh, God, I miss sandals. And sun dresses. Mini-skirts…mini-shorts. Swimsuits." Asuka pondered the cargo pants, and heaved a great big sigh.

"It's good to see you haven't forgotten the important things in life," Rei said sarcastically. Asuka threw socks at her, chasing the girl out.

"Speaking of which, we need to get you some clothes, as well. You're pilfered outfit is okay for now, but it won't last."

"I'm amazed that people are making clothes again. And everything else…this seems like kind of a cozy apocalypse."

"Shinji and me talked about that," Asuka called, grabbing a fresh bra. Thank God they still made bras. "We noticed that, for the most part, things have been kind of civil. He said it must have been because everyone had been connected like that. Sort of a heightened empathy."

"Are there any problems? Anyone acting up?" Rei returned to the door, barefoot but dressed.

Asuka slipped her t-shirt over her head. "Yeah. Not very many, but there are. And the one's that do are bad. Real bad." She shimmied into her pants, and looked out over the town. "And that's not considering other parts of the world. There are some areas that we get nasty bits of news out of, but I guess that'll be humans. Incidentally," she said, changing the subject, "today's the tenth anniversary of the Return, so they'll probably be doing something down by the shore. Usually, we have a big splurge of people at some point in the day come out of the Ocean, so we try to have a few more volunteers to help."

Rei blinked, and Asuka realized how weird her sentence was. "Remember our conversation yesterday? About how you came out at the Geofront?" Rei nodded. "Every day," she explained, "Someone comes back. One day it might be just one person, and another, fifteen. But without fail, someone has walked out of the Ocean every day at the same spot."

"Where I left you," Rei said.

Asuka nodded. "Shinji said it was probably like a damn breaking, where you have little cracks, and that's where the water flows. Because it was where the Return occurred, people trickled out. There are hundreds of spots like it all over the world. We help people get back on their feet, and sometimes they stay. A few strike out, to one of the other settlements. On the anniversary though, without fail, we'll have something like fifty or sixty people walk out."

"Are they just people from Tokyo-3?"

"No, but they've all been Japanese, so far. Reports from elsewhere in the world confirm it; the exits seemed to be localized. People seem to be drawn to the spot closest to where they were at the Third Impact."

Rei smiled. "That's good. That's what Shinji would have wanted." Asuka squinted at her.

"Wouldn't you know all that? Being Lilith?"

"Was Lilith. Things are still little…disorganized," Rei admitted. She got thoughtful on her face for a second, and said "I noticed you say 'Shinji thought' a lot." Asuka nodded, turning Rei around in the doorway, and pushing her into the living room.

"He got very analytical before he left. He was still Shinji, though." She entered the kitchen, lost in thoughts. "He would still crack up and cry every now and then. I keep wondering if he still is." She retrieved some eggs and butter from the fridge, and turned to Rei. "I'll be honest, if there's one thing that concerns me about him gone, it's if he still does that. I would be there for him when it happened. I don't know what he would be doing without me."

The blue-haired girl folded up her bed, leaving the sheets in place. Her pose was thoughtful. "Is he safe? Traveling like that?"

Asuka sighed, pulling out a bowel. She decided scrambled eggs would be a good choice. "Ah…no, it's not. I stopped thinking about it because it made me sick too much. There was time, about…three years ago. I showed up at Hikari's place hysterical, because I had put myself into such a state, I had gotten a nosebleed, and it wouldn't stop." She began to crack the eggs and toss the shells into the sink. Shinji had taught her how to do it one handed, she remembered fondly.

"I had walked from my apartment to hers with blood running down my face and shirt. I am surprised, to this day, that I made it without anyone stopping me."

"How far did you walk?"

"Four blocks." She suddenly laughed, mildly amused. "I was a mess. I was sobbing, I had blood all over me, I couldn't make it stop, and all I kept saying was 'What if Shinji's fallen down a mine shaft?' or 'What if Shinji's been robbed and murdered?' Shinji this and Shinji that. Hikari flipped. I don't know what made her more weirded out: the way I looked, or the fact I was going on about Shinji like that."

She whisked the eggs with a fork. Rei came up next to her, watching her with curiosity. "Well, we stopped the nosebleed, and I slept on her couch for five days. I told her I must be going crazy, and she assured me I wasn't: just doing what any decent person would do in the same situation."

Rei leaned against the counter. "Is Hikari mad at him?"

"She was, but not anymore. She's understanding what makes me tick a bit more each day, so I think it's making more sense to her. I'm just sorry I didn't leave with him."

"I'm glad you didn't," Rei said, "It would have been too much if both of you were gone."

Asuka smiled at her. "Hmm," she sighed, "Well, something kept me from going. I'll probably leave someday, but most likely won't."

"At least grow your hair back."

"I kind of like it like this," he said, turning on the stove and pulling out a pan. "It's cleaner, you know?"

"It's not you," Rei said. Asuka sighed, putting the pan on the stove. She turned to Rei.

"Grow it back?"

"Grow it back."

Plopping some butter in the pan to grease it, she nodded. "Yeah," she admitted, "I've missed it."

* * *

As she was scrambling the eggs, Asuka had stopped, mortified, to remember that Rei was a vegetarian. Rei laughed, and said one breakfast of eggs wouldn't be the end of her. They ate, and then left for their errands.

Rei and Asuka went through the market district to buy clothing. The population was large enough to see some large operations pop up, but clothing was still mostly a privately produced item. Anything made in quantity was usually going to be uniforms for the Central Directory or the constables. They were able to find a nice variety of things that would give Rei a real wardrobe.

The next thing to do was to empty out the room. Some things were personal, and a good chunk of it was Shinji's, but the lion's share were items for the shop. She called Kensuke Aida, and told him to bring a truck.

"By the way," she said, "You should know that Rei is here."

There was a moment of silence on the line, and Kensuke exploded. "Rei? Rei is back? Who else knows?"

"Just you for now, and keep it that way. We need to ease her back in. Mostly for you guys."

"Why is that?" he asked, confused.

"She is…very different. Good different, but weird different. You'll see."

They were putting stacks of what were clearly electronics in the room when he knocked on the door. Rei answered it, and grinned. "Kenuske!" she beamed, "You bulked up a bit ohmyGOD! What happened to your EYE?" Asuka kicked herself for failing to mention that little item. She was so used to it, she had forgotten to tell Rei about it. The girl's hands were on her mouth, and her eyes were wide.

Kensuke stammered, looking at Rei, then Asuka, then Rei again. He returned his gaze to Asuka, and she shrugged. "The Third Impact was therapy. Ask Hikari, she'll explain it," Asuka said blandly.

"What happened to your eye?" Rei asked again, still mortified. "What happened to his eye?" she pleaded, turning to Asuka.

"Just an accident. It's kind of dangerous out there, you know," Asuka said.

"What are you doing for work that's so dangerous?" Rei was becoming a little hysterical, and Asuka teetered between calming her down and letting it run. Darkly, she admitted it was funny to watch.

"We do salvage, mainly for electronics. Mostly we produce and repair, now, but we still do some salvage. He was in a building collapse. He was lucky the eye was all he lost."

"Toji lost a leg, and Kenuske lost an eye. What's next, did Hikari lose a hand?"

"Rei, he's fine. Look at him! Fine!" Asuka insisted. Actually, he looked less than fine. He looked a little gray. She made a face at him, and he let out a shaky breath.

"Yeah," he said, taking the hint. "Fine. Fine, see. All good. Hi, Rei. You're…enthusiastic." Rei had, for the most part, gotten herself under control. She studied Aida for a moment, her eyes locked on the scar tissue and the black lens of his glasses.

"You don't still salvage, do you?" she asked him.

"I'm very careful when I do," he said patiently. "No more accidents. I learned the hard way."

"Come fetch boxes," Asuka called, "Talk and work. Chop chop." Aida blinked, and some color returned. And a smile.

"You seem in a more cohesive mood," he said. Asuka shrugged, smiling.

"I feel good today. Kind of giddy. I went shopping with Rei, so that's probably part of it," she said, handing him a box. She handed one to Rei, and took a third herself. They blocked the elevator, and loaded it with all of the boxes, and were able to get them to the truck in a fairly quick go. She pointed out where each one needed to be, and sighed. "It's going to get messy again. We moved those boxes there because we didn't have room for them," she sighed.

"No big loss. Rei needs a room." He smiled, watching her go back in to retrieve the final box. "She's looking good. Sounding good. She's very different, but it's not bad."

"I've been feeling better, too," Asuka thought aloud, "Kind of more together, you know? I think she has something to do with it."

"So you just needed a blast of Happy Rei?"

"She's not happy all the time," Asuka said. "She's had some sad spots. It's more that…she's natural, you know? Human."

"Normal," he said. She gave him a mean look, but he didn't buy it. She wasn't the same harpy she used to be, and he was too valuable to her for any debilitating injury to befall him.

"Normal," she conceded, rolling her eyes. "Healthy. That's it. Healthy."

"And you're feeling more healthy," he said as Rei returned with the box.

Asuka smiled wistfully, "Eh, something like that."

When going through the boxes, Rei looked at the things Shinji left behind. She happened on a small white cross with blood on it. "This was Misato's," she said.

Asuka looked at it. "Shinji came back with it. He left it here when he went. Said that if Misato came back, she would need it." She took the cross from Rei, smiling at it. "I said he was an idiot because he was supposed to give it to her. He laughed. I think he began to like it when I called him an idiot."

"Didn't mean the same thing?" Rei asked.

"No, it didn't. Not for him." She put the necklace back in the box, and sighed. "Well…it's still going to be a storage room. I'll find someplace to stick these boxes, later. Everyone still sleeps on futons, but I know a fellow who can build a bed if we ask nicely. He built mine."

"A futon is fine," Rei said. "Just having a room again would be nice."

"We can get some cabinets and drawers for you, as well," Asuka said. "Make this into a real living space." Rei seemed to be lost for a second, drifting somewhere in her mind. Asuka sat down on the floor and crossed her legs, watching Rei. In time, the girl looked back at her.

"I feel strange," she said.

Asuka smiled. "It's all strange, isn't it? It's fine, though. We just take it one day at a time." Rei nodded, looking out her own window.

"I guess I feel like I'm behaving more…naturally. I feel like it. I feel better. But…" something much like the old Rei drifted into her tone, and it seemed to shift to a slight monotone. "I…I won't ever truly be normal. I have been Lilith. I have been…" The words failed her.

How do you describe that, Asuka thought. To go from something as limited as a human, to being something as cosmic as that. Only to go back again. How do you process that? Rei placed her hands on the window, and looked very lost.

Asuka stood, and hugged Rei from behind. Rei gasped. It was so unlike Asuka to do that, even in light of the past few days. Asuka was different, and Rei was different, but the expectations were still the same. Being hugged by someone who had been so haughty, so distant. They had matured. They had changed, fundamentally. It had taken ten years, but it had happened. Rei sighed, closing her eyes and accepting the embrace.

"You'll be fine, Rei," Asuka said. "Shinji was fine, and I'm fine. You'll be fine."

"You're different, too," Rei whispered, voicing her thoughts.

"Yeah, and better for it," Asuka admitted, stepping back and scratching Rei's back. Hikari did that to her whenever she was moping, and it seemed to have the same affect on Rei as it did on her. She sighed, a contented sound.

She turned, and said to Asuka, "Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Good," Asuka said, when the phone rang.

It was Hikari. "Asuka, listen, a group just came out of the Ocean, as expected. You need to get to the Infirmary. Right now." Same old Class Rep. In spite of her duties, she always volunteered on Return Day, and tried to strong arm everyone else to, as well.

"I can't," she said, "I know you need volunteers, but I'm cleaning out the spare room. I have a roommate now."

"That's got to wait," Hikari said. She sounded breathless.

Asuka was confused. She would have expected some sort of inquiry about letting someone move in with her. "Hikari, what is wrong with you?" Asuka asked, "You sound like you've been running."

"I _have_ been running," she said, "I ran to get to this phone. Asuka, Misato Katsuragi was in the group that came out."


	5. Sob Story Jazz

Asuka had always hated the phrase, 'When it rains, it pours.' She thought it was stupid phrase, and the fact that it applied to her own situation only helped to shut her brain down even more. "Ah…eh…" she mumbled into the phone, unable to form words. She gave up, and hung up again. That was twice now she had hung up on Hikari. That would be a dangerous habit to form. Rei popped her head out of her soon-to-be room. "What was that?" Rei asked. Asuka looked at her, and went to the box, retrieving the cross. Rei read between the lines.

"Misato," she said, quietly.

"She was in the group that came up today. First you, and now her. Next thing I, know, what's left of 2-A is going to come skipping out of the soup with Kozo Fuyutsuki leading them like the Pied Piper." She went to door and began pulling on her boots. "I blame you," she said, pointing a finger at Rei.

"Me? Why?" she asked defensively.

"A few days ago, I'm enjoying my mope, going through my routine, and then, bam, you show up. Now I have Misato in the Infirmary. This place is gonna get crowded."

"You make it sound like a conspiracy against you," Rei said.

Asuka smiled. "Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

* * *

The Infirmary was not a large building, and didn't need to be. The most traffic it got was on Return Day, as the inevitable group was brought in and assigned beds to recuperate. Usually, they were able to assign a room a person, as was the case now. It helped, they noted, to give some privacy to the individual, a chance to just be in the quiet for bit. If they had loved ones who came to reclaim them, it gave everyone a chance for private reconnection.

Not that this was on Asuka's mind as she showed up. She was nervous, and jittery. Part of her mind was thinking how weird it was that Rei and Misato showed up in such close proximity to each other, while a second part of her brain was working out the logistics of three women and a penguin in her apartment because _of course_ Misato was going to stay there for a bit, and a third part was just plain scared. She had thought of all the things she would do if she saw Misato again, and now that she was…now that she was…

Hikari found her in the lobby, on her knees and braced against a bench for support. She was hyperventilating, and threatening to vomit. "Asuka, take a minute. Breathe," her friend pleaded.

"I…don't know what to do…I don't know…" Asuka gasped. "It's…I'm not the same…she'll…" It was different, now. It wasn't like with Rei. Rei had come up to her and initiated the whole ordeal, and that was that. It had been so natural, in spite of the absurdity of it. Now, she was the one coming into Misato's world. Misato would be the same woman she was when Asuka left her. But now…

Asuka was twenty-four years old, with ten years behind her. She was different, very different. What would Misato do?

"I can't see her," she insisted, Hiraki helping her onto the bench. "Not now."

"Asuka," she pleaded, "She saw me. She knows." It took a moment for Asuka to process what Hiraki was saying. She blinked, feeling her stomach settle.

"She…she knows…that I'm…you know…older."

"Yeah. She keeps asking the same thing: where are the kids?" Asuka swallowed. Hiraki continued, "It doesn't matter if we get her coworkers from NERV. They aren't who she _needs_ right now. She needs her kids."

"Rei's back," Asuka said, impulsively. "I just…felt the need to tell you."

Hiraki nodded. "I know. Kensuke told me. You two are horrible at keeping secrets."

* * *

Asuka felt some hesitation outside the door. She tried to back up, but Hiraki pushed her into the room. Asuka kept her mouth closed, trying to be stealthy. She decided that if she didn't move, the woman on the bed wouldn't see her. However, her legs betrayed her, and, slowly but surely, she approached the bed.

She was curled up in a fetal position, in loaner pajamas. It was a vulnerable position that Asuka had seen her in, from time to time, and as child it scared her. It was not the way she was used to seeing her. Now, though, she felt a pain in her chest. The hair was still that same deep violet, and the face.

The woman on the bed became aware of the presence next to her. Turning, Misato stared up at Asuka. She looked very young and very old at the same time. Her mouth opened and closed, and she blinked slowly. "Are you real?" she asked quietly.

Asuka sat down on the bed, and did what Rei had done. She placed a hand on Misato's cheek, and smiled, letting the warmth seep in. Tears began to form little streams on Misato's face, and she grabbed Asuka in a jerky motion. It was a desperate hug, a drowning hug. Asuka returned it, rocking with Misato. "You've cut your hair!" she bawled.

Laughing, Asuka gripped tight. It smelled like her, it sounded like her, it was her. It was Misato, here again, somehow. "Yeah, I did. Sorry," Asuka whispered.

"Why are you so old?" Misato bawled out, still stuck in her crying jag, "And why is your eye red?"

Asuka sighed, patting her on the back. "Oh, I have a lot to tell you…"

* * *

As they spoke, Misato remembered…ugly things. She had pulled up her shirt, and was staring at the vast expanse of white skin around her stomach. All the way around. She was picking at it while pondering what Asuka had said.

"So…the Third Impact happened?" she asked.

"Yes."

"But it didn't matter, because Shinji…fixed it? Or directed?"

"Yes, in a way," Asuka conceded.

"And Rei got back…"

"Three days ago. So she's fourteen still."

"But she's…"

"Like a normal teenage girl. With a little bit of wisdom of the ages, as it were."

"Because she was God."

"Kind of. I think Shinji was God. Or…something. Look, I still don't have all the facts of it straight myself. I kind of…lived it vicariously through Shinji's memories."

Misato mused on this. She sat up. "And so…Shinji's gone."

"Yes." Asuka pulled the cross out of pocket, and handed it to Misato. She looked at it in wonder, and her fingers touching it but not taking it. "Shinji said you would need this when you came back. It was very important to him. It helped him…through a lot of things."

That earned a chuckle. "That's good," she said, taking the cross. "He turned out all right?" She looked up, suddenly desperate. "I mean, he's fine now. He turned out all right?"

Asuka was caught off guard by how desperate Misato sounded, and looked lost. "I'm…I don't know. He was okay when he left but…it's been eight years. I don't know, and I worry every now and then."

"How can you not be worried now?" Misato had something wild creeping into her voice, and her mood was becoming frantic. "How can you be so calm about it?"

The younger woman laid her hands on Misato's shoulders, gentle. "Misato," she said quietly, "He needed to go. It was what he wanted and what he needed. I wish I could have followed him. I worry, but I feel like if anyone's all right, it's him."

Misato seemed to deflate like a balloon, and she went blank. She closed her eyes, and Asuka eased her back onto the pillow. "In a week's time, you have to be out of here. You'll come live with me and Rei until you can get on your own feet. Misato," at her name, Misato turned towards Asuka. "You're not going to be alone again. Do you understand? You have Rei, and me, Maya, Makoto…we're not going to leave you be. You're not going to be alone."

There was a look of wonder on Misato's face, and she closed her eyes. She gripped Asuka's hands, and the grip was tight enough to hurt. Asuka said nothing, feeling a tremble pass through the fingers.

"But not Aoba," Misato said.

"He'd be a handful right now," Asuka admitted. "Maybe later." Misato smiled, and then swallowed.

"And not Ritz." Asuka sighed.

"No, she's still gone."

Misato bit her lip, starting the most dreaded question of all. "And…not…"

"I miss him, too." Asuka said, "But no. No, not him." It was as though she could feel Misato's heart break all over again. Misato nodded, a convulsive motion, and sniffed as tears started again. Asuka crawled into the bed, and took Misato in her arms. They lay like that until Misato drifted into sleep. Asuka lay there, remembering how Rei had crawled into bed with her. It seemed there was something in the human soul that could be calmed with physical contact. Was it always that easy? She remembered her own misery at isolation, at her rage and loathing when Shinji didn't touch her. Didn't hold her. How that hurt.

Was that all they needed? Just hug here and there? She chuckled. Hikari came into the room, and saw the two together. She walked over to the bed, and whispered, "Everything okay?"

"I'll need to be here for awhile, at least until she wakes up," Asuka whispered back. She had decided it would be bad to leave Misato to wake up alone. "I told you that Rei is back."

Hikari nodded. "I need you to go to my apartment and tell Rei she's on her own tonight. She can use my bed instead of the couch. Also, be prepared. She's different."

"How different?"

"She's acting like a normal teenage girl."

"That's very different," Hikari conceded without a blink. Asuka smirked. If anyone could handle drastic changes and momentous events, it was Hikari Horaki.

"When did you become so even-keeled?" Asuka teased.

"When I got a lot of authority," Hikari said with a grin, retreating out of the room.

* * *

Asuka slept fitfully, and was up before Misato. Her former guardian had dug her face into Asuka's chest, and she was sore now. When Misato awoke, she blinked into the t-shirt. "I got your shirt wet," she said, before a new wrack of sobs caught up to her.

"This can't be a thing," Asuka pleaded, "I_ won't_ put up with you crying every five minutes."

"Shut up and let me get out of my system, I've been dead!" Misato whined between sobs. She kept crying for a good thirty minutes before calming down. It was about one in the morning, and Asuka readjusted herself on the bed, kicking off her shoes and taking a share of the sheets. It was still a hospital bed meant for one, but that was a little more comfortable.

"Scoot over," she grumped, "We're sharing tonight."

Misato shifted in her bed. They lay like that for awhile, when Misato asked, "So you're twenty-four now."

"Mm-hmm."

"I'm still older."

"My house, my rules," Asuka said, asserting her authority immediately. Misato snickered. "By the way, you can take Pen-Pen with you when you get a place of your own."

Misato seemed to brighten. "You didn't tell me Pen-Pen was still around."

"He is. And grumpy. He drinks a lot of beer."

"I could use a beer," Misato suggested.

"Hush."

They lay there in the dark room, Misato said, "If you were a real friend, you'd go get me a beer."

"I'm not going to get you a beer."

"I'm older. You have to do what I say."

Asuka scoffed. "I'm more mature. I make the rules."

"I don't like New Asuka," Misato grumbled. "You're hair is short, you're bossy, and I can't push you around. Do they even make beer, still?"

"One of the highlights of living in the Reorganized Government of Japan. We have brisk commerce with three settlements whose entire prosperity is built around their breweries. Come on, Misato, it's the post-apocalypse. People need their booze."

"Yay, booze," Misato chimed quietly.

"Yay, sleep," Asuka muttered.

"Whatever. I still want beer," Misato mumbled.

"I take it your feeling better," Asuka asked. There was silence, and she nestled down on the top of Misato's head. She was probably about as tall as Misato was now, but she had ended up higher on the pillow, and couldn't read her friend's emotions.

"Not really," Misato admitted, "But a little more at ease. I was never really a mom to you, was I?"

"No," Asuka admitted, "You were kind of a sister."

"I guess now that we're closer in age, that'd apply better," Misato admitted. She was quiet, but it felt like there was more to be said. "Asuka," she asked, "Did I do wrong by you?"

"What?" Asuka shifted on the bed. Misato looked up at her. Even in the dark, her eyes were red from crying.

"Did I do wrong by you? Did I fail you?"

Asuka thought about the question. "I think you did the best you could. I know you cared about us. I never doubted that. I never showed it, but…I never doubted it." Misato looked at her for a long while, and finally lay down.

"I feel better, then," she said, and went to sleep. In time, Asuka followed.


	6. Tone Note

Asuka left Misato in the care of the Infirmary the next day, heading into the Spread. Her mind was organizing what she would need to help get her friend up and moving. Where was there work to be had, where was there affordable housing. How long could she stand three people in the same apartment? Asuka actually had to stop and think about that for a moment. She had enjoyed the presence of Rei, and couldn't see why Misato would be a problem, but she had been alone for so long that she wasn't sure what would come out in the end. She didn't really count Pen-Pen as a presence, because he did what he did and left her alone.

She wouldn't be alone with two other women in the house. She sighed, wondering if she had overextended her hospitality a bit. No matter; it was like she told Rei. One day at a time.

That had been her mantra for a good portion of life in the wake of the Third Impact. She had found things had been more bearable that way, to take the time to pick up one little piece of life here, another they, and see what you come up. Maybe it was why salvage had become such a natural line of work for. The slow collection of little things that eventually grew in value.

She got back to the apartment to see that Rei had organized and moved the boxes in a better arrangement, giving her much more access to the room. "See? Big enough for futon, easy!" she said.

"Now we just got to get you one," Asuka said. "Looks like another shopping trip is in order." They left the apartment, but on the way to the stairwell, they heard a pop-pop-crack in the distance. It made Rei flinch, and Asuka's head snapped up. The sound had been terribly familiar in the last ten years, but rarely so close to the Spread. She looked towards the source of the sound, and saw wispy strands of blue smoke rising from the mountain.

"What was that?" Rei asked. Pa-pop this time. There was a bright white flash, followed a second later by a dull _thoomp_, more felt than heard.

"There's a gang up there," Asuka said in a far away voice. "Looks like militia or peacekeepers have encountered them. Never seen a firefight so close, before."

"How far away is it?" Rei asked.

"Maybe three miles. Four at the most." For a single moment, the two stood transfixed, listening to the distant sound, as harmless here as firecrackers, broken by the odd thud of a grenade or glitter of a flash bang explosive. They couldn't tear themselves away from the bizarre drama, and had to watch it unfold for the next hour. At one point, Asuka noted three flatbed trucks loaded with constables rushing towards the scene. "They'll get there soon and that'll be it," she said. "Let's go, Rei." She had to nudge the girl to get her moving.

As they walked down the stairs, Rei asked, "The Third Impact happened. Everybody was connected. Why are things like that still happening?" She seemed generally unable to comprehend it.

"Some people were too broken going in to be fixed coming out. Maybe the connections didn't mean anything. Or maybe the connections are what made them worse." Asuka shrugged.

"Are things so bad out there that people have to rob each other to stay alive?" Rei asked.

"Not here!" Asuka said. "Yeah, things are rough, but the towns in the Reformed Government zones do okay for themselves. Some places though, I hear it gets pretty bad. When we get news from outside, like in the Levant or Hindu Kush…well, you wouldn't want to go there. From what I understand, though, they've always been bad there."

Rei seemed unhappy with the answer, and Asuka didn't blame her. A memory, unbidden, came to her of one of her more recent salvage runs. Generally, she wasn't supposed to go out anymore, being a business owner. One of the perks to being a business owner, however, was the freedom to do what one wanted when one wanted, thank you very much. She had been exploring an old complex about ten miles outside of the city proper when someone had fallen on her back. He had tried to force her to the ground and pin her arms. He winded her when he landed, but the fight was lost as soon as he made contact. Once she got her breath back, she had worked him over in five to ten seconds, leaving him broken and bloody.

And then she ran. How she had run. It wasn't the kind of run that was brought by fear, or a conscious, clinical movement from point to point. It was more pure than that, an animal's instinctive drive to separate oneself from danger. She had run the whole ten miles back and collapsed in the street, where two constables on patrol found her shaking and heaving and laughing hysterically. They thought she had lost her mind, when truthfully, she was just plain happy to get back alive.

Of course, that wasn't the wort she had seen or dealt with, but it did come to mind quicker and easier than some of the other incidents. Bad things that made her mind creep back to Shinji and wonder what the hell he thought he was doing out in that wilderness.

They found a suitable futon for Rei, carried it back between them, and moved it to the apartment. When they cleared the stairs, they were surprised to find Maya Ibuki and Makoto Hyuga, with Misato between them, still in her pajamas. "What the hell is this?" Asuka asked.

"Is that Rei?" Maya asked, in surprise.

"My question was first!" Asuka roared, surprising everyone with that little flash of who she once was, herself included.

"I got bored in the hospital," Misato whined, "So I left. I couldn't figure out where you lived, but these two clowns helped me out."

"She was trying to make an escape in a wheelchair," Makoto said wearily, "She still can't quite get her legs under her."

Asuka unlocked the apartment, muttering, "I thought you walked out of the surf with everybody else."

"Nope. Crawled," Misato said without shame. "Is that Rei?"

Rei came in, did her 'New Bubbly Rei-thing,' and, as per usual, weirded everyone out. Except for Maya, who thought that Rei was the most adorable thing she had ever laid eyes. The two chattered like overexcited squirrels while Asuka and Makoto helped Misato onto the fold-out.

"You know, it occurs to me," Makoto said with a grin, "Me and Maya are older than you, now, squirt."

"By like what, five years?" Misato snapped. "I can still beat the crap out of you. I was in charge for a reason!"

"I'll let you try whatever you want when you start walking again," Makoto said diplomatically, rubbing a thumb through a streak of gray hair that had cropped up on the side of his head. He turned to Asuka. "You don't have guests. You have a menagerie," he teased, and she made a face.

"I forget how quiet the place was only a few days ago," she said, watching as Pen-Pen came out from the back and waddled over to Misato. She watched the two get reacquainted, and asked, "Did you hear anything about the gun battle in the hills?"

"Bad bunch, about seven or eight. Armed to eyeballs and dug in. A foot patrol of five militia came across them, got pinned down. Had to send in the constables to clean it out. They put down the whole gang but, one of the militiamen didn't make it. Three constables got killed, too. They say that the fact the bandits had no training was the only thing that kept the casualties low."

Asuka felt that drifting feeling coming again, as she walked to the fridge to retrieve a can of lager to stave of Misato's repeated requests to 'Beer me!' She looked at Makoto, and said, "I thought all that was supposed to be over with. I was talking to Rei about it earlier. I was giving reasons why its still going on, but…I couldn't even convince myself, as I thought about it. It seems unreal."

"That's weird coming from you. You love to fight. I've watched you; you go nuts."

"I don't set out to _kill_ anyone," Asuka countered. "I've done it before, and it sticks with you. I mean, a bar fight is one thing, yeah, but everybody goes home at the end of the day. Killing is too profound, too permanent. I'm just…" she shrugged. "Didn't the end of the Third Impact mean everybody gets to go home?"

"Asuka, some people never _were_ home," he said cryptically.

* * *

The next morning, Asuka got up and fell into her routine again. The push-ups, the sit-ups. She stepped out of her room dripping sweat when she heard the whispered plea "Asuka!"

She looked into the living room, to see Misato wide-eyed and pointing with her free arm at Rei, who had sleepwalked again and chosen a different bed to clamber into. Asuka wished that she had a camera at this moment in time more than she ever did in her entire life.

"Do something!" Misato mouthed dramatically. Asuka raised her hands, and made a cutting motion across her throat.

"Sorry," she mouthed, "On your own."

She slipped into the bathroom, shooing Pen-Pen out and took her morning shower. If Rei kept up this habit of wandering around, Asuka thought, they would either need to get her a teddy bear or a boyfriend, whichever she was less embarrassed to tote around. When she finished her shower, Misato was still entangled, shooting evil looks her direction. She dressed, and the predicament was still the same. She made breakfast, Misato resigned to glaring at Asuka until Rei finally started to stir, smelling potato patties frying. She stretched languidly, and Misato snapped, "About time!"

Rei's eyes popped open, and she threw herself out of the bed with a squeak. "What happened?" she screamed.

"You did it again," Asuka called from the kitchen.

"Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?" she moaned, standing up on wobbly legs.

"Again?" Misato asked, "This has happened before?"

"Nothing is wrong with you," Asuka said, ignoring Misato and spooning some of the patties onto a plate, "You probably just thought Misato would be more comfortable than the futon. Hey, you answered your question."

"What question?"

"How would Misato react," Asuka noted, taking a plate to their bedridden guest. "How's the leg work?" she asked, half-joking.

"The left one is starting to move a bit, but the right one is still stubborn. Got big piggy working, but all the little piggies just keep going home."

"Do you think its because of whatever injury you that…you know." Asuka ran a hand up her stomach.

Misato seemed to go distant, but forced a smile and said, "Hey, probably. I figure this resurrection thing isn't an exact science."

"You can feel everything, right?" Asuka asked, poking at the legs.

"Yeah. I feel you doing that right now, it's just…they don't want to move yet." She shrugged, and began eating her breakfast.

Rei called from the kitchen, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm impressed you're handling that as well as you are. Not knowing if your legs will work again."

"There are worse things than losing your legs," Misato said, but if she truly knew what that was, she didn't say.

That day, Asuka was about to go out and buy groceries when a heavy knock landed on the door. She opened it to find two armored constables toting assault rifles. "Asuka Langley Soryu, of Soryu Salvage?"

"That would be me," she asked.

"We wished to confirm: you're a registered salvage specialist for munitions, abandoned firearms, armories, and the like?" She mentally winced. When starting, she had registered for everything one could salvage. She could also mention she was registered for deep-sea salvage, alpine retrieval, desert and sand retrieval, and, if she really had ambitions, sub-orbital and lunar cleanup.

"Apparently," she said, fixing the older one with a solid look and giving a magnificent grin. The younger one blushed.

"We would like to requisition your services today in a forensic capacity," the blusher said, trying to keep a modicum of professionalism. "We need a salvager with your registry to accompany us out to a site where a firefight took place yesterday."

Yes. Ah, yes. The court system was well-maintained, but police sciences, especially forensic sciences, had gone a bit backwards. What that meant now was that anybody with any sort of experience was free to, or conscripted to, provide assistance when asked or required, to assist law enforcement in their duties. Asuka felt a deep discomfort about going out to the site, but she nodded. "Okay," she said, "I just have to get my shoes and I'll be ready." She considered giving Kensuke a call and having him join her, but she hesitated to do such things after the injury, especially with ordinance.

"Rei," she said, "I have to go check up on something with the constables. Are you good to help Misato?"

"Of course," she said, "Be careful."

"Bring back the young one," Misato hollered. By the time they got to the truck, the younger constable was scarlet.

* * *

The bodies were gone, but the blood remained, spilled paint splotches up and down the rocks and trees. Asuka surveyed it with a critical eye, her arms crossed. "Where are the weapons?" she asked.

"This way, ma'am," a sergeant said, escorting her to where the confiscated rifles had been laid out on a tarp. She squatted down. Three of the rifles were wooden stock AK variants, two of them of the '47 style and one of the '74 style, probably off of the mainland. She picked them up and inspected the firing mechanisms. Two of them had Mandarin figures, but one had Cyrillic. Aside from degradation on the organic frames, they were well-cared for. The other seven weapons were various modular and highly modern firearms, which included three assault rifles, one battle rifle, one carbine, and two submachine guns. They were not the kind of equipment bandits normally ran around with.

At least normal bandits. "Is this the entire stockpile?" she asked.

"No. They had a cache about thirty yards that way," he pointed, "stocked with fifteen pounds of traditional dynamite, two pipe bombs, three bottles of white phosphorous, and a gallon of gasoline."

She shook her head. That was _very_ odd armament for a bandit to have. Bandits traveled light, carrying only what they needed or could steal. They may stockpile in the woods, but it was rarely such destructive weapons. The pipe bombs and dynamite, possibly, but the WP and gasoline was especially odd: you couldn't steal what was burning.

"I'll need to see the bottles for registry numbers. It'll take some time, but might have a record of any industrial centers we've been to." Unspoken was also the promise to distribute those identification numbers to salvagers far and wide, so if she didn't have a record, someone who did could get word out to law enforcement. If this group had seized dangerous chemicals, there was the possibility of more just sitting out there, waiting.

"No need. We already removed the labels," the officer said, handing her three yellowed but well preserved slips of paper.

"Thanks, but I need to see the stockpile, as well. Anything they had: wires, clackers, short wave radios, battery charges. I have lay eyes on it."

"This way," he said, and led her towards a small pile that had a tarp thrown over it, left together for a controlled explosion when they completed the investigation. Underneath was, as he had said, the implements of mass destruction. She carefully inspected each jar, the dynamite, everything, without actually touching anything. She was registered for weapons salvage, but she was not licensed for demolition. As such, she shouldn't handle such devices.

Either way, she couldn't see anything that could be considered identifying. She sighed. "All right. I'll take the labels." She stood up, signed a report for the cops, and left. She had seen the weapons, she now had paperwork on the serial numbers and such. It was time to flush them out in the world and forget about them. With luck, a trail would be established, and slowly but surely, the loose national net of law enforcement within the Restored Government would figure out where the weapons had come from.

She got into a truck with the young constable from earlier, who had been tasked to drive her back. "Is there any possibility of tracing where all that came from?" he asked.

"There's possibility, just not the hope. That's a lot ordinance from a lot of places. No telling where it all came from."

He grimaced. "I just can't figure out what they were planning. You saw it, right? You had that look like you knew the score."

Asuka smiled. It seemed she couldn't shake the Pilot. "Yeah. That wasn't a bandit armory."

The truck was starting to rock down the hill, when the constable turned, and with a grin, said, "So, your friend, did she really mean it whe—"

The rest of his sentence was cut off when a massive burst wracked the hill above and behind them. They were far enough away and down the hill that the blast wave didn't touch, but close enough that Asuka's hearing went soft. The truck skidded to a halt as Asuka sat with her head between her knees and her hands on her ears. The world had faded into a long, one-note ring. Her head felt soft, with sharp sensations hopping through it. She felt a hand on her back, and leaned up, groggy. She could see the constable, but couldn't hear him. He looked dazed, and there was a deep, bleeding gash in his cheek where he had struck the steering wheel bringing the car to a halt.

"Are you all right?" she finally heard, as though from a great distance away. She nodded, wincing and wobbling her elbows. He covered one eye, nodding and pointing at his own ears, before the pain caught up with him and he leaned over the steering wheel. With her elbow and foot, she kicked open the passenger side door, and fell out onto the dirt. She sat up, thinking of cool water, ice packs, chilled sodas. Cold things, how she wanted something cold. It felt like her head was splitting open. Groggy, she opened her eyes to look back up the hill.

She saw the trucks still up there, burning now. It looked like someone was moving in the cloud of white, but only for a moment. She tried to make a mental count of how many constables were still on the hill when the bombs went. For the life of her, Asuka couldn't remember.


	7. Living Recall

Rei laid another cold washcloth on Asuka's head. Her hearing was mostly fine now, and the medics at the Infirmary gave it another day or two before the buzzing was completely gone. In the meantime, she had a headache that reminded her how lucky five minutes difference had made her.

"That nice young police man, the one you and Misato kept teasing," Rei was saying, "His name is Itsuki Mori. He said they think one of the pipe bombs was faulty, maybe dripping condensed nitroglycerin. They don't have the means to determine it, but they're pretty sure it was just ordinance exploding."

Asuka sighed. "How's his…cheek?"

"He had eight stitches that I counted," Rei said.

"It's not…fair," Asuka whispered, "I'm…less banged up…than he is…and I'm…bedridden…"

"He looked awful. He was practically reeling on the spot. I told him he should be in bed," Rei said.

"I would…have liked…to see you…scold someone," Asuka mumbled. Rei smiled.

"How many?" Asuka asked after a short silence.

Rei closed her eyes. "Eight." Asuka heard movement at the door, and opened one eye to see Misato leaning heavily on the wall, where she had announced the figure. According to Rei, she had been hopping around the left leg waiting for the right one to catch up.

"Where are the peacekeepers headquartered out of? The Central Directory?"

"Misato, you can't…" Rei started, then stopped seeing the hard look in the woman's eyes.

"I can, too. I was a Major, you know, and not because I was liked."

"Walk, first," Asuka mumbled, "Then join." Misato gave a level look, but a glance from Rei cooled her temper. She sighed, and hopped into the kitchen. Rei removed the rag, and laid a fresh one down.

"I'm going to go put these in the fridge," she said. She stood up, and Asuka gently reached out and grabbed her hand. Rei was surprised and looked down. Asuka swallowed a lump.

"For a moment…I thought…I saw them…in the fire." Asuka closed her eyes, feeling tired and achy all of a sudden. Rei gently laid her hand back on the bed, and took the rags back to the fridge.

* * *

Asuka had awful dreams that night, influenced by her lingering head pains. She saw police officers with the faces of those she knew. Here was Rei, there was Maya, led by Shinji. They were walking through clouds of phosphorescent smoke, white hell burning away at their clothes, their skin. She watched as their shoulders peeled back, impossibly tall spines taking their place. Their sobbing faces contorted and broke, as primal jaws and animal teeth pushed through. Tall, black, and spindly, they lurched through the waste, coming to get her and drag her along with them until she became as they were, because it was what she had been all along. Death walking. Plague incarnate. A knife. A weapon. An EVA.

She awoke with a sharp inhale of breath, and searched her room. It was dark, except for the gentle orange glow from the Spread as lanterns and streetlights were left on against the night. Asuka felt her right hand trembling, and she looked at it dispassionately.

It was not so much trembling as contorting. In a weird fascination, she watched as the fingers and wrist twisted and squirmed of their own volition. She took a deep breath, and laid her left hand on the rebellious limb. Slowly, like a panicking child, the hand relaxed, and gradually, she felt it become her own again. She looked to the side, and was surprised to see Rei on the floor, asleep. Her back was propped against the wall, and her head tilted to the left, a thin line of saliva collected on her shirt.

At least she wasn't crawling into beds again, Asuka thought wryly. Since she was still dressed, Asuka could only assume Rei had been there since before night even came. She reached out, and gently pinched Rei's foot.

The girl awoke, her eyes half open and a sharp intake of breath to herald her arrival. She swallowed, felt the errant stream of spit, and wiped it away, blinking at Asuka. "You're looking better," she said.

"I don't feel better, but thank you," Asuka said weakly.

"You sound better, too. If you look better and sound better, it means your halfway there," Rei said, standing up.

"You just made that up," Asuka murmured.

"But it sounds right," Rei said, taking the now-dry rag off of Asuka's forehead and putting the back of her hand against the skin. "You've been sweating in your sleep and you feel hot. Nightmares?" Asuka gave a see-saw motion with her hand. Neither here, nor there.

"What are they about?" Rei asked, sitting on the bed. Asuka looked at her, closed her eyes, and smiled.

"Guess."

Rei grinned, conspiratorially. "Yeah. I have them, too."

"I couldn't tell. You always sleep so soundly when…ah." It made sense. "When you cuddle up to something." Rei looked at Asuka, and the same dawn rose there.

"Ah," she agreed. "I see." She folded her hands in her lap. "Do they go away?"

"Not really," Asuka said, "But they sort of cycle, you know? Some nights they're all I have, and some nights, good dreams. Really good ones."

"Like what?" Rei asked.

"Oh…the apartment, when it was Misato, Shinji, and Pen-Pen. Isn't that weird? I think one my best dreams was when Shinji and me were on that stupid dance pad. He kept screwing up, and I kept getting so angry. It's funny, but remembering it makes me feel good."

"I don't remember how I felt then," Rei said, quietly. "There's a line where I can't recall feeling anything at all."

Asuka studied her. Rei seemed to be trying to reconcile something and failing utterly. "Asuka, am I even Rei?"

"Yes, and no," Asuka said. "If you were to ask, are you Rei from when I knew you then, you're nothing like. Not even a ghost. That Rei could barely exist in the world. She only connected to Shinji. She was…we were all bad off, but she was bad." Rei looked down, unsure of what to say.

"But I would say that you're just as much Rei now as you were then. Maybe…this is how you were supposed to be. Maybe this is what Rei should have been all along. I look at this Rei and I think that this feels right." She nodded, satisfied with how that sounded. "Like she finally has a chance to be who she was supposed to be."

Asuka saw tears on Rei's face. "I don't like my memories about myself," she said, and left the room before Asuka could say anything else. She heard her door close, and the latch click.

* * *

In the morning, Asuka felt better, if a little groggy. She did her push-ups and sit-ups, which was probably a bad idea. She didn't care. She had been out of her pattern, and it would feel better to get back into it. She heard grumbling in the living room, and eventually Misato limped into the hallway. "What're you doing?" she muttered.

"Two hundred of each every day," Asuka said in cadence. Misato narrowed her eyes.

"Weirdo," she grumbled, and wandered back to the couch. Asuka completed her sets, and went to the bathroom to shower, to find it was locked. She was confused, and checked Rei's door. That was still locked, too.

"Great," she muttered, "the bird is locking doors now." Standing there, sweaty from exercising, she decided she might as well wash her hands and eat breakfast while waiting for the bird to wake up. Or at least wait for everybody else to wake up so she can bang on the door. She ate cereal dry, and when she got bored, began amusing herself by trying to toss pieces into Misato's mouth as she slept. She missed most of the time, but succeeded with three. The bathroom door finally unlatched, and Pen-Pen warbled out. Asuka hopped up as Misato woke up, coughing.

"The hell is there cereal in my bed?" she hollered as Asuka closed the door. Misato grumbled, cleaning up the mess. It was probably little hints from Asuka that it was time for her to move out, she reasoned. Then again, being here was probably bringing out the kid in Asuka again. If that was the case, Misato decided it would be time to discipline 'the kid.'

* * *

Asuka passed Misato going in as they traded off the bathroom. Asuka went to her room still toweling off, concerned that Rei's door was still locked. She dressed, tried the door again, and entered the kitchen.

In the center of the table, upside down, was an open jug of juice. There was no juice anywhere else on the table surface, but it was clear that the only thing preventing that was the weight of the jug and the table itself. A curious conundrum: one could simply leave the juice bottle there. And yet, should one lift the bottle, it would be all over the kitchen. And she who spilled it would be the one cleaning it up.

She slid the bathroom door open a crack. "Misato?" she said sweetly. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about what's happening in the kitchen, do you?"

"Why, no, Asuka, I learned a long time ago not to go in there," she sang back. "Is something, perchance, amiss?"

Asuka reached in and stole Misato's towel off the rack, closing the door behind her. She draped the towel on her shoulders for a moment, pondering the bottle. This would tricky. She would have to call upon all her experience in disarming traps…

And like that, her hands trembled, her mouth went dry, and sweat broke out on her forehead. She took a deep breath, and leaned against the wall. White clouds, heat, deafening thunder. Relax. Breathe. Take a load of. She closed her eyes, and knew that the bombing had taken more than a physical toll. She scratched her nose, and decided to distract herself for now. It was easier to worry about someone else rather than her, and she still hadn't heard from Rei all morning.

She knocked on the door. "Rei, you in there?" There was no response. "Rei?" She knocked louder. Still nothing. She tried the door again and found it was still latched. "Shoot," she muttered. She grabbed at her pocket, pulling her utility knife, and popped the blade. Jimmying it into the door crack, she tried to work it around to the latch. Slowly, but surely, she made progress, until, finally, she felt a give upward, and the door popped open two inches. She closed and pocketed the knife, and slid the door open.

Asuka found Rei in a corner of the room behind some boxes. Her eyes were open, and her cheeks were wet. Her futon was untouched. She creeped across the bedroom. "Rei," she whispered, "Rei, are you okay?"

She said nothing, and Asuka slid next to her. She had talked about this kind of thing with Hikari, experienced it herself. Shinji did as well. She likened to a roller-coaster, or a seesaw, where minute, you were feeling so good that was no possible way the world could fail you. And then, without warning, without reason, you were in depths you never knew existed. She was prepared for this, however. She had been where Rei had been sitting, and she had comforted those in that position, as well.

Gathering the girl over, Asuka embraced her. She remembered Shinji doing this to her, and Hikari when he had left. She had done this for Shinji, too. Rei didn't fight her, but leaned into the hug.

"I don't really think I am who I think am," she mumbled.

"I think you're Rei," Asuka offered.

"I can't tell," she looked up. "Are you who you think you are?"

"I've had ten years to become myself," Asuka said, "So have you, out in the Ocean. But you're having to deal with it now and all at once." And, she thought idly, you don't have the detached perspective of Lilith to shield you.

Rei nestled down. "I don't have happy memories. I don't think I do…I can't tell." Asuka regretted discussing her own memories with Rei, thinking that perhaps that's what triggered this. The girl had sorted through her memories, but not analyzed them, and now that she had, it was a fight to keep herself upright. Simply seeing something was not the same as understanding, and now that she approached herself from that deeper angle, Rei had been blown sideways.

"You want some good news?" Asuka asked. Rei didn't reply, so Asuka continued. "You're fourteen. You get to do what Shinji and me did. And what's better, you've got me here having already done it all."

"Really lucked out, huh?" Rei said quietly.

"Mm-hmm. Luckier than Misato. She's stuck in the shower without a towel."

"Who started this little spat?" Rei asked.

"I think I did."

"Oh," Rei said. She closed her eyes and nestled down. "Okay. Is this what having sisters is like?"

"Probably. I had a half-sister, but I was never close to her," Asuka admitted.

"I had a lot of sisters," Rei said, "But none of them had souls and there were all disintegrated by Dr. Akagi." There was a long silence, Asuka continuing to stroke the top of the girl's head.

"I should probably keep that to myself," Rei suggested.

"I think that would be wise," Asuka agreed. She heard the door to the bathroom open.

"If you give me my towel…I will show you how to flip the jug without spilling it," Misato called.

Asuka smiled, bouncing up and causing Rei to tumble with a squeak. "Remember, Rei," Asuka said, "It's all about leverage."

* * *

Asuka had to leave later that day, to go check up on Kensuke. Thus, Rei was declared the Master of the House. "Why is she Master of the House?" Misato demanded.

"Because I was God," Rei said churlishly, as Asuka left. Rei watched as Misato fumed, and reflected that in the memories she had that made her the most miserable, it was when she had been invited or forced to do things by Misato, and never actually doing them. Asuka said she had a chance to change that, and start from scratch. "All right!" she said, "As Master of the House, I declare a quest to the market!"

"What? Do you have money?" Misato asked. It had shocked her how well-established currency had become again considering the state of the country, but then again, life existed on death and taxes. Rei nodded. "Yeah. Asuka leaves me crash cash just in case I want to go for a walk. Let's have lunch, my treat!" Misato raided Asuka's room for clothes, and once dressed, the two departed.

* * *

The quest to the Market made it 200 yards from the apartment before they encountered their first snag. They were making a reasonable pace, Misato doing much better if a little jerky, when she stopped. It was a sudden halt, as though someone had pulled the back of her collar. Rei had made it four feet before realizing she was alone. She turned in confusion. "Misato?" she asked, but the woman was half-walking, half-jogging across the road in the opposite direction. Rei hurried after her, calling her name as the woman picked up her pace and was soon at a dead run. She got fifty feet before her legs finally had their fill, and she pitched forward, landing hard on her palms.

"Misato! Are you okay?" Rei gasped, coming up to her. Misato didn't see her, or hear her. Her attention was glued on a group of three down the street. Rei followed her eyes, examining the men. She didn't know any of them, wasn't sure what it was Misato had seen. They were watching them, having heard the woman fall. They declined to come help, but at the moment Rei was fine with that. Misato seemed to be crumbling before her.

"I need to sit down," she said. Rei helped her up and guided her to a bench, and there, in street, Misato cried quietly. "I, uh, heard a voice," she said, "And for a moment, it just…um…I knew it was Kaji, and…it was just some guy over there. I didn't recognize him. It wasn't Kaji, though."

Rei knelt in front of her, uncertain of what to do. Misato continued. "I died, that day. I know I did. I didn't live to see the Third Impact. I was shot. I…know I blew a grenade. I know it. I know I didn't survive." She wiped her eyes. "And I came back. It took ten years, you know, but I'm back. I found my way out. Kaji…" she choked. "You know, he was stronger than me. I wouldn't say that to him, or…when he was alive, but he was stronger. More together, you know? If anyone could come out Instrumentality with a jig and a grin, it would have been that jackass."

She took a moment to steady her breathing. "I, uh…I keep hoping to see him. There's a whole world out there, you know and…he could pop up anywhere. The odds are against it, and all…but…I just keep hoping. I can't let go when there's hope." She folded her hands. "Um…I have to ask. Rei, when you…were…I mean, you remember all of us, right? When you got us? You didn't…happen to get…"

"I can't remember," she said. "I remember some. I remember you. I…" Rei shrugged. She wasn't sure if she was saying the right thing or the wrong thing. "I don't know. That's not saying Kaji wasn't part of it, I just…"

"No. It's fine. It was…well…had to check." She sighed. "He's really gone. That's all. That's all." Rei gathered up Misato's hands.

"Come on," she said. "Food? Maybe you'll feel better after we eat."

"Food. Maybe." Misato mumbled, and forced a grin. They continued their day, and went to the Market, more silent than when they began.


	8. Hello Old Friend

**Notes from GobHobblin: **Okay, you know what? Don't put on Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust if you want to get things done. You will be distracted by the Baroque. My God, the Baroque.

* * *

It was later that evening when Asuka returned to the apartment. Rei and Misato had not come back yet, so she decided to take the opportunity to shower. A small, tinny ring had begun, incessant and demanding, and Asuka felt that the hot water might help mute the sound.

She moved through the dark, feeling better with the lights out of her eyes. It seemed to come in waves, rising and receding. One moment, she felt completely up to speed, and the next, uncertain of the ground underneath her. She had the presence of mind to toss her clothes into her room and grab her towel, despite the demanding ring. She entered the dark room, closed the door, and on impulse glanced in the mirror.

Rei stared back.

Asuka froze, the ring suddenly very loud. It was Rei as she remembered her, still and blank. She wore the old school uniform, and studied Asuka in that way she had hated when they were younger. She dropped her towel on the floor, and one of her hands came up reflexively. There was no one in the bathroom, but Rei was there in the mirror. Real as real.

"What do you see?" the phantom asked in that dull, lifeless tone. The hand Asuka raised continued to her mouth, and she bit down on her knuckle until blood flowed. The ringing subsided, and the pain helped her focus on the image. "What do you see?" Rei repeated. Asuka closed her eyes, continuing to bore her teeth into her knuckle, and breathed deep. When she opened her eyes, the phantom was gone.

She didn't know how long she stood there, but she heard the sounds of the front door opening, and Misato and Rei returning, talking loudly. She straightened up, and mechanically stepped into the shower, spitting red onto the drain. She let the hot water flow, and the ringing, quieter now, seeped away under the cascade of cleansing heat. She dared not stay too long: fresh water was abundant now thanks to the reclamation centers, but not to be wasted, and she now had roommates. Letting the heat run until it was lukewarm was simply rude.

Asuka finished, retrieved her towel, and grabbed a bandage and some antiseptic from the medicine cabinet. She dried off, then tended the wound on her hand, now white and puckered after being in the heat and water. She wrapped herself in her towel, and turned to leave, before casting one more, suspicious look at the mirror.

What do you see, she thought to herself.

* * *

She couldn't sleep. The limbs were tired, and the head was dull, but sleep would not come. Asuka sat on her bed and stared out the window instead, studying the lights of the Spread below. She felt hunted, and suddenly uncertain. There seemed to be web settling that she couldn't perceive, and the site of that…figment in the bathroom confirmed it. Some unseen dread that was settling on her life…first with Shinji leaving, then Rei coming back. Then those men in the hills…

There were connections, tenuous but there. Asuka sighed, and wondered if maybe the explosion had done something more than just rattle her. Perhaps she had suffered brain trauma, that she was seeing things where she shouldn't. Becoming paranoid. Hell, maybe she was dying. She knew of people to survive explosions unscathed, only to drop dead a few days later. Micro-lesions, internal hemorrhaging, there could be a whole gamut of awful bodily catastrophe awaiting her.

It was then the old instincts kicked in, and something told her she wasn't alone. She turned her head, to see Rei was standing in her room. In the old school uniform.

Blank. Lifeless. Doll-like. It was the figment, the whimsy. She was there…sure as sure.

Asuka drew her knees up to her chin, regarding the phantom in the corner. Something old seemed to open up inside of her brain, something that made this strange thing seem less strange. Something that brought realization and a surprising…disappointment.

"You're Rei," Asuka said.

"Of course," the phantom said.

"Which means that…that is not Rei in that bed room," Asuka said.

"That is Rei, or what Rei could have been," the phantom intoned in that familiar, flat voice. "It was what was cut from me, to live a life uninhibited. Think of her as a daughter."

"A daughter?" Asuka cocked her head. "Rei…you…told me that she had separated from Lilith. That Lilith had cut the human part of Rei loose. Is that what you're saying?"

"No," the phantom said. "I was always Rei. I was always Lilith.

Asuka nodded, uncertain how to take that. It didn't sound that different from what Rei had told her when they had met at the old apartment, but there seemed an underlying note. That the story Rei had told was inaccurate, missing something. "She's a copy," Asuka said, finally. "She's not your memories, your..personality. Your essence. She's simply carrying a…recording of them. You made a copy of yourself."

"You sound bitter," Rei said.

"That was a cruel thing to do," Asuka snapped. "How will she handle that? She thinks she's the original, the real deal."

The phantom's expression didn't change, but it seemed…confused by the accusation. "I never _was_ an original. The original died when Naoko Akagi strangled her so long ago. I guess," the phantom looked up, seemingly lost in the technicalities of the concept, "If you wanted to be truly specific, the original died when Yui Ikari left her body to join with Unit-01. That's irrelevant. Why should she be concerned if she is only, as you say, a copy?

"She exists. She can make her own way in the world." Asuka scoffed, looking out the window. She was certain it was something in her that missed the old days, as bad and horrific as they were. When her soul was being peeled layer by layer from the terror, the stress, the self-hatred. That had to be why she had latched on to Rei so quickly, and been admittedly pleased to see how…normal she was. She had, however, deceived herself, willingly. It was too good to be true.

Despite that, there was a true, protective instinct that had developed. "No," she finally said. "No, she's real, and she's here. She _is_ Rei. I'll buy her story over yours."

"Do what you will. It makes no difference to me," the phantom intoned.

"God's teeth, couldn't you pretend to be human at least once in your existence?" Asuka snarled. It was an unfair thing to say, and truthfully, Rei had made progress by the time…things had taken their course. She would never admit it then, but she had noticed it, if not for simple jealousy. Maybe that's why she was feeling snippy. Part of her knew that this was the real Rei, back and speaking to her, and to see her regress to that…blandness, that slate, seemed to mock Asuka. Mock her and her own progress.

"You cannot be human to be a god," Rei said. Asuka stared at her in shock. There was no ego in that statement, and that frightened her more.

"Why are you here?" she asked quietly, wanting Rei to leave.

"I cannot find Shinji," Rei said. Asuka squinted, and the phantom crossed the room to sit on the bed. She stared at the floor, and said quietly, "I have watched him. I have watched him and I have watched you, and it made me feel whole again. I have watched him, but he has vanished from my sight. I have searched the whole of this world for him, but I do not see him."

Something about that statement made Asuka uncomfortable. "Is Shinji dead?" Asuka pleaded, leaning forward on her hands and knees, everything in her posture imploring the shade to be more clear.

"No," it admitted, "If he was dead, I would know. I just cannot see him. This unsettles me…yes, that is what it does. It makes me feel concerned." Asuka leaned back on her haunches, and gazed out the window. That did little to calm her. "You need to find him," the phantom Rei said bluntly.

"What?" Asuka whispered, studying her face in the glass. "Why are you asking this?"

"You would pay any price, but he would sacrifice everything. It is why you have to go look for him," the phantom said. Asuka studied her reflection, and saw her lip curl.

"That's the same thing," she replied.

"No, it is not," the phantom intoned. "He let the world die to do what he thought was right. It was a passive thing, though a great burden to pay. You are more active. You might not sacrifice the world…but you would burn it down to accomplish your goals."

It seemed to Asuka, in that moment, that in her reflection, her eyes were leaking pitch, and the feeling of worms under the skin came to her. She had one fleeting glimpse of burning cities and spindly, hateful things consuming them before she clamped her eyes shut.

"You would not stop until you find him. Yes, you would go to the ends of the world." Asuka glanced back at the phantom. "Please do this," the phantom pleaded, and looked into Asuka's eyes. The woman was surprised to detect that, under that blank expression…there was something very much like panic under those red eyes.

Asuka swallowed. "Where did you last…_see_ him?" she asked.

"I will show you…" the phantom said, suddenly crawling towards Asuka. Instinctively, the woman slowly retreated, until she was backed against the wall and could retreat no more. The face of Rei filled her vision, and then seemed to swim into her. The world went blank, and those words seemed to echo in a hollow place without time. "I will show you…"

Asuka felt herself fall, and then she knew nothing more.


	9. Spake on Yon Black Day

Asuka woke to Rei leaning over her. She was lying on her back, on the floor, with her arms flung wide. She was gurgling slightly, thanks to the abundance of saliva that had built up in the back of her throat. "Asuka…" Rei was saying quietly, nudging her shoulder, "Are you all right?"

The woman gazed at Rei in vague wonder, then up at the ceiling. With a rush of adrenaline, the memories of last night came to her, and she sat up with such suddenness that Rei squawked and fell backwards. Asuka stared ahead, her mind a jumble of confusing images. Tall trees, strange little towns. Asphalt that was cracking like melted chocolate. They washed over her, and she had to slap her forehead to focus her thoughts. She inhaled a deep breath, and turned to Rei.

"I'm…sorry?" the girl offered meekly, confused by Asuka's antics. A sudden ache came to Asuka, looking at the girl. The copy, the girl who was not real.

You cannot be a human to be a god.

No, no, she was real. She was no figment, not like that mimsy that came to her last night. She forced a smile, and patted one of Rei's knees reassuringly. "Just had a hard night, is all," she said. "Weird dreams." Rei smiled nervously, an expression that made Asuka want to cry, but seemed to accept that.

The wave of uninvited emotions came and went, and they were Asuka and Rei again. The woman banished the memories of last night and slowly worked her way to her feet, smelling bacon. "Who's cooking?"

"Misato," Rei said, hopping up to steady the older woman. She had pins and needles from her awkward sleeping position.

"Rei, I know you didn't live with us, but I thought you would know that you don't let Misato…" Asuka began.

"Oh, it's okay," Rei said, cutting her off. "Strict instructions. Just bacon, one skillet and one pair of tongs. No curry, beer, or soda."

Asuka snorted, and worked her way down the hall. Misato was perched over the stove with intent, her tongs at the ready. "This is very boring," she grumbled, her lone acknowledgment that Asuka had joined her.

"You're doing fine…go ahead and flip those," Asuka said, pondering the strips of pork. Rei had settled at the table with a bowl of mango slices, having settled comfortably back into a vegetarian diet. She had learned where she could find fresh vegetables and fruit down at market, and she had stocked the pantry to the seams. "That's a lot of bacon for two," Asuka noted.

"We need to eat up," Misato said cheerily. "You have to get your energy back up, and I need to get ready for a job interview."

"A…job…how long was I asleep?" Asuka mused, turning to Rei.

"Look, here's what I figure," Misato said happily, continuing to talk as Pen-Pen entered the apartment via the front door. Asuka realized she hadn't even noticed him absent the night before, and she and Rei watched as he waddled towards the bathroom, newspaper tucked firmly under one wing, and disappeared behind the door. They exchanged glances, and an unspoken agreement along the lines of 'if I didn't see it, you didn't see it,' and turned back to Misato.

"I have all this experience in NERV, right? And I bet you guys need all sorts of military types to help sort out this Mad Max world!" She waved the tongs with flourish.

"Didn't we talk about this already? I feel like we talked about this already," Asuka murmured. Did they? Rei took that as a hint to pour a cup of coffee for her.

"And you're friends with that Hikari squirt, and she's one of the shakers and movers in town, right?"

"Shakers and movers?" Asuka squinted at her.

"Look, point is, she can set me up with a uniformed outfit, right? Someplace where my security skills can actually be of use?" Misato fixed Asuka with a scrutinizing eye as Rei handed her a cup.

"Eh…well, yeah, I suppose."

"Great. Put on your best clothes then, because we're job hunting today!" Misato declared, her bacon beginning to smolder.

* * *

"Why so eager to be in the Militia, or the Constabulary? Why not…you know, work with me, and Kensuke?" Asuka asked as they checked in at that front desk for the Directory. She had called ahead to warn Hikari of their impending visit, and she was eagerly getting together paperwork, pamphlets, every possible thing she could need to sign up Misato then and there. That was probably a good idea, all things considered…it was crowded today.

"Believe it or not, I like the structure of a military environment," Misato said.

"I don't believe that," Asuka said dryly.

"Just because I'm slovenly at home doesn't mean I don't like order elsewhere in my life," Misato sniffed. "There's something to be said about working in a chain of command. Everyone knows where they are on the pecking order, you have that enhanced sense of professionalism. It's a quality work environment, especially for me. Besides," there was a glint in her eye at this, "I'm very good at what I do. Why shouldn't I keep doing it?"

As she spoke, Hikari appeared as if by magic, making her way past suits and uniforms. She was all smiles, and Asuka made a face at her. She looked entirely too pleased with herself this morning.

"Good morning!" Hikari said happily, "I'm so glad to see you out and about, Misato. And you actually got Asuka along, as well!" She gave her friend a wicked look, and Asuka scrunched her nose at her. "So you want to serve and protect?"

"Or subjugate and subvert, whichever is more convenient," Misato said breezily.

"Not doing a lot of that, right at this time," Hikari teased, "But we have a great need for experienced individuals in the Militia, the Constabulary. _Especially_ the Militia. We are shy on commissioned officers, and there's grumblings that we'll need an active core of full-time troops to keep training and readiness standards high."

"Sounds like something up my—" Misato began.

Asuka shuddered involuntarily at the sound of gunfire. It was very loud and very rapid, coming from past the front desk. It sounded like a machine gun.

"Down!" Misato snapped, and Asuka obeyed. Misato forced Hikari to the ground as the gunfire continued. There was no panic yet, and no screaming. It had yet to register on the minds of everyone what was happening. Asuka turned and looked towards the door. Two men in body armor with automatic rifles were advancing into the entry hall, firing indiscriminately. There was already a small cluster of bodies on the floor, the dead and dying.

"Stairs!" Asuka snapped, pointing to a nondescript door that led to a stairwell. Misato pulled Hikari up as the panic began to settle, and armed guards rushed forward. All those in uniform at the front desk had died before they could react, but they were more in the building, and all of those on the first floor carried submachine guns. They were going to get caught in a crossfire, and fast.

Asuka scrambled ahead as a dull rumble filled the hall, the sound of many people running in different directions. Strangely, there was no screaming. There was shouting, and some moaning here and there…but no screaming. It was as though everyone was in a dream, and following the imperatives of that fake reality.

The three women were entering the stairwell when the response came. Asuka glimpsed back to see the two men take a fusillade of fire, but continue advancing. They wore what looked like full body explosives disposal smocks with high neck guards, and full face plates under their Kevlar helmets. They were shrugging off gunfire in a way that mere body armor should not allow them to. Asuka turned away and pushed up the stairs behind Misato and Hikari as a crowd rushed the stairwell, following them up.

"There's panic chambers on the second floor," Hikari said, regaining some of her composure. They hustled up the steps as the small crowd gathered behind them inevitably drew the attention of the attackers. The heard the pinging of bullets even as they made it to the second-floor, and the screams of the dying below. They hurried through the door, and Hikari led them down the main corridor to the first side corridor on the right.

"I wish I had a pistol," Misato snarled.

"It wouldn't do you any good," Asuka said, "They're too armored. I think they might be drugged, as well."

"What makes you say that?" Misato asked as they rounded a corner and found one of the panic chambers at the end of the exterior hallway on the right. It could fit around thirty people, or fifty if they held their breath, and was designed specifically for this kind of a situation. People were already hurrying into the designated space.

"They were taking too many shots and not reacting. They seemed too focused," Asuka explained, as Hikari did her thing and began herding and hurrying people into the space. Misato and Asuka stood to the side, listening to the battle raging below. When it seemed no one else was coming, the three women stepped into the designated space, and someone pulled the panic bar on the wall. A klaxon sounded, and a sheet of clear material descended from the ceiling, sealing them in.

It was absolutely silent, save for the hum of the ventilation units that circulated the air. They were around forty people or so crammed in the space, with Misato, Hikari, and Asuka leaning against the panel. Asuka felt her heart pounding, but she wasn't afraid. After facing the worst of the Angels, a man with a pistol was little to concern yourself with, especially when he was on the other side of bullet-resistant material. She did feel a heightened sense of things, though, a perception of the many small minutiae that surrounded her. The breathing of the small crowd. The grinding of Misato's teeth as she was forced to do nothing. She could even hear Hikari's heart, her friend practically pressed against her.

She looked into the corridor, and saw Rei there, the phantom Rei, still and silent, but somehow transparent. Asuka froze, staring at the figment and feeling a wash of emotions. One word rattled in her head, and she bit her tongue at its presence.

Shinji.

Her hand balled convulsively. She had banished thoughts of _that_ from her mind along with the cruel implications of what Rei was, and that nasty, niggling worm of _doubt_ squeaked back into her waking thoughts. The images came again. Trees. Mountains. Faces she didn't know. Roads.

Street signs. Dead buildings. Hands…hands in front of her, familiar hands. They used to be thin, but now they were calloused, worn. She swallowed, recognizing those hands. She realized she was seeing the world from Shinji's eyes. The last things Shinji had seen before…what was it that the figment said? Passed beyond sight?

The pieces were coming together, heightened by her adrenaline, heightened by the stress of the moment. It all came apart when one of the attackers rounded the corner, focusing her attention. He was dragging his feet, seemingly half-asleep, and his rifle hung loose in limp fingers. He slowly turned his head, ponderous and insect-like in it's armored mask, and saw the clear panel of the panic room. A small moan rose behind her, and she felt a relief of pressure as people backed away from the panel. Misato stood firm, though, daring the man to do something. Asuka stood as well, strangely curious.

He raised his rifle, and fired. The panel did its job, and a score of white spots stitched along the blast-resistant screen. Still, there was a small cry of shock from everyone, and Asuka flinched on instinct. He emptied his magazine, ejected it, and slowly retrieved another one from his belt. He tried to seat it into the magazine well, but couldn't. He dropped both the rifle and magazine to the floor, and slowly drew a pistol. Lurching towards the panel, he began to fire shot after shot.

All the occupants of the panic space were huddled and looking away, willing the attacker to vanish. Hikari had her eyes closed, and was mumbling what seemed to be a prayer. Misato and Asuka, however, watched unflinchingly. Misato was angry, and defiant, but unafraid.

Asuka, however, felt…curiosity. And something like pity…why, she couldn't say. l. Further, he seemed…lost. Almost childlike, now. The horror of what he had done, was doing, seemed divorced from the way he behaved. It was like a puppet losing his strings, collapsing in on himself.

The attacker seemed delirious now, and shucked his high, protective collar. He was no longer firing, and placed a palm against the glass, watching everyone inside. From this close, Asuka could see he had very brown eyes, which seemed to be fully dilated. He began nudging one of the pockmarks his bullet made with the muzzle of his pistol, seemingly entranced by the act.

"You were right," Misato said, "He's doped up to his eyeballs. I bet he and his buddy took a full cocktail of drugs before coming here. Cocaine, probably, and caffeine…"

"They didn't plan on living," Asuka said, noting almost absently the three Constabulary Response operators skirt the corner. It was muffled, but she could hear them order the attacker to lay down his weapon. She was thinking that they should have probably just shot him (appalling as that thought was to her), but with his back to them, it was an opportunity to take him alive.

He made a half-hearted attempt to turn and fight, and they opened fire. He fell against the panel under the hail of bullets, but still did not die. As he pressed against the panel, Asuka watched as he placed his handgun against his neck and pull the trigger. A wave of crimson splashed against the screen, and he slid down numbly.

Asuka stared at the body, seeing the operators advance in her peripheral vision. The image of a burning cloud on a hill filled her mind, the half-seen shape of a man in the midst of it. The ringing, the pain, the fear of that day returned to her.

"Well," she murmured as the constables began to clear the body, "I guess that wasn't the end of it."


	10. To Mend After

Toji nuzzled Hikari, whispering something to her. She nodded, her eyes closed and her hands folded possessively on his and laying in her lap. Misato was talking to a Constabulary operator in full body armor: she was not in uniform yet, but it was clear that she was in charge wherever she went. Asuka listened to that with half an ear while focusing on Toji and Hikari.

He glanced over at Asuka, and nodded towards the coffee maker. "Tea or coffee?" she mouthed.

"Cocoa," he mouthed back, his other hand kneading a spot on Hikari's neck. She pressed her head against him, insistent that whatever he was saying, he keep saying it.

Asuka went to the coffee maker, which was right now empty of grinds. Instead, it was pumping hot water to serve everybody's needs at the moment. They had not evacuated the Directory (which would have been unrealistic, given the size and centrality of the building), and were using this spot on the fourth floor as a recovery ward. Large portions of the first and second floor were roped off, and the business of government continued around the crime scenes.

Searching for an instant cocoa packet, Asuka felt Misato come up next to her. "That cop said that there's reports of other attacks coming in from other cities," she said.

"What kind of attacks?" Asuka asked, standing up.

"Things like this. Also, bombings, no rhyme or reason as to the munitions involved. One blast used conventional dynamite, another was Semtex. One was even improvised napalm…" Her face was hard, and her words cold.

"How many?" Asuka whispered. Misato shrugged. "At least five, but they don't know for sure yet." Asuka nodded, looking back at Hikari.

"I was thinking that these guys and that cache…that they were connected. Now, I know," she said with conviction.

"Was there any doubt?" Misato asked. Asuka shrugged, pouring the brown powder into a cup and filling it with steaming water. The pair returned to Hikari and Toji, and she took the cup gratefully. Cocoa and chocolate weren't exactly rare these days, but it was hard enough to get in quantity. As it was, the southern islands of Japan had adopted the kind of climate ideal for cocoa growing, thanks to the warmer climate in general. A year ago, that hot cocoa packet would have been unheard of.

Toji stood, favoring his left leg, as Hikari sipped her cocoa. He looked worn out: the Survey Corps had been running constant sorties to try and root out more of the caches, and he had a thin growth of stubble.

"I'll say it again: thank you both so much. Especially you, Misato," he said, smiling weakly.

Misato shrugged. "Maybe this means I get a job?" Hikari snickered, but it was brief. Twenty-three civilian employees had been killed, and seven uniformed personnel had also lost their lives. At least thirteen people were injured, and it looked like two of them would probably be joining the dead soon. Hikari was one of the most socially active people at the Directory; she had known all of them, and three of them were considered good friends. She was worn out, sad, and exhausted.

Still, Misato's attempt at levity was not unrewarded, and Hikari replied quietly, "You can be certain to get a good word in from me, that's for sure." She sipped a little more cocoa, and asked Toji, "Can you see if they're going to ask anymore questions? I want to go home."

"Sure, hon," he said, leaning over to peck her gently on the forehead and tracking down one of the investigative team. Asuka watched him distantly as he left, limping. Normally, he walked fine, but his left leg sometimes troubled him when he was tired, or stressed, or the weather changed to rapidly. He was two out of three of those things right now, and running on caffeine and junk food.

As he walked, he passed Rei, standing still in her school uniform, staring intently at Asuka. The woman grimaced, and turned to Hikari. "Hey, pal," she said, leaning over, "I need to take a moment. Where's the nearest restroom?"

Asuka wedged the door shut behind her when she was certain the bathroom was empty. She braced herself against it for a moment, breathing heavily. For a moment, she bared her teeth, a feral grin of anticipation and anger. She then pushed herself away from the door, and walked over to one of the mirrors. She leaned over the sink, and stared at her reflection.

"Talk to me," she murmured, but there was no response. "You've been following me all day," she sneered, "Talk to me, Wonder Girl. I'm waiting."

The silence lingered, and for a brief moment, Asuka thought that there would be no response. She merely studied her eyes, one blue and one red. The legacy of Lilith. Damn her.

"You have been given all that you need," Rei said from behind her. Asuka didn't jump, didn't even acknowledge her presence. "Why have you not left?"

"You've become demanding," Asuka murmured, tracing a thumb underneath the red eye. A childish part of her thought, unbidden, that it looked kind of fetching. She hadn't thought very hard about it for a long time, and the Figment's arrival had made her ponder these things more heavily now.

"You act like you do not care about Shinji," Rei said in her flat voice. "For a time, I even believed that. I granted him his time with you, as much as that hurt me."

"Are you capable of feeling hurt?" Asuka said casually. "Or do you cut it off and cram it into a puppet so you don't have to?" That was an unkind thing to say in terms of _her_ Rei, but she felt like leaving some low blows. If the Figment was capable of feeling insulted, that was: indications pointed to no.

"You are trying to deflect the issue. You have been told where Shinji has headed. You have not gone. You let him go without stopping him, and you have not made any attempt to find him. Why?" the Figment persisted.

"I can't believe we're having this conversation," Asuka snarled, whirling. The Figment stood meek and mild, unassuming and unthreatening. "What have you been doing? _Watching_ us? Were we some…sort of…little _project_ for you? Is that how you get your jollies off sitting on the pearly throne?" Asuka had known she was capable of killing. She knew she was capable of anger. She knew she was even capable of hate. She hadn't felt those things in a very long time, however, and now that combined in full force inside her. How she hated! "I could kill you right now. I could cut your head off right this minute and sleep like a baby tonight!"

The Figment said nothing for a moment, and finally said, "I see that you are ready to burn down the world again, as I suspected. This is a good sign, I think."

A lump of cold ice formed in Asuka's stomach. She thought of a half-seen shape, moving in the white smoke of burning phosphorus. Other, unbidden, wormy thoughts came to her mind.

"I hate you," she said quietly, "I call it a _need_, I hate you so much. I could give up…_breathing_ just keep hating you."

"Why?" the Figment said. "What have I done that has hurt you so badly? That I watched those who were my friends live on this world, when I could not? That I gave you both the chance I could not have for myself? Did you think I gave you Shinji only because I cared about him?" That surprised Asuka, and she blinked at that, feeling herself pull back slightly. "I wanted him for myself. I wanted him so much…it cut me. It cut me like glass." All the rage Asuka felt subsided. There had been no change in the tone, but she was stunned by such open honesty from the Figment. The color of the words.

Why was she so furious? What had the Figment done? Cast Rei into the world? That made her mad, true, but why? Not _this_ mad, surely.

"You loved him," Asuka said quietly. She had figured that, figured it for a long time. It was almost the bedrock of their contention in the past, among other things.

"I…do love him," the Figment said. "I could never rid myself of that. I did try. I thought I succeeded. It is like a virus. It will not leave me."

Asuka cocked her head to the side, and looked at the window on the far side of the bathroom. "You love him, too," the Figment said frankly. "I see the way it eats at you. All you have is the rhythm. You do not even care for that anymore." Asuka swallowed, and walked over to the milky white glass. She couldn't be angry at that invasion of privacy. There was no maliciousness in it. Not even bitterness.

"And yet you stay," the Figment said. Asuka swallowed.

In a trembling voice, she murmured, "You know a lot about me. You know why I'm staying."

"I would not say it," the Figment answered, but Asuka shook her head. "You need to say it," but still Asuka remained quiet. There was a moment's silence lingering, and from her elbow, she heard the Figment say the words she was avoiding.

"You are afraid."

Asuka sighed, feeling as though a great weight had been lifted. "Yeah," she said, quietly, "Yeah. Maybe."

"I do not understand why, though," the Figment said. "These feelings are confused to me. I cannot read the why or how of them. You are not afraid for yourself. You are not afraid of what is out there."

"I am _afraid_…" Asuka managed, "Of what I _do_ when I am out there." She looked at the Figment, who was the picture of innocence. "I am afraid of what I _become_ when I go out there." She shrugged. "I'm tired of killing things. It used to make me happy, you know? Genuinely thrilled. I loved it. All of it." Her mouth worked without sound for a moment, and she bit her tongue to manage it. "How is that normal?" she said. "That's sick. That is a sickness."

"You are not sick now," the Figment said.

Asuka laughed. "Oh, please, we've been sick from the day we were born! Look at us. Shinji was just a…shadow. Everyone's sock puppet and whipping boy. You had the emotional range of hammer. I…" she shuddered. "I was wrong. I was all sorts of wrong."

The Figment looked past Asuka, considering this. "You asked Shinji to stay."

Asuka flinched. "I think you mean 'begged.'"

"I was being generous," the Figment said, and Asuka smirked. "You asked him, and he still left. Did that seem like someone who would be pushed around?"

"That's not the point!" Asuka snapped. "He left me! He left me again!" She stared at the Figment, feeling blown open. "I _know_ why he didn't help me on…that day. I know why. I even managed to _forgive_ him for it, but…he _left_ me. Again." She scoffed. "It just felt like he was running away…"

"In a way, he was," the Figment said. "But it was more than that. Something drew him, and he had to go. I do not know what it was, but he did not want to leave. He felt he _had_ to."

Asuka processed that. "You know that for a fact? You can tell me that beyond a shadow of a doubt?" The Figment nodded, surprised that Asuka was even asking. "Huh," Asuka murmured, "That actually makes me…feel better. For some reason. Thanks."

"You are welcome, I suppose," the Figment replied. She leaned over, to get a better look at Asuka's face. The woman said nothing, leaning her head against the window.

"You should not be afraid of what you will do," the Figment said. "You are still you…but what you are is better." Asuka glanced over at the Figment, but she was gone. She heard a pounding on the door, and she shook her head, unbarring it. A few women and a Constable stood on the outside.

"What the hell d'you think you're doing?" he snapped. "People still need access to this room."

"I'm sorry," she said, brushing past him. "Just needed to be alone."

"We have offices sequestered for that," the Constable called after her. She found Misato and Hikari again, still seated where she had left them.

"I'm back to the apartment, okay? See you there," she said to Misato, and booked it before they could say anything.

"Hey, what…um…okay, bye," Misato said, surprised.

Asuka didn't hear her. Her mind was full, and her heart was reeling. She was making plans, though. She had a lot to do. She had to go find Shinji, after all.


	11. Chasing Figments

When Misato got back to the apartment, she found Rei outside of the door to Asuka's room. "Please open the door," she was pleading. "Talk to me, Asuka!"

Misato placed her hand on Rei's shoulder. "What's going on?" Misato asked.

"She just came home and locked herself in her room," Rei stammered. "I can't get her to talk to me."

Misato tried the door, nodded to herself, and pushed Rei back behind her. Without any preamble, she slammed her foot forward against the door jamb, sending wood and molding into the room as the door swung in.

"What the hell!" Asuka snapped, rising in an instinctive half-crouch from the floor, ready to fight. Laid out on her floor was an unassembled ruck plan, load bearing vest, various clothes and tools in neatly organized piles. There was also a handgun, an assault rifle, and stacks of magazines. Asuka had been in the process of loading fresh ammunition into one, and her rising motion had knocked over the box and scattered the bullets on the carpet.

"What is this? Asuka, what the hell is going…do you keep ammo in the apartment? You had _firearms_? Why didn't you tell me?" Misato's tone became petulant, even hurt. It was simply common courtesy to let guests know where the armory was, at least as far as Misato was concerned. In truth, she was also impressed, wondering where in the small apartment Asuka had kept them without her finding them…when it came to gun oil, Misato could be a bloodhound.

"What is going _on_!?" Rei said in a more shrill voice, pushing past Misato. Asuka stood fully erect, an expression of surrender on her face.

"I'm…going out. For a bit," she said sheepishly.

"For what, a safari? Hunting pirates?" Rei said, her voice becoming more shrill.

"Seriously," Misato insisted, "Where did you keep the weapons? Are there more?"

"Misato, stop!" Rei said, upset and confused. "Asuka, what are you _doing_?"

Asuka sighed, squinting up her left eye as she sniffed loudly. It was the kind of thing someone did when trying to gather their thoughts, and she wasn't quite able to do that very well. Instead, she resigned herself to telling…as much of…the truth as possible.

"Okay…there's no simple way to put this, but…" She sat down on the bed, and continued to load the magazine. "I have reason to believe that Shinji is in trouble, and I'm going out to find him."

"In trouble? Shinji?" Misato said seriously. "Where? How…how did you find out?"

"I can't say," Asuka said, "For a lot of reasons, so don't push it. All I know is, Shinji has been gone for…a bit too long, and I've received indications that something has happened to him. It might be nothing, but…it might also be bad. Very bad. I have to go check it out."

"Why?" Rei said, "Why you? There's…security forces. Why not tell them what you know?"

"That's not going to happen," Asuka said, and Misato found herself agreeing. Rei still seemed confused.

"You didn't tell her what happened?" Misato asked. Asuka shook her head.

"I came straight to my room," she admitted, putting aside the full magazine. Rei glanced up at Misato, a questioning look on her face.

"The Directory was attacked today," Misato explained. "A lot of people got killed. Same thing happened in five other towns. The security forces are going to have their hands full figuring out who was behind it and why." Rei's mouth dropped open, and she glanced back at Asuka.

"It wouldn't matter if they had all the time in the world," Asuka insisted. "I'm the only one who can find him anyway." She leaned on her knees and linked her fingers together, looking up at them.

Rei shook her head. "Asuka…this is…Misato, do something!" The woman looked at Rei, and then looked at Asuka. Her eyes were solid, and insistent. It was it that moment that it really occurred to Misato how much Asuka had changed. The well-muscled woman who looked back at her was still a fragile girl, in many ways. You couldn't hide that kind of damage. There was also a tempered steel there, however. It was the kind of sand that didn't allow fragility to hinder what needed to be done. It was a person who had made up her mind. She was going to do something, even if it killed her. Misato knew that look, knew it well, and was familiar with what lay behind it. She rebelled against her resistance to Asuka's determination briefly…but only briefly.

Misato stepped through the items on the floor, picking up some of the bullets. "You're using 7.62 rounds with an AR frame?" she asked. "Those are some heavy rounds. Begin dropping off at 250 meters."

"Those rounds have a better powder mix," Asuka explained, "And the barrel's custom built for a tighter spin on the bullet. I can tease 350 meters of accuracy out of it."

Misato picked up another magazine, then began loading rounds into the magazine. "That's a fancy weapon, overall. Will it take punishment?"

"The furniture is an advanced polymer, and the holographic sight uses a solid red point on glass that can be adjusted. Neat little trick that was thought up two years ago," she said. "It'll be hard to break, and easy to maintain."

Rei shook her head, feeling uneasy. "This is wrong," she insisted. "This is a bad idea. This is…" She had run out of words, and she was more upset by this than she could understand. She turned and hurried into her room, and slammed the door.

* * *

Rei hadn't locked her door, Asuka found as she tentatively opened it. Rei had been pacing in her room, too agitated to sit and to unhappy to leave.

Asuka closed the door behind her. "I'm leaving in the morning," she explained. "I've called Kensuke to come and give me a ride out to the airfield. Toji will take me the rest of the way by bush plane."

"I don't understand this," Rei stammered. "I don't understand this."

"Misato's taking up the lease on the apartment," Asuka continued patiently. "I've asked Kensuke to transfer my cut of the business's profits over to you."

"I don't want that!" Rei replied, "I want you to tell me why you're doing this? Why now? What…what did you hear about Shinji?" It occurred to Asuka how unfair this had become for Rei. The encounter with the Figment made it more clear to Asuka that this Rei was having difficulty dealing with emotions that she had never had to deal with before. It also struck her how quickly Rei had become attached to Asuka, as well.

"There are…things I want to explain to you. I can't right now, for…well. I just can't, at the moment." Rei sat down on her bed with a huff, and Asuka made a face, knowing she was muffing it. She sat next to Rei, and the girl tensed. Asuka said, "Rei, please understand. This is something I have to do. If I could explain it better, I would. All I know is, this is the first thing I've heard of Shinji in a long time. I have to follow up on it. It's who I am, now." Asuka rubbed Rei's back, and the girl relaxed slightly.

"You've…gone out there before," Rei murmured.

"Yes," she said.

"And you've come back. Every time."

"Every time."

Rei nodded. She sighed, closing he eyes. "You'll come back this time?"

"Of course," Asuka said. "I always come back."

Rei swallowed. "Bring Shinji back this time, right?"

"Right," Asuka said, smiling. Rei nodded, and they sat in silence. They didn't know what else to say; it had all been said.

* * *

The next morning seemed to go very slowly. Asuka had her door wedged shut and tried to sleep, but instead, she lay awake all night. She had a vague idea where she needed to go, but the images in her mind were still scattered and uncertain. She had a vague sense of where to begin. She had told Kensuke to ask Toji to set a route to the only area that stuck out in her mind, that all the other thoughts seemed to orbit around. Aside from that, though…

It was foolishness, all things considered. If she stretched her supplies, she could make it seven days into the bush on foot. Maybe even fourteen, if she stretched her food and water rations. After that, though, it would be a scrabble to find anything to live on. Water inland had generally cycled LCL out, and constricted it to the oceans, but there were still issues of toxicity, bacterial and other saturations. Then there was simply trying to find food. Wildlife had managed to make a comeback, but hunting was not how one made a reliable diet. Starving to death was a real possibility.

Assuming she didn't get sick, first. Or suffer a broken leg. Or get injured by a potentially collapsing structure. Or nicked and murdered by any one of the many groups still wandering around out there, free of law and order. That always held a special concern for her. You could avoid many dangers, but the ones that could hunt you down were of special concern.

When morning finally came, she rucked up and crept through the apartment. Misato was still asleep on the couch, and Asuka peaked into Rei's room. She was asleep on the top of the bed, having made a grand effort to keep awake and failing. Asuka considered waking her, and thought the better of it, and left the apartment. She went down the steps, and out to the curb to wait for her ride. She waited for thirty minutes before a small, red vehicle pulled up next to her.

Kensuke stepped out of his car, leaning on the roof. "Not that it matters, but I suppose I can't talk you out of this?"

"Nope," she said with a sneaky smile, walking around to the open trunk and slinging her ruck into it.

"And the fact that you are going to only the most vaguely referenced point in the middle of truly uncivilized territory on little more than what I would call a hunch…it is a hunch, right?" He slid back into the driver's seat, fixing her with his baleful eye.

"Sure, a hunch," she replied tartly, resting her rifle between her knees muzzle down.

"Ah, good. A hunch. So, you're gallivanting off into the wild blue on a _hunch_ with no idea as to how you'll resupply, where you're going…have you planned any of this?" Kensuke started the car, but didn't drive out just yet.

"I packed," Asuka offered.

"You packed," he muttered. "Great. So I take it the profits to Rei is a living will, right?"

"The hell it is," Asuka sneered. "I just want her taken care of until I get back."

"_If_ you get back."

"_When _I get back," she said, pointing at him.

"Well, hope springs eternal," he muttered. She made a face at him, licked her finger, and jabbed it into his ear. "Lay off!" he grumped, swerving on the empty road.

* * *

The airfield Toji was based at was not one of the former airfields or international airports. It was a rough-cut field on a large, flat expanse of land. The structures were simple, but durable, and reliable. The planes based here for the Survey Corps tended to be of a smaller variety, and designed to take off with very short runways. She's seen Toji take one of these planes from a stand-still to practically straight up in the air, like a kite alighting on the wind.

Such a ride would be perfect, considering a helicopter may or may not have the range she needed, and she had no intention of jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft. They were allowed onto the field, both being familiar contacts for the Survey Corps, and Kensuke drove them to one of the four hangers holding aircraft, as some planes were already taxiing up to take off. Inside were a myriad of craft, and Toji stood next to one prepped for launch, glowering.

"You tried to persuade her?" Toji he asked as they stepped out of the vehicle.

"Tried and not trying anymore. _You_ try," Kensuke snapped. Asuka ignored both of them, circling to the boot and retrieving her ruck.

"I don't suppose the hell Hikari is going to put me through will matter to you," Toji grumbled.

"I think it's adorable, and I hope that she broils you alive," Asuka said sweetly, walking past him and loading her ruck into the plane. It was an ugly, boat-shaped thing, tiny and brash in appearance.

"I'm going to get you for this," Toji growled at Kensuke.

"Me? What for?" his friend protested.

"You should have tranquilized her. If you did your job and stopped her cold, I would be broiled alive by Hikari," Toji snapped.

"Children, I have certain death waiting for me in the wilderness, so if we could hurry along?" Asuka called.

"I'll keep an eye on Rei," Kensuke called back, and Asuka waved her thanks. Toji waved him away, and stepped into the plane. He began the pre-flight check as Asuka strapped into the passenger seat and took the spare earphones and microphone. She stared out the window at Kensuke, leaning against his car as the propellers revved up and Toji began his communications with the tower.

As the plane began to roll out for its place in the queue to take off, Asuka's mouth went dry. She could back out now, she thought. It was an accident, really. Just a lark. A whimsy. She had been feeling mopey, and the need had grabbed her. She caught view of someone standing on the side of the field, unruffled by the wind. Rei stared at her, driving her on. The Figment was a tough taskmaster, wasn't she?

"The tower has given us permission. We'll do a short-take off. Call it a dress-rehearsal," he said through the radio. She gave thumbs up, and tested her straps. "Just do me a favor and don't chuck up on the instruments."

"Thanks," she sneered, as the plane leapt forward and up impetuously. She felt her stomach lurch as she went horizontal, watching the field fall away behind her. She inhaled deeply, calming her nerves. She couldn't calm them entirely, though. There was something waiting for her out there. What it was, she couldn't tell. She couldn't tell for the life of her.

* * *

The area Toji had been told to head to was in the northern part of the former Chubu region, which was still largely empty of human population. As they got closer, it felt as though something was tugging at Asuka's brain. It was as though someone was shouting directions, and she perked up listening. "That way," she said, pointing.

"You know, I'm on a very specific heading here," Toji's voice came through her headphones.

She adjusted the microphone again. "Just that way. Please go that way." He grumbled, and banked the plane to her directions. For about ten to fifteen minutes, they flew along the new path, before something buzzed in her mind. "I need to put down here," she said, looking at the low hills and wooded below. Forests had returned to large parts of Japan, part of the general twist of the climate in the world. It was warmer, moister. More wild.

"It looks uneven. I've landed on some dicey terrain before, but I need a little more flat expanse," Toji said. They both scanned the ground, before Toji tapped Asuka's are. "There," he said, pointing to an expanse of asphalt road. It was once part of the country's highway system, and now cut through the land forlorn and ignored. "That looks long and even enough. Let's take a peak, see if it works for our purposes."

They buzzed the roadway on their side, allowing Toji a chance to study the conditions. "No wires, no major potholes. No abandoned vehicles. Cracked, but still in good enough condition for a quick chance to stop and hop." He circled back again, and Asuka swallowed, a flutter of butterflies in her stomach. This had been the farthest north she'd come since before the Third Impact. This was the frontier. The Wild West. She breathed deeply, watching the road come up, closer, closer, then the bump and scrape of the plane hitting down.

The plane rolled to a halt, and Toji said, "I have to keep the propellers up. Do you think you can manage?"

"No sweat," she said, kicking her door open and undoing her straps. She hopped out, gathering her kit and moving them off to the side of the road. Still holding the rifle, hurried back and leaned into the plane. "I've got everything. Once I close the hatch, you're free to go."

"Good deal, Asuka," Toji replied. He leaned over. "For what it's worth," he yelled, "I figure I should tell you that I agree with what you're doing. Maybe not the method, but the goal…you have my vote." Asuka studied him for a moment, and nodded.

"Thanks," she hollered, patting him on the arm. "Fly safe!"

"And don't die!" he yelled back. She closed the hatches, and backed away from the thunder of the plane. She returned to her kit as Toji rolled with gathering speed down the roadway, then bucked up straight into the blue.

She watched as it circled away, a small white sliver on the blue and back south. She watched it quietly, slowly and methodically clipping her three-point harness to her rifle, and tightened the sling deliberately. By the time it was gone, she had her ruck on her back, and was ready to move. The question was, which way to move?

Asuka swallowed quietly, and looked around her. "Where now, oh great and terrible Oz?" she murmured. She gazed quietly along the road, at the trees blowing gently around her.

Something in her tugged at her, as if pulling her on a string. She gazed north, through the trees. "Hmm…that way. Cross-country, are we?" She felt her heart ache slightly, as if to emphasize the pulling. "Okay. Okay, Rei," she said. Hefting the rifle at the low ready, she began a light jog into the brush, and vanished into the tree line.

The road was quiet again, as though it had never been touched.


	12. Creep

It was about mid-day before Asuka decided it would be a good time to stop and reassess her surroundings. She had, not once, pulled her compass, going on instinct and just _knowing_ it was the right way. It was a strange sensation. Not an unfamiliar one, but a strange one. She was in the middle of a small grove of trees when the urge to halt came to her, and she glanced abut, wiping sweat from her brow.

With a lack of any meaningful cover, she considered a nearby tree with low enough branches for her to scale. Ditching the ruck and heavier equipment, but keeping the rifle and pistol, she retrieved a packaged meal, and removed just the main course. She scurried up the trunk, and propped herself in, keeping a wary out at as she dug into the cold ravioli. A heated meal was a luxury for the evening. Now it was imperative to move, so any lunch would be a quick one.

She still took great pains in how she ate. With the collapse of anything remotely resembling a civilization, the zoos that humans maintained fell into disrepair. In many cases, the animals simply died, but in others, creatures escaped, becoming intruders to a biosphere that was not theirs originally. Without coherent rivals, many of the invasive species took root. Apex predators were the worst: wolves and bears competed for territory throughout the islands. These were a kind of animal completely non-skittish to humans, and made a point of investigating all the strange scents humans carried. As it was, wolves could smell anything. Bears could, too, but Asuka worried more about the wolves. She had a nasty issue dealing with a particularly voracious pack, once. It had been her time of the month, and the aggressive creatures figured a single, solitary individual who smelt of blood had to be wounded or near death. They had been trailing her for two days before she saw the first one. She knew they were there, and had moved with purpose but not haste, not wishing to draw them into an out-and-out chase. When she finally found a good spot to make a stand, she settled in, and took potshots at them when they presented their grinning faces. She bagged five pelts that day, not a bad earning overall. It had been a scary experience, and not one she intended to repeat.

Her meal was finished quickly, and she slid down the tree. She made a quick cat hole, nice and deep in the loose earth, and dropped the trash in. She covered the hole, pounded the dirt down firmly, and scooted leaves and moss over it. She retrieved her gear, and continued on.

It was a warm day, and she felt the sweat prickle through her short hair. The ruck cut into her shoulders over time, but she didn't notice it. Rather, she took stock of the woods around her. The buzzing insects, the carpet of moss, the green, the glorious green. As much as it scared her, she had to admit that she enjoyed making these excursions. There was something liberating, undeniably fulfilling in the wild places. She stopped for a moment, simply looking, listening, smelling. She felt guilt to think it, but the sudden expulsion of man from this world seemed to have had a rejuvenating affect on the planet. It would only be a temporary reprieve, she knew, but it was a necessary one as well.

_Listen_.

Her head cocked, as something, somewhere called to her. She turned in place, willing herself to stillness with the world. _Listen_.

Somewhere in the world, something chimed. She inhaled sharply, raising the rifle up. The air around her seemed to have presence, pressing…she slowly crouched, unsure if it was danger or something else. Something more fundamental, more primal.

_Listen_.

The string tightened, and she turned advanced a few feet, to the edge of the trees, to look out over a small break in the forest that proceeded in opposing directions. She looked up, and saw old power lines, somehow still standing against the ravages of time. She studied the area cautiously, and saw something across the green grass that made her freeze.

The Figment stood in the trees, almost unnoticed, staring at her. "That way," she breathed, and shifted on her feet. In the military, this would be called a linear danger area…a spot in which crossing exposed you to potential observation or fire, with no cover or concealment. She bit her lip, wavering slightly, then slowly, carefully, began to cross the field. Four feet…then eight…fifteen.

She crouched, and listened. Only the wind spoke back to her, telling her of all that was calm. No strange scents, no odd sounds. She stood, and began to cross at a more natural pace.

At the center of the field, she felt the urge to stop. Someone…something…was watching her. She felt that prickle at her neck, a feeling she had had too many times before to ignore it. Feeling needles in her cheeks and fingers, she fought the urge to run, or move. Stillness was sometimes the best thing to do…broken movement. And yet, to halt in the middle of a crossing could be suicide. What if the eyes watching her observed through a sniper's scope? She was a big, tempting target. Please shoot me, she said. I'm a walking scavenger's dream.

She dared not move, though. That other part of her mind, the animal part that she had trusted her life to so many times, said to be still. She panned her vision left, and then right. The Figment was gone, so what was it that made her feel this…foreboding?

_Behind_.

Slowly, but with enough speed to imply control and deliberateness, she turned halfway to the left and looked back the way she had come. There, in the trees…a shape. She couldn't make it out, but there was clearly something sitting there, staring. She thought she could detect eyes, but that would be generous. It was just a shape…nothing more. Somehow, that made her more concerned.

Her rifle's barrel was now pointed back to the tree line, and she raised it in warning. She placed her sights over where the phantom had stood, but it turned and moved away. She sat still for a very long time, feeling the acute sense of how _alone_ she was out here.

Lowering the rifle, she backed the remaining distance to the other side.

* * *

Fighting the urge to move on, she instead left a deliberate trail. If someone or something was following her, she wanted to be sure of it.

Along the way, she saw, to the east, a good outcropping of rocks that would give her a clear view of the path she walked. Drawing her knife, she angled herself just _so_ to the rocks, and scratched a good, visible X into the bark. She sheathed the knife, and continued on her way. When she had gone good and far enough, she deviated from the trail she had set, and made a push for the outcropping, being much more careful to conceal her trail. She was comfortable in her progress…even if something should find this trail and follow it, she was confident she could set her hide in a way that would discourage an assault.

Coming up to the rocks, she made her way up into their comforting embrace, finding a good crag that she could nestle in without fear of attack from above or the sides. Arranging her ruck for cover, she lay out her sleeping pad, pulled her binoculars and their mount, and sighted them on the X. Perfect view. Judging her own tracks, visible even from here, whatever was behind her had either failed to follow or had passed already, being much more careful to conceal _its_ tracks.

Either way, Asuka just felt too jittery to go on with something at her back.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching that X, waiting for the mysterious shape to make its appearance. By the time dusk had turned the sky hazy, Asuka made the decision to spend the night here, as it was such a defensible place. She decided a light snack for dinner would be preferable, allowing her to hide her trash without stirring up a scent. It would be fine…she had spent so much of the day stationary, that she had fewer calories to replace.

The night came with the creeping cautiousness of a child, blanketing the earth in blue and then black. It was still a bright night. The stars had no more light pollution to hide them, and the moon made the earth clear as day, full and glorious in the sky. The night also brought the cold, however, and she shivered in her clothes.

It was stupid, she thought. She was jumping at shadows, when she should be making progress north. She had wasted the better part of a day doing it. She was glad, all things considered. Best be careful than dead, and all. Still, she felt that time had been wasted, and she should have known better.

Her paranoia was then vindicated.

Something dark moved along the trail. Even in the brightness of the night, it was hard to make out the shape. It didn't move like an animal, but it didn't look like a man, either. It knelt over the spot where she stopped, curious, questing. She murmured to herself. She was not superstitious, but the Third Impact had brought a strange pseudo-reality to things. She was had gained a healthy mysticism, a respect for the surreal and unique, as it was. Fighting aliens in a giant being that possessed your mother's soul made you more accepting of things.

Despite that, Asuka prayed that whatever that was down there, it could appreciate the force of a rifle round the same way a bandit could.

As she made that little prayer, a second shape joined the first, and then two more. They seemed to commune for a moment, when one of them lifted a distinctly human arm and pointed at the X. As one, they turned in her direction.

She felt her teeth chatter, and her stomach ache. She squinted through the binoculars, staying very still. She knew that they couldn't see her from that distance, but that was a small comfort. They knew what a vantage point this was, and they knew that if someone was there, they had been made.

They stood very still, staring in her direction. "Conferencing," Asuka said aloud to no one in particular. They were most likely discussing an approach to the rocks.

As one, in a way that made her shudder, they split, two heading south, and two more heading north. Wasting no time, crept backwards and began to reassemble her kit with haste. She had to put distance between her and her pursuers, and fast. She would just have to keep cutting east for a ways, then shank north again. She knew that they would assume that she would try and keep to an area or trail she knew, but she had an advantage that they didn't realize. The string of the Figment kept her pointed true, no matter where she went.

Cutting through the dark woods, moving slowly but deliberately, she pondered who was after her, and why? Had she cut into someone's territory? Was it just bandits, or something more?

Had she entered a strange and less real place than before? She couldn't know. Not yet. The first thing to do was lose them, and then figure it out. If she was lucky, she wouldn't have to. It would be one of those strange mysteries, forever unsolved, but forever nonthreatening as well.

With that in mind, Asuka vanished into the night.


	13. Crimson Green

By the time the sun rose, Asuka was well into the Drone Zone. Her body was moving on instinct, and her conscious mind was floating above and away, coming down on the rare occasions she needed a less feral assessment of her surroundings. Repeatedly, she caught sight, in the distance, of the shadowy trackers. Their intentions could be mundane, but the doggedness with which they pursued her made her think otherwise.

At least once, she heard a pack of wild dogs in the distance, and shoehorned her trail away from them. They had begun to disappear with rising prominence of wolves, but wild dogs were in many ways more dangerous. They lacked the subtlety of wolves, and the complete disregard for self-preservation that a wolf had. She herself had been fortunate to never encounter a dog pack, but she always found the remains of their attacks. It was simply best to avoid the nasty creatures whenever one could.

When the daylight finally brushed her shoulders, Asuka paused, briefly. It was only long enough to take in the morning scents, and readjust to the changes in her environment, as the night simmered away and the daylight creatures began their shuffle. As she stood, something buzzed by like an irate insect, and a tree three feet to her right snapped as a small hole blew into it. She fell backwards, letting the weight of her ruck carry her, and she rolled into a nearby clump of ferns. Popping off the release tabs of her straps, she scurried under the cover of the bushes for about ten feet before risking her head up.

"Should have died my hair black," she murmured. Out here, her brilliant red hair, short as it was, would act like a beacon. In the very least, the intentions of her followers had been made clear.

Her binoculars were still strapped in a case to the ruck, but she had a single-lens monocle on her chest. Raising it to her eye like a telescope, she gripped her wrist to steady the view, and scanned a small patch of smoke in the distance, on a ridge she had been previously. She didn't see the shooter, but she saw one of the shapes coming up and over the ridge. It was still hard to make out, but with the brighter day, and seeing them in the clear, they appeared to be men, in form shrouding ghillie cloaks and hoods. Their faces were covered, and their eyes goggled.

"Not so mundane," she said, banishing the fears of the supernatural from her mind. That left the fears of the mundane behind, though. Men could kill her just as readily as monsters, and one of those men had taken a shot at her with no provocation. Only the great distance had saved her.

She scanned the area around her…it was generally flat, with many trees and chest level clumps of ferns, broken by deer trails, moss patches, and tall grass. This would be a good a place for an ambush as any. Asuka had no idea if there were more than the four she had seen following her…but she couldn't allow them to continue pursuit, especially if they were going to keep taking potshots at her. She glanced over at a tree that had a good vantage on the spot where here ruck was…that was the last place the saw her, so that's where they would head, to try and pick up the trail. She slithered over to the tree, and propped up just enough so she could command a view of the field.

Who were they? It was only a mild thought, but a pressing one. It was always a pertinent thought to wonder who wanted to kill you, but it was simply unknowable this far north. Death out here wasn't personal…it simply was. Still, their arrangement, the speed they had found her trail…

It was probably coincidence, but it still spooked her.

For thirty minutes, she braced against the tree, fighting the urge to close her eyes and sleep. She was exhausted, and the Drone Zone vibe was harder to hang onto when stationary. Her efforts were rewarded when she saw one, three…all four of them advancing in a wedge towards the spot she had been. She could make out their weapons now, the way they held them. A hodgepodge of hunting rifles, military carbines…all at the low ready. That, combined with the method by which they moved, indicated at least some military training.

The two at the center converged near the tree, scanning it as the flanks adopted an outer security position, one looking east, the other west. Asuka was only thirty or so meters to their north, and that was close enough. She raised her rifle slowly, and waited, sighting the one nearest her ruck. As she expected, he spotted it, and waved over his companion. When the second fellow was five feet away, she fired.

The advantage of a 7.62 round over a 5.56 round was not distance, nor was it the ability to pierce armor. The smaller, lighter round so popular with the old, pre-Impact NATO countries could travel well over two hundred meters more than a 7.62 round, and it's smaller size actually gave it an edge in piercing body armor. What it lacked was the coveted ability known as 'knock-down' power. A 7.62 was a hammer to the 5.56's needle. It didn't need to penetrate body armor, because it simply bashed the wearer to the ground. It demonstrated its further abilities in fights between unarmored opponents, common in the countries that so often used the 7.62. You could survive a 5.56 round if shot. In fact, you could take multiple hits from a 5.56 round and probably be all right. Asuka knew this for a fact, having seen a man hit in the head with the lighter bullet, get up, and keep running.

You would be lucky to survive a 7.62. And Asuka sent three four-round bursts towards her targets.

The first men collapsed with all the grace of a puppet whose strings had been cut. The second men skidded to a halt and fell to a crouch, a bad mistake. If he had gone prone, he might have survived. Asuka had already sighted him and fired as he fell, and he slid as though the earth had shifted under him. He did not stand up.

As soon as she fired, she was down and cutting east. The tree above her puckered under rifle fire. She made it to a second tree, and risked a glance up. They were being smart, now: the one with the military style carbine was laying down a steady stream of fire while the one with what appeared to be a bolt-action (incidentally, the one nearest to her) advanced in the high ready. Asuka rose to a standing crouch, and snapped of two targeted shots at the carbine wielder. The first zipped by his head, and the second impacted in the center of his forehead. At this range, she was not worried about a ricochet: that shot would have penetrated.

The other man froze and whipped his weapon around, snapping off a hurried hip-shot. She threw herself on her stomach, and fired three more shots. They penetrated a spot on her opponent's chest no wider than a child's palm, and he fell backward as though a cable had jerked him off his feet. She lay very still, her ears ringing from the weapon exchange. No shuffling. No movement. No return fire.

She stood, and slowly circled to each man, clearing the bodies as best she could. You really weren't supposed to do it by yourself, but when one had to, one did. By the end of it, she confirmed all four dead, at an expenditure of seventeen rounds from a thirty-round magazine. Asuka ejected the magazine (sixteen now, she told herself), and tucked it into the 'possibles' bag on her hip. Best not to leave a good magazine behind, and better still not to live a half-empty one. She loaded a fresh mag, and let her rifle hang loose as she began to line up the bodies.

* * *

She gazed at the men, laying on their backs shoulder to shoulder. She had removed their homemade cloaks, which were little more than strips of old clothing and loose cloth with leaves tucked into them, and studied them.

Four very ordinary looking men. They had the most meager of possessions and a varying assortment of military-style equipment. One bolt action rifle, one pump shotgun, two carbines, and a revolver. She understood, somewhat, why the strong pursuit. What she didn't understand was how they picked her up, or why they were so far out here.

There was nothing worth salvaging, and none of the bullets they had matched her weapons. All in all, a senseless, nasty little firefight where four men died.

That made more sense than she cared to admit; the world was now one of risk and reward. They had risked a lot for potential reward, and they had suffered for their attempt. That was that.

Asuka spat, tasting bile in her mouth. This journey had started off on a bloody foot, and that was a bad way to begin. She considered burying them, but that would already delay her longer than this firefight did. She did not want to linger her anymore than she had to, and if this was just an advance or scout party (likely considering their light load), she did not want to be around when their friends came looking.

As she turned to the north, she saw the Figment in the distance, a blue flame in a green world. Asuka grimaced.

_Look at how well I break things. Give me a match and I can burn the whole world down._

Asuka looked back at the corpses, wondering again briefly who they were. It didn't matter, really. They're story had ended that day, and something about that had left Asuka feeling strangely sad. She shook her head, and followed the Figment.

She headed north at pace, leaving the bodies and their mysteries behind.


	14. Footprints

For four days, Asuka followed the Figment. She encountered no other problems, and yet the dread of that brief chase hung over her. She slept fitfully, hearing things that weren't there and fearing another attack, another chase. The day didn't bring much respite, simply highlighting how isolated she was. She had never felt that way in all her years running salvage, and yet she felt so now. It was a new sensation, and one that felt too much like the Bad Old Days. The days when she was a Pilot.

She was in a truly foul mood pondering than when she encountered the road.

It was another asphalt road, cutting across her path to the north from a southwest to northeast direction. As she approached it, she felt that tug, like the needle of a compass, reorient to follow the road. She considered skirting the road, following it from the tree line, but her feet moved of their own accord, and she was soon marching down the open road in the sunlight. She felt much calmer about it than she had a right to.

Before long, she had cleared the forests, and could see what looked like a ramshackle collection of trash in the distance. She smiled, gratefully. Oh, thank God. A trade post.

* * *

Trade posts like this one were not uncommon in the north, but they were isolated from the government, and hard to defend and hard to live in. This one seemed prosperous, though: it had a well-built, if grungy looking, exterior wall, and there was a steady trickle of traders, scavengers, and pilgrims wandering through, all of them as armed (if not more heavily armed) than Asuka. Most of them were coming in from the east, which implied to her she had just walked out of more isolated area than even caravans were willing to wander. She felt like wringing the Figment's neck, wondering why she would have put her down so far to the south if she _could_ have put down here and avoided one hell of a headache! She snorted, but considered counting her blessings.

As she moved through the town, those blessings began to fade. It felt as though Shinji had been here, but she didn't even know the first person to ask. She had no photos of Shinji, something she had regretted every day since he had left, and it wasn't as if she could just describe him to every person she passed by. What's more, she felt the heat of eyes boring into her. Her red hair was attracting attention.

_Should have dyed it black_, she thought again.

"Hey!" a woman called, "Hey, Red!"

Asuka turned cautiously, and beheld a skinny woman holding a box full of wires. She was pretty, but had a nasty scar on her left cheek, running from the corner of her mouth up to her ear.

"Can I help you?" Asuka asked, neutrally.

"Are you Asuka? Asuka Langley Soryu?" the woman asked. Asuka squinted.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Asuka asked, turning to square up to her.

"You have to be," she went on, sounding pleased, "I can't think of any other red-headed round-eyes coming up this way." She smiled, and Asuka saw her left top incisor was missing. She studied the woman, unsure of whether this was a threat or not.

"I'm Yurie. Yurie Sato, local radio operator and general fix-it," she said, smiling. She bowed, and Asuka cautiously returned the bow. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I'm just…surprised to see you. It took me moment to figure it was you. Your hair is a lot shorter than I thought it would be though, but not the eyes. The eyes gave it away. Well…and the red hair of course!"

The woman was clearly trying to be friendly, but Asuka was feeling a strange rush of feelings, a mingling of confusion and hope. "How…how do you know me?" she asked.

"Shinji. Shinji Ikari told us about you. Heck, you could paint a picture off of the description," she replied, and Asuka's hope fanned hot.

"Shinji's been here? When? When was that?" Asuka asked. Demanded, really.

"Uh…six years ago, about!" Yurie gasped, backing up. Asuka realized she had advanced on the woman, practically bowling her over. She relaxed. Up until now, a part of her mind had figured she had simply gone crazy and accepted it. That this was her way of committing elaborate suicide and being fine with it. This was confirmation. Shinji had been here.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I've had a long week." Yurie nodded, still looking hesitant. Asuka continued, "I've been looking for Shinji. I have reason to believe he might be in some sort of trouble, so…" She petered off, feeling very tired.

Yurie looked at the wires, and back at Asuka. "I've been rude," she said, "I'm sorry. I bet you haven't had a bath or a hot meal in that week, right?" Asuka nodded, straightening up. "Follow me," she said, smiling gently.

* * *

The houseYurie lived in was part of the old town, the original inhabitants before it became a more profitable place. It wasn't very far from the trade district, and the walk was brief and pleasant. As they passed through, Asuka smelled food cooking, and her stomach grumbled. She also noted the bullet holes that pockmarked the walls of many of the houses. Before this town had become as prosperous as it was now, something bad had happened here.

"There aren't a lot of folks still here who remember Shinji, so you're lucky you ran into me," Yurie was saying. "He was a sweet guy. Some of the girls tried to persuade him to stick around, and I won't lie, I was one of them. I figured he wouldn't, though. Not the way he talked about you." Asuka felt her cheeks warm, but said nothing.

"I'm surprised he did," she said, following Yurie up to her house. She removed the ruck, and steeled herself for peeling her boots. Ideally, you should change your socks as often as possible.

She hadn't changed hers for the entirety of her trek up north, and knew she would pay for it.

"I kind of was, too. It was clear he was over the moon for you," Yurie said, opening the door and sliding out of her shoes. She entered with the box, still talking. "I kept wondering why he was going so far north if he felt so strong about you, but he wouldn't say." She came back, picking up her shoes and making a face. Asuka's first boot was off.

"I'm very sorry," Asuka replied, sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it. I actually have a working washer and dryer here. I was quite proud to get those up and running, let me tell you."

"You have working plumbing here?" Asuka asked, surprised.

"Occasionally!" Yurie said cheerfully.

* * *

Yurie was kind enough to forestall anymore conversation until Asuka had changed and bathed. It was only a bucket of warm water, but that was more than enough. She had been bathing with sanitary wipes for the past week, and even a bucket and a rag was a welcome relief.

Yurie popped in as Asuka was finishing up, announcing dinner. Asuka thanked her, and dressed in fresh clothes. The old ones were in the washer now, with a bucketful of cold water and some homemade soap. Dinner was simple, but hot. Chicken, rice, and some pickled vegetables, with some sake to wash it down. They sat in the living room, which doubled as a dining room. The house was simple, but filled with the odds and ends of a persons life. It felt like a home.

"So what is it you do here?" Asuka asked, stirring her chicken and rice together with her chopsticks.

"I'm the local radio operator, and general fix-it," she said, smiling.

"Radio operator? Were you doing that when Shinji came through?" Asuka asked, feeling suddenly hurt.

"Yeah, but we didn't have the range we do, now. I see that look you have there…that was the same look he gave. It was like he realized how far out he was," Yurie explained.

Asuka relaxed, but still felt bad. So close to hearing from him…she continued to stir her food, remembering his voice. Even after eight years, she couldn't forget it. It was just going deep when he left, but it was still him. Still Shinji.

"Here," Yurie said, hopping up from her chair and rummaging through a box on a shelf. She returned with four photographs. "Back when we still had film," she said, presenting them as if they were gold.

Asuka studied the first picture. Yurie stood with two other women, four men…and Shinji. He was still skinny, but the shirt he wore had no sleeves, and it was easy to see how cut he had become. Living rough could do that to you, Asuka thought mildly. His hair was cropped so close as to nearly be shaved off, but he had a beard and mustache over his shy smile. He looked like a fine-featured Gendo Ikari. "Shinji with a beard, I never," she murmured.

"I have a few more," Yurie said, handing over three more Polaroids. Shinji playing with kids. Shinji eating and cocking an eye at the camera. Shinji with his arms crossed, standing next to Honda.

"He looks good, at least," Asuka mumbled. Her eyes ached, and she realized her fingers were shaking. It occurred to her that this was the first time she had seen Shinji in eight years.

"I wasn't lying, you know: he talked a lot about you. It sounded like he missed you very much. I couldn't figure out why he had come so far if he missed you," Yurie said. Asuka put the pictures down, and wiped her face with both hands. She felt tears stinging her eyes. She didn't expect to be so moved by a photograph.

"I'm sorry," she grumped, sniffing. Yurie looked at her, suddenly feeling awkward. She perused the pictures, and it occurred to her that if Asuka had a picture of Shinji, she would have shown it to her for confirmation. Which meant she had none. The same thing popped into her mind as Asuka's.

"Keep this one," Yurie said, tapping the photo with Shinji and the children.

"I couldn't," she said, but Yurie shook her head.

"It'll help in your search. We were glad to know him, and if he's in trouble…I want to help." Yurie shrugged. "He had an affect when he came through."

"He's good when he wants to be, but he can be a real jackass sometimes," Asuka said, then laughed, remembering happier times herself. "I'm surprised you still think about him."

"He's a sort of reminder of the good days. Before…well…" She smiled sadly, her hand rubbing her scar. "Things got bad four years ago. They're much better now…but…they got bad."

Asuka didn't ask. She nodded, but didn't ask. She could think of countless scenarios that would have led to a scar like that, but they all involved a knife in one fashion or another. "It gives you character," she said gently, and Yurie nodded.

"You seem to be one that knows about scars," Yurie said, trying to lighten the mood. Asuka's eyes went distant.

"Huh…more than you know," she said. Somewhere, in a place where all ugly things were locked away, she saw crows circling above her.

_And We Shalt Be in Paradise_, she pondered.

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive," Yurie murmured. Asuka smiled, and shrugged.

"It was a long time ago," she replied. "I have more important things on my mind, now."

* * *

The next morning, Asuka cleaned her rifle, checked her clothes (still wet, would need another run through, of _course_), and thanked God again for futons. She had slept in the living room, happy that the couch could fold down into a real bed, and for the first time in a week, enjoyed a restful sleep that didn't include the fear of being mauled and eaten. It truly invigorated her morning rituals, which went over well with Yurie when she got up. Apparently, she was a morning person, and as happy as a chipmunk in spring. Asuka felt like that was a good omen for the day, for some reason or another.

At breakfast, Yurie apologized, as she had been trying to remember exactly which direction Shinji had gone in besides the general 'north,' but Asuka assured her it was all right. She had her sources, she said coyly. Yurie didn't know what that meant, but shrugged and continued eating. After breakfast, Asuka asked, "Yurie, are you now in range of any government posts?"

"We are as of two years ago."

"Can you leap-frog a message for me? To the Directory offices in Tokyo-3."

"Easily," she said. "Who's to receive it?"

"A woman named Hikari Horaki. I just want her to know where I am, that I'm safe, and to please check on Rei." Yurie got up to write down the names on a pad of paper.

"I'll send it today," she promised.

* * *

Asuka packed away her clothes when they were dried, and readied to leave. She thanked Yurie for all her help, and promised to pay her back the next time she came through. Yurie told her to think nothing of it.

"Anything you want me to say when I find him?" Asuka asked.

"Just tell him I said hi. Hope everything is fine. And he's an idiot for leaving you behind." Asuka smiled, and thanked her. She turned to head back into the trade area, in order to stock up on food. She doubted there would be any 7.62 rounds to her exacting quality, but hope sprang eternal. She gazed ahead of her, looking at the edge of the district which was starting to get its busiest, in the mid-morning hours.

She was fifteen feet from the first vendor when a man raised his arms over the crowd and exploded into light, heat, and nails.


	15. A Lesson On Living

It wasn't the physical force of the blast; there were too many people between Asuka and the epicenter. The sound itself wasn't deafening either, though it was a loud and pervasive spasm of force, a pop like a great firecracker. It did make her body jerk with an electric pulse, and she let the weight of the ruck carry her to the ground. She lay, not dazed but cautious, as the acrid smell of cordite and heated iron washed over her. There was a press of people rushing from the source, and a scream of terror rose up over the crowd. For a moment, Asuka feared being trampled, but the instincts of the crowd urged them into the stalls and buildings, and not down the open street.

As they cleared, she could see the detritus of the explosion. The dead and dying lay scattered around a smoldering black dip in the asphalt, which implied the bomb wasn't very powerful. It did it's work, however, and there was blood on the ground.

Unconsciously, she began to unbuckle her shoulder straps as a woman with four nails in her arm wandered by, blinking vacantly. Asuka stood up, panning her rifle over the scene and wondering idly what would happen next in a town with no official police and dozens of heavily armed residents and transients. The prospects seemed less than hopeful.

She began a cautious advance on the scene when she heard running behind her. Without thinking, she spun and dropped to a knee, lining up Yurie in her sights. The woman skidded to a halt, her hands up as though to defend herself.

Asuka's heart pounded as she flinched, flicking the rifle down. "I'm sorry, geez, I'm sorry!" she said, but Yurie was completely somewhere else at this point.

"Oh God, oh, sweet God, what happened?" she gasped. "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," Asuka grunted, standing up. "I was luck-" She stopped herself as the sound of a crowd gathering further down the street caught her attention. She turned as a dog would to a whistle, something in the note of the crowd ringing at her. It had an ugly tone. A mob's tone.

"Yurie, stay with my ruck," Asuka said, beginning a slow jog down the street.

"But…but…" Yurie said, seesawing between emotions.

"Stay with the ruck, I'll be right back!" Asuka was sprinting now. Her peripheral vision saw others joining her, those who were not sprinting the other way to help the wounded. As she advanced, she saw the outer edges of the crowd, all facing inward and screaming at something or someone. In the amoeba way that crowds do, the direction of their rampage shifted, and brought it towards Asuka, parting people and allowing her to see what was happening.

A man was being dragged and viciously mauled, his head covered in blood and a wild, frightened look on his face. His shirt had been torn open, and it was clear he had an explosive vest strapped to his chest. The crowd seemed to be fighting over him, the people on either side screaming at the opposition over his head.

"Oh, really, now," Asuka said, feeling that electric pulse give her a heeby-jeeby feeling as she realized she was running towards a man wearing _live ordinance. _The crowd seemed uninterested in stripping it off him, and she raised her gun in the air and fired two shots. That momentary thought trundled through her head of crowds of armed and panicky individuals.

The noise quieted, though did not dissipate, and she saw rifles and pistols rise over their heads, some pointed towards her and others anywhere they could aim. People did look, though, many people. With all those eyes on her, something old took over, something from her youth that had never really left her.

"THAT IS _ENOUGH_!" she screamed. She wasn't louder than the gunshots, but she was much more shrill, much louder than her audience, and her expression and tone cowed the lot of them. Like a ripple in the water, silence lingered to the back of the mob, and everyone had the sense that Someone Was In Charge now.

"That man is wearing live ordinance! Has anyone considered taking it off before it _goes_ off!?" she snapped in a tone that let them all know exactly what she thought of their mental faculties. There was a light murmur, and one of the newcomers that had arrived with her hustled forward with a knife, cutting the shoulder straps and gingerly removing it from the man. He did not fight back, as he was very nearly beaten to death.

"Take that to the North Field, Akibara," someone said, and the man and a crowd of three hurried away with the bomb. Everyone stood quiet, and it occurred to Asuka that they were waiting for her to speak next.

Never one to disappoint an expecting audience, she said, "What is going on? One person, _one_ person explain this to me." Fourteen or so began talking at once, and she fired a round into the air. "You!" she said, pointing to one of crowd manhandling the prisoner. "You talk, everyone else shut up!"

"We saw this fellow holding up his arms and saying something. We heard the blast back there, and he started pushing something in his hand. Nothing happens, so he starts getting panicky. Some of us put two and two together, tackled him, and saw the vest. This man was going to kill us," he said, and that earned a snarl of curses and threats.

"That doesn't mean we kill him!" someone shouted, "There are ways of doing things!" At that, the argument started up all over again.

Asuka held her rifle in the air, and decided she didn't want to waste anymore rounds. Sticking her fingers in her mouth, she whistled loudly and shrilly enough to make a few of the people nearest her cover their ears. "Are you aware," she asked, "That there were a series of terrorist attacks in the south a week ago?"

"Yes! That's why we need him alive," one of the individuals who clearly looked like an outsider said. There was still a grumble of curses and shouts, but someone had gathered two companions together, and was lifted up on their shoulders.

"Listen!" he shouted in a loud, reverberating voice. "We need this man alive! We need to ask him questions! If there will be more attacks, we need to know who is making them and why!"

"To hell with that," someone shouted. "We have dead and dying that way. Hang him! Shoot him! Set him on fire or cut him up! We want payment for that!"

"Then there will be more attacks and more blood when we could have stopped them here and now!" the first speaker pleaded. Asuka added her voice to that.

"We have to call the government, have them retrieve him, and learn why he attacked us and how to stop the next one," she insisted.

"You're not one of us, foreigner," a large man snapped. Asuka fixed a malevolent eye on him, as he continued his spiel. "We've lost people today, and we'll get blood back for that. Not you, not anyone is going to stop us."

She marched up to the man who was clearly the ringleader of the vigilante faction. He stood a few inches taller than her. She stared deep into his eyes, and said in a voice even she didn't recognize, "I am taking this man under guard. If you think you can stop me, then try."

His face scrunched up to respond, but he couldn't find the words. Something…something in her eyes, that red eye and blue eye…frightened him. There was someone in there he did not want to meet, and he felt that he needed to do anything at all to avoid that person. That feeling of fear began to spread from him to the rest of his group. Satisfied, Asuka glanced over at the faction for imprisoning. "Take him to the old police station," someone said, taking charge of the detail. "We'll keep him in a cell until the government response can come up."

The man was dragged away, and everyone wandered aimlessly for a moment before dissipating. Asuka turned to begin walking back to her ruck when someone came up next to her. "That was something, miss," he said, and she glanced over at him. He was older, and looked as if his back had been broken once. He still had an air of energy about him.

"I was at the Tokyo-3 attack," she explained. "I want it to mean something, you know?"

"I do and can sympathize," he said. "The name's Honda. Ito Honda."

"Asuka," she said, suddenly dazed and tired. She felt that her first name would be sufficient.

"Listen," the man said, "I imagine we'll be organizing a rotating guard for the man until the government can come to retrieve him. I think it would be a bad idea to use all locals, since the urge to get some vengeance might be a little compelling." She glanced at him, and nodded at where this was going.

"I think we should use some of out-of-towners mixed in, to keep us honest, and you look like you can carry yourself. Would you mind assisting us?"

"For how long?" she found herself asking, mentally kicking herself.

"I would say no more than a week. I imagine the response might even be quicker," he offered. "Could you manage? We'd pay you back in supplies."

Well…that was a plus. She needed those rounds and food, anyway. She felt a sharp tug from the Figment, but banished it. This was a loyalty call. Loyalty to Hikari. Loyalty to Misato. Loyalty to home. "I have someone I was staying with, I'll need to ask if I can abuse their hospitality for a bit longer."

"If not, I bet we can arrange something in a spare cell," Honda said. "The station is on the south side of the town. Come when you can, Miss Asuka." He bowed.

She gave a short bow back, and returned to Yurie. The woman was sitting on the ruck, her hands on her head. One of her neighbors was comforting her when Asuka returned. "Listen, Yurie," she said, hustling up, "I need you to send something else with my message…"

* * *

Yurie was very eager to have Asuka as a guest, as she was still rattled from bomb. Fussing over Shinji's lady friend gave her a means to cope and divert her attention from the bomb, and she set about sending off a request for aid and guarding Asuka's valuables.

Asuka herself hurried to the police station, which was easy enough to find. A small crowd had gathered, many of them she remembered as being the vigilantes. She gave them all an expression that was very clear in its intent, and they began to mill away. Satisfied, she hustled up the steps to the barred door.

She rapped on it, and a slat opened. "I'm Asuka," she said, "Honda wanted me to assist you."

The door opened, and a well-armed man waved her in. "Honda's not in at the moment," he said, "But the current head of the watch is a fellow named Hideki. You can find him in the cells. He told us to watch out for you."

Asuka made her way there, following the faded signs on the walls. There were a lot of armed men, some clearly locals and some clearly not. They're patrol patterns were haphazard, but they covered the grounds well, and it was clear they saw their job as important. When Asuka made it to the cells, she was briefly stopped by a larger man when the fellow named Hideki appeared behind him.

"It's okay…remember her from the crowd?" he asked. The man relaxed.

"Toji Hideki," he said with a slight bow. "Glad you could help us, Miss."

"Just tell me where you need me," she asked.

"Actually, here in the cells. I've been watching him myself, but I need a chance to walk the grounds. Considering you showed some clear thinking out there, I was planning on asking you when you got here." He smiled crookedly. "Everyone else is a bit jumpy."

"You're very trusting off the bat," she said.

"Not really," he admitted. "Ioda here will be watching _you_ watching the prisoner." Asuka snickered, amused at the thought.

"I won't argue," she admitted, stepping into the cell block. There was a chair set in front of one cell. She carefully crossed to it and looked in.

The prisoner was in a state. He looked absolutely broken, and he was more balancing on his cot than actually sitting. She gave a thumbs-up to Hideki, and he left the cells. Ioda closed the heavy door between them, an extra layer of security. She wondered why he wasn't in the block with her, or why there wasn't another guard to join her. Considering the tension outside, she pondered, they probably had everyone with a trigger finger looking beyond the wall. And having them in here…they might just get punchy in the wrong direction.

Asuka shrugged, and took the chair, laying her rifle across her lap. She studied the man, who leaned against the wall trembling and in clear pain. She puzzled over him; he looked soft and weak. Not the kind of individual who would murder people. Then again, the kind of individual who might be persuaded to blow himself up. For a while, they sat like that, her trying to understand the fellow, and him just trembling in pain.

"Why?" she asked, not realizing she had spoken out loud.

"Why what?" he murmured through broken teeth. Asuka cocked her head, aware now she had asked the question, and dove in.

"Why do it? Why the bomb? Why?" she asked. The man shook his head, turning his face to the wall. Asuka stood up, and advanced on the cell. "I was there. In Tokyo-3, when two men killed dozens. I saw it. I need to know why. Please tell me why," she insisted.

The man shook his head, and his face scrunched up. "I can't be here," he whimpered.

"What, here? In this cell?" Asuka asked.

"I'm…supposed to be in the Sea. We are all supposed to be the Sea." Asuka felt her neck prickle at that.

"In the Sea…" she intoned.

"He said…it was a mistake," the prisoner continued. "That we should have stayed in the Sea. We are meant to be in the Sea."

"Who said?" Asuka asked, gripping the bars.

"The Teacher," the man said. "The Teacher said. And he was right. Why did we come back?" He shook his head. "I didn't want to come back!"

"Who's the Teacher?" Asuka said, filing away the other part of his sentence for later. She felt an uneasiness rising in her.

"He said…we would bring happiness…by paving the way," the man explained. "We have to make the land level again. They'll understand in time…"

"Who is the Teacher?" she pleaded, louder.

"He gathered us in. He told us why we still hurt, and how to fix it." The man turned his face to her, his eyes suddenly lucid and focused. "We need to fix it. It hurts. It hurts so much! It's so…lonely. He showed us how to fix it!" His eyes filled with water, and his breath became ragged.

"We…we're not supposed to be here," he finally whimpered, sliding down onto the cot. Asuka stared at him as he sobbed himself into a fitful sleep.


	16. Stowaway

**Notes from GobHobblin**: Yeah, so…I didn't have Internet access this weekend, and this is what happened.

* * *

Two days were spent waiting for the response from the Restored Government. Two days wasted while waiting for word, action, anything. The action finally came in the form of two double-engined cargo planes, both of which were crammed to the gills with troops from the Militia. They used the old roadway as an airstrip, touching down on the south side of the town with magnesium flares to guide them in.

The prisoner had clammed up after speaking to Asuka. She had shared what he told her to Hideki, and he in turn had written them down for future interrogations. The rest of it had been typical sentry duty; mind-numbingly dull, with that ever present feeling that someone, somewhere might just get angry enough to do something. When that something happened, it would most likely be the guards who paid for it.

Thus, it was a relief when those planes could be heard. They had called in on the radio about thirty minutes out, and that was thirty minutes none-too-soon for Asuka. She cut out from the police station, retrieved her things from Yurie's, and beelined to the market with a hand receipt for anything she needed (more or less). Honda found her at a stall picking through 7.62 rounds, looking greatly displeased at what she found.

"You weren't at the police station," he said, watching as she pocketed a few and thanked the vendor.

"You don't need me anymore," she said.

"We could use your help around here, though," he said. "You've got a talent for leadership, and this town is growing. What's more, it is getting more dangerous. People with your experience are worth their weight in gold. Please consider staying and helping us build up this community…hell, in a few more years, we might even be worth a name!" He smiled a toothy grin at her, and she couldn't help but smile back. It was tempting, and Yurie seemed generally sad to be losing her temporary roommate.

And yet, Asuka shook her head. "I have to find my friend," she said.

"I think he's more than a friend," Honda said quietly. Something in his tone made her blush, and she nodded. She said no more, though, and began to leave, heading for the northern exit. "What if he doesn't want to be found?" Honda called after her, but she didn't respond.

* * *

North of the ramshackle buildings was a stretch of land that used to be miles and miles of rice patties, property of a large-scale farming conglomerate. Those fields closest to the settlement had been reclaimed, but the rest had become marshland. Wild, rank, and fearsome, the patties now sprouted man-high reeds, thick grass clumps, wild rice stalks, and treacherous, muddy passages. Asuka took her time cutting brush here, where it was colder, stickier, wetter, and more insect ridden than she had had to deal with thus far. She didn't know if ticks would be a problem out here, but she suspected leeches, and thanked God that it was getting too cold for mosquitoes. Dragonflies were still an issue, but despite them being too curious, Asuka considered them a good omen. They didn't bite, and they were probably a big factor in there being fewer insects that would.

She was in the middle of marshes when night fell, and it seemed that she would have further to go before she cleared it finally. There was no sleep to be had, as there was no real dry spot to bed down. She found a decent sized rock poking up through the reeds. She balanced on it, propped her feet clear of the muck on some thicker grass, and catnapped.

The second day was more of the same; cutting and clambering. Her pace was too slow to be satisfied with, and she scolded herself for not trying to beat around the marshes. At the same time, she had to admit that cutting across, even at this slow pace, would probably end up being faster than if she had tried to skirt the massive fields. It was possible that there were still access roads to be used; she crossed the remains of a few on her way through the mud. Those roads were of the raised dirt embankment variety, however, and the successive years had easily eroded them into little piles of turf and soft clay, where there was still some sort of embankment to begin with.

In the middle of the third day, she had the feeling she would out soon. It was from that place where the tugging was, and she figured that made it true. It was also at that time she had the very distinct feeling that someone or something was following her. She couldn't tell for how many days she had been trailed, but that instinct was undeniable. All the hairs on her skin prickled at the sensation, and she knew she was being stalked, even if there was no proof to the contrary. She had been hunted too many times in the past to not know the feeling.

Deliberately slowing her pace to a crawl, it wasn't long before Asuka could outright confirm that she had a shadow. They weren't blundering, but they certainly weren't bush trained. Their noise level rose as they got closer. Asuka looked back over her shoulder, seeing the clear trail she had cut through the reeds as she had pushed through, and deduced that even an amateur could follow that. Why they hadn't come upon her in the night, she couldn't tell, but there was someone out there.

Asuka was too jittery to let that fly, and out here in the marshland, the eerie sense of quiet broken by the distant sloshing demanded some sort of action.

She decided to ditch her ruck on a nice, dry mound in the midst of the grass and water, then cut at gradual angle to the southwest, advanced out about fifty or so meters, then cut back southeast, towards her trail. The marsh provided a plethora of good hiding spots, and Asuka beelined towards a nice clump of grass that faced a wall of reeds she had pushed through minutes previous. Whoever was following her would push through those reeds, barely five meters away. They wouldn't see her until the last minute, and be momentarily off-kilter from cutting brush. She herself would be aiming at the spot, and have the drop on them when they broke through. She waited patiently, scanning with both eyes.

It wasn't long before her shadow could be heard on the other side of the reeds, noisy and sloshing. They were making very little effort to hide their presence, and that seemed odd in and of itself. There would be the sound of a movement, a halt, more movement, and a second halt. It sounded as though the individual traveling was hesitant, unsure of their footing. Every now and then, there was a grunt, faint and almost childlike. The noises approached the break in the reeds, closer and louder. Asuka raised the rifle, and gazed with both eyes to the point of ambush.

Someone burst through the brushes, tripping and falling to their hands into the muck. Asuka stood, pointing the rifle and snapping, "Say your name, or I'll-" and the first thing she saw was that they were wearing a blue wool cap. Only it wasn't a cap, it was hair. Blue hair.

"-shoot," the words stumbled from her mouth, and something seemed to twist sideways under her. The girl threw up muddy hands and yelped.

"Ohgodpleasedon'tshootAsukait'smeIdon'twanttodie!" Rei screamed in a single breath, muddy palms out.

Asuka stood frozen, staring at the cowering girl down her sights. Her mind clicked, like it was spooling with no gears. What she was looking at made no sense. It was impossible; quite literally, it could not be, simply because it shouldn't be. She stood, frozen, trying to form words and not succeeding.

"Rei?" she managed. The girl looked up, cautiously, holding her palms out. Those big, ruby eyes stared at Asuka, and the impossible was confirmed to not only be possibly, but agonizingly real. She was there, in blue jeans, a jacket, and wearing a backpack. She looked terrified, but also dirty, disoritented, and disheveled.

"Rei," Asuka said a little more loudly, her rifle wavering. "Re-_REI_!?" She felt her heart racing, a dual sense of the unreal and very solid panic racing for dominance in her mind. "Rei…Rei…what…are you…?"

"I wanted to help!" the girl began in a rush. "I came aboard the troop transport! I mean, I had to lie a bit to get on, but I didn't think it would be that bad, because the more I thought about it, the more I thought you could use my help, you see, and I started thinking about Shinji, and I got more scared thinking about _you_, and please stop pointing that rifle at me!" There was no breath at all between the words, and the girl was starting to hyperventilate.

Asuka herself had started to, deciding that panic was the emotion more important at the moment. The rifle wavered, and finally dropped as she advanced on the girl, her heart pounding and her temper rising. "What the _hell_ are you doing here!?" she snapped. "What were you _thinking_!?"

"I wanted to help," the girl insisted. There was the sense that she had a speech or explanation planned, and now that she and Asuka were face to face, all of that no longer applied. She was at sea, now. "I…I just…"

"Do you know how dangerous it is out here? How _stupid_ what you did is? What about Misato? Does she know you're here?" Asuka snapped.

"When I got off the plane, I found the radio operator. Miss…Yurie Sato…" she stammered, somehow even more pale than usual. "I told her to tell Misato I was all right…and would be back with you and Shinji."

"Like it was just a walk down to the store!?" Asuka was raging now, and her face was scarlet. "You could be hurt or killed or _worse_ out here, and you just trailed me through the bush for _three days_ without saying something!? I didn't know _who you were_! I could have killed you myself!" Asuka felt the world spin under her, and she had to squat to keep from falling over. "Sweet God, I could have _killed_ you _myself_!" She had been fully prepared to shoot whoever it was that appeared. The intent to kill had been there. To know that it could have been _Rei_ filled her with dread, revulsion. Disgust. Sheer terror. She felt butterflies, and wanted to vomit.

"How did you…how did you even _know_ I was out here?" she murmured, her head in her hands.

"Hikari told me," Rei said. "She told me that where you were, and that there were troops going out. She asked if I had anything to say, and I didn't. So she left…and I decided to go. When she told me where you were…I just started thinking of…what could happen." She seemed much younger, now, as if she had lost four or five years. It was hard to stay angry at her when she seemed so vulnerable, but Asuka was getting a solid A for effort. And she was _certainly_ going to have words with Hikari when all was said and done.

"I can't…even begin to tell you how upset I am with you. How…" She swallowed. "It doesn't matter that we knew each other at the same age, I am who I am _now_ and you're still a kid and you have no…NO…business being out here. This is reckless, and foolish, and I guarantee that everyone back at the Spread is tearing their hair out at the roots trying to figure out where you are. What you did was thoughtless, and selfish, and…I said it before, I _will_ say it again…incredibly _stupid_."

At this point, Rei was looking beaten down, very much like a puppy that was getting whipped and it didn't understand why. A part of Asuka felt awful at it, but the greater whole of her _wanted_ Rei to feel that way. To feel as bad as Asuka felt in that moment. "I took you in, gave you a place, a _safe_ place to live. I didn't understand the how and the why, but I knew you needed help and I gave it. I entrusted you to Misato, to Hikari, to Kensuke, to take care of you while I left, and you do this!" Asuka roared, standing up on steadier legs and leaning into her speech.

"And then you left!" Rei shrieked, finally pushed to response. It was a shrill, agonized sound. There was a silence that lingered after that, the pain in that statement lashing at Asuka. "You…you left! You said you would help me, and you left! What…what was I supposed to do? You _promised_ you would help!"

The raw honesty and pain in those words struck Asuka like a club. The girl had wandered out here, risking life and limb, because of _that_? Asuka crossed her arms, still glaring but saying nothing. She was trying to think of the right response, and just couldn't. You couldn't beat that kind of pain with logic, and you couldn't pummel it down with threats, posturing, or assertions of authority and what have you. She _did_ make that promise, didn't she? Adults make promises like that a lot, she remembered. It had been some time distant, but she had had promises like that made to her, when she was a child. Promises that were broken frequently.

She remembered being skinned by those careless promises. And Rei was more fragile than she had realized…she was out of her depth. Asuka knew that she was still playing with emotions that made no sense to her yet. It didn't forgive what had happened, but it placed it in context, and a good chunk of the rabid anger that had overtaken her eased.

Asuka closed her eyes, feeling guilt now mingle with her anger. As she did, the whole surreal picture presented itself to her. She was standing in a bog with Rei. She was scolding the girl like a mature adult while Rei acted like a frightened child. What made it more absurd was that Asuka _was_ a mature adult (against all odds!), and Rei _was _a frightened child (against all reason!). They were _not_ who they had been when they knew each other ten years ago. The whole bizarre mess dribbled over her, and she suddenly began laughing. She couldn't help it, and she laughed harder and more openly than she had in a long time. Tears began to flow down her cheeks as she continued to laugh with sheer, utter abandon, the stress of her trek and the overwhelming emotion of the past few minutes feeding and fueling her fit. It was a great release.

Rei was still hurt, though, and scared. She was becoming more scared as Asuka stood in the muck laughing like a lunatic. She turned in place, uncertain of what to do. She didn't know what to say, where to go, and just _knew _that she had somehow done something absolutely horrible and there was no way to fix it.

"Rei," Asuka finally said, her voice cracking, "You great, wonderful, glorious, sweet little _idiot_. You're right…I should have stayed."

Rei watched her with a sideways glance, suspicious, and still hurt. She felt like crying, but was too tired to cry. "What…what do you mean?" she mumbled. There was too much of a backhand in Asuka's statement to be sure of its intent.

"I made a promise. I should have better kept that promise," the woman admitted, sad but still smiling. "I didn't think twice at the prospect of up and running after Shinji, when you needed me and you were right there. I…I palmed you off on other people without thinking of what was best for you. That's…I still don't know how to do the things I'm supposed to, you know? Especially with you. You were always…self-sufficient, back then. The thought that you would _need_ anyone…I just never expected it."

Rei nodded, snuffling. It felt like the right time to cry now, and the tears were starting on their own. "So…you're not mad?"

"Oh, no, I'm flipping _furious. _I should kick you in the rear every three steps from here to the town," Asuka said cheerfully. Rei's eyes dropped. "I'm as mad at myself as I am at you, though," Asuka conceded, scratching her stomach. "Come on, let's go get my ruck and we'll head back. We can make it in two days, easy."

"But…head back?" Rei's face blanched. "But…we've come all this way, and…"

"And what?" Asuka asked, towering over Rei. The girl quailed slightly. The stance, arrogant and in charge, was very much like the old Asuka, the teenager she had known so long ago. This was not the same projected arrogance that had nothing behind it. _That_ Asuka was a shadow compared to what stood before her now. As Rei had changed, so had Asuka. As she stood, her rifle in the crook of her arm, Rei had the awareness that Asuka was the most dangerous thing for miles.

"Um…" Rei started, but Asuka cut her off, leaning over with a suddenness that made the girl flinch. Her words were gentle, but cutting.

"And what? Are you armed? Well-packed? How's your food? Already more than halfway through, right? And water? Do you have a way to purify your water out here? Know how to start a fire, sleep through a cold night with no blanket? Go for days without bathing, work through pain when you're hurt? Can you fight when you choose to?" Her smile was kind, understanding, and that made Rei angry. She felt patronized, and her current state of general misery made her testy.

She wiped her hands on her legs, and said, "You could teach me that stuff."

"I don't have time to do that, watch after you, _and_ chase Shinji," the woman replied, honestly. "No, we're going back."

"I followed you, didn't I?" Rei insisted. "I followed you for three days. Okay, I didn't…" she threw up her hands, "I wasn't quiet or stealthy, and I ate too much food, and I have no water left. I can't…shoot guns or ambush people, and it's wet and cold and I want to go home, and I smell awful! I hate it out here, and I don't know how you can stand having water in your shoes!"

"Try stepping out of the puddle," Asuka suggested, pointing down at a small rise of dirt next to Rei. The girl extricated herself awkwardly from the mud, and continued her impassioned tirade, becoming more shrill as time went on.

"I know I'm not as good as you out here, but I still want to go! I have to go! I don't…you…" She pumped her arms in growing frustration, uncertain of the right words. "You're supposed to help me out here! I need you to help me figure it out!"

"Figure what out?" Asuka asked.

"Just…IT!" Rei screamed the word with such force that Asuka felt herself rock back. Rei's tiny body shuddered with the force of the word, and she was left panting from the exertion. It occurred to Asuka that if there was anyone with bad intent for a few miles around the bog, they would have heard Rei's outburst. Hopefully, they would think it was just a fox or other creature getting itself into trouble.

Asuka found herself marveling, though. She had always pushed Rei, trying to find the right buttons to get a response from the girl. When she was young, she wondered what Rei would have looked like angry or upset. Her malicious wish had come true, and now Rei was throwing a barely-contained temper tantrum. Her smile remained fixed, and she knew she would have to try and calm her down a bit. It was far more wearying to deal with an upset teenager than one who crawled into your bed while sleepwalking. It was even more wearying when you were doing it in a bog.

"I can't right now," Asuka said gently. "Misato can…"

"No, no, not Misato! You! _You_ need to!" Rei said.

"Why…why me? You trust Misato, right?" She _should_ be able to trust Misato. Asuka was now confused, and honest-to-God surprised.

"I do…I _do_," Rei began to stamp a foot, her arms pumping up and down in frustration. She was trying so _hard_ to explain something she couldn't. "I just…I just…it _has_ to be you, okay? It just _has_ to. Please, please, please, I can't…explain it…" She began to brush trembling fingers through her hair, smearing the blue strands with mud. Asuka looked back towards the south. She then turned, and looked north, feeling that tug of the thread.

_You would be stupid_, she thought, _A blithering idiot, taking her out there. You'll get her killed, for certain. Get both of you killed, more than likely_. She bit her lip, and looked back at Rei. Her wide, red eyes, so honest and so and so innocent…and so needing…it was a look that Asuka found uncomfortably familiar. She muttered, squirming in place, and squinted. Rei had made a poor decision…but despite her protestations, she seemed to know it, and still wanted to follow through on it. There was something to be said about that. And Asuka knew that she herself had jumped off on this adventure into dangerous territory on remarkably fewer and less certain signs and portents than Rei did. Asuka had trusted in something she didn't understand, what was more, didn't really like. Rei hadn't said it in so many words, but the implication was clear: she had trusted in Asuka. Without reservation.

It still didn't change the fact that Rei was out here unarmed, unprepared, and unready. She had thrown herself into very deep waters, and here there be monsters.

Still…

"This is a very bad idea…" Asuka managed. It was as close as agreement as she was willing to go, and Rei nodded.

"I'm…I'm very sorry…I just…" she began, and Asuka waved her off, turning back to the ruck.

"You already persuaded me to do something I _know_ is wrong and irresponsible," she explained, "Don't start apologizing for it. You're already short-sighted and you're far too stubborn. Hypocrisy is a vice you _don't_ need." Rei shuffled in place, watching Asuka tramp back, and gingerly followed her.


	17. Happenstance Encounters

**Notes from GobHobblin:** I do not know the terrain in the area of Japan through which I'm leading the girls, I fully admit. I do know the terrain I _want_ them to encounter, however, and what's more, Japan after Third Impact (much less Second Impact) is certainly a different place…possibly physically different from the seismic stresses those events could have created. So I fully admit to ignorance, and taking an easy way out to stretch the truth. It's as they say…never let the facts get in the way of Asuka. She won't tolerate that.

* * *

The day was hard for Rei, but Asuka had to admit, she was a trooper. She looked exhausted, and it was clear she was in pain, but she made no complaint, save for the occasional grunt or hiss when her foot landed wrong. They made it to the edge of the marshes by the time the sun was swinging low, and Asuka decided that would be a good time to stop. They walked for about five more minutes before finding a rocky spot that was dry, and well-shaded by low-hanging trees. Though it would be a risk, Asuka decided a fire would be needed, to warm their feet, dry out their boots and socks, and just to give them a mild luxury after being so long in the filth.

Asuka sent Rei to fetch dead wood, as she cleared a spot for a fire pit. Rei took to her task with as much gusto as she could manage. Asuka was concerned what Rei would bring back would be nothing more than twigs, or filled with two much green or water, or just be unusable. Rei, in fact, brought more wood than they could use, and while some of it did have greenery on it, and some was wet, there was enough good pieces to manage a small, comforting fire.

Asuka stripped off her boots and socks, putting them near the heat while she doused her feet with powder, to stave off the damp and prevent any rashes or fungal infection. She sighed to herself, remembering a time when she was a lot prettier. Well, she still _was_ pretty, quite beautiful in fact…she was vain enough to recognize that! She was also vain enough to know when some things just weren't the same. Her feet were once quite dainty, and though they certainly weren't boats, they were scarred, and calloused. They were the feet of someone who hiked a lot, who carried heavy weight, who ran excessively. They were feet that had been broken, feet that had been injured, and feet that had done some injuring their time. They weren't exactly _ugly_ feet; they just weren't the feet she started out with, and that silly, girlish part of her, the old Asuka Langley Soryu, couldn't help but mourn the fact.

That was largely irrelevant, now. Once her own issues had been handled, it was time to deal with the stowaway.

Rei was sitting against the ruck, using it lick a chair. Asuka had told her to sit there and not move, and she had. She _should_ have told Rei to strip her boots, but she wanted her to suffer just a little bit longer. Satisfied that Rei looked appropriately miserable, Asuka had her prop her feet up on her lap, where she could strip each muddy boot and then each wet sock. They were city-boots, a pair she had bought for Rei from the market district, and not at all suited for overland excursions. They looked like they would be, but looks and functionality were two different things. For instance, Asuka's own boots were high and well-designed, with ankle support, ankle protection, and well-cushioned soles. They were also patterned along the bottom like sneakers, giving them good tread on a variety of surfaces. Even though she had tucked her pant-legs in, the height of the boots and relative snugness of her pants had done a good job of keeping leeches out.

Rei was not so lucky. Rolling her pant legs up, Asuka saw that Rei had picked up about five little black teardrops, greedily snacking away. Rei squinted an eye at the sight, and her toes curled disdainfully. Using a cigarette lighter (the most useful tool she could have in the bush next to ruck tape), Asuka encouraged each little monster to stop what they were doing and detach. She tossed them into the fire for their trouble, and then turned to the matter of Rei's feet.

The girl had always been delicate, and her feet were no exception. They were thin, dainty, almost perfect. Which meant they were in no way prepared for the ordeal they had just been put through. Her white skin was gray, now, except where blisters had opened raw and red. Both heels, the bottoms of her big toes, the bottom of her soles, and some small spots that had rubbed against her boots were oozing and tender.

"How did you keep walkiing?" Asuka asked, wonderingly. Rei, for her part, snuffled. She had all the grace and dignity of a cat that had been stuck in a washing machine, and looked about as haggard. All things considered, she could care less what anyone thought of her feet right now, thank you very much. Asuka gently kneaded some of the un-blistered flesh, feeling for knots or other abnormalities. Rei winced intermittently, when a particular locus of muscle tissue was found, but for the most part she sat blank faced.

"Reach into that pocket and pull out the bag," Asuka said, pointing to an outer pouch on the ruck. Rei turned awkwardly and retrieved the First Aid bag, and handed it to Asuka. The first thing the woman took out of the bag was a plastic bottle of disinfecting alcohol.

"What's that?" Rei asked.

"Something that will hurt like you won't believe," Asuka said, and poured some of the alcohol over the first foot, taking care to douse the open wounds. Rei squeaked, rocking on her seat at the sudden sharp burning. "One more, brace up," Asuka said, and doused the second foot. She let them sit, foam accumulating on the wounds as the alcohol did its job. When she did the same with the leech wounds, Rei hardly noticed thanks to the fire coming from her feet.

Asuka really wanted to clean Rei's feet, but she was afraid to do that with the open blisters. It was the one thing people who took to the bush often didn't realize until it was too late: the easiest injury to sustain was one to the feet. Blisters, fungus, dislocated or broken toes…the list was endless and creatively twisted. After letting the disinfectant stop bubbling, and Rei visibly relaxed as the burning became constant and bearable, Asuka rinsed the alcohol off with fresh water from her 'sanitation' canteen, then took an ointment jar and carefully applied it to each open spot. "I want your feet to air out," she said, shifting them closer to the fire. "Tomorrow, we'll patch them with mole-skin to keep them from rubbing against your socks. Your going to wear two pairs of socks at the same time from here on out."

"M'kay," Rei mumbled, leaning against the ruck. Asuka looked at the girl, who was already beginning to slip into sleep. She wondered what it was precisely that compelled her to care so much about her. As she taped gauze over the leech bites, Rei finally lost her battle and began snoring lightly. She was at peace and finally comfortable after the ordeal of the marsh, and looked like a doll, pretty and quaint.

Like a doll. _Ah_, Asuka thought, a shadow of understanding passing over her. She had a natural resentment to dolls, something she had never quite shaken. It was the sort of resentment that made her uncomfortable around Rei. In reflection, a lot of her nastiness came from how much Rei unsettled her, even repulsed her, from her quiet, almost lifeless existence. This Rei, this trying-so-hard-and-feeling-so-much Rei, was such an opposite that it was not only easy for Asuka to attach to her, but natural. Inevitable, really.

The thoughts of the Figment's first conversation with Asuka floated through her mind. There was more to being a doll than being lifeless. There was being artificial, and somehow Asuka had always known that a girl like Rei, with her hair and eyes and skin, could not possibly have been a natural birth. There was always the artificial with her, the hint of being deliberately made and designed. This new Rei seemed more like a spontaneous accident, the kind of marvelous thing that just came along and _happened_. And yet, the Figment made it sound as though this was just all part of the plan. A deliberately designed person. A _not_ person. A fake person. Something about that had brought rankled Asuka. She had a protective streak, one that expressed itself in strange ways when she was young. That streak had become more subdued but also more developed as time went on. It was a nuanced and honest thing now, one that burned cold but could flare hot. It had settled over each of Asuka's friends. It settled over Rei, now, too. All the insinuations of the Figment had made that protective instinct more pronounced.

As Asuka watched the fire burn down, she saw a glitter of eyes beyond it. She peered at them, two red rubies floating in the night. "Think of the devil," she said, "And he shall appear."

The Figment ignored that. "You should not bring her with you," it said.

"I know that," Asuka mumbled.

"And yet you are," the Figment accused.

"I haven't much choice," Asuka replied.

"You do. You should have left her when you found her," the Figment said, and Asuka felt a flush.

"You would have me leave a child you made, out in the middle of nowhere, to fend for herself? Really, Wondergirl?" she snapped, and her Rei grumped in her sleep. Asuka swallowed, remembering to keep her voice low.

The Figment shrugged. "I imagine I could make another. It was not hard the first time. Perhaps I will do even better the second time."

Asuka scoffed. "You really don't know what it means to be human anymore, do you? Did…did you gain _anything_ from Instrumentality?"

The Figment's shadowy outline shrugged again, but by now it was clear that the motion had no meaning. "Whatever I gained, was put into her. I can always put it into a new one, though, if this one fails." Asuka scoffed, and turned away. "This conversation is pointless," the Figment continued. "You need to find Shinji. You should not have brought her. She will confuse you and slow you down."

"She'll do her best. Of that I'm certain," Asuka snapped. The Figment shrugged for a third time.

"You do what you have been asked," she insisted, and vanished. Rei muttered in her sleep, and Asuka inhaled deeply. _This_ was Rei, she reminded herself. She wasn't artificial, this sleeping girl. This was Rei, true and blue. The Figment could insist it was Rei, insist all it wanted. Asuka had grown over the years, and Shinji had shown a deepness before he left. This girl…Asuka looked at her and told herself that _this_ girl _was_ Rei, Rei's true legacy. Whatever the Figment was could try and make a claim for originality or ascendancy all it wanted. It was too far from human for Asuka to even care.

* * *

Asuka was the first awake, opening her eyes with practiced alertness. She didn't move, her body still relaxed. She had, before going to sleep, retrieved her sleep system from the ruck. She rarely used it herself, but always brought it. Rei had protested greatly when moved from the bag, but when the open sleeping bag was dropped on her, she curled up in it like a cocoon and went right back to sleep. Asuka had used the lighter blanket, and had been warm enough.

She scanned the blue air, the first testament to the distant rising sun, and looked up at a sky that promised to be open and welcoming. She folded the blanket, and begin to demolish evidence of the fire. It wouldn't be perfect, but what she could do, she did.

She leaned over Rei and gently shook her shoulder. "Rei," she said. "Rei, wake up."

Rei opened one eye first, her expression drawn and unpleasant. She glanced around her, and seemed to have forgotten where she was. She breathed deep, and sat up with an audible pop. "M' want bacon," she muttered.

"You'll get a granola bar," Asuka said, smiling.

"Bacon," Rei said, a bit more testy. Asuka scratched her scalp affectionately.

"You're a vegetarian," she reminded.

"Don't care," she grumbled, trying to extricate herself from the sleeping bag. After putting on two pairs of fresh socks and her now dry boots, Rei stood dazed and gingerly, munching mechanically on the promised granola bar. Her feet still hurt, but less so than yesterday.

"Do you need to relieve yourself?" Asuka asked. Rei shook her head. "I do," Asuka said, taking an e-tool and toilet paper. "Stay with the camp. I'll be back." Ten minutes later, she was, and they were about ready to leave when Rei started to open her mouth and close it. She looked like a fish gulping for water, and Asuka said, "Rei, if you have a question, ask it. You won't sound stupid, you ask questions so you won't _be_ stupid."

"What do I need to do when I need to go?" Rei asked, blushing.

"Ask for the tool and dig a hole in a nice spot. Do your business, then fill and hide the hole," Asuka said. Her tone was matter-of-fact, and Rei visibly relaxed.

"Why the hole?" Rei asked.

"We don't want to be tracked," Asuka explained, "By anything, and waste is an easy way to track. Liquid waste is a scent for animals, and solid waste is just as bad. A human tracker can tell a lot about your from that…how healthy you are, what you've been eating or not eating. If you're sick or underfed and they know it, they'll run you down."

"They…they dig through it?" Rei sounded surprised.

Asuka nodded. "They'll dig through anything. Waste, trash, whatever. There are desperate folks and hungry animals out there, and everything you leave is a story. The more there is to the story, the more they'll know what to do with you."

They began their push to the north again, and Rei asked, "Did you ever track someone like that? I mean…did you ever track someone down to…?" Rei couldn't finish the question, and Asuka couldn't answer it.

* * *

The terrain was more wooded, and they found that they were pushing towards foothills. Small mountains could be seen beyond them, and Asuka knew, somehow, that those were in store for them. They lost sight of them a few times, in the trees, and finally saw their shapes in gory when they broke the tree line. They also saw yet another road. What's more, a hundred to the left, a car had rolled over on its roof. Even from here, it was clear there were occupants, and they were not moving.

"Do you see that?" Rei asked. Asuka was actually the first to spot it, but she nodded, not wanting to dissuade the girl's developing situational awareness.

"I'm going to go take a peak. You stay here," Asuka said.

"Why?" Rei asked. It was not the question of a petulant child, but that of a student wanting to understand the reason behind actions.

Asuka sniffed the air. "It could be an accident…it could be a trap, though. They might have been attacked, and the attackers are nearby, or they," she pointed at the car, "could be alive and acting as bait."

"All the way out here? For this long?" Rei asked incredulously.

"Never take things for granted, even if they appear obvious," Asuka warned. "It could be more devious than that. The bodies might be booby-trapped, for instance. Out of spite."

"Why risk it at all?" Rei asked.

"They might have something useful we need. It's a touch indecent, but we're alive and they aren't. More to the point, if one them _is_ alive…well. We have to do _something_." Asuka waited for more questions, but none came, so she stood and began to stalk closer to the vehicle.

It was a small car, one of the export-models that had been so famous before the Third Impact. How it came to be in it's current state was hard to tell, but the two occupants had not been dead long. Asuka examined the scene from afar: one's upper torso was twisted through the passenger window, arms draped across the ground, and in the cabin, the driver lay piled on his head, still in the car.

The clothing of the occupants rang warning bells in Asuka's mind, as both wore load-bearing vests with ammunition. She followed the trail of the car through the grass; they must have swerved to avoid something, flipped, and ended up as they were. It was their bad luck to be killed in the accident, but it wasn't uncommon. The random accident was just as deadly as the deliberate attack, and there were accidents to spare these days. She risked a closer look, and was satisfied that there was no booby traps. She could now see that rounds of ammunition were scattered about the vehicle like broken glass, spilling from shattered boxes in the rear seat of the vehicle. There were also grenades, unidentifiable satchels…most likely explosives. Those would be safe, she reasoned. If anything had been volatile, the crash would be a burned out hulk instead of what it was now.

She circled to the upended trunk, and kicked it. The hatch cracked open and a small trove of rifles fell out. "I see," she murmured. She waved Rei down, and the girl stood and scurried over.

"Who are they?" she asked.

"Probably weapons dealers. Most likely they had something to do with what's going on," Asuka mused.

"With the attacks?" Rei asked.

"Yeah." Asuka squatted, picking up a classic-style AK-47 with Cyrillic writing. Probably some collectors before the Third Impact. Before it was found and gathered with the rest of these weapons, she mused. It possessed a full wooden stock, was well-oiled, and well-maintained. She depressed the disassembly stud on the back, and removed the upper plate. The weapon looked to be in very good order. All things considered, of course, the AK model of weapon would remain in good order even if it _wasn't_ maintained. She had once watched Kensuke demonstrate that. He had found a fully rusted weapon that had been miring for years in the woods. Guessing it had a round chambered, he forced the safety off and fired a round. The weapon fired, and the bolt actually managed to charge a fresh round. Asuka didn't know what was more amazing; the fact that the powder in the bullets was still viable, or the fact that the weapon still fired and cycled. The lesson she took from that, regardless, was to respect the AK.

"Rei, come here," she said, pulling a three point strap from a G3 in the pile. Rei circled the car, and Asuka handed her the rifle.

"What's…what's this for?" she asked.

"It's yours, for now," Asuka explained, looking for magazines to match it. She found only four, but they were blessedly charged with a full thirty rounds. That was enough.

"Mine?" Rei asked, skeptically.

"Of course," Asuka explained, grabbing the arms of the passenger and hauling him out of the car. He had worn no seatbelt, and came out easy. She began to unlatch his vest, grateful that there wasn't any blood or fluid on it, since his injuries were all on the head. He was already starting to stiffen, so working him out of the vest was a chore. She managed, though, and carefully inspected it.

Yep, no blood. Which meant no worries about something curious and hungry following them. She gazed down at the body, and it occurred to her that there should have been scavengers here already. How long _had_ they been dead?

"Um…a gun?" Rei was still coming to grips with the thing she was holding.

"Yeah," Asuka said, cheerful but concerned. If there wasn't scavengers _now_…there would be _soon_. "A rifle, actually. Here, put this on." Rei looked a little green.

"That's had a dead guy in it," she mumbled.

"Oh, it's okay, he won't mind," Asuka explained absentmindedly.

"That's…not…what…" Rei stammered. Asuka walked over and plopped the vest and magazines into Rei's arms.

"Death can't hurt you if it doesn't happen to you," Asuka explained. "Just walk away from it."

Rei looked up at her with a hesitant eye. "Walk away?"

Asuka cupped a comforting hand on Rei's cheek, holding that gaze. "Walk away. That's all you can do with death. Just walk away. Okay?" Rei swallowed, and nodded. "Good. Get the trees. Move!" The last word was sharp, and Rei hurried north the forty feet needed to cut past the waiting trunks. Asuka reached into the vehicle and grabbed a satchel and four grenades, American-style fragmentation models that looked like small pineapples. She pocketed them carefully, and hurried off the road, examining the satchel. It was an improvised device crammed with explosives and a fuse of some sort.

Asuka used her lighter to ignite the fuse, turned and heaved the satchel. It landed next to the car, and began to smoke. They were well into the woods when it exploded, destroying the car and its cargo. Asuka was unconcerned of who that would attract. It wouldn't matter if they couldn't use what was in the car.


	18. We Teach Our Sins

"It's heavy," Rei murmured, hefting the AK. They were sitting on a stony mound a kilometer or so from the destroyed car, too close for Asuka's comfort. Things needed doing, however, and they needed to be done sooner rather than later. The grenades' pins had been taped, to keep them from snagging. Rei's new rifle had been slung, and now awkwardly hung from her shoulder. Finally, Asuka needed to adjust Rei's new vest. She had already loaded three of the magazines in the pouches, and placed the fourth into Rei's rifle and chambered a round. That was part of Rei's discomfort. She knew there was a bullet in there, and she very much wanted that bullet to stay where it was.

"That's good," Asuka said mildly, fiddling with the straps of the vest. "You need heavy. Heavy will make it easier to use lighter rifles when you get one. Heavy also means stable. A heavy rifle helps with the recoil of the bullet. There's a reason the AK was used by so many third-world countries: it's easier for children to fire."

Rei's eyes went distant with that, and Asuka regretted mentioning that. She finished the final strap, and began fiddling the AK's strap while Rei still held it.

"When the Soviets designed this weapon," Asuka continued, "They had the idea that all warfare would take place at long range or short range, with no intermediate ranges. That was their experience in World War II. So, they designed the Dragunov SVD off of the AK platform, and the AK-47 was the mainstay rifle. It's not really a rifle so much as a portable machine gun. Their idea was to suppress a target with sniper fire and machine gun fire, and storm the position with grenades and lots of bullets. That's why there are so many SVDs out there; each Soviet platoon was supposed to have one."

Asuka finished with the strap, pulling Rei's arms up with gentle hands. It hung at a good height, easy to grip and not in the way. "How do you know all this?" Rei asked, bewildered.

Asuka smiled, tapping her temple with an index finger. "Some of it I learned when I was younger, when I was trained as a Pilot. There was an emphasis on military subjects. A lot of it I learned in the past eight years. When you have to license for weapon and arms salvage and disposal, you pick up the history through osmosis. I went through a few weapons refresher courses from the Directory, as well. I also pick up things, here and there. That's the way it is with a lot of salvagers and bushwhackers, though. Always learning new tricks."

Rei held the rifle gingerly, examining the wood furniture and cruel, black barrel. "It seems that the culture defines the weapon."

"That is truth. Take mine, for instance. The AR frame was designed for the Western military mentality. That meant accuracy over fire rate. It was the opposite of Eastern bloc thinking: instead of accurate long range fire and close in automatic fire, they used accurate long range _automatic_ fire to suppress, and accurate close range fire to destroy. That's really all an automatic weapon is good for, you know. Suppressing.

"In the end, that proved a successful policy: you couldn't train your soldiers to all be expert marksmen, but you could win more battles with more accurate rifles and more men who knew how to use them. It's a fragile weapon, but one that can be made very sturdy. Used to be chambered at a lighter round…something less expensive to produce, and easier to carry on the battlefield. You could carry twice the 5.56 ammo that you could to 7.62 and still be less encumbered." Asuka's tone was thoughtful, contemplative. She examined the rifle in her hands with a certain detachment, almost a mixture between admiration and disdain.

"Remember that it's not the rifle that wins the fight," she continued, her voice distant, "It's who holds it. It has nothing to do with if you fire first or more accurately, though that does it more often than not. It's willingness, you see." She fixed Rei with a very serious look that made the girl suddenly feel small and alone. "The will to do what everything in you says don't. Because when it comes down to that decision…you or him…only one of you walks home."

"That's so…stark," Rei whispered.

"It is," Asuka said, a note of gentleness returning to her words. "Too stark to live that way for long. The more nights I'm out here, the more I remembered why I stopped coming." She closed her eyes, dispelling a flood of ugly, brutish memories. "It's not the way humans are meant to live, I think. We always end up in the same place, though."

"So the Third Impact was for nothing?" Rei asked, curious.

Asuka shrugged. "I don't know. That's the kind of thing Shinji could answer." Her eyes opened, and she stood up. "I never had the care or inclination to consider it; I was always act now and the hell with the consequences. Stand up."

"What?" Rei asked, surprised by the shift in tone.

"Stand up and pace your feet apart. About shoulder width, maybe a little more. Off-hand foot forward if you want, but feet parallel is fine." Rei moved her feet to the appropriate positions. Gently, Asuka kicked the girl's feet until they stood in a way satisfying to her. "Relax your body. You need to be comfortable," she said, pushing down gently on the girl's shoulders and meeting rigidness. Rei got the hint, though, and her knees relaxed. "There you go," Asuka said, circling in front. "First thing first, don't touch the trigger. Never touch it."

"How do I shoot then?" Rei said, smiling nervously. Asuka smiled back.

"You don't…until you know what you're shooting." Asuka demonstrated the way one held a weapon at all times, the trigger finger free. "I see a target, but I don't just see him…I see what's around him. I see what's behind him. Where's the bullet traveling?"

"Um…if it doesn't hit him, it'll be traveling past him," Rei said, "Until it falls to the ground."

"Correct. Or…"

"Until it hits something else."

"Yes. And what's more, who is my target? Is it someone who's an opponent? Maybe not? Maybe a silly-headed girl tramping through the mud?" She winked at Rei, who made a face. "You keep your finger on the trigger, you'll kill someone, and not who you meant to."

"There's a lot more to firing a weapon than I thought," Rei murmured, finding she was mimicking some of Asuka's insistent terminology.

"Always. Be in the here-and-now when you carry a weapon," Asuke warned. "Now…this is the low ready," Asuka demonstrated, holding her rifle with the muzzle pointed downward. Rei mimicked the motion, awkwardly. The rifle was still heavier than she was used to. "When you're traveling, you can relax in this stance, even let the rifle hang free…but when you think combat is imminent, this will allow you to be ready to fight without wearing yourself out. When you are preparing to fire, you move to the high ready." Her rifle came up to the shoulder, and Asuka crouched in a combative stance, like a pugilist readying to fight. Her shoulders squared up, and she faced completely forward.

Again, Rei tried to mimic the stance, and found herself struggling with the weapon, closing her off eye and squinting with the other. Asuka lowered her rifle, and used her hands to force Rei's body into the proper position. "This feels awkward," Rei gritted.

"How so?" Asuka asked.

"I feel like I can't breathe…and some of my muscles feel too tight," Rei asked.

"Try relaxing into it. It's a calm readiness, not a tense one," Asuka advised. A few more prods and pokes later, and Rei seemed in a more stable stance.

"Remember, you can never go wrong when you square up," Asuka said.

"Shouldn't I…make myself a smaller target?" Rei asked.

"No. You need firing stability: simply turning sideways won't eliminate the risk. In a firefight without cover or concealment, it's speed and accuracy that wins. Square up, and you will have both."

Rei lowered her rifle in limp hands, breathing out. She laughed, and said, "I'm going to get beefy arms like yours!"

"I don't have beefy arms, you little creep!" Asuka protested.

"Says you," Rei snarked, and returned to the high ready. "What else should I do?"

Asuka considered the girl's stance, and said "Leave both eyes open."

"How do I aim, then?" Rei asked.

"Well, again, you don't. This model of AK has no adjustable iron sights, so we can't zero it to you."

"Zero?"

"Adjust it so that you can be accurate," Asuka added. "If you have to fire it, you'll do it from very close. Both eyes will be more important than one, and if you keep it steady in the shoulder, you'll hit the general area you're pointing at."

It was exhausting holding the weapon up. By the end of the day, it was much more exhausting. Asuka showed her prone positions, from the stomach and back. She showed her kneeling, standing, how to advance, how to retreat, how to cut a wedge or use a corner. She made Rei load and unload the magazine until she was satisfied, and well after Rei's fingers were red, burning, and blistered. She showed her many other things, as well. It was the fire-hose approach to teaching, but Rei had always had a quick mind, and she was an excellent and eager student. By the time lunch had rolled around, Rei was showing a certain competency, though it was clear she still lacked a comfort with the weapon.

When they were finally sitting and eating, Asuka gave Rei the lion's share. She was still getting used to being out here, and she had just burned calories practicing with the rifle. As they ate, Rei studied Asuka with a quizzical expression. Asuka felt the heat of those eyes, and glanced up. "What?" she asked.

"What's it like?" Rei asked. Asuka felt an icicle in her chest. She knew what that question was about, and she had to look away, embarrassed and ashamed.

"Well…it depends. The first time…you feel glad." That wasn't right. She furrowed her brow in thought. "No, not glad…excited. Thrilled. You're so happy to be alive, and it's…_invigorating_ what you did. It's a power rush, that life-and-death moment. You can't be more powerful than when you are in that moment. Then you feel…sick. Out-of-nowhere sick. Like…butterflies with razor wings." She smiled nervously, that strange sadness that came and went lighting her eyes. "And then the guilt. The feeling that you've done something…profound? Yeah. Profound. Um…unchangeable. That you shouldn't have done it. You start thinking of everything you could have done to avoid it, and…it doesn't matter in the end. It's done." She looked over at Rei, and a better analogy came to her.

"It's like…reaching maximum synchronization, and realizing you've lost everything to do it. It's not the rush of being in an Eva, but it's a rush all of it's own. It's something…" Asuka couldn't find the words anymore, and her eyes closed. It was hard to explain. She had killed things in the Eva…had killed _people_ in it. And that had carried it's own weight, for many years. The first time she had done it with a rifle, though. With her _own hands_…that had been so…different.

Rei swallowed. "Does it get easier?"

"No," Asuka said without hesitation. "It becomes less hard…but it doesn't get easier. You just…stop feeling it the same way, after awhile. It will come back in it's own time and way. Sometimes frequently, sometimes…sometimes not at all." She looked at her fingers, the short nails now dirty from gun oil. "I mean, you can steal from someone, or slap them around, and make that right somehow. You just can't…make it up to them if their dead. How do begin to pay that back?"

Rei stared at the rifle on her lap, its weight becoming something more than a physical thing. It became something more than an object. It was a verb, now, and that gave it power. It repulsed and frightened her at the same time. It was, she reflected, like a small Evangelion. Infinitely less powerful, but somehow…just as pressing.

"I don't feel comfortable with this," Rei said.

Asuka was actually glad to hear that. A lot of people were overeager when it came to handling firearms. That led down bloody paths. "It's better to have it and not use it," the woman said, after letting Rei's words linger a bit more. "Ideally, you won't ever need to fire it unless something goes _really_ wrong. You leave the bullet-play to me. Watch and you'll learn. Just keep your head down and don't get killed."

"That's not helpful," Rei grumbled.

"It'll be more helpful than you think," Asuka said cryptically.

* * *

The rest of the day was a chore for Rei. Her feet were still incredibly tender, and the heavy rifle was awkward for her, though her proficiency was improving. It was still a wearying march, and when Asuka found their campsite for the night, Rei plopped onto the ground with very little grace. "Are we…building…a fire?" she asked through gasping breaths, her face streaked with dirt and sweat.

"Not tonight," Asuka said. Rei gave her a withering look. "We've been doing a lot to let things know we're here. We need to keep our heads down for a bit. Can't give off our position."

"Oh…that's good." Rei stretched out her legs, her eyes drooping closed. Asuka kicked one of her boots, earning a very grim look from Rei. "What?"

"You don't want to sleep there," Asuka said mildly.

"I really…do," Rei murmured.

"Except for the carpenter ant trail," Asuka pointed out. Rei squinted at her, and gazed down at her sides. In the dark, the little, black beads of the small highway she had flopped down in the middle of could be seen still busily trucking away. Rei looked up, her expression very much like someone about to sneeze, and she sighed.

"They'll just have to deal with me," she murmured. Asuka pulled the resisting girl to her feet, brushed off her legs and backside, and led her to a spot away from the ant highway and against a small rock. Asuka dropped her ruck, and removed the blanket. She nestled down next to Rei, and dropped the blanket over them both.

"This is a stealthier way to stay warm," she said. "It can be more efficient, too. I remember one night, three years ago, me and eight other salvagers, all from other groups, joined up for a big run during the winter. We got caught in the open by a nasty snowstorm. We sheltered in a building and were snowed in pretty quick. We couldn't build a fire, because we couldn't cut a decent flue. We'd all suffocate like that. So, we made a big…pile in the center of the room. That was a long night."

"A pile?" Rei asked drowsily, her head drooping against Asuka's shoulder.

"Yeah. If you were in the middle, it was pretty toasty. It's a nice thing to have a body or three to snuggle up to on a cold night, so long as you don't mind getting an elbow in your ear, or a boot in your gut. But the group kept…migrating around the room. Sometimes, you'd end up on the outside, so you'd have one part of you nice and warm, and the other freezing. Even with the blankets and sleeping bags, it was cold. Sometimes, I'm still impressed we didn't freeze to death." Asuka found herself smiling at the memory. It was a good one, all things considered. The kind of ridiculous, stupid situation one finds oneself in, and can only laugh at later.

"Asuka?" Rei said as though from a great distance away, pulling the woman back to the present.

"Yes, Rei?"

"You smell really bad."

Asuka smirked. "You smell worse, with all that sweating you did for the last three miles."

"You're a mean person, and I don't think I like you anymore," Rei murmured, still resting comfortably against Asuka's shoulder. The woman waited until she heard light snoring to her right, and her own eyes fluttered shut soon after.


	19. A Myth of Dogs

Asuka woke with a start, her heart racing. It was still dark, and she had very quickly become alert. She trembled with a surge of unexpected adrenaline. Her hand went out, and gripped Rei next to her. She moaned in protest, rolling away and off the rock. She yelped as she tumbled over, waking up groggy and unhappy.

"Asuka?" she gasped. "What did you-"

"Quiet." Asuka held up her hand, pushing off the blanket and standing. Rei was now more awake, and staring at Asuka.

There is a part of the brain that is feral. It can be trained, in time, to remember all those signs and signals that told it when there was danger near, and Asuka's had had plenty of time and experience to develop again. And now, that part was warning her that there was danger out there. Maybe a smell, or a sound. Something she couldn't put a finger on, but it was there. She stood very still, her heart pounding in her ears, when she heard a low rustle. The rustling started to split, going to the left and the right at the same time.

Something growled. It was too high pitched to be wolf. Crap, a small voice in Asuka's mind railed. Crap. Crap. Crap. More growls joined the first, all of them varying from deep and rumbling to high and nerve-slicing. Rei began to tremble, and Asuka's hands shivered in dread.

"Rei," Asuka hissed. The girl sat very still, and Asuka was _very_ thankful for that. "Don't make sudden movements. None."

"What…are they?" Rei grated, her voice uneven.

"Dogs," Asuka said.

"Dogs…" Rei swallowed. "Dogs are friendly. They play fetch, and lick your face. Those aren't dogs."

"I won't argue the point" Asuka replied, "Just stay still. If you move too fast, it'll trigger a chase response. They're hungry, and we're food, but they won't do anything if we don't give them a reason." She slowly approached the ruck and reached into an exterior pocket.

"I'm a vegetarian," Rei said, as though that would somehow change the situation. Asuka pulled a magnesium flare from the her pack, and lit the rod. Red light burst over the small ground, and dozens of golden, feral eyes glared at them, saliva and fangs glittering like constellations in the darkness.

"They'll try to attack when you aren't looking," Asuka said, backing up to the rock, "Keep your back to me, while I think of something." Rei, for her credit, squirmed slowly and carefully up until she was pressed against Asuka.

The dogs pushed at the edges of the flare's light, but were hesitant to burst in. Asuka thought frantically. She could try to fight, and shoot as many as she could. The shot would encourage them to attack, though. They may bounce back to the edges after the first couple died, but it wouldn't chase them off. There were too many, and they knew it. They knew that some of them might die, but whoever lived would eat. It was a kind of aggression even wolves didn't have.

Trees. There were trees all around. Asuka nodded, and patted Rei. "Rei, look slowly. Do you see the tree to the left?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Slowly, we're going to move over to that tree and you're going to climb it," Asuka said.

"What about you?" she whispered.

"One thing at a time. Put your rifle down, stand up, and move." Rei unslung the weapon, crouched, and placed it on the ground as Asuka did the same with her own weapon. Slowly, agonizingly, they crept over to the tree as the dogs circled, and began snapping, tightening the loop. They were more hungry than they were afraid, and getting proportionally more aggressive.

They reached the designated tree, and Asuka risked a glance. It would be perfect, with nice handholds and generous footholds. "Rotate towards the tree," Asuka said, "And when you're high enough, let me know, and I'll come up."

"Okay. Be careful," Rei said.

Carefully, slowly, they turned, and soon Rei began up the trunk. Asuka backed up against her, pushing her up some of the way. Soon, all that was against Asuka was the bark. She was cornered now, and the dogs knew it.

"Asuka!" Rei called, from very high up, and Asuka acted.

She threw the flare, whirled, and scrambled up as fast as she could. She made five feet of progress when powerful jaws clamped onto the bottom of her left boot. She gasped as she became heavier, and threatened to fall into the simmering brood of canines. She yanked her foot up as another dog leapt onto the back of the first one, trying to bite at her calf. It tumbled and fell, missing her leg by mere inches. Still carrying the heavy dog, Asuka began a three-point, agonizing climb, hauling with both arms and pushing with one leg. The dog insisted on holding on, and fought the whole way up, clawing against the tree and shaking its head. Asuka prayed that it didn't break her foot, or worse, puncture her boot. A broken foot was one thing, but gangrene was another.

She made it ten feet, and tried to reach her pistol, but the shaking dog encouraged her to grip with both hands. It continued to snarl, but its jaw had locked and it wouldn't let go. With no other option, she found a small branch above her, gripped it with a hand for stability, and kept kicking. It did the brute no damage, but it did finally loosen her foot. It slid lengthwise out, lubricated by the dog's foaming saliva, and it fell with a whine. The other dogs, anticipating whatever fell, pounced on their unfortunate pack mate. The smell of blood lit the air, and the animals frenzied. They ate at the foot of the tree while Asuka continued to climb.

* * *

All night, the dogs circled, smelling food just out of reach, whil some of them tore up the campsite. Asuka and Rei clung to the same thick branch, waiting and hoping for them to go. As the sun rose, the dogs still stood, barking and staring up. They were variously shaped, but all of them had that look of mongrel. The feral, unchecked kind of breeding that produced random appearance and random disposition.

"When will they leave?" Rei asked.

"Sometimes they don't," Asuka said, "They'll just wait. And wait." She could see where the dog had fallen, but there were no remains. All that marked the spot was a geat, dark, greasy patch. "They don't have the…class…of wolves. If a wolf trees you and can't get at you, they'll just move on. They know they can always find something else. Dogs are…well, they can be single-minded. Psychotic, even."

"What makes them like that?" Rei pondered. Asuka shrugged. There were many reasons for that, but it didn't really matter. They were what they were.

"Can you shoot them?" Rei asked.

"Not with a pistol. I could kill one or two, but from this angle, and with them moving? I'd be wasting bullets. I might scatter them, but they won't go away," she said, lounging on her perch. She scrunched her eyes in thought, chewing on the stem of a leaf.

Rei stared down at the dogs, and at the leaf sticking out of Asuka's mouth. It was green, and alive, large and flat. Rei cocked her head, and said, "I'm gonna try something." She tugged the leaf out of Asuka's mouth.

She began folding it, tight and true into a triangular shape. Asuka watched curiously as the girl placed one corner between her leaps, and then blew. Nothing happened, and silence ensued. Asuka looked down, surprised. All the dogs cocked their heads left and right, their ears up and intent. Rei stopped and gasped, and one of the dogs began barking again, which riled the rest. Rei inhaled, and blew into the folded leaf again. Again, the dogs were quiet, their ears intent.

"Rei, that's…amazing!" Asuka murmured. Rei stopped, gasping.

"Yeah, but I don't know what we can do with it," she replied, the dogs still barking. She tightened the folds, compressing the leaf more, and blew again. The dogs went quiet, but their ears pressed flat this time, and they shrank.

"I don't think they like that, do it again," Asuka said. "Keep trying." All morning, Rei worked on that leaf, her face becoming sweaty and her cheeks splotchy as she made herself dizzy. And it worked.

The dogs finally decided they had had enough. First one left, and then a pair followed. By the time the sun was well overhead, all of them had scurried off, beaten by the miserable note assaulting their ears.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Asuka asked.

"Gendo Ikari," Rei said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Her lips looked thin and worn after her performance.

"_Gendo_? Shinji's dad?" Asuka laughed. "What…why did he teach you that?"

Rei shrugged, smiling and rightfully proud of driving off the dogs. "I couldn't tell you why Gendo Ikari did anything that he did." She dropped the leaf. "Frankly, I don't think very much about him, anymore."

"That can only be for the better," Asuka said, working her way down the tree. Rei watched her descend, and felt strangely sad at that thought. It was true, Gendo was a man that didn't deserve a lot of compassion, least of all from Rei. To just stop thinking about him, though…

It seemed like killing him, in a way. The rifle returned to Rei's thoughts, and she climbed down in a cold mood. When she returned to the campsite, the mood was colder. Asuka's ruck was untouched, but Rei's pack had been torn to ribbons. All of her clothes were scattered and ripped to pieces. Asuka held up the reason why…a small scrap of packaging from a chocolate bar.

"At least some of them are going to regret treeing us," Asuka said quietly. There was no other scraps, all of the packaging having been devoured. "Were you storing trash in your pack?"

"Uh…I…yes. I didn't…I…" Rei was mumbling, trying to take stock of her situation.

"It's why they smelled us," Asuka explained, "You had the right idea, though. You want to hide your trash, but there's better ways. It's like when you relieve yourself. Bury your trash, and don't keep anything."

"I didn't even think about it," Rei said. "They could have _killed_ us-"

"They didn't," Asuka said, cutting her off. "And we learned from this. Right?" Rei shrugged, helpless…and then nodded.

"Good," Asuka said, and smiled again. "There's more places to trade in the north, and y0u needed better clothes, anyway. Let's get moving. The dogs could come back."

"Should we…?" Rei glanced around the sight, and before Asuka could answer, she said, "No, we shouldn't. If we're being tracked, they'll find this and think the dogs got us."

Asuka blinked, and smiled. "You are a _very_ fast learner," she beamed, and Rei felt slightly better, for what it was worth.

* * *

Two days passed before they came upon a watchtower, sitting on a small ridge to their front and flanked by a shallow valley. It was well-built, and occupied, but it was new, post-Impact. The logs were rough, and fresh. Still, they had been laid with obvious architectural knowledge, and they propped up a decent sized watch-station, complete with an external walkway ringing it. A single ladder extended below.

"Is it safe?" Rei wondered.

"Yeah. Bandits don't advertise their locations," Asuka said, and whistled. Rei glanced at her, a playful smile on her face. Fixing her tongue behind her teeth, she let out a truly ear-splitting tweet that carried farther than Asuka's own.

"Well, you are _full_ of surprises, you show off," Asuka scolded, standing and waving at the tower. She could see movement, and a shape appeared on the exterior walkway. The figure was only a shape, but the arm clearly went up and waved. They proceeded to the tower, finding a wide-trail and following it to the base. By the time they got there, three men and a woman in semi-military uniforms with orange scarves on their shoulders greeted them. One had a grenade launcher on his rifle, and when the girls approached, he loaded what Asuka deduced to be a flare.

"Good morning," she said, smiling pleasantly. They were generally pointing their weapons towards her and Rei, but not _at_ them, and they all looked comfortable. "I'm-"

"Asuka Langley Soryu," the one man said, patting the grenadier on the chest. The fellow stepped clear of the tower, and fired the flare into the air. "You're a very distinct individual."

"I don't think I'll get used to that," she sighed.

"How do they know who you are?" Rei asked quietly.

"Because," Asuka replied, pitching her voice for all to hear, "Shinji Ikari came this way and talked about me, right?"

"The very thing," the man said. He didn't smile, but there was a twinkle in his eye, and he bowed. "Uze Yojima, First Lieutenant in the SDF. Pleased to make your acquaintance." Asuka shifted uncomfortably when he said 'SDF,' but focused on the fact that everyone was still friendly.

"Asuka, as you know," she replied, bowing, "And this is Rei Ayaname. We're trying to find Shinji."

"Is he in some sort of trouble?" Yojima asked, cocking his head.

"Maybe, maybe not. I've recently been given reason to try and find him. When was the last time he passed by here?"

"Six years ago, or thereabouts," Yojima said, glancing at one of his fellows. The man nodded.

"Six years," the other man confirmed.

"That sounds about right," Asuka said, "We passed a trade post about a week ago to the south. It was the same thing; six years ago." From across the small valley, another flare went up. "What's that about?"

"Just letting the garrison know we've had someone come out of the wood-line, and that your friendly. We'll have an escort come up to walk you in," Yojima said.

"Garrison?" Rei asked.

"Long story," Yojima said, "I'll think the Colonel will want to explain it." Something about that bothered Asuka, and she and Rei remained politely quiet.

Two more fellows with the orange scarves came down a path through the the valley, and the girls took their leave of the watch station. As they passed where the second flare was fired, they saw two women sitting at a table near a tent. One of them smiled at Rei and nodded. "So what's this about a garrison?" Asuka asked as they followed the trail through the trees.

"Just what you hear," the older of the two said. "A garrison of about a hundred or so troops."

"Doing…what? Just hanging out? In the woods?" Rei murmured.

"Pretty much," the younger one said, "But we have reasons. The Colonel can explain it better. We're just the help."

"What he means is that it's above our pay-grade," the older one said. "We really shouldn't have told you anything, but you're all right."

"I'm all right?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah," the older fellow said, "You're Asuka, right? Why _wouldn't_ you be all right?"

* * *

It was a military base. Or at least it looked like one. There were actual structures, most of them long cabins made with logs, but they had been built well, were orderly, and spaced deep inside a good field and away from a double-layered fence-line with concertina wire and a roving patrol with military dogs. They were all mutts, of course, and not the kind of beautifully bred shepherds that a dog handler would prefer, but they all looked eager and excited to be doing a job. Domesticated dogs were good, that way. Give them a task, and they would be giddy all day long.

The trail led to a checkpoint, a break in the fence blocked with a zig-zag of sandbags and a pair of mounted machine guns. About five people were scattered around the bags, and one challenged the approaching group.

"Who's this?" one of them asked.

"It's Asuka Langley Soryu and her friend, Rei Ayaname. We're escorting her in. The Colonel will want to talk with her," the older escort said. The sentry looked at them, and shook his head.

"No one comes in. That's orders," he said flatly.

"Send a runner for the Colonel," the younger one replied, irritated. "She'll okay this."

The sentry scowled, but he sent a runner anyway. The fellow bicycled away, over a well-maintained dirt road. In the distance, Asuka could see other people, some in uniform and some not. All had orange scarves or bands on their shoulders. There were vehicles out there, too: working jeeps and what looked like some APCs, as well. She was concerned…but impressed.

In time, a jeep drove up, and the bicyclist hopped out, taking his bike out of the back. "The Colonel wants them in."

"All right. Please remove your weapons-" the sentry began, but the bicyclist cut him off.

"I'm sorry, Sergeant, but she wants them immediately, as is. She said wave them through." The sentry looked perturbed, but he stepped back, and Asuka and Rei threaded the sandbags, slowly.

"It was good to meet you," the younger escort called as the two began back down the trail. Rei waved at him, smiling, as the driver leaned out of his jeep.

"Make yourselves comfortable, if you please," he said, and Asuka and Rei climbed in. He backed up, and drove them down the trail and into the main cluster of buildings.

Closer up, they looked more impressive. The roads, though dirt, were marked and named, and each building had a number on it. Some were barracks, but others appeared to be offices, and even a few were garages. They came up on a drill square, with a small lodge at the head of it, and an old Japanese flag waving from a flagpole in the front. The jeep rounded about, and Asuka saw a woman standing in front of the structure with an ugly man next to her.

The driver exited the vehicle and saluted, and the woman returned the salute. "Thanks, Corporal," the woman said, "Go ahead and take the jeep back to the motor pool."

"Ma'am," he said courteously, and hopped back in as Asuka and Rei walked up to who they assumed was the Colonel. She wore fatigues, and on each shoulder were three stars flanked by two bars. She had to be forty, but she you looked younger.

"Miss Asuka Langley Soryu, Miss Rei Ayaname" she said, smiling. "I'm Col. Yukio Tatsumoto."

"A pleasure," Asuka said, her tone neutral. She tried to smile, but was having trouble.

"Likewise," the Colonel said, still warm. She had to know that Asuka and Rei were beginning to feel frosty, and unnerved, but she was doing a good job of attempting to be hospitable. She turned to the man, and said, "Could you please handle company matters for the next half-hour or so, Top?"

"Of course, ma'am," he said, snapping a sharp salute and earning one in return. He lumped off, and the Colonel smiled again.

"I call him 'Top' because of the Americans," she explained, "It's what they call First Sergeants, you see. Top Soldier. I liked that, when I worked with them, so I did it with my senior NCOs."

"I…see…" Asuka murmured. Tatsumoto's expression became sympathetic.

"This is a lot to take in," she said. "Shall we head to my office? I'll try and explain things better there." Asuka remained rooted. Rei found herself sidling closer to her friend, defensively. Tatsumoto's smile left her face, but none of the earnestness. "You have nothing to fear," she said, "We're not lunatics. And if you're worried about that business with NERV…well, not a lot of us agreed with that."

Asuka swallowed, feeling jittery. "I guess it's a bad time to bring up how many of your people I…" Her voice dropped, but her face was firm.

The Colonel nodded, understanding some of the discomfort now. "I've had a lot of time to think about that. A lot of time to think about what happened, how it happened." She nodded. "We can talk about that, too, if you want. If you need to."

That surprised Asuka, and her mouth dropped. The Colonel waited patiently, and Asuka blinked. Rei looked between them, and said, "Asuka, I think it's safe." Asuka glanced down at the girl, who had laid a reassuring hand on her arm.

Looking back at the Colonel, Asuka said, "Maybe." She sighed, and her shoulders sagged. "Yes, Colonel. Let's…hear what you have to say."


	20. The Beggar Queen

**Notes from GobHobblin**: The title of today's chapter was taken from a Lloyd Alexander book of the best caliber. Strongly recommended.

* * *

The office of Col. Tatsumoto was spartan, but comfortable. There were old notebooks and binders, all of them records for the running of a small army, lining the one bookshelf present. There was a desk, a few chairs, even a couch (all pilfered from empty structures, most likely), and a Japanese flag on the wall. Other than that, it was very bare.

"I don't like to spend my time here," Tatsumoto explained, sitting behind her desk. "A commanding officer who spends time in the office is one who neglects her troops. Most of these 'soldiers' were civilians when they came to us, so they need maintenance. Guidance, leadership. You can't just ignore them."

Asuka said nothing, her arms crossed and her pose uneasy. She had removed most of her weapons, and laid them on the table for comfort, but she still had her six-inch utility knife conspicuously attached to her rigging. Rei, for her part, had occupied the entirety of the couch and was reluctant to move at all. It worked out well, as Asuka seemed more interested in radiating suspicious hostility.

"I'm getting the sense that you're a little uneasy with all this," Tatsumoto said.

"A bit," Asuka said quietly. "For many reasons."

"Care to name a few?" Tastumoto asked.

"Well…for the current time being, I have a friend who is a member of the Restored Government in the south," Asuka explained. "You can imagine I'm very concerned about finding a group running around in the woods calling themselves the Self-Defense Forces. Especially when I haven't heard anything about you." She twirled a finger in the air. "You'd think that something like this would get out."

Tatsumoto nodded. "I imagine some of the other reasons have to do with our attack on NERV-1, yes?"

Asuka smiled. The expression was ugly, and dark. "You said it. Not me."

Tatsumoto shrugged. "That wasn't the entirety of the SDF. And frankly, a lot of us were skeptical of the reasoning behind the attack. Anyone with half-a-brain could tell that there was some sort of power play going on, and we were being used to enforce it."

The smile remained frozen on Asuka's face, but Rei perked up. "Why go through with it, then? Why kill all those people who…couldn't defend themselves?"

The Colonel held her hands open in front of her. "I can't tell you, because I wasn't there. I didn't participate in the attack, and I don't know what the mission parameters were. All I know was the NERV had been classified as a terrorist organization intent on triggering Third Impact, and were to be stopped at all costs. We observed the attack from television. We watched the deployment of the MPU Evangelion units to…stop you." She pointed at Asuka. "We watched them up to the point that they began to participate in Third Impact themselves and the circuit cut.

"Well…it was about that point when a lot of us realized we had been suckered."

That made sense. If you saw someone in your employ begin the very thing you hired them to prevent, you might feel a little betrayed, too. "Simply put, a lot of us decided to hell with the whole lot of you," Tatsumoto murmured.

"You and me, both," Asuka grumped.

"The problem is, you _did_ kill a lot of our personnel. We can't blame you for that, because we attacked you, but people in our services died fighting you," the Colonel explained. "A lot of people still hold you accountable for that."

"And you?" Asuka asked.

Tatsumoto shrugged. "It was ten years ago. I have over two hundred people, some with children, that look to me to make the command decisions that will keep them alive. Let's say I took you out back right now and hanged you from the porch." She jerked a thumb in that direction, to emphasize her point. "Will it bring back all those you killed? More to the point, will it harvest this season's crops? Stave off sickness and infection? Raise morale?" She shook her head. "No. It would be petty and pointless."

"And irrelevant," Rei said. "Those who were killed will probably come back in their own time, anyway." Tatsumoto nodded, and Asuka suddenly felt a shift. Something had not been explained.

"You seem accepting of that," Asuka said. "What makes you think they'll come back at all?"

"Well, _you_ did," Tatsumoto said. "Your friend told me you were killed - hell, I _watched_ you die. If you were dead when all those you killed were, it only makes sense that they have the same option to Return."

"As does everyone killed in NERV-1," Rei said, sitting up. "Like another friend of ours. It's hard to be angry if the deaths weren't implied to be permanent."

"Exactly," Tatsumoto said, but Asuka was still uneasy about how much this woman knew about her…how easily she just seemed to accept her.

"What did Shinji tell you all? Exactly?" she asked, but the Colonel waved her hand in the air.

"You're asking things that can be explained later. I thought you wanted to know what the SDF was doing here and why you didn't know about us?"

Asuka and Rei blinked in unison; the Colonel could have sworn she heard a 'click' when it happened. "You're just gonna…tell us?" Asuka asked.

"Yes."

"No…evasions? No vague explanations?"

"No."

Asuka still radiated vague hostility…but she finally sat down. "Talk away, then."

Tatsumoto smirked at her posture. "When Third Impact came," she said, "I was a First Lieutenant in the Military Police, stationed at Megaport 4, in old Nikaho. You remember that facility?"

"One of eight built after Second Impact," Asuka said. The Colonel nodded.

"Ten years ago, me and forty other military personnel, including my current First Sergeant, Tago Kuze, came out of the sea. There was no one else, the base was…wrecked. I was the only officer out of the batch. We took stock of the situation, and when we couldn't contact anyone else we…decided that we were all that was left. Of everything."

"The last people on earth," Rei said. Tatsumoto nodded.

"We gathered some supplies, left a plaque we carved out of sheet metal with a blow torch. Nothing fancy, just a 'We were here, and we went this way.' In case someone needed to find us. We spread ourselves out over a convoy of jeeps and armored vehicles, and cut inland."

"What were you looking for?" Rei asked.

"Untainted water, mostly," the Colonel explained. "It was raining where we were, and what came down was clear, not red. It stood to reason that the LCL content in the ocean was filtered out in the water cycle."

"Clever," Asuka admitted.

"We came to this spot, and felt it would be as good as any. Lots of land, good soil for growing crops. Nearby trees for timber. Ground water, nearby streams. It was good. We decided to keep on as a platoon, in the military chain of command. It was the most efficient way to ensure survival."

"That was with forty people. You have over two hundred, now," Asuka said.

"We had recruits," the Colonel said, smiling. "First, about ten civilians wandered through, asking for food. They offered to work to trade for it, but we did them one better. Join the SDF, and we'll watch out for each other. So forty became fifty…then seventy. We are now as you see. We've leveled off a lot, in the past few years, but we grew for a bit there."

"I take it you've been promoted in the last ten years," Asuka said dryly.

"Had to…at first it was just a vote to make me a Captain, in lieu of an actual promoting board. That was when we grew a bit larger than a platoon. We needed a chain of command, and you need officers to guide that chain of command. So we…commissioned a few of the more experienced enlisted personnel, and kept right on trucking.

"The bump to Colonel was done two years ago, at the decision of all the senior officers, and again, approved by general vote." She shrugged. "As for the secrecy, it's nothing sinister: we didn't announce our presence, but we didn't hide it, either. We weren't interested in being the government: we just wanted to survive! We started hearing about the Restored Government through news, and rumors, but we had no way of contacting it, and no desire to send anyone on a dangerous trek to the south to do so. We figured they would catch up to us sooner or later, and we could announce ourselves then."

"If you're in radio contact with the trade town in the south, you could do so now," Asuka said, "They've just become the outer limit of the Restored Government's communication network."

It flirted through Asuka's mind that they were probably at the northernmost point of settled…or at least _civilized_…Japan. Possibly of the world. There was a thriving global network of foot trade, ship trade, and aerial trade, but it was confined along the equatorial region and coastal areas. There was a long chain of humanity from Japan to England…but that was it. A few more densely settled areas had been found, on the southern tip of Africa for instance. No expeditions had yet gone to North America. The thought filled her with a sudden chill, a vague dread of the emptiness of the world.

"Good. That's good to hear," Tatsumoto said, cutting through Asuka's thoughts. "We've been needing resupply and support for awhile. Especially now."

"Now?"

"There's something…organized out there, in the wild," Tatsumoto explained. "They've been poking at our perimeter for some time, now. I don't know who they are, and I don't like that. You probably saw our security measures."

That sounded familiar to Asuka. "They waved us through pretty easy, once we announced ourselves. I don't know if those are security measures," she said pointedly.

"You came from the south?"

"Yes."

"We have traders that still move up that way. That's why we have the tower, there," the Colonel said. "We don't have many probes from that direction…mostly the east, and the north. And, to be frank, they recognized you. We all know about Asuka Langley Soryu…and you have very red hair."

"I should have dyed it," Asuka mumbled. "I've always liked attention, but this is getting surreal." She squinted. "Why are people acting that way around me? Trusting and eager to meet me? It's like being a celebrity, only…" She seesawed her hand. "Stranger."

"You can thank Shinji Ikari for that," Tatsumoto replied. "He shared a lot about you."

Asuka shook her head, in wonder. "What do you remember about him?" Rei asked, in an eager tone. She knew nothing about what Shinji was like now, and she was dying to hear what he'd become.

"I remember he was kind," Tatsumoto said. "And curious! He seemed fascinated by us. He went everywhere, helping with chores, and asking questions. Nothing suspicious, or about our security or anything. Just…where did you come from? What did you do before the Third Impact? What plans do you have for yourself? What do you like to do without television?" She smiled at the memory, and wagged a finger at Asuka. "It's one of the reasons we learned about you. We asked him if there was anybody he knew or cared about, and he gushed about you. When you were Pilots…he talked a lot about that. He thought you were the strongest person he had ever known."

Asuka blushed. She didn't remember anything good from those days…they felt one long, lonely nightmare of missed opportunities, frightening monstrosities, petty irritations…and worse. Why would Shinji call on anything from those days as being good?

"What else? He never carried a weapon. I remember that distinctly. He had a knife, but no firearm. I couldn't believe that. He had come all the way out here, without a weapon. That was six years ago, and it was dangerous then, too." That struck Asuka. She remembered he had left with a rifle. Why was he not carrying one when he came upon the base? Stranger and stranger.

"All that way and unarmed," Rei murmured. "I don't believe it. I came far less than that distance and was almost killed. Almost got _both_ of us killed." She turned to Asuka with an apologetic expression of guilt.

"Remember what I said about learning lessons," Asuka said, giving her a gentle look.

"He didn't look like the kind of fellow who would do, it either. I mean, aside from his mountain man beard, you could tell he was a kid. After shaving, he looked so baby-faced," the Colonel mused.

"A beard?" Rei chirped, surprised. Asuka wasn't quite listening, as she was fishing out the photograph that Yurie had given her. She studied it for a brief moment, feeling warm. Shinji was in the midst of excited children, two boys using his arms like monkey bars and a little girl perched on his shoulders. He was looking at the picture with eyes that looked distracted and dazed, but a mouth that was forming a half-smile. It looked so much like him, and so unlike him at the same time. She realized she was seeing him through two eyes; those of the past, when he was a frightened, easily pushed child, and those of the present, where he had walked into the wilderness with no fear. No fear, but maybe something else…Asuka shook her head.

"I'm guessing this is a pretty good image of his time here?" Asuka asked, handing the photo to Tatsumoto. The woman looked at it, nodding.

"Yeah, like that. It's good to see him, again." She studied the photo, but seemed to see something else. She sighed, and placed it down on the table. "He was unique. Didn't join up with us…just did his thing and after month, moved on." Rei picked up the photo.

"Where'd you get a picture?" Rei murmured, then gawked at the photo. "Wow, that is a _beard_!" she said loudly. "And he is _very_ muscled. How did that happen?"

Asuka snatched the photo back, tsking the girl. "Restraint, child, restraint." She turned her attention back to the Colonel. "I'm still surprised that he left such an impact. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great but…well, if you knew Shinji…the way I did…"

"I get the impression he did something wrong by you," Tatsumoto said. Asuka's mouth dropped, and Rei scrunched her nose quizzically.

"Wro…Wrong? I mean…no, _no_! Why would you say that?" Asuka was flustered, and confused by it.

Tatsumoto shrugged. "Miss, I'm an officer. I've got a good sense of what drives people. I don't know what happened between you and him, but the way he talked about you, the way he…came through here…all his help, his questions, his…warmth. It felt like he was trying to…erase something. Does that make sense?" Tatsumoto steepled her hands in front of her face and leaned forward. "He struck me as someone who felt like he had done something bad, and he had to make up for it."

"Do you think he…blames himself for Third Impact?" Rei asked, but Asuka shook her head.

"We talked about that a lot, but he never felt guilty for it," Asuka said. "We determined pretty early on that it was beyond his control. If anything, he made it better than what it _could_ have been."

"Like I said, the way he talked about you…it gave me the impression he had done wrong by you." The Colonel shrugged. "Do you remember anything that could have caused a reaction like that?"

Asuka didn't even have to think about it. "Yeah, a few things." She began to stammer after that. "And, well, _yeah_, that made stuff a little awkward. We got over that, though…I _thought_ we got over that. I just…um…"

"I didn't mean to pry, or open old wounds," the Colonel said. "You seemed like you were still trying to understand why he left. I was just…offering a theory."

There was a poignant silence that followed, lingering as the three women reflected on what had been said. Asuka could think of two things off the top of her head that might have still galled Shinji, and maybe a dozen other more minor things that he could have been beating himself up over. It was true, those things had always sat between them…but they had dealt with them. Grappled with them, fought with them…put them to rest. Were they still pushing him along? It unnerved Asuka that if they had been…why hadn't she seen it? Why hadn't she done more to stop him?

Rei picked up on the uneasy mood, and felt the immediate urge to fix it. "So…what'd he say about me?" she suddenly said, impetuous. It was the kind of thing a child did, bringing attention on themselves when the mood was sour, and Rei had developed a certain understanding of how adorable she could be…egged on in no small part by her last meeting with Maya Ibuki. Asuka seemed to pick up on why Rei had done it, and felt a flush of relief. Yes, Rei, let's talk about _you_ for a bit…

The Colonel fixed teenager with a whimsical smile. "Not much, since he seemed focus on the girl he left behind. He did talk about you a bit from the Pilot days as well…enough so that I recognized you out in front. What he did say was warm. He had a keen fondness for you…that was the impression I got."

"Of _course_ he would be fond about me, but nothing about my awesomeness?" Rei asked, sounding dramatically downtrodden. "I was just as awesome as Asuka. I was _way_ more awesome than Asuka." She mugged a bit. "I was God, you know."

The Colonel furrowed her brow, and Asuka giggled. "Maybe a better topic for later, Rei," Asuka suggested. "Let's ease into these things one step at a time, 'kay?"

"Well…I _was_," Rei replied in a saucy tone, sniffing and turning away. The Colonel stared at the girl, then glanced back at Asuka. The red-haired woman shrugged, and mouthed, 'She was.' The Colonel shrugged, admittedly amused by the blue-haired girl's antics.

Either way, Rei had made a fan out of the Colonel. The woman said. "Tell you what. I'll spread some rumors about how amazing a Pilot you were. Will that salve your pride a bit?"

"Use the phrase 'insanely awesome,'" she added, "and I might feel a bit better."

The Colonel laughed. "All right. Insanely awesome. It's a deal. Now, lunch should be starting soon, and I imagine you both would like a decent meal. I would be most honored if you joined me."


	21. Yon Hatred, O Sustain

Lunch was potatoes, beef broth, carrots, and ham. It was hearty, and filling, and eaten in the general mess. Rei's mood had improved greatly. This was, in large part, due to the fact that she was currently at the center of a small crowd, where her appearance had drawn the attention of many. There were blue stripes of hair here and there, the telltale white splotches or slashes, or a red eye or two. No one was the full package. And when it was revealed she was a _Pilot_…with _Shinji_…and _Asuka_…she had jumped into her celebrity and wasted no time in telling gloriously ridiculous accounts of her adventures that were in no remote way even near the facts of the actual events. Everyone around her knew this, to an extent, but no one cared. It was a story, and well-told story, at that. Who could blame the girl for embellishing a detail or two hundred?

"She's not how Shinji described her, I have to admit," the Colonel said with a smile. She and Asuka sat a comfortable distance away, enjoying the amusing sight.

"She's not how he would have remembered her," Asuka said. "The girl you see there is as different from that girl as water is from rock."

"She's some fresh air, I'll say that," Tatsumoto said with a smile. "It's always nice to have someone so exuberant to ease the tension."

"You're a very interesting sort of soldier, Colonel," Asuka said, shoveling a forkful of carrots into her mouth.

"What? Because I have a warm and hearty disposition and I like adorable, bubbly children?" Tatsumoto smiled, but something glinted in her eyes. Asuka felt a curious thrill to that, and smiled back. That…_that_…she recognized that. "Don't get me wrong, Miss Soryu," the Colonel said, still sweet, "I am Colonel for a reason." Whatever it was went back into its cage, and the Colonel was a prim, polite woman again. "Be that as it may…it's been a long time. You can't be a soldier 24-7, especially with civilian…ah…contamination?" She winked.

Asuka studied her, and gave a goofy grin. "You weren't a soldier!" she said in a teasing tone.

"How dare you?" Tatsumoto gasped.

"Naw, you were some sort of nice cushy executive somewhere. I bet you had cats. You had a lot of cats. You were a cat-lady Ritz manager, or something," Asuka continued, stirring her food.

"I am allergic to cats, why would…" Tatsumoto's eyes went past Asuka, and hardened. Her smile remained, but it was frozen. The expression was…dangerous.

Asuka turned, and saw a short, sturdy man with a tall, gangly sergeant trailing him like a terrier. He had a Captain's rank tab on his uniform, and it was clear he was not a former civilian. His face was sturdy, and his eyes were flat and dead, like a fish's. Those eyes were locked on Asuka.

He marched straight towards her, and stopped less than five feet away. His stance was rigid, but the air around him was…threatening. Asuka remained relaxed, and forced her expression to be dull and neutral. Her fingers on the hand nearest to the Captain were loose, though…spread apart…ready. "Capt. Ishii?" the Colonel said primly. "Is there something you wish to say?"

The eyes flicked to the Colonel, and back to Asuka. "This is Asuka Langley Soryu." It was probably intended as a question, but came out as a statement. His voice was as flat as his eyes. Something in the tone made Asuka's skin crawl. Without turning back to the Colonel, however, Asuka immediately felt a chill from that side of the table. Ishii glanced at the Colonel, and added a sullen, "Ma'am," as an afterthought.

"This is our guest, who is, in fact, Asuka Langley Soryu," the Colonel said. "She is being treated to a meal. She is looking for a friend of hers. Would you care to join us, if you are not busy?"

Ishii's eyes widened slightly. "You are breaking bread with her…and you expect me to do…_that_?"

"I invited you to sit and eat with us, _Captain._ If you are too busy to do so, or simply wish to decline for personal reasons, you will do so in a civil manner," the Colonel said in a frosty tone.

The Captain looked at her with something very much like hate. His lip curled, and he spun, walking towards the exit of the dining hall. When he reached the door, he turned, and pointed at Asuka. "Assembled comrades. A toast. I want to propose…a toast. To the great…Asuka Langley Soryu. No one else in the world like her. The most damaging single entity to the Japanese military since the United States Pacific Fleet. Our guest. A round of applause, please. A round of applause for the Red Demon, the Whore of-"

"_Captain_!" The word was spoken, not shouted, but it cracked across the dining hall like a whip. Asuka turned slowly, seeing all eyes on her and the Colonel. She looked back at the woman, and saw the steel there. "We will have words about this disgraceful behavior," she said quietly. "You have my permission to leave the dining hall."

The Captain gave her one last look, and then left with his henchman. The dining hall was quiet for a brief moment. The Colonel turned, and said, with a slight smile, "We have good food sitting here getting cold. Don't let it go to waste, people." Someone else started a conversation, and the buzz of talk returned.

"Who…was that?" Asuka said, her voice trembling. She didn't realize how angry she had become.

"Captain Isato Ishii. My former CO." She smiled. "He's been most unhappy since arriving here six months ago."

"Six months ago…" Asuka murmured, and the Colonel nodded. "I've been here for the past ten years and he just walked out of the ocean to find his subordinate calling the shots. He showed up with four other soldiers, formed a little…clique here. We've had to keep an eye on him. He hasn't been anything more than insubordinate."

"You need him," Asuka said quietly.

"Until he's a liability. Trained military personnel are in short order, and he is a good soldier…when he chooses to be."

"Don't look now, Colonel, but it looks like he's damned near to becoming a liability right now," Asuka hissed. The Colonel laid a hand on Asuka's, which had developed a slight tremor.

"I'll worry about that. Just…try to enjoy your lunch. I do apologize for his words and I assure you he does not speak for the rest of this organization," Tatsumoto said. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go speak to First Sergeant Kaze." Asuka nodded, and returned to her meal. She inhaled deeply, sitting in silence, alone, for a moment, then turned to Rei.

The girl was sitting very still, staring at her plate. The crowd had vanished, and she was alone, doing her best to appear invisible. Her expression had become blank and unreadable, and that unnerved Asuka. It was the same face she had when Asuka first met her so long ago. Leaving her food, Asuka crossed to the table.

"Rei?" Asuka prodded.

"That man…he wants to kill us." It was a flat statement, lacking in inflection. Asuka laid a hand on the girl's shoulder, and Rei looked up at her. Those eyes were glassy, and wavering.

"Probably," Asuka admitted. Prettying up the situation wouldn't change it, and though she acted immature at times, Rei was no idiot. She could act like an idiot…but that didn't mean she was one.

"This is a…um..." She smiled nervously. "I remember how it felt to know the Angels wanted to kill us. I know how I felt with the dogs." She stared after Ishii. "This is…different."

"This is the difference between impersonal and personal," Asuka said. "Those things didn't care who were are, and as awful as their attacks against us were, it wasn't because of who we are. We just happened to be in the way." She jerked her chin after Ishii. "He knows who we are, and that's why he hates us. He wants to kill us because of that."

"Is it strange that I find a single man more threatening than…all of that?"

"Not strange," Asuka said. "Smart. In the end, Angels, animals…they're nothing compared to a vicious bastard with intent." She squeezed Rei's shoulder, then lightly flicked at her cheek with a thumb and forefinger, a friendly and playful gesture. "Come on, eat up," she said, watching the girl and waiting for a response.

"…I've been wanting more meat," she murmured, looking at her plate. She had been digging through the ham.

"Sounds about right," Asuka said. "That's what you get for living in the woods for weeks."

"You're a bad influence," Rei sniped.

"Of course I am," Asuka teased, tousling the girls hair. She mewled in protest, waving a fork at her.

* * *

Asuka and Rei exited the dining hall feeling three pounds heavier and wanting nothing more than to flop down on a bed with their feet in the air. "If I was a cat, I'd want my belly rubbed," Rei sighed.

"Cats hate having their bellies rubbed," Asuka said, still savoring the memory of the potatoes.

"Some cats like it," Rei said, smiling. "Hey, what's this?" A group of four adults were herding a group of kids between the buildings, their faces serious and drawn. Asuka slowed her pace, watching them run around the corner of another building. She turned to her left, looking towards where they had flowed from. A lot of people were rushing _that_ way…

"Come on," she said, tugging Rei's sleeve.

They hurried around the corner, to see that three jeeps were sitting in the road. A small crowd had gathered at the jeeps, while the rest were rushing towards the far fence. A lot of them had rifles. Asuka led Rei over to the jeeps, and spied the Colonel rounding one of them. "Colonel!" Asuka hollered. The woman turned, her face fierce, and then relaxed when she saw the girls.

"Well, we've had another probe," she said in a flat tone when the two joined up, passing the crowd. A pair of NCOs were shouting at the gathered crowd, giving orders and organizing them into separate details. Asuka ignored them and went to the back of the first jeep. Laid on a stretcher was a body, in the makeshift uniform of the SDF, complete with orange scarf. The head was missing. She glanced down the row of jeeps, and saw that two more stretchers were being unloaded from one. She guessed a fourth was on the rear one.

"This patrol didn't report in for thirty minutes," the Colonel said. "We found them as is. We didn't have to search hard for them, they…" She gritted her teeth, her expression feral and hateful. "They were on display. Someone put my troops up on display."

"Where are the heads?" Asuka asked.

"We don't know, ma'am," one of the drivers said, for her and the Colonel's benefit. "It was just the bodies. On the north perimeter…" Someone shouted, and Asuka looked past the crowd. A man was kicking one of walls of a cabin, another man trying to say something to him. As if by magic, the First Sergeant appeared, placing a hand on the angry man's shoulder. The fellow sagged, running his hands through his hair and wavering.

"What's his problem?" Asuka asked. The driver pointed at the fourth body being unloaded.

"That was his wife," he said quietly.

* * *

"How did they die?" the Colonel asked. The man she questioned was short, balding, potbellied, and his eyesight was poor. In his civilian life, he had been a children's pediatrician. Now, he was the head of the base's small but able medical staff.

"Painfully, I would imagine," he said quietly. "Just from the initial examination, I would say the decapitation was begun premortem. A knife was used in all instances."

Tatsumoto kicked one her chairs with enough force to crumple in the leg. "First harassment, then booby traps, potshots…now bodies. Bodies!" She made a fist convulsively, and she pointed a finger at Kaze. "I want whoever these people are burned. I want them…" The First Sergeant waved, and the medical officer retreated.

"We will," he rumbled. "We're doubling patrols, reassessing the threat...We'll make bodies out these scum." His was a liquid anger, something that rang slow and soft and sweet.

"You'll have a better chance if you contact the Restored Government," Asuka murmured. Rei sat meekly in a corner, watching everything. This had moved beyond her current understanding. "Give them a heads up on things…you have enough room for an airfield here. They can bring in supplies, troops…"

"Make this a proper FOB," Tatsumoto said. Her look was hungry, almost starved. "We can assemble a reconnaissance in force. Yes…" The past hour, Asuka had appraised the Colonel to the attacks in the south, the cryptic message of a Teacher leading them. The Colonel had no doubt that the Teacher had targeted her base as well. Her base…and her soldiers. "Yes…hunt this worm down to his cave and drag him out." She shook her head.

She looked at Asuka and Rei. "You two have been more than helpful," she said. "And we've been pleased to have you as guests. If you'd like to stay and help with this, we'd love it, but…"

"We do need to be moving, preferably tomorrow morning, after a rest. And a chance to equip from your supplies, if possible." She jerked a thumb at Rei. "Somebody lost all her clothes to some hungry pups."

Rei made a face and stuck out her tongue. Asuka smiled, and the Colonel relaxed. "Yes, we can help with that. Go see Staff Sergeant Miyuzuko, she's our quartermaster. Tell her what you need, she'll get you squared away."

"We do appreciate that," Asuka said. Kaze held up a scarred finger.

"We also suggest you cut east, then swing north," he said, "There's heavy urban ruin that way, but nothing in the nature of these probes. Bandits, yes, but they scare easy with force. I think you have some fragmentation grenades, yes?"

"Four," Asuka confirmed.

"I'd advise you to take some high grade CS and WP grenades, as well. That'll scare away whoever causes you ill," he said.

"Well…the CS…that's area affect, right?" Asuka asked. "We could use that, but the WP…" She was still skittish about white phosphorus. "I don't like the idea of…well…"

"I'm not suggesting you use it on anyone. We localized ones, intended to mark locations. Like flares. You could use to it seal a room or black a passage. I can't think of anyone crazed enough to push through a cloud of that stuff," Kaze said.

"Maybe…"Asuka murmured, nodding. As she did, Tatsumoto's aide walked through the open door.

"Ma'am, the company commanders are here," he said.

"Thanks, Lieutenant," she said, "Ladies, could you please excuse us?" Asuka and Rei let themselves out as Tatsumoto and Kaze prepared their meeting.

* * *

They slept well that night, in a conference room inside the main lodge on a pair of cots. Compared to roughing it on the ground in the woods, a cut with piled sleeping bags, clean sheets, and blankets was a small slice of heaven. They were awakened by a soldier laying a cup of hot tea next to each of them, before quietly excusing himself. Asuka sat up, and gratefully sipped at the tea. Rei was bundled tight under her blankets

They had picked up an assault pack for Rei, as well as better boots, some extra clothes, a poncho, and a portable sleep system in a self-contained bag. They strapped it on the outside of the assault pack, and it proved a good mix, light, comfortable load. They were also able to score four CS grenades, two WP grenades, and a knife for Rei. These were already packed, steady, ready to go.

The First Sergeant had pulled aside a driver and a jeep to take Asuka and Rei past the outer perimeter and get them started. He wasn't there to thank, but the Colonel was, all smiles.

"Slept well, huh?" she said.

"Like a pair of rocks," Rei chirped.

"I'm glad," Tatsumoto laughed. "Thanks for giving us that tip on the radio coverage. We received a message back this morning: the Restored Government is…surprised to hear from us, but interested."

"We should thank you," Asuka said, nodding to the Colonel. "We're we helped, and we're more than grateful for yours."

"Just be safe, and find him," the Colonel said. Asuka nodded, and glanced over the Colonel's shoulder. She caught a glimpse of Capt. Ishii and his beanpole sergeant, along with two other toughs. They were watching the group, and making no secret of it.

"That doesn't look friendly," Asuka murmured. The Colonel turned and looked. The group scattered.

"Yeah…well…" She turned. "He can't stomach taking orders from me, but he will for the sake of a warm bed and food. I told him to drop it with you…but…" She sighed. "Watch your back. If something happens…I wash my hands of it."

"Of course," Asuka said, smiling humorlessly. That was as close to a blessing as she would get on the issue. She gave one last glance to where Ishii was, and hopped into the jeep next to Rei.

* * *

The jeep drove them some distance past the perimeter before dropping them off. The driver wished them luck, and then, they were alone again. Alone on on their way.

As they walked, Rei sensed a distance in Asuka. "Are you thinking about what the Colonel said yesterday?" she asked. "About Shinji?"

Asuka nodded. "Yeah…among other things."

"What?"

"Well…we've got two places within a close distance of each other, and they say Shinji was here six years ago," Asuka said.

"You're thinking he has a six year head start on us," Rei said. Asuka nodded, unhappy. She stopped, and stared at a point in front of her, her brow furrowed and her mouth drawn down. Rei walked a few more feet before realizing Asuka was standing still.

She looked at her, waiting, but Asuka was feeling the weight of what lay before her. Six years…that was a long time. And a long way to go with no certain point at the end.

Rei walked up to her, and, a warm smile on her face, touched Asuka's cheek with her hand. Asuka looked at Rei, and the girl said, "What do you do with what you have?"

Asuka laughed. "You _deal_ with it," she snapped.

"You're right. You _deal_ with it." Rei said, and she pulled at Asuka's vest, tugging her forward.

"You're pretty smart for a kid," Asuka commented.

"Well, I am the most amazing Pilot who ever lived," Rei said in a matter-of-fact tone, "At least that's what they said yesterday."

"You're a horrible person for telling all of those lies," Asuka accused.

"You should _thankful _that none of my adoring public could hear you spew such _slander_," Rei snapped, tilting her nose in the air. Asuka sighed, shaking her head.

"Ego. Good. That's just what you need. A nice big, _fat_ ego." She punctuated the word fat by reaching out with a foot and pushing on Rei's posterior. The girl squeaked as she stumbled forward.

"Libel! Vicious libel!" Rei snapped. "You're the worst sort of mentor. You're just jealous that the student has surpassed the master!"

"Mistress, the student has surpassed the mistress. Gender appropriate, please," Asuka said diplomatically.

"Mistress. Is that because you're German?" A clod of dirt hit Rei squarely in the back of the head, earning a squeak of protest. The sound of her continued insults and Asuka's musical laughter continued well on throughout the day.


	22. Neighbor

**Notes from GobHobblin:** In trying to keep with the KT rating, I've had to edit a lot of the cursing that you would be commonplace in a world like this. Cursing is the kind of thing people do to eliminate stress and burn off steam, and if you have no running water, have to slaughter your breakfast, and consider soap a luxury item, you have plenty of steam to let off. This is tough for me; in my daily life, I throw around curse words like rice at a wedding (not proud of it, but…frankly…I like curse words. You sling a few choice adjectives, metaphors, and curse words together, and you have poetry). This is especially tough in writing, because my favorite insults are those that are long buildups with that choice, cutting, vulgar, gutter word right at the end. Watch Deadwood and you'll know what I mean. Cursing on it's own is just vulgarity, but when layered into those sharp, incisive observations, they are weapons. Weapons I can't use for the rating purposes. Ah, me.

Incidentally, I've noticed I've been mispelling Ayanami this whole time. I know how it's spelled, and yet I spelled it wrong at the beginning and never went back to change it. I just kind of…went and ran with it…re-edits ho!

Another note: I make mention a lot of a 'possibles' bag. In mountain man lore, a possibles bag would be a bag where items that could be useful were stored. Broken tools, interesting items, etc. In this case, this is a bag a shooter would have hanging from their side to carry empty or half-empty magazines, so as not to leave them behind. I call it a possibles bag because those are reusable magazines. It's especially important to someone who doesn't want to leave a trace…bullet casings are one thing, but magazines are another, especially as magazines an integral part of a firearm.

The More You Know !^o^!

* * *

Kaze was right, concerning the urban wreckage. Large portions of Japan had been consumed by urban sprawl, mostly limited to the coast. Good portions of those ruins were limited to the coast, which had housed the greater whole of the population. Inland, most of that sprawl had gone to earth, between the large loss of life following Second Impact and the rapture of humanity in the Third Impact. Structures when not maintained tended to decompose and collapse fairly quickly, especially in a country that used wood and even paper for a large portion of its building materials. Even the more 'permanent' building materials of glass and concrete were victims to the stress of wind, water, ice, and burrowing roots. This meant Japan was crisscrossed by large wooded sections, the taste of an older, more primordial time, and dense, scrabbled clusters of urban decay.

Sometimes, it was a gradual thing, finding hills and mounds that were too low, too square, too regular to be natural, until one found themselves between buildings, old houses, storefronts. Other times, it was sudden, a warehouse or factory sitting pristine and simple in the midst of a grove of trees. This was of the more pervasive kind, a sprawl of many hollowed out and freestanding structures, interspersed with cracked asphalt roads and carpets of powdered and cracked concrete. The yapping of dogs, the random pop or crack of a distant firearm, and the calling of birds filled the air.

The choice of traveling through those areas was split between slow picking through stealthy routes, and just risking an attack by rolling over the roads. One was careful, but one was fast. Right now, Asuka decided to risk speed. They spent the day working through the road, blessedly cleared of cars. When Third Impact occurred, it was the global kind of catastrophe that had a build up. Well before people were consumed in Instrumentality, the world's weather patterns had forced people off of the streets and into buildings as Unit-o1 became the epicenter of the most massive global storm the globe had experienced since its formative stage in pre-history.

Thus, the roads were usually empty, and nice, long paths for walking. The two were enjoying one right now, in the midst of a block of ruined and not quite so ruined structures. It was then that Asuka decided to quiz her protege.

"Why are we doing this?" she asked Rei.

"The…walking on the road?" she replied quietly.

"Yeah."

"Um…" Rei furrowed her brow. "Well, obviously it's faster…but it's more dangerous, right? More exposed."

"Two for two," Asuka said, scanning the buildings.

"I'm thinking…we know there's danger to the north, and we need to try and make progress…so we take the faster route east as quickly as we could, before angling north. We're going for _distance_."

"Smart girl," Asuka teased. "What else?"

"We risk attack or observation, but you figure that there's plenty of places to cover and loose that scrutiny just…lying around." She gestured to the ruins. Asuka beamed with pride for Rei.

"Why, Miss Ayaname, we might make a salvager out of you yet," Asuka chided. She really didn't want Rei doing that, but the girl deserved praise. She looked over, but Rei wasn't paying attention. She was walking backwards, watching something behind them. Asuka turned, and saw two jeeps from the SDF rolling up. Two thoughts popped into her head: the first was that she had truly underestimated Rei's hearing, and she would have to tell her how awesome that was. The second thought was that there was no reason for SDF to be in this area.

Asuka studied the jeeps coming down the road. They were from the base…but why? All the attention was focused on the north, so why come out this far? Was there something that needed to be said to them? Something that happened, some new piece of information that Tatsumoto though was important enough to track down the girls?

With two jeeps? It felt wrong. The jeeps were far enough away that, while they had seen the girls, they wouldn't be able to make out any details…She plucked a CS grenade off of Rei's vest, and handed it to the girl.

"Cross your hands, and hide that grenade," Asuka said. Rei's hands were small, but they did the task well. It was about the size of a soda can, the kind riot cops used to clear streets. Between that the WP grenade Asuka plucked from her own vest, and that, they could deal with whatever this was.

"Aren't they friends?" Rei murmured as they stood next to each other in the street, their hands cross and off of their rifles. Nice, easy, nonthreatening…pay no attention to the hidden firecrackers.

"Maybe…" Asuka said. The jeeps pulled off the road in opposite directions about fifty feet away, forming a V in the street. Orange-scarfed men exited the vehicle…and Capt. Isato Ishii. She nodded, forcing a friendly smile on her face. She turned casually to Rei, still smiling. The girl was tense, her face blank and firm. She jerked her gaze to Asuka, and saw the expression. She relaxed…and smiled, just a little. "Maybe not,"Asuka said. "Be ready, okay?"

"Miss Soryu, Miss Ayaname," Ishii said in his characteristic, flat tone. "I'm glad I caught up with you. The Colonel sent me to retrieve you and bring you back. She said she forgot something, and needed to see you immediately."

It was a stupid lie, but it made Asuka bristle. He wasn't even attempting to hide his purpose here. He was just going through the motions, just because. "Please thank the Colonel for her hospitality," Asuka said, "But we've been detained for too long. We have to keep moving, if we hope to catch up to our friend. He's had a six year head start."

"I apologize, but I have my orders," Ishii said, the soldiers around him slowly spreading out from the jeeps and forming a line on the street. Their weapons were low…but there. "If you will please come with us."

"No," Asuka said, sweet but frank. The rifles trembled a moment. Ishii stood still. He nodded, accepting it, and placed his hands on his hips.

"No fencing, ah?" he said bluntly.

"What will the Colonel think when she finds out you stole two of her jeeps to hunt me down?" Asuka said, an edge in her voice.

"The 'Colonel,'" he began, managing a full layer of disgust into that word, "Can go to hell."

Asuka tensed, getting ready for violence, when salvation came from the most unexpected of places.

"Ooh. Shiny weapons, fueled jeeps," a voice called from the left. All eyes turned, to see ten filthy men in a variety of clothing and weaponry scattered around the remains of a convenience store. Asuka risked a glimpse to the right, at the still standing three story structure. On the top of the building, five more men stood. One of them wore a samurai's helm.

"Ah. A samurai…because why not?" she said loudly. It was false bravado, but that was just as good as firepower here. It was like a dog bristling its fur…the bigger target was the one you hesitated to attract attention from.

The SDF troops circled loosely, their weapons not quite up but clearly ready for violence. "Easy, every one, easy," the largest bandit said. "We're all neighbors, here. We're just being neighborly. Making sure that these lovely ladies aren't being harassed…you know, gentlemen likes us, we need to look out for the fair sex." He gave a nasty grin that was shy a few teeth. "What do you say, ladies? Care to spend a little time with us? Be neighborly? Heh?" Asuka glanced at him, and put him from her mind. She focused on Ishii, ignoring everything else.

"Well, Ishii? What's your move? We're nice and surrounded now," she said.

Ishii nodded. "This is irrelevant. This. All that matters is whether you walk away today or not. I'm voting for 'not.'"

"You'd lead these people to their deaths just to ensure that I go in the dirt?" Asuka snapped, pitching her voice for all to hear.

"Hey, everyone calm down and lower your weapons. No one's going in the dirt," the bandit leader said, missing the gist of the conversation. "We'll let you bright boys walk on back to Mama Tatsumoto's place, minus anything useful. Just leave us the girls, someone to talk to. It's lonely out here."

Rei shuddered, but Asuka slowly stepped forward, placing herself into Rei's view and between her and everyone. The motion could not be mistaken. "How do your boys think of that, Ishii? Are they loyal enough to throw their lives away for you?"

"They are loyal…to the nation of Japan, and to her principles and to our dead _comrades in arms_!" he snapped. The crew around him seemed to be wavering a bit, but to their credit they stood firm. It was clear to Asuka what that was: fear of Ishii. They weren't running because they were loyal to him or his ideals…they weren't running because they were too scared of what he would do when he caught up with them.

"Stop ignoring us," the bandit leader roared, "We're giving the orders here. We have the better position, we outnumber-"

"I plan on walking out of here, Ishii, with my friend," Asuka said, "And you can walk, too, if you play it smart. Just drop this. It's not worth it."

"If there is anything that happens here today…whether you or one of those cross-eyed, inbred, yo-yo suckerheads closes my eyes, I will be damned if it's before I make sure you and the little Pilot celebrity there are nose down for good. I swear to God…if anyone dies today, it's gonna you," he said flat and cool.

The bandit leader was gibbering again, but Asuka was ignoring him. The threat against her riled her a bit, to be sure, but she had been threatened before. The throw-away portions of that little piece of theater, though, were directed at Rei. Asuka sensed the tension and fear behind her, and all of her own unease evaporated. All that remained was ice.

"You've stepped into dangerous territory with me, little boy," Asuka said, her tone low and deadly. Ishii flushed, but remained firm. "The lot of you…I'm taking accounts and settling them before this day is out."

"You're one woman with a child who's never been in combat, facing nine trained soldiers of the SDF and over a dozen hardened men. Threats are not going to get you out of that," Ishii snapped.

"All right, everyone cool it…" the leader called out, holding a hand up. His voice quivered, and he detected violence brewing. Bandits could be vicious, and uncaring, but they weren't psychopaths…they were frequently just desperate. Even the most depraved of them knew that violence could just as easily kill them, and there was no profit in death. The lot of the bandits were starting to shift uneasily, their weapons up and tracking. They knew they had just stepped into something beyond them.

Asuka laughed. Rei glanced at her, and there was a clear note of uneasiness from the many men staring her down. "Back then," she snapped, "When I was a child…slaughtering the amassed forces of the Japanese military…what did you think you would find when you caught up with me? A demon? The scum of the earth? That was when I was a kid. What do you think I'll do now?" The bandit leader was now very quiet; between Asuka and Ishii, he knew he wasn't the alpha dog in the yard.

Ishii smiled, a cold and humorless expression. "You talk a lot."

Asuka smiled, and acted.

She pulled the tab and tossed the grenade in one motion. It was relaxed, unhurried, and unthreatening. The cylinder bounced off of Ishii's chest lightly, and he glanced at his feet, surprised. He had one moment to register the smoke billowing out of the end before it burst, and he was at the center of a small cloud of heat and light which consumed two of the nearest soldiers and scattered the rest.

Rei did marvelously. Despite the screaming, the smoke, the heat, and the smell of men burning, she pulled the pin on her own grenade and threw it towards the bandits. It popped and blue smoke began to billow out. Immediately, men began to gag, cough, snort, and wail as their sinuses were saturated with CS gas. Military grade tear gas was not pepper-spray, which was oil based. It was a cloud of small, nasty crystals, each clinging to the fabric of clothing, embedding into skin pores and snagging hair follicles…and snagging and clawing through sensitive mucous membranes and the tender surfaces of eyeballs.

Asuka grabbed Rei's collar and pulled her off the street. They made it into a structure before Rei found her feet and was running. She got about ten feet before vomiting. Asuka tried to brace her, but Rei pushed her off, still running. "I'm right…all right…okay," Rei stammered.

"Good, keep moving," Asuka said, gazing up, pulling her last WP and dropping it behind them. It landed lightly in the doorway, and would block the rear. They still had five guys on the roof, though. They pushed deeper into the structure, what appeared to be an old budget-office building; lots of hallways, lots of little warrens. They got deep in, twisting and turning, before Asuka found a hall to her satisfaction. It tapered off to the right at a ninety degree angle in a three-way intersection, ran about ten feet down a dead end, save for a little side-hall leading to restrooms. She led Rei down that way, and ditched her ruck in the side office.

They leaned against the wall, Asuka listening to the panic in the street and the thundering of feet above. They were trying to reorganize and move. She knew that she had killed Ishii and maybe three others, caused some injuries, but that wouldn't stop them. As for the bandits doused in CS gas, once they flapped their arms enough to get it off their clothing and snorted out enough mucus and tears to clear the crystals, they would be ready to hunt. She had to hurt them, and hurt them _bad_, to discourage them from pushing on. Fortunately, it sounded like the SDF renegades and the bandits had decided to try and settle differences, and the rattle of gunfire and shouted orders drifted through the air.

"Rei," she said, turning. The girl had a trembling hand over her eyes, and sat silent. "Rei?"

"They were…burning." Rei murmured. She looked over at Asuka, her eyes red-rimmed. "They wanted to kill us. But they were burning."

Asuka nodded. "It's awful. It's an awful way to die. I had to use it, though. The frag grenade may have hurt and killed us. White phosphorus is…limited in where it goes." She trailed off, realizing she was making excuses. She pressed her lips together, and leaned closer to Rei. "They died horribly, and more of them are going to die. I'm going to kill them, do you understand? I have to, or they'll follow us and kill us."

Rei nodded, the motion jerky. "I'm going to kill them," Asuka continued, "But I'm going to make you safe. I'm going to make you safe, do you understand?"

"Stop trying to explain it and get it over with," Rei said, snuffling. "Do what you need to and I'll have a panic attack about it later, okay?"

Asuka smiled, and thumped Rei's chest. "Get in that corner there, and wait. You'll be safer there. I'll lead them around and cut them down before heading back. I figure if I give them a good enough scare, they'll cut their losses and go. I'll let you know when I'm coming back, okay? If someone comes around that corner…" She stopped, suddenly uncomfortable.

"If they don't announce themselves, it's not you…and I'll shoot." Rei nodded. "I'll be okay. Do what you need to."

* * *

Asuka cut through the structure, her weapon at the high ready. All of her senses were singing right now, the copper taste of fear driving her motions. It was a familiar feeling…but it was a vintage she savored.

Samurai-Helmet popped through a stairwell door, his rifle at his hip. She had her rifle set to semi-automatic, and fired two rounds that dropped him in place. She saw a crowd forming, the rest of the thugs rushing down behind him and getting caught in the door. She kept firing, killing two and injuring a third. She missed the final one, but watched his feet beat up the steps. The wounded opponent was trying to clear his weapon, tangled by one of the dead. She shot him once, and hurried towards the stairwell. She pulled a grenade and yanked the pin, mentally counting down as the fuse clicked away. She leaned and chucked it up the stairwell at the mental count of '2,' and hurried. She heard a cry of surprise, the bang and shudder of the grenade, and silence. She had to get to the street. The fighting was still happening, and that was the best time to hit them. Hit them hard, and hit them fast, when they were focused on each other.

She swallowed, feeling guilty as a thrill of pleasure ran through her. It was a close in firefight, as close as one could get to knife-fighting with firearms. There was that part of her that loved it…loved it more than she loved living. She was running now, running towards a space where a plate glass window had once sat. Hitting her stride, she vaulted through the window, and the wolf was amongst the sheep.

* * *

Rei sat in her corner, staring down the hallway. She swallowed as she listened to the fighting, the rapid shots punctuated by long silences or screaming men. From time to time, she was certain she heard Asuka. Men screaming in fear, screaming orders to hound her, stop her, _trap_ her. Part of her wanted to watch…and part of her was afraid to. She heard a scuff in the building, though, and her attention came back to the here and now.

Someone was moving down the hall. They were trying to be stealthy, but they were breathing loud, their feet seemed to find every pebble and stress-point in the floor. It wasn't Asuka, that was clear. Rei continued to breathe slow and smooth, holding the AK 47 against her shoulder. Her heart pounded, feeling like it was in her head behind her eyes. The rifle had become feather light, gripped in arms fueled by adrenaline. The barrel vibrated in her vision.

She was so afraid. So afraid. She tried to remember the last time she had been this scared. As a Pilot…yes. She had felt fear. But she hadn't tasted it, appreciated it. It sang in her veins like razors on violin strings. Fear was all she knew.

A greasy, filthy men turned the corner, his eyes wild and sweat pouring down his hairy face. It was dim, so his eyes took a moment adjusting to Rei in her corner. There was a moment of recognition…but only a moment.

Rei did as she was supposed to. She was sure that if Asuka had watched, she would be proud. She held the rifle tight, she used both eyes, and she stood in the most perfect high-ready stance she could. In slow motion, she could see his panicked expression, and the rifle coming up.

She squeezed the trigger.

An automatic rifle will empty a magazine in a few seconds. An AK had a more gradual fire rate than most rifles, a steady 'ak-ak-ak-ak' that drove the barrel up. Braced by solid stance, and her terror-fueled strength, the barrel stayed low for the most part. That steady 'ak-ak' went through thirty rounds in about four seconds, but it seemed faster to Rei, and her bolt clicked open and surprised her. She stood trembling, gazing over the front sight post, her mouth dry.

It wasn't like a movie. He didn't go flying backward, or jitterbug to the bullets. The impacts were not nice little red puffs or bursts of smoke…they were messy, and large. She had hit him at close range with solid core rounds, each bullet passing through the man and continuing on. After she had hit him so…_many_ times, he dropped in place like a man falling to his knees in prayer, and slouched upright, his upper torso a mess. A mess. A mess a mess a mess a mess.

Rei didn't feel excited. She didn't feel a thrill, or power. She didn't feel glad. She felt filthy. Filthy, filthy, filthy, filthy…

Trembling hands ejected the empty magazine, which clattered useless to the ground. She fought, and succeeded, in pulling a magazine from her vest, and tried to load it, but it slipped and fell. She grabbed another one, and managed to pushed it into the magazine well. She hit the bolt release hard enough to cut her palm, and the rifle jerked. She swallowed on a dry throat, backing away from the _MESS_ she had created, and thinking to herself how awful she was. How awful. How awful.

She lost her footing and fell into the wall, and slid down it, feeling sick. She threw the rifle away from her like it was a poisonous snake, and crawled into the side office, trembling and gripping the rucks. She circled down, down, down…

* * *

Asuka heard the distinct firing signature of an AK, and knew that was Rei. She froze in place, glancing over her shoulder. She listened, strained for any other noise, then bolted. She was in the midst of a collapsed set of storage units, their white walls jutting in clean rows like broken teeth. She ran by them, rifle low and not particularly aimed at anything. She had to hurry…hurry hurry hurry.

Panic drove her actions. They had found Rei. They would hurt Rei. They would kill Rei.

They would _hurt_ Rei. So Asuka would _hurt_ them. Oh, how she would hurt them. She passed a crumbling wall, and saw two to her left. She emptied the magazine at them, peppering both before they knew she was there and killing them outright. She skirted a more solid wall, dropping the spent magazine into a waiting hand. Her rifle was modified, and had a very high rate of fire. She could empty a full mag in three seconds.

She had tucked the magazine into her possibles bag when a filthy, bearded man with a pistol rounded the corner. Asuka didn't hesitate. She ran forward, leapt into the air, and drove the rifle forward like a spear one-handed. It didn't matter if there was a bayonet or not…the muzzle of a rifle is a sharp piece of unyielding metal. It broke his clavicle, and he stumbled backwards, dropping the pistol and grabbing at his throat with both hands.

Asuka dropped her rifle, too, letting it hang on her harness. She raised both arms, and brought her fists down simultaneously on the man's shivering hands. The force jarred the injury, and agony made him cringe and spin in place, dazed. Asuka grabbed his head and pulled while kicking his calf, dropping him on his back, where she brought her weight down in a punch to his throat. She was then up and moving again, as the bandit's organs began to shut down behind her.

Her rifle was loaded as she got closer, closer to where she had left Rei. She entered the building, and hurried through the halls. Closer, now. Closer. She saw the dead man, still upright. Kicking him over, she cut sideways, and saw Rei's rifle on the floor, still pointing towards the dead man. She couldn't see Rei. Frantically, she scanned the end of the hallway, and saw her feet leading from the annex hall. One of them was squirming. Was she shot? Oh, God, please, no, was she _shot_?

Asuka dropped her rifle and cut around the corner. Rei was gripping Asuka's ruck with both hands, and had vomited heavily on the floor. She was now in the midst of dry heaves. No blood. No blood, thank God, no blood. She crouched down, laying a protective hand on the girl's leg when she heard shouting in the hall. A crowd moving down it. Not gently, she shoved Rei's feet into the annex, and braced against the wall, listening to the sounds approaching. She pulled a frag grenade from her vest.

Asuka pulled the pin and let her fingers loose. The safety bar flew up, and she count "One…two…" and threw the grenade back. Three, she fell over on top of Rei, shielding her.

Four. A cry of panic. A loud pop. And silence. And she was up, moving down the hall with her rifle up.

She cautiously advanced on the crater, pressing through the acrid smoke. There was a body…and another. When she rounded the corner, the last man lay sitting against a wall, his hands crimson and his shirt front matching. He had taken a good brunt of the shrapnel to his front, and it was only a matter of time now, for him.

He looked up, dazed, and blinked. Asuka recognized him, then…the bandit leader. Mr. Be My Neighbor. "Look…look at this," he whimpered, accusation in his voice. "We just…wanted your name, you know…nothing…too much. A little fun, ladies…a little fun…" He tried to wipe his hands on his shirt. "You just…needed to be neighborly. Where's the harm in that? Being a neighbor…pretty lady." He shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what the world had come to.

Asuka stared at him, suddenly tired, and she hurried back down the hall. She leaned over, and pulled the girl into a sitting position.

"Rei? Rei?" Asuka shook the girl. Rei focused on her, trying to form words. The eyes went vacant, and she looked away. "Rei…" Asuka whispered, but knew it was no use. Rei had checked out for the moment. Asuka had to act fast. She grabbed her ruck tape, and hauled the girl up to her feet. She turned, and draped Rei on her back, letting the girls arms dangle in front of her face. She crossed Rei's arms, ran the roll of tape around them about six or seven times, and stood up, one hand holding her rifle and the other under Rei's thigh, bracing her high on Asuka's shoulders. She cut through the structure, took a rear exit, and booked it.

As they kicked through the ruins, leaving the dead and dazed behind, Asuka pondered their situation. It could be worse. As it stood, though, she was shy her ruck, and Rei's, down a rifle, and up a catatonic, emotionally traumatized girl who had retreated. The situation could be worse…but for the life of her, Asuka couldn't figure how, at that moment. With nothing else to do, Asuka finally cut north.

* * *

For three days, Asuka trudged at a fast rate. Three full days without sleep, without stopping or resting. No food, no water…Asuka had dropped so deep into the Drone Zone that she had lost all sense of time, of place, of reason. There were only two things she was vaguely aware of…that she had to put that urban wreckage and its killers as far to the rear as she could, and that the only place she could go was where that thread led, that nasty tugging that had become a long and dull throb.

"Almost…there…Rei," she muttered, unaware of it. It didn't matter…Rei had not responded to anything Asuka had said in that time.

Asuka broke down in increments, like a crumbling building. Her legs, slowly but surely, became like rubber, warbling underneath her until she drifted to her knees. "Moment…got a…horse fly…lookit…" Asuka mumbled. Her words had ceased to have any coherent sense, rattling from wherever her sleep-deprived mind was summoning them. She eased forward, crawling, dragging her rifle along in the dirt. Rei's head draped senselessly next to her, blue hair mingling with red.

"Cashews…what a haircut…" She crawled for hours, weaving tales to the trees and telling Rei about how wonderful it would be over the ridge. That was what she thought she was doing…all it was were ravings. Rimshot words. Whatever she could dredge up. She didn't even hear her own voice.

Her arms gave out, and she fell heavily forward. Rei's weight pulled her to the side, and her hands came up protectively, gripping the limp hands tied together. "Crows…" Asuka murmured, her face in the dirt and her eyes fixed forward, ever forward. "Crows…crows…crows…"

Her eyes rolled up into her head, and she drifted into darkness.


	23. In A Year of Rabbits

**Notes from GobHobblin:** Scramming through DeviantArt, enjoying EVA pics for inspiration. Open question: what's up with all the kidnap pics? Seriously. Why? Dear God, why? Why do people draw this particular topic? 0_o

* * *

The European rabbit is a versatile little critter, and given the chance will eagerly out-eat and out-breed any local wildlife in any region of the world. In the year after Instrumentality, the one year after the Day of Return had come and gone, the long-eared reprobates had taken to Japan with an enthusiasm matched only by the growing predator population that enjoyed the taste of rabbit. As it happened, Asuka did as well.

She would them solely if not for the risk of rabbit fever and rabbit starvation, as they were tasty and easy to catch. She squatted in the dirt, barefoot and lightly clad, as she slit each hide and popped the rabbits free from their skins like pulling a hand from a glove. Her fingers were caked brown from the blood, and between the stifling heat, the muggy humidity, the over-inquisitive flies, and the thick smell of copper, and it made for a less than pleasing afternoon. There were prices one had to pay for the minor luxuries, and a rabbit stew mixed with wild onions, leeks, squash, and carrots for a little irony was a true luxury.

Shinji grunted from the doorway, and she looked up, wiping her nose with the inside of her wrist. He wore shorts and nothing else, a slick sheen of sweat and grime on his arms. He had been chopping wood since early sunup, and was now taking a break with a book and a small writing pad. He was chewing on the end of a pencil. His fine hair had been cropped down to fuzz, a sanitary decision he made during the especially hot summer. He had been unhappy with it, but resolved to the comfort it provided.

"It's a good thing you have a nicely shaped skull," Asuka said quietly, dipping her hands in a nearby basin of water and scrubbing her hands lightly.

"Hmm?" He glanced up, the pencil still in his mouth. He had changed a lot. There was less wasted motion to his actions these days, less skittishness in his eyes and behavior. He was only fifteen, but he looked more like he had hit his twenties or thirties. He had grown up a lot in the past year. Asuka flicked her hands, clearing a good portion of the grime from her fingers, and undid her hair. It was, in its natural state, silky despite its thickness, but the heat and the wet had made it oily, sticky, and generally unpleasant. She clung to it, though. She had decided not to cut it, refused to cut it.

It was too much a part of her.

"You could have had a lumpy skull, or a blocky one," she continued, "Naw. You have a nicely shaped head. It's a good thing, you know?"

He smirked, and looked down at his book again. "Thanks for compliment."

"Not a compliment, just an observation," she said, popping her knuckles and retrieving her skinned rabbits. "You'll handle the pelts?"

"Sure," he murmured, scribbling something on the pad. He drew his legs in to let her pass.

"More poems or more notes?" she asked, passing by.

"Yes," he said absentmindedly. She smiled, heading into the kitchen area and laying them in the sink. The sink was attached to a sizable water tank in the back. A neighbor had helped them rig it up, and had bundled chlorine through it for sanitary purposes. Drinking chlorinated water was not the best thing in the world to do; drinking water contaminated with chryptosporidum and malaria was worse. She turned on the tap, and glanced over her shoulder. Shinji was still there, scribbling. A minor irritation flashed through her, and she snapped, "Move it, baka! Those pelts aren't gonna clean themselves!"

Shinji looked up, giving her a warm smile, and dropped the book and notepad on the floor. "You should have done it yourself when your fingers were still dirty!" he snapped in a peevish tone, but he was up and moving, and he said it through that smile. Asuka felt the corner of her mouth twitch, and she turned back to the rabbits before she could betray a grin of her own. It was nice to argue. The way they did, at least…it had _become_ nice.

They had to take what they could get, these days. Asuka still flinched whenever Shinji touched her.

* * *

Shinji used a grill in the back to cook each piece of meat first, before he would boil them with vegetables in a pot sitting over a fire. Asuka watched him from the dining room, more pelts arranged in front of her. There were now 600 people in Tokyo-3, and the pelts made for a good trade item. The new ones were still waiting to be cured, but these were ready to go.

She crossed her legs and linked her fingers behind her neck, reclining. They had spent a year together, and it had been one of fits and starts. The memories of how they had reconnected could come back with a sudden freshness that would scare her. It was odd that they continued to live together, after that…but…she had opportunity to go live with others. Hikari, for instance. And yet, she didn't. She couldn't. As much held her and Shinji apart…there was too much there that would allow them to separate. There was no one…no one on earth…who knew what had happened or felt it in the same way that Shinji and Asuka had. If that was all you had left, you would take it, just to keep from being alone.

She ran her fingers over her delicately shaped throat, thinking of other fingers. Her stomach twisted, remembering that…remembering Shinji's maddened attempt to strangle her to death, on that shore. Was there another time that he had tried to do that? She couldn't remember. What was real and what was imagined was so difficult to discern. Her life was no longer her own; she shared so much of what Shinji had…and he shared so much of what she had…it was all a mess. She was still able to pin down the things she was certain of.

There lingered contempt, the contempt she felt for the whining, sniveling boy she had desired, the contempt for herself for _desiring_ him. Shinji still had traces of that boy.

And yet, there he stood: skinny arms were now whipcords treated by hard-living, light eating, and heavy labor. He was still quiet…but intense, now. Sometimes engagingly intense, and other times…frighteningly so. He didn't stutter anymore, when he spoke. He rarely spoke at all, but when he did, there was purpose in the words.

The fingers on the throat…that incident in the hospital room…that incident. She shuddered, and squirmed to her feet. Shinji turned, hearing the commotion. He looked at her with innocent eyes, concern mingled with…guilt. She recognized the guilt.

He swallowed, and looked down at the rabbits. "Again?" he asked.

She cleared her throat, tried to say something…and scurried into the house.

* * *

"I'm not trying to run," she murmured, standing near the fire and stirring the vegetables in her bowl. She had tried to eat, on a stomach that didn't want food. She had to eat. She was having trouble, though. She was still ashamed of running. She hated running.

"I'm surprised you haven't," Shinji murmured. He had a hardier appetite, having done the harder chores for the day. He sat in a plastic chair, his bare feet planted on the ground. She glanced at him, and shrugged.

"Why?"

Shinji sighed, uncertain how to say it. He sneered, and said, "Oh, you know. Strangling you, abandoning you when you needed me, not reading the signals that you desired more from me than I could give you…spending an afternoon next to your comatose body-"

"Stop." Shinji's mouth clicked shut, and he continued to regard the fire. He looked up, and her face was serious, and contemptuous. It was an expression he was familiar with.

"It's true," he said. "I've done worse by you than you by me. I don't understand why you're still here."

"I don't either," she said. "I don't. I just am." She ate a slice of rabbit. "This is good."

"I'm glad you like it," he whispered. He studied his stew, then poured what wasn't eaten back into the main pot. "I need some air," he said, dropping the bowl on the chair and shuffling away from the house. She watched him go, feeling she should stop him, but…not.

She listened to the cicadas singing as he rounded the corner and vanished.

* * *

Asuka brushed her wet hair, having cleaned it and herself as best as one could with a bucket, warm water, and bar soap. She stepped lightly through the house, examining the items Shinji had left. She pushed the notebook aside, looking at the book. The Science of Time, by an author she had never heard of. She flicked through the notebook, reading his doodling. Shinji wouldn't mind; he might not be back until tomorrow. She flicked to the most recent poem he had written.

"We spoke to the Dark, to give it a shape," she murmured. "We spoke to the Dark, and It spoke back.

And does it say, who are you, the stranger so Strange?

What toll do you pay, and boon do you ask?

Do you come as a thief, to take My Birthright?

Or do we plot as equals, to make Treaty and Binding Words

Do we Bind ourselves with Words?

Back to the Dark, we replied, with glint most arrogant within our eye,

We come as conquerors to sup ourselves

Most Greedy

On that which you hold as Possession

We will take for ourselves as gifts

And you will be glad to give them."

It wasn't the best verse, she had to admit, but it was honest. You couldn't fault that. She felt a presence, and turned to see Shinji. He stood in the doorway, his arms crossed. "God, you look old," she chided, and he gave her a crooked smile.

"I feel old," he murmured.

"You shouldn't. You're only fifteen," she said.

"I can't make this right," he said, and she furrowed her eyebrows. "I can't," he continued, in a steady tone. "I'm not saying this out of self-pity, because I really don't pity myself. I just can't fix it, and that's that."

Asuka shrugged, and brushed her lips with her hand, chasing away an itch and giving her a moment to gather her thoughts. "Well…you don't need to fix it. You can't…undo it. It's done."

"It's done," he agreed.

"We…just walk away from it," she said. "We can't…go back to what we were before all of that…"

"We didn't have much of anything before that," he said, "You don't call what we had healthy."

"No, you don't," she agreed. They let the silence linger for a bit.

"I have to…go to clean up," he said, turning away.

"Shinji," she asked, before he left. "Did you ever love me?"

He looked at her, confused. It could be that this was not the sort of thing fifteen year olds asked each other, but it could be agreed they weren't fifteen year olds anymore. The year had worn itself on them, and the stress of all that had happened before...the effects of Instrumentality...were they really fifteen? Or were they something more ancient, trapped in these frail frames? His answer, however, made Asuka turn her eyes to the floor.

"I never _stopped_ loving you," he had said. He disappeared around the corner.

* * *

Asuka sat hugging her knees to her chest, thinking on what they had talked about.

It was true, what Shinji had said. He had broken some sacred trusts that existed between people, had broken them in ways that could not be easily mended. If mended at all.

She had made a lot of that possible, though. They had talked a lot about what Shinji had done wrong, what he had done to break it all. She would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she had made a lot of that possible…breaking him down and manipulating him to the point that he didn't know which way was up. It didn't excuse what he had done…he had made those choices, and he would have to square with them. She hadn't forgiven him for those things yet, probably wouldn't ever…but he was trying. Trying to make up with them.

It was things like this that made it so hard to figure. Were those actions indicative of a moment of temporary insanity, or was it who Shinji was all that time? Barely contained lust, rage, and anger simmering under the surface, ready to burn those he wanted?

He hadn't been that way, though. Not since that moment on the beach. He had done more than try to change…he _had_ changed. And the fact of the matter was, one couldn't judge Shinji, or herself, and anybody in NERV by any normal standards of behavior, because they had been in a situation so abnormal, any barometer for judgment was right out the window. She sighed.

She wasn't a battered or abused girl, and she had abused and tormented Shinji far more than he had ever done wrong by her. It was just…the quality was different. Or was it? It was hard to parse out. Was that what human relations were? A scoreboard? I beat you for so long, so you get a free pass at strangling me. I tease, I torment, I flaunt myself at you for so long…and…

Asuka rubbed her face, banishing that thought from her mind. Part of what made that so difficult to fathom was not only her own disgust to it, but the disgust that _Shinji_ felt mingled in. It was a double assault, one that made her stomach twist. She sniffed, and looked at her door, by default looking past it to Shinji's room.

It was all a scoreboard. I cut you, you cut me, and now we're even. Hammurabi would be pleased.

"To hell with it," she mumbled, and stood and slipped out of the room. She walked down the hall, not especially concerned about making noise. She opened the door to Shinji's room, peering into the dark. He lay on his side, facing the far wall. He snored lightly, a single sheet draped over him. She crossed the room, sat on the bad, and raised her hand.

She swallowed, closed her eyes, and gently laid the open hand on Shinji's arm. The skin was still soft, and warm under her fingers. There was the thrill of unease through her, and she pushed past it, remembering a time when she had come to him in a similar way for comfort. She lay down next to him, looping her arms under and around him. He awoke with a start, and mumbled, "'Suka?"

"Go back to sleep," she whispered, nestling close to him. He smelled of bar soap and…comfort. It was the feeling she used to have. It hadn't left, surprise of surprises. Soon, Shinji was snoring again, and Asuka simply listened, timing her breathing with his and feeling his heart beat, slow and steady.

It wasn't perfect. It would never be perfect. They had ruined so many chances in the past with stupidity and immaturity. Not now. She wouldn't let that happen now. God was in His heaven…Shinji was in her arms…and all was right with the world.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: I have to say, writing about the relationship in a balanced and fair way to both people involved post-3I is…not easy. The thing is, assuming by the rules of my story (they know why they did what they did when they did because they are privy to all the memories and feelings they had during that time, via Instrumentality), and they have the same overview we as viewers did. We still feel a disgust when characters manipulate or abuse each other, but we have the understanding of what is driving them, and we still (for better or worse) have sympathy with them.

Does it mean that they can't reconcile? Of course they can, but how do you do that in a way that doesn't make them seem like a masochist? Perhaps, in fact, they are…they aren't healthy to begin with, and expecting them to remain healthy as they mature is a bit of a stretch. Still…how do people fix themselves without therapists? It's hard to say. Of course, a sign of maturity is not only recognizing mistakes, but fessing up to them and trying to correct them…or understanding that there is nothing that _can_ fix it. How people reconnect after that is up to them.


	24. Awake

Asuka's first sensation was that she had no clothes on. It was a strange, far-away thought, and she decided that this was most unfortunate, as she hadn't time to shave _anything_ and she was most certainly unrepresentable: the beautiful spaghetti strap with the smashing skirt would have to stay on the hanger tonight, it would be pantsuits and sweaters for the moment, and the boys could just bloody well _deal_ with it.

Then, it occurred to her: she had no clothes on.

Her eyes opened with a sudden alertness, and the strange half-dream dispelled into the gloom of the room. There was a sense of panic, and vulnerability that was more vague than defined. It only partially came from shame; now that she was more aware, her first thought to her state was that she didn't know where the rifle was, the pistol, the grenades, the knife, the boot knife, the multi-tool…she couldn't defend herself. She couldn't even fight unarmed, for her limbs simply refused to work. Her heart seemed to quiver, and couldn't decide if it should beat slow and steady or fast and furiously. She swallowed on a dry mouth, and realized she was in a dark room. She could smell wood, rice paper, and earth. She moved her fingers slowly, and felt the sensation of a blanket on her skin, a pillow under her head. She tried to sit up, but her body would not respond.

_Well, despite being devoid of clothing and looking like a wild woman_, Asuka mused, _the situation isn't intolerable, really. I _am_ comfortable, if frazzled. I wonder if Rei-_

"Rei!" she croaked, though it came out not quite as a name. It didn't even come out human…it was simply a formless exclamation. Asuka's head rolled left, then right. She couldn't really _see_ anything, and she didn't know if she was alone, or if Rei was _here_, just out of sight. Asuka then heard shuffling somewhere…to the right. She forced herself to calm down, and let her head fall that way.

The wall…no it was a _door_, she was so disoriented…the door slid open slowly, letting candlelight into the room. A small older woman was kneeling outside, dressed in a simple blue kimono. She peered through the darkness with two bird-bright eyes, and hummed to herself. "Oh," she said in a voice like water, "You're awake, my dear."

"Mm..wen…" Asuka managed in a raspy voice.

"You have been asleep for the better part of three days," the woman said quietly. "We thought you would not make it. I imagine you are thirsty."

"Eeh…" Asuka replied earnestly. She tried to wet her lips, but she had no saliva.

"My name is Nanako, but you may call me Nana," she said, "Everyone does." The door slid shut, and the woman vanished. She returned later with a flagon of water and a lamp, and entered the room in a very traditional fashion. Asuka had the sense she was on the floor. This house…it was a hut. A traditional, Japanese country home, as a peasant would have. The woman helped Asuka position herself up a bit, and she sipped from the water. It had an earthy taste, but it was fresh and cool.

"Drink slowly," Nana intoned, "Do not founder yourself."

"Aah…guh…thanks," Asuka managed, feeling as though a layer of dust had been stripped from her throat.

"What is your name, my dear?"

"As…Asu…ka," she whispered, feeling exhaustion take her almost immediately.

"You will wish to sleep again, I imagine," Nana said, "but after soup first. You need to eat."

"Rei…" Asuka whispered.

"I'm sorry," Nana said, leaning over. "A little louder."

"The girl…with blue hair…her name is Rei," Asuka said, forcing the words out with some effort. "Where…is she?"

"Do not worry about her," Nana said quietly, "See to your own strength first."

"I…need to see…Rei…" Asuka grated, damning her legs and arms for uselessness.

"Soup, and then rest," Nana said, retreating. Asuka had the sensation of running as hard as she could and not getting anywhere.

"Please…Rei…" she murmured, feeling tears of effort forming in her eyes as the dark enveloped her again.

* * *

Asuka drifted between awake and asleep without being able to find footing in either realm. The world became a rotating cycle of darkness broken by lamps, soup, water, and quiet musings of the woman named Nana. Asuka still didn't know where Rei was, or where she herself was.

She could not make her limbs move.

She tumbled through the dark, shivering in fever-state while her body remembered how to be alive. It was one night during these tremors when she felt she was not alone, and looked to see boots in the darkness. Boots with cargo pants tucked into them.

"I know…those boots," she mumbled. Nana would be furious, she thought. You're supposed to remove your shoes before entering a house.

"Are you resting well, Asuka?" Shinji said from a very far way off. She looked up past the boots, to the figure squatting in them. An old coat, and the face. There was the face, showing some stubble as he let his beard grow in for the winter. Why would he leave in the winter?

"Ah. Shinji," she said, smiling. He returned the smile, and Asuka felt warmth return to her fingers and toes.

"Are you resting well?" he whispered.

"Yes. Yes. I looked…I looked everywhere for you." She tried to sit up, but a hand on her shoulder encouraged her to stay put.

"You are very lucky," he said. "Very, very lucky. You have no idea how close to death you were, do you?"

"Been at that door many times. I crossed the threshold once," she said, and gave him a cool grin. He smiled back.

"And here you are…because even Death knows it's a losing fight against Asuka Langley Soryu," he crooned.

"Flatterer," she whispered.

He was quiet for a moment, stroking her hair with gentle fingers. The sensation was delicious. "You cut off your hair," he mused.

"Seemed like the thing to do, at the time," Asuka mumbled. "You grew a beard."

"Nasty thing," he chuckled. "But what are you going to do?"

"Shave, for one," she replied.

He nodded. "Fair enough. I need to go, now, and you need to rest," he said.

"No, wait," she said, feeling something urgent. "I have to tell you…about Misato…"

"Misato? Misato Katsuragi?" His voice was still quiet, but an edge appeared under it.

"Yes. She's back. She came back a month ago," Asuka whispered. "She missed you."

He sat quiet in the dark for a moment, his fingers not moving but warm. She pressed into them. "I'm sorry for that," he finally said. "I _did_ want to be there if she came back. I convinced myself she wouldn't, though." He chuckled, a sad sound. "So, she's back? That's good news…that's very good news."

Something in what he said made Asuka's heart ache, as she began to drift back down into the unconscious state that rolled up when it chose to. "Shinji," she croaked, her voice cracking, "Oh, God, Shinji, I killed Rei. I know I did."

"You…you didn't kill…" he began, confused, but she was no longer listening.

"I shouldn't have brought her…she's only a teenager, Shinji, it was so stupid…I killed her. I know she's dead, and they just won't tell me…Shinji, don't hate me, please…" She was crying now, delirious and losing her battle to stay awake.

"You mean…Rei is here?" he asked, confused.

"She was so sweet…so sweet…you would have been so happy to see her…" Asuka said miserably, slipping away from the world and Shinji.

* * *

Asuka awoke long enough to eat. She was still on a diet of broth, but it was good and warm. She felt her strength returning with each sip. "Soon," Nana said, "We will try more solid food. You are recovering well."

"Where is Shinji? I need to talk to him," Asuka mumbled between sips of the broth. She was now able to work herself up onto her elbows with some effort.

"Just worry about getting your strength back," Nana said, feeding Asuka the broth.

* * *

Shinji was still in his boots, and Asuka scolded him. "This is a traditional house," she murmured, "And you'll tear up the floor matting."

"You got me these boots," he said, devilishly, "Traded who knows how many pelts for them. They've been a good fit and good protection for the years. They don't need to come off just yet."

"Nana will be angry," Asuka said.

"Nana will have to deal with it," Shinji said gently. "Rei came with you?"

"Yes…she came back before Misato," Asuka said, her heart aching again. "She was so different…she was happy. She was sad. She showed it, she felt it…it was like everything you would have wanted her to be, Shinji. She was…so happy…"

He placed his palms together in front of his face as if in prayer, pondering that. "She's changed?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. I never wanted to change her…just…" He seemed uncertain by the news, but she shook her head.

"No. It's good. It's a good change. It's like…everything that stunted her…gone." She smirked. "Even I liked her. That has to be good news, right?" The smirk was temporary, and the pain returned. She didn't truly know if Rei was dead or not, but she had convinced herself the girl was.

"How did you make it this far?" he asked.

"Rei showed me…no, wait…you have to understand something. There were two Reis, Shinji. There are two. There's mine, and then there's the other one. She's like we knew her…she's worse. I hate her more than you would know…" Asuka grimaced.

"Two Reis…" he whispered. "Two?"

"Yes. I can't explain it, you were always better at understanding those things then me." Her hand came up - an achievement in and of itself - and rubbed her face. "You need to make sense of it. You need to do that, for me."

"I'll try to, but you need to get strong again. You were always the strongest," he said.

"Huh. No. No, none of us were strong," she muttered. "None of us were. Least of all me."

"None of us beat death to come back," he assured her.

"Misato did," Asuka muttered.

"You were first. You and me. We were first, and you were always stronger than me," he whispered. His hand came down to gently rest on her shoulder, and she grabbed it convulsively. Fingers intertwined, and she gripped hard. "See? Still stronger," he said happily.

"How long have you been here?" Asuka asked, accusingly.

"I just arrived," he said, "I heard you were in trouble."

"How did you…find me?" she whispered.

"We share a bond, for better or worse, Asuka," Shinji whispered, seeming to evaporate as he spoke. "We'll always find each other. You should know that." Once again, Asuka was alone in the dark, trying to find Shinji and aching for Rei.

* * *

Nana came in the next morning to find Asuka sitting upright, pressing the blanket against herself for modesty. She seemed very far away, chewing on something in her mind. "You are sitting up!" Nana said through a withered smile, "That is very good. I shall fetch some clothes for you. Perhaps you would like to have some fresh air?"

"Nana…is there a boy-" Asuka shook her head, clearing it "-is there a man here named Shinji Ikari?" She gave the woman an intent look that made her flinch.

"There is…no such person here…" she replied, confused and a little uncomfortable under the gaze. Asuka's eyes dropped to the floor, and back over to the spot where he stood. The rice mat was unsullied and bare.

"I will fetch some clothes," Nana said, "Yukio is about your size. She should have a spare kimono…"

"My things," Asuka said, coldly.

"They are safe…but we don't use such things here. We have a simpler life," Nana said in an appeasing tone.

"The girl…" Asuka said again, her thoughts still scattered but reassembling themselves. "The one with blue hair. Where is she?"

"You need to focus on yourself…" Nana insisted, and that was the last straw. She had been kind, and hospitable, but something in Asuka shuddered and took charge. It was the part of her that wanted things done her way when she asked for them, and she was going to get it done. Shuddering, she drew her legs in and rolled to her knees, feeling a chill as the warm air trapped under the blanket evaporated and her bare back was exposed to the room.

"Wait…what are you doing!?" Nana asked, alarmed. "You will hurt yourself!"

Asuka braced her legs under her, and, trembling, rose up unsteady and shivering. Nana continued to protest, but Asuka ignored her, focusing on staying balanced. She felt very dizzy as her head rose higher and higher, her blood flow trying to compensate for being upright for the first time in who knows how long. The blanket dropped, but she held it with one firm hand. She drew in a trembling breath, and then blew it out in a solid, strong, steady stream. She stood there for a minute or two, and realized that it was quiet. Nana had fled, probably to draw reinforcements.

"Bring them all on," Asuka murmured, inching the blanket up and on to her shoulders. "There's not enough senior citizens in the world can contain me." Tugging the blanket tight for modesty and warmth, she lurched forward towards the still open door, stepping onto cool and clean wood. She looked left, saw natural light, and careened towards it. Her eyes burned as she stepped onto a porch, and could assess her surroundings.

She had gone back in time. Or at least, that's what it felt like. The houses were recently built, but in the older fashion, with wood, paper, straw, and mud, and scattered in a way that was supposed to be orderly but felt haphazard. At the center of the village's 'square' sat a traditional, old statue of a tanuki, the famed raccoon dogs of Japan. Like most statues of its kind, it sat perched on its over-sized anatomy, and seemed to be the oldest thing in the village. It was worn raw by wind and water, and moss inhabited its cracked surface. There were a few people out, women dressed in simple kimonos and men in mud-stained happi smocks. She saw a few men in nothing more than fundoshi despite the cool air, splattered in mud as they dug post holes. One by one, people turned and looked at her, and began to stare.

Asuka stared back, fierce and disoriented, but refusing to be quailed. So what if she was a wild eyed, two-toned lunatic in a blanket? They could just deal with it.

Uneasily, but managing it, she stepped down from the small porch and planted a bare foot into soft clay. As if by magic, Nana and two other people appeared. She was waving an arm and gesticulating as a younger woman who seemed the very model of yamato nadeshii and a somewhat burly man trailed her.

"Miss? Miss?" the younger woman said. Asuka blinked widely, focusing on the woman's face. She was pretty but careworn, someone who had the look of a problem-solver in a place full of problems. Asuka could sympathize.

"Asuka. Call me Asuka," she managed.

"Miss Asuka, why are you up? You should be resting," the woman said.

"I'm looking for my friend," she replied in a no-nonsense tone.

"Without any clothes on?" the woman insisted, a little aghast. Asuka furrowed her brow, glanced down at the blanket, and shrugged.

"Minor inconvenience," she declared.

"You see?" Nana said unhappily. "She is a stubborn one. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen." Before anyone else could say anything, a loud, creaking growl broke the air. All three turned to Asuka as her stomach continued to groan, demanding food now that she was up and standing.

Asuka blinked, pondering how awkward the situation was and simply not caring. "Blue hair, red eyes, chatters like a chipmunk when you give her too much sugar?" Asuka ventured. "Yes? No?"

"This is not something you should be doing right now," the man said, trying to pitch some authority in his voice. "Go to bed and rest!" Asuka gave him a look not unlike what teachers gave unruly boys.

"If you don't want this place scandalized by a hulking half-naked maniac of a German kicking in every door, you should just tell me if my friend is okay, and where she is," Asuka said bluntly.

"If we tell you where she's resting, will you please go back to bed?" the woman pleaded.

Asuka took a deep breath, considering that proposal. "Yes," she said. The woman sighed, and pointed to a house just on the edge of the town.

"She is in our home, right there."

"Thank you," Asuka said, and began to walk towards the house.

"You said you would go back to bed!" Nana accused.

"Didn't say when, just that I would," Asuka explained. The man caught up to her, and planted himself in her path, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"Miss Asuka, you-" he managed before a skinny arm appeared from under the blanket, and steel fingers clamped down on his throat. Eyes tearing and ears throbbing, the large man was carried about three feet backward before Asuka released her grip and he fell seat-first onto the ground, coughing. She continued to advance on the house, ignoring the commotion she had started behind her. She stepped onto the porch and into the home, not caring that she was leaving dirty footprints on the immaculate floor. She glanced in one room, and saw two girls of the same age playing with wooden dolls. They looked at her with wide eyes, and she moved on, ignoring them. She slid another door open, and still no Rei. Her fingers were trembling, and she almost pulled the next door out of the frame.

Lying on a mat, Rei curled under a blanket, her head perched on a pillow. She was snoring gently.

A great feeling of relief came over Asuka. She rubbed her eye with the palm of a hand, and wavered in place. Rei wasn't dead. Rei wasn't dead, and she was asleep. Traumatized, certainly, but that was par for the course these days. One thing at a time, now.

Rei was alive.

Asuka felt gentle fingers on her shoulder. "I would appreciate it if you didn't damage my husband in the future. He's more fragile than he looks," the woman said. "Please, let's go back to Nana's."

When Asuka didn't move, the woman tried to guide her, but Asuka shrugged her off. She crept into the room, and sat down cross-legged in the spot above Rei's head. The girls eyes were closed, and her mouth slightly open. It was the face of a person lost completely to sleep.

It was like when Asuka had awoken that first night, to find Rei clinging to her. Innocent, sweet, and new. Asuka stroked the girl's hair gently, as the young woman crept into the room and knelt next to them.

"I made a promise…to be there for her," Asuka explained. "I am going to be _here_." Her stomach growled again, but she made no motion to move.

The woman nodded, knowing any more conversation would be futile. "I'll bring you some food," she said. "Call me Kikyo." She excused herself and left Asuka guarding Rei, her fingers still stroking the girl's hair protectively.


	25. Small Repairs

Asuka was there when Rei opened her eyes. The girl had been in much the same state as her friend, with feverish awakenings punctuated with water and broth. She craned her head up, red eyes fixing on blue and red. "Hey, Rei," Asuka whispered. "How you feeling?" She cooed as gently as she would to a frightened fawn, but it had the opposite affect intended.

Rei squirmed down, hands coming up and hiding her face. "Rei?" Asuka asked, laying a protective hand on Rei's head. The girl feebly, half-heartedly tried to bat the hand away, but she couldn't muster the strength to care. She started whimpering, pulling at her hair and letting tears flow freely. It took a moment for Asuka to register the emotion, but when she did, she closed her eyes, and said, "There, there." It was all she could do.

The girl was feeling shame.

* * *

When she finally managed to get Rei in a sitting position without the girl hiding her face, it was about time for her to start on solid food again. They both had the same thing, which was cooked chicken and rice. They ate slowly, from the same bowl. Asuka would place a morsel in Rei's mouth, then help herself. Unless Rei felt like shoveling through the food with her fingers, this was how it would have to be: her hands, having been tied in front of her as they were, were taking a longer time to remember their strength than Asuka's had. In this manner, a little bit of that spark seemed to show through, and Rei would smile every now and then, before hiding it behind her wall.

As they ate, Kikyo slid open the door. "If you'll excuse me," she said, "I have some more water."

"Thank you," Asuka said. "I don't know how we can repay you for your kindness.

"It doesn't need to be repaid," she said gently. "We did what anyone would."

"It seems odd to find people so helpful out here," Asuka murmured. "I feel I've been lucky."

"I will admit, there was some hesitation to bring you in," Kikyo admitted. "Nana insisted, though…we listen to her on these things."

"Nana? The old woman?" That surprised her.

Kikyo went on. "She was the one that found you…when she was gathering herbs from the forest. She got help to carry you back." Asuka was impressed. She would have to show more gratitude to Nana in the future, then.

Asuka tried to give Rei another piece of chicken, but the girl made a face and blocked the food with her hand. She reached for the flagon Kikyo had brought with her, and the woman handed it to her politely. Rei sipped shallow but greedy drinks,

"Feel better? Hmm?" Asuka asked, brushing some hair from Rei's forehead. The girl looked at her with intent eyes, but did nothing. She looked like she had something to say, but no intention of saying it. "Not better yet?" Rei shrugged, and Asuka kneaded the back of her neck. "Few more bites, okay?" Rei made a face, but didn't shake her head.

"I hope your friend recovers her voice," Kikyo said, "If there is anything else we can do…"

"Thanks," Asuka said, and Kikyo retreated. She finished feeding Rei, who immediately curled up on the mat. Asuka scratched her back.

"We need to talk about…that," Asuka said. "When you're ready."

Rei murmured, "I shouldn't have come."

Asuka leaned over. "You did, though, so no dwelling on it. We move forward." Rei had no response.

* * *

Myoji was the name of the village, with barely a hundred souls, if _that_ many, in a dense spread of nice houses and the best technology the 15th Century could offer. Asuka resisted the urge to call them the Eastern Amish, as it would have been crass and unfair…but it was hard not to think it. These people had made a conscious decision to go back and live a simpler life. It had something to do with the nature of their beliefs, how they intersected with Instrumentality…some other elements…

It was all vague to Asuka, and she couldn't make heads or tails of it. Really, it meant nothing to her in the long run. If these people felt the urge to live this way, more power to them. It was amazing, she thought, that no heavily armed individuals had found this place, and had their way with it. She felt bad thinking that, feeling she was tempting fate.

Here they stood, though, nestled and safe in the lee of a small valley. It was a safe, simple, boring existence, and that was a good thing for Asuka right now. There were simple chores to help with, when they let her. She didn't want to do anything that the women were supposed to do, and the men were insistent that a woman not work with them. So, frequently, she spent a lot of time sitting, and thinking, and tending to Rei. As a result, she now resided in Kikyo's house, though Nana visited frequently. Still, there wasn't much to do.

A good portion of that time was spent thinking about Shinji. She had seen him, hadn't she? It felt so real. Fever dreams could make you think that, but this hadn't been a fever dream. Had it? The Figment wasn't, that was sure. This…visitation…didn't have the feel of the figment. It was warm, and loving. She had touched him, felt his fingers under hers after such a long time. The warmth still resided there, and she looked down at her hands. She often moped about how her feet had been abused by her new career choice, but she didn't do that so much with her hands…they were a lost cause. Now, she openly looked at them, and grimaced.

Thin, _but _calloused and scarred. Elegant, _but_ showing the signs of two broken fingers and a former dislocation. Her nails were short, almost nubs. They were not the hands she had endeavored so hard to keep soft, beautiful, _desirable_. She remembred being a bit of a silly thing when it came to fashion, remembered how wonderful it felt to wear dresses, get her hair done, make herself this beautiful, unattainable thing. She knew that this could be seen as a sign of shallowness. She herself interpreted it that way, looking back on it and seeing how much of it was just plain window-dressing. That didn't change the fact that, somehow, she knew she was _less_ and that bothered her. She didn't know why she had started thinking about it, now of all times. But she had.

That night, at dinner, Asuka found herself waxing sad about it. "I was a vain girl," she announced. "Very vain. Very…proud." She twirled the rice with her chopsticks. "You wouldn't know it, but I was quite a looker back in the day." She was sharing her dinner with Kikyo and Nana, who had come over. Rei was sleeping, and being watched curiously by Kikyo's twins. Her husband was with some of the men, doing…whatever it was men did in a village with less than a hundred people. Punch horses or something.

"Was?" Kikyo said slyly, not perturbed by the shift in conversation. Asuka smiled.

"I don't think about those things very much, anymore," she said, "And it's hard to feel attractive when your covered in mud, grime, and sweat for days on end." She shrugged. "I don't think about it, anymore," she repeated. "That was a long time ago. I was a different person, then. So was Rei."

"How long have you known her? I gathered she was much younger," Nana asked.

"We were the same age, once. I came back well before she did," Asuka explained. "We were…acquaintances. Different people, too."

"Acquaintances is not friends," Kikyo said.

"I hated her," Asuka admitted, without evasion. "I was scared of her, really…of what she was. The way she is now…" Asuka shrugged. "It was kind of like that, only worse. Um…mechanical, you know? I remembered she once said that if told to kill herself, she would, just because she had been given the order." Asuka grimaced at the memory. "That made me furious. To think that someone could live like that and not…feel anything."

"She doesn't seem that way now," Kikyo said. "She's shy and doesn't talk, but she feels."

"She feels," Asuka agreed. "Feels more than I gave her credit for. I shouldn't have brought her."

"And yet you did," Nana said. "I don't think it was an accident that you two came together again, as you did. As you are now."

"Perhaps," Asuka murmured. "Perhaps. It's beyond me."

"Fighting isn't," Nana said curiously. Kikyo coughed, perturbed by the shift, and Asuka fixed the woman with a strange gaze. "You were found heavily armed. That girl was, too. You were found at the end of your rope…but you had come a long way. You're a fighter, I see that in you. The men see it, too, and it makes them nervous. A warrior…especially a lady warrior."

"Hardly," Asuka said, noncommittally. She was trying to evade the conversation, and she knew it.

"We don't live a violent existence here," Kikyo said, as if that would explain everything, "We turn it away, the weapons of the world and the pain they bring."

"It seems to me," Nana said, "That the only wrong in violence is when it is not used to protect the defenseless." Kikyo coughed again, but Nana was an elder, and elders had their opinions.

"Why are you bringing this up?" Asuka asked, fully uncomfortable now.

"You were a Pilot, yes?" Nana said. Asuka's eyes widened, and Kikyo murmured in surprise. It was no surprise to Asuka that the Capt. Ishii knew who she was. It was more than likely her packet had been distributed across the military in order to limit her or any other NERV movements as they tried to flee. For this old woman to say that, however…It was a shock.

"I feel that this is right…you're reaction confirmed it. I watched as you fought with them…the Angels. I watched like the rest of the country. You saved so many, fighting…such awful things. And you were good at it, too." She jerked a chin towards Kikyo. "This girl is sweet, and she lives a life that has been easier than most. For that, I am thankful. I am thankful that we have this place for us. I know, though…I know that life can be taken as well as lost. I know that there are takers. There are wolves and there are sheep. We need dogs to stand between."

"Are you calling me a dog, Nana?" Asuka teased, and Kikyo smiled despite herself. Nana returned the chiding remark with a wide grin.

"Or a wolf among wolves. Do you feel ashamed of what you do?"

"Yes," Asuka said without hesitation.

"Because you love it?"

"Among other reasons."

Nana nodded. "But you are good at it? Very good?"

"One of the better ones, to be sure," Asuka said.

Nana nodded. "Is it because you are bad in your heart, and love violence for the sake of violence…or because someone somewhere needs a strong, red devil to shield them?"

Asuka crossed her arms and leaned back, fixing Nana with a withering eye. The old woman smiled coyly, and continued to eat her rice.

* * *

It was the next day that Asuka heard a rumor that perturbed her more than the conversation with Nana, more than a whole horde of bandits come roving in from the forest with axes and torches.

Someone had taken a fancy to Rei.

That would not do, for it conflicted with Asuka's desire to leave as soon as Rei was able. This was not their place, and they shouldn't linger more than necessary. As it was, a young man…too old for Rei, as far as Asuka was concerned, but nevertheless…a young man had taken a liking to the strange, ethereal, and exotic looking girl that took quiet walks, sat watching the villagers, and spent time with the foreigner. He was entertaining notions of making her a wife, as it was time he found one, and she seemed the very model of what a Japanese wife should be. Asuka was thoroughly irritated

"It would be good for her," Kikyo said, happy at the thought. The matchmaker in her had taken over, and she was trying to convince Asuka (who everyone had assumed was the guardian) that this was a wise match. She sat folding clothes on her porch, fresh from the laundry. Asuka was leaning against a post, in a way that seemed uncomfortably masculine to the conservative Kikyo. "Keita is a strong and hardworking young man, and would provide well for her," she continued, "And she will be a good and dutiful wife to him, I'm sure of it."

"I think Keita is seeing something that is not there," Asuka said. "He sees a yamato damashii in the making, but what it really is happens to be a girl who is still working out some pretty nasty trauma."

"I'm sure it's nothing that a good husband can't fix," Kikyo insisted. Asuka's eyes narrowed. She liked Kikyo, had grown to enjoy the woman's company, but she had a certain willful ignorance that could be irritating at times. Her insistence on understanding Rei or her problems was something Asuka simply let go, most of the time. Asuka certainly didn't have a handle on Rei, and was frankly amused when others claimed to. That statement, though…that made her a little angry.

"Do you know what caused her trauma?" Asuka asked. Kikyo stopped folding and looked at her, shaking her head. Neither Rei nor Asuka had mentioned it.

"Do you _think_ you know why she's traumatized?" Asuka asked. Kikyo shrugged.

"I can guess-" she began, and Asuka waved her hand, cutting her off.

"You _can_ guess, and you might guess right…and you might guess wrong. It's irrelevant, because it's none of your business…I'm sorry to be so brusque, but it's true. When Rei feels like talking about it, then you get to know. In the meantime, only guessing about why she is the way she is, or assuming it's one thing when I can tell you that it's not, is unfair to her. Keita needs to drop his courtship before it begins."

"Sometimes we need someone to help us quiet the demons in our hearts," Kikyo said. Asuka didn't disagree with _that_, but she was still skeptical. She needed to nip this in the bud.

"Where is this Keita?" Asuka asked quietly.

"He should be helping his father thatch their roof," Kikyo said, then brightened. "Do you wish to talk to him? Right now." Asuka nodded, and Kikyo bubbled. "That's grand! I'll bring him here, where you can speak for Rei," and she was off like a shot. Asuka made a sour face, and entered the house, picking the room for the inquisition.

She didn't _want_ to speak for Rei…she felt that if Rei met a boy she liked, Rei could damn well handle that herself. It might even be cute to watch. This was a different beast, though, and Rei was in no position to be dealing with anything of that sort. This was not passing notes in the hallway, or batting eyes at young beaus…this was a boy (who thought he was a man) wanting something very specific and very demanding from a girl who was still trying to get over the fact that she had, more or less, cut a man in half with rifle fire. There could be no subtle way to phrase it: Rei was not getting married to anyone, certainly not someone who expected her to be a quiet little poppet of a housewife. This boy was now in over his head.

Asuka sat pondering all of this as Nana appeared at the door, scooting in with a look of conspiracy. "I heard that you wanted to interview the suitor," Nana explained.

"How did you hear that?" Asuka asked.

"I'm old, I hear everything," she said. "What are you going to say?"

"Who says I already know what I'm going to say?"

"You already know, I can see it on your face," Nana said. "It better be good, or I'll feel like my afternoon will be wasted." Asuka began to say something snarky when Kikyo entered, leading the young man in question. She circled to the side of the room and sat next to Nana. Keita bowed, and scooted forward, sitting across from Asuka.

Keita dressed like the other men, in a happi. He was a handsome enough young man, with a farmer's muscles…but he had a certain vacancy, tinted by that self-awareness young men had. The kind of thing that made them need to beat their chests, act the man, and generally be intolerable.

Shinji, she reflected, had never really acted that way. He had come close a few times, but never all the way. It took her getting older to appreciate what a virtue that was.

She shook her head, and regarded the boy like a mother regarding a suitor. "You're Keita?"

"Yes, I am," he replied, attempting some sort of bravado mingled with respect. This was probably because it was clear Keita was just a few years younger than Asuka. Despite that, Asuka had a presence that nullified such chest-thumping, and the attempt made him look foolish and younger. Asuka bit her tongue, and told herself to be neutral. She already knew _exactly_ what she would say to Keita, Nana was right about that…but she still tried to keep that from coloring her opinion of him. He wasn't a bad sort…just a young man. Lord knows that plenty of young men did stupid things.

"'Yes, I am,' what?" she snapped, giving in slightly to the urge to browbeat him. He swallowed.

"Um…Miss Asuka…ma'am…" He threw in a slight bow for good measure.

She scratched her cheek, and gestured at him. "What makes a good husband? And tell me like I don't know, because…I really don't." He swallowed, and took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Well, a good husband…puts a roof over his wife's head. He provides her with food, and…protects her from any dangers…" He seemed to be searching for other answers.

"And love her, right?" Asuka asked.

"Oh, yeah, of course he does!" Keita said, as though that was a given.

"That's fair enough," Asuka thought, nodding. She didn't particularly like those answers, but they weren't _bad_ answers. She sniffed. "Why do you love Rei?"

"Um…pardon? I mean…Miss Asuka…ma'am?" The question had blindsided him, a bad sign for a man professing his love.

"Rei. Why-do-you-love-her." It was a flat statement more than a question.

"Well, she's beautiful…and quiet…and…" He had more to say, certainly, but he was having trouble finding it. Something about the pose Asuka had assumed had told him he had answered wrong.

"There are other beautiful girls in the village, so that's a stupid answer," she said gently. "If you want a quiet wife, make a doll and call it your bride." His color grew dark, and Asuka continued on. "She's also fourteen. You're, what…eighteen, nineteen?"

"I'll be nineteen next month," he said. Asuka's face skewed up.

"See, I have a problem with that. I'll be frank, I once threw myself after older guys when I was that age. I'll call that a phase." _That_ was being generous, but no sense dwelling on it. She moved on, "The thing is, there's just something about that whole thing that bothers me. You're an adult, or you're at least learning to be an adult. She's a kid. She's still a child."

"But…well, she is of an age when she should already know her wifely duties," he mused, "And I am ready to begin husbandly duties. So…it just stands to reason that if we both know what is expected of us, why not allow us to marry?" It didn't stand to reason, but Asuka wasn't going to argue that fine print. She did have something else to say, though.

"So…" she mused back, "You're saying that everything Rei needs to know as a woman right now, she already knows, and everything you know as a man right now, you know? Am I to take that as 'women are stupid and have less to learn than men' or 'the things women learn are less complicated than the things men learn?' Or are you just sniffing around Rei and you can't think of a nice way to put that out in the open?"

His mouth dropped open, and he glanced to Kikyo and Nana for help. Both of them had their hands on their mouths, but for entirely different reasons. The conversation had taken a sort of surreal horror for the gentle Kikyo. Nana was having trouble containing laughter. He opened his mouth, and tried to answer, "Um…the things…women…um…the way I feel about…what Rei should do as a _wife_…"

"I'm gonna stop you right there," she said, holding up her hand. "That's a hole your just gonna keep digging until you hit bedrock, so let's move on. What about yelling at each other until you're blue in the face? What do you do when that happens?"

"Miss Rei would _never_ yell," he insisted, suddenly irritated with this woman. Asuka's lips twitched.

"And if she does? If she's not who you think she is? That you build up this image of the perfect woman and Rei is…not that image?" Asuka asked.

"But Miss Rei _is_ that woman, Miss Asuka. I know she is, more than anything!" Well, Asuka thought, give him points for being earnest. He wasn't an idiot, but he wasn't bright. Can't hold that against a person. And he was honest…you certainly can't hang a man for honesty, now, could you? The right corner of her lip quirked up. It wouldn't save him from what was coming next, of course…that was a foregone conclusion. Misinterpreting the expression, Keita smiled nervously.

"All right," she said, gently, "Keita, I'll say this once, so you need to listen very carefully." She leaned over as she said this, her voice dropping. Keita leaned close, listening intently.

"If you attempt to marry Rei, or I go out some day and return to find Rei is now your little housewife…they will never…EVER…find enough pieces of your body for a proper burial." Keita's face paled, and he swallowed. "Is that clear?"

"Um…uh…I…" he stammered, unsure of what to do. Part of him thought this was a test of virtue, and that he should profess that no matter what horrors and torments came his way, he would care and provide for Rei as a husband should. Another, wiser part of him saw that cold gleam in Asuka's eye, and knew that this woman was telling the truth, that she was quite possibly insane, and the further he got from her, the happier and healthier he would be. These two parts warred within him as Asuka waited for an answer.

"Keita?" she asked gently. He stopped stammering. "Do you understand? That if you try to put the moves on Rei, you'll just become one more bedtime story parents frighten their children with?" She twisted her fingers, popping the joints as she held his gaze.

"I…respect your wishes…in regards to Miss…Rei…" he stammered, "And…and…I shall…endeavor…to…respect…"

Asuka gently, almost lovingly, reached out and scooped up a handful of Keita's happi. Slowly and deliberately, she pulled him across the mat, with a strength that truly surprised and frightened him. She looked so _small_ sitting there, and she dragged him like he weighed nothing at all. "Keita, look into my _eyes_ and try that again." He did, and what saw answered any and all doubts that lingered.

"I'll stay away from her! I won't touch her! I won't look at her! I won't even think about her!" he whimpered.

Asuka held his gaze for a moment, then released his shirtfront. He sat there, dazed. "Leave," she said quietly, and Keita bolted like a man given a reprieve from death.

She sighed contentedly, and turned to look at Kikyo. The woman's mouth hung open, and her eyes quivered in barely contained horror. Nana had begun to laugh openly and loudly, now that the boy was no longer there.

Asuka looked back at Kikyo, shrugged, and said, "Hey, love hurts."


	26. Twitch

Kikyo wanted to scold Asuka, but between Nana's laughter and Asuka simply not caring, she was reduced to giving her a very scornful look. Asuka stuck her tongue out at her and went looking for Rei. She found her sitting under a tree, watching children chase a ball. "How long have you been sitting here?" she asked.

Rei looked up at her, opened her mouth, then shrugged. "Long time?" Rei nodded. "Good. It's nice out here. Still, we should probably go in out of the sun for a bit. Okay?" She held out her hand, and Rei accepted it. Asuka tugged her up to her feet, and walked her back to the house. She didn't care to tell her about Keita just yet. If Rei hadn't heard about it, than all the better.

She led Rei into their shared room, plopped her down, and began kneading Rei's scalp with her fingers until the girl was lurched forward and limp. It was a trick, she found, that never failed. She remembered from when Hikari did it to her. It was a little after Shinji had left, and Asuka had stopped. Just…stopped. Stopped eating, stopped moving. Stopped caring. Hikari had pushed, pulled, kicked, and nearly beat her back into motion, in addition to praised, cajoled, pleaded, and outright bribed. One of the things she remembered most, from a period when she remembered very little, was lying stomach down as Hikari ran fingers through her hair, scratching and rubbing her scalp and just talking. It was inane talk, mostly, but the voice and the touch linked Asuka, slowly but surely, back to the world she had abandoned.

"A friend of mine says she does it for her daughter when she's low," Hikari explained. "I figured, hey, why the hell not? It was either that or hit your shins with a pipe. Aren't I a good friend?"

Asuka figured beating Rei in her shins would be counterproductive. This required a little more sensitivity, a little more…elegance. As elegant as one could get dealing with something like this. Processing the emotions that came after taking a human life was not an exact science. She knew those who had done it and gone on with no guilt, no shame, nothing. They weren't even psychopaths…there was just something about them, or the person they had killed, or the events surrounding it that had shielded them from what had happened. Then again, she knew those who had been so wracked by the ordeal, the guilt, the trauma, that they had never truly been right afterwords. It was apparent that Rei was having a harder time than most understanding how to live with what had happened. It was also apparent that Asuka had been avoiding what she _should_ be doing, but it was a hard thing to do. She didn't like to dwell on things like that, revisit those ugly little moments. Her fingers stopped, and Rei shifted. No…better do it now than let the wounds linger.

She closed her eyes. "I don't know what his name was," she said. She felt Rei's head lift slightly, and it turned just a bit, wondering. "I remember how he looked. He was short, five foot at the most, but…mean. Stocky and muscled, you know? Those starving muscles you get, like a weasel, when you live hard for too long." Rei turned, so she could look into Asuka's eyes. The woman swallowed, and looked down, unwilling to meet the gaze.

"It wasn't even a salvage run, it was…it was after Shinji had left. I was living alone then, in the house we had…for a time. I was…seventeen. I had just started learning the salvage game, and the Restored Government was…becoming a thing. Beginning to exist, as it were. I…" She closed her eyes, that chain of events as clear as Rei was sitting there.

"I had come home, after finding a warehouse with Kensuke to serve as our offices. I had already been thinking about finding a new place to live, it was…hard to stay there without him. I came through the door, put my bag down next to it, walked to the kitchen…and I smelled him. I smelled sweat, and dirt, and I knew that he was there.

"I turned, and I saw him. He was in the pantry, going through my food. He was so…focused on that, he hadn't even heard me come in. I demanded to know who he was and what he thought he was doing. He turned, he looked at me…and…well…" She saw that look again, saw those eyes. The sudden surprise, the fear, replaced by…something else. Not entirely man, and maybe too much of a man at the same time.

"He dropped the food, and started walking towards me. I told him…to stay back. And he charged. He hit me square in the stomach and knocked me down. It winded me, but I was struggling. He was trying to grab my wrists, but it was hard. He was strong, but I think I was stronger than he thought. He had trouble.

"I…stuck my thumb in his eye. Very deep in. It…must have torn something, I guess, because he bled badly. He screamed, and fell off of me. He turned away, so I…grabbed him. From behind. I wrapped my arm around his neck…and squeezed. He tried to pull my arm off, tried to…hit me, tear at my face. I locked my feet on his knees, arched my back, and just kept…squeezing. I don't…know…how long I was there, but after I time…I let go."

Asuka wiped her face, and realized she had been crying. She opened her eyes, and saw Rei, still staring at her with wide-eyed attention. She smiled, and shrugged. "And that was the first one. That…moment…I realized I had killed someone. It wasn't the first time that I had, you know…but it was the first time I realized that _I had_." She laughed. "The damned thing was, I felt sorry for him! Imagine that…he broke into my home, attacked me, and I'm the one that felt bad." She shook her head. "You want to know something funny?"

Rei nodded slowly. "I _still_ feel bad about it." She looked down at her hands. "You're not a bad person just because you have to do a bad thing every now and then, you know. That's what I tell myself…and it works. Sometimes."

Small, porcelain hands reached out and clasped Asuka's. They sat there, for some time, listening to the sounds of life outside.

* * *

The night was difficult for Asuka. She was watching as Shinji walked away. It was only his profile, cut by a blazing light in the distance, but it was unmistakably his. That rifle slung rakishly over his shoulder, the hood of his coat thrown back. It was just as he was when he left. She was walking after him, stumbling, really. _You shouldn't go_, she was saying, _You need to stay. We have it now, don't you see? We ended the world for it, and we have it now. Can't we just take it and be happy? We earned it, didn't we?_ Her pleas were silent, and yet so loud. He was walking so slowly, but he pulled away so quickly. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

In her dream, Asuka turned, and beheld Rei, nude. No, she was wearing her white plug suit, her Interface Headsets like cat ears on her head. Or was it her school uniform? Why was she so calm? Could she not comprehend how rapidly her appearance was changing, and how much it disoriented Asuka? It seemed a rude thing to do.

In that moment, clarity struck, and Asuka realized she wasn't dreaming. She gasped, glancing around and feeling very awake. She must have been sleepwalking. She was in front of the house, and alone in the dark. Alone…

The Figment stood in front of her, sphinx-like.

"What…what do you want? What do you want this time?" she grumped, rubbing both eyes.

"You have yet to do as I asked," she said in her bland tone, yet it felt like a tart statement nonetheless.

"I was _doing_ what you asked, then things became complicated," Asuka muttered. Never mind that she had decided to follow through on this for herself and herself alone, and to hell with the Figment's desires. Now that she knew she was awake, she felt sleepy again, and was irritated at being led from sleep to debate with a omnipotent little trollop in the middle of the night.

"As I said that they would, because you insisted on bringing her," the Figment said. "I have told you to leave her behind, and yet you refused. Your refusal has delayed you. Your delays are testing me. They test me more than I can bear."

"Okay, that's enough!" Asuka snapped. "You came to me, threw me this vague 'Find me my precious Shinji or woe is me' bone…while, I might add, making it abundantly clear that you've _watched_ us - _still_ a little creeped out, by the way - and then you harry and hound me at every step because I'm not going fast enough. Well, _excuse me_, Little Miss Alpha and Omega, but in case you haven't noticed…_it's a toilet bowl world down here_. I think it's remarkable, _remarkable_, the progress I have made considering what has been between me and this point _here_ when I get to discuss it with you, O Great and Glorious Taskmaster. I'm sure you got to see each and every little thing that threw itself at that girl and myself. Well, we came through, we overcame, and in case you forgot, we _still _have a long way to go, so if I feel we need to stop for a bit because _Rei_," she emphasized the name, to punctuate her opinion of who was who in this conversation, "Needs some time to adjust, then we'll stay here until the heat death of the Universe, if that's what it takes. Either that, or disease or violent death take me, whichever comes first, since both are in ample supply these days!"

The Figment was quiet for a long while as Asuka panted, her hands on her hips. She didn't feel calmer…in fact, she felt _more_ angry…but damned if she wasn't pleased to yell at _something_. The confrontation with Keita hadn't sated her appetite, and now, she was digging in and it felt good.

"Are you finished?" the Figment asked.

"For the moment," Asuka grated.

The Figment nodded. "You have proved yourself a rebellious, spoiled, egotistical child, and that grates on me. You continue to speak with me as an equal, and I granted you that, for times past. The equation is not balanced now, however. You may be who you are, but I am that I am. I am more than you could comprehend. And to remind you of that, you shall receive a token of what my displeasure can earn." And then…it was sudden. Significant.

Indescribable.

Asuka's back arched as her left eye became the central point of a pain that was exquisite in its flavor and unique in its tone. Never had Asuka quite felt the thrill of agony that the eye produced. It consumed her in a flame of its own color.

She didn't appreciate it in those terms, of course. She knew nothing but _the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain_. It was only after it finished did she appreciate the uniqueness of the event. _There has to be a new term for that sensation_, she thought dully as she pitched forward and landed face-first in the dirt. She lay there, trembling…no, not trembling.

Her arm…the arm that was trapped between her and the ground as she fell. Her right arm…it was twitching like a living thing all on its own. "My patience is at an end, and I am patient as you could not comprehend," the Figment said. Asuka tried to force herself up, using only her left as the Figment stared at her. "You have forced me to correct your willful disobedience. If you will snap at me like a dog, than a dog you shall be. Obey your master and _sit_." The right arm twisted, knocking her left arm loose, and bringing Asuka down with a huff. To emphasize the point, the left eye throbbed yet again, not as widespread. It was acute though, focused and driving…like a nail. Like a piece of glass. Like murder and ice and little biting things. Asuka whimpered, and the _pressure_ released.

Asuka trembled on the dirt, staring at the Figment and feeling truly frightened of her. How could something so like Rei in apperance be so different? It wasn't really different, though, was it? This was the Rei she had known all those years ago, right? The Wonder Girl. The First Child. She who had no emotions, no compunction about doing what she was told. How many times will you fight with the Angels as your body falls to pieces around you? How many times will you die and be reborn because it is expected of you? As often as it takes. As often as _I am told_.

Who was telling her to do _this_ now? No one. This is what she looked like unleashed. It revolted Asuka, to her core.

The Figment slowly, gracefully, crossed the ground between her and the fallen woman, and knelt down to caress her cheek. Asuka pressed her head down, as if to burrow through the earth to escape that hand. There was no warmth to it, no feeling. The motion was intended to be kind, but it was mimicked…a repeated action that lacked the substance to make it genuine. "I am not a cruel god," the Figment said, "I know that this is difficult for you to understand. You must have faith that I will lead you on the proper path. Have faith in me, and you shall be rewarded. Defy me, and you will know what it is to grapple with the very sun itself."

Without knowing why, Asuka laughed. It was a sad, weak sound, but the amusement was genuine. She tried to pin down the source, and seemed find it. She thought of Rei, of her brief touch with that power she had become, the vague understandings of what had transpired between Rei now Lilith and Shinji the Third Child. That strange moment of religious connection when Man and God were the same being…and they decided to part gracefully.

That moment…when Rei had given Shinji his wish…had directed…determined…the state of Instrumentality. That gift. A gift. You don't give gifts if you're capricious. This was a being that took, because it felt it deserved it. Rei had given because to Shinji…just because. It was an action of warmth. An action of love.

A _human_ action. Something danced at the edges of Asuka's understanding, ill-defined and fuzzy, but it made her laugh. It made her laugh, and she found she pitied this Figment as much as she hated it. Everything…everything that had meant anything at all, that It had taken with It when the world had ended…It had thrown out the window. And now here It was, having a temper tantrum because some woman It knew back in the day had the gall to stick out her tongue and say "No."

The whole thing was so pathetic it was hysterical.

"Why are you laughing?" the Figment asked. "Explain this to me."

"You're…the god," Asuka murmured, her mouth filled with dirt. "You…figure…it out."

"Mocking?" The Figment seemed genuinely confused. "I stand her and show you the agony I can deal with a thought, and you…mock me? This makes no sense." The Figment bent over, her face blank but betraying something under it. "You make no sense!" Did the Figment feel something after all? Had Asuka actually pushed its buttons? She smiled.

"I'm staying here," Asuka whispered, curling up around her twitching arm. She knew the pain would come again, any moment. All she could do was brace for it. "I made a promise. I will keep…my promise."

"And you have a task. A charter. Follow your charter, or you will be punished. Do as you are told, as a good dog should, and you shall be given the reward of a grateful master."

"I'm not a dog, and you're starting to bother me," Asuka mumbled. "Either kill me or go away. I'm tired." She had the momentary fear that the Figment actually _would_ kill her, but that fear passed as her defiance took hold. No, she didn't want to die…but she didn't want to crawl, either. She had sat in the belly of fear, faced death, and learned that she truly, _truly_ wanted to live. She would do anything to live. And yet…she was Asuka Langley Soryu. She had fought with gods and died for her trouble, and been reborn. She had lost everything, gained everything, and lost it again, and now here she was trying to take it back one last time. She was who she was. How could she stomach crawling for fear of death…after she had done all of _that_? What would it be worth, then?

Not spit. Not the mud on the ground. Not who had she had become, that was certain.

The Figment, though, was unimpressed. "Kill you? When you still have so much use, such a long road ahead of you?" The thing like Rei smiled gently. It was meant to be understanding, comforting, but Asuka squeezed her eyes shut against it. The expression terrified her. "No, Second Child, child that belongs to me. There are better ways in instruction than death."

Asuka wailed as every cell seemed to burn within her. The Figment was pontificating yet again, but the words were meaningless in their form and function. All Asuka knew was the agony, the pain, the intolerable heat from the fire that was the Figment's displeasure. It continued well past the moment Asuka would have begged, but it didn't matter. She lacked the ability to do anything beyond receiving the pain. All she could do was ride through it.

And like that, it was gone. Asuka lay trembling, even the afterimage of the agony vanished. It had been so horrific, so unbearable, that her body couldn't even comprehend what it had been like enough to remind her. She lay there, waiting for the next rant, the next words of frightening, unrestrained ego. The next strike of the lash.

They never came. She felt, instead, warmth. Warmth radiating from delicate hands, first on her arm, then scooping under her head and lifting her up. Wrapping around her. Enclosing her. Embracing. Protecting.

Someone was talking. Asking questions. It was all very vague, difficult to sort, difficult to understand. Something floated above her, and she focused on it with all of her will, like a man at sea throwing his last erg of strength into driving for a buoy. The face of the Figment came into view, and she almost dove back…but there was fear in the face. Concern. Need. That was the face of Rei. Her Rei.

_Oh, Rei, how did you know I needed you? Always on top of these things. Good job, Wonder Girl._

"What happened?" She could make out the words now, coming through as if from a great distance and separated by water. "What happened?" Asuka mumbled, and let go. It was okay to let go. Rei was here. She was a good girl, Rei. She would make sure Asuka would be okay. Just let go. Take a rest. You deserved it.

Asuka drifted away into blessed sleep as Rei continued to hold her, speaking for the first time in a long time. She was screaming for help, cursing everyone in earshot for their slowness in assisting. In truth, it probably kept them away: the cursing, angry, furious girl that sat there was not the genteel, demure, silent girl they thought her to be. Kikyo and her husband came, though, and in time, Nana came out of her house, too. She had been having a nightmare of dogs and crows fighting over a child's body, and only upon waking from that did she hear Rei. She had rushed to her help then, and the four of them carried Asuka back into the house.

The arm continued to tremble and hop for a long time before growing still.


	27. In a Year of Rats

"Pay attention to me."

Shinji was scribbling again. He looked up from his notepad, an all weather one. Now that the Spread had grown to around 1,000 people, certain luxuries were appearing again that made life easier. Shampoo, soap, bottled water. All weather notepads. It was living the high life, to be sure. He laid a hand palm down on his page, and studied Asuka. She sat prim and pleased on the other end of the table, her eyes bright and her hair shining. He was glad that she had the vanity to leave it. Her devotion had paid off, and her hair had continued to draw glances of appreciation and jealousy as they went into town. It seemed to bring a little of the old Asuka out, a certain smugness that had once been exasperating, but was now endearing.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked, a glimmer in his eye. He turned back down to his notepad, and a rag hit him square in the face, catching his fuzzy hair and hanging in place. He sighed, removing the rag and giving Asuka a firm look. She was the image of innocence, her eyes wide and beautiful.

"Pay attention to me," she repeated, sweetly.

"You're a nuisance," Shinji said, closing his pad onto the grease pencil. "Again, why would I _possibly_ want to pay attention to a _pest_ like _you_?"

"Me? A pest? Why, what_ever_ made you think such a hurtful thing?" Asuka batted her eyes as Shinji slid his chair around the table and propped it down across from her. He sat down, rested his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together. He looked into her eyes, his lips a shadow of a smile, framed by the growth of a new beard. She thought he would have scraggly fuzz there, he looked so girlish, but the father seemed to have won out here, and while it was still fresh, it was full. He looked good with facial hair, she thought. Not her preference, of course, but it had a charm all of its own. She had thought he would look like his father with the beard, and in a way he did…but he looked like Shinji. All Shinji.

"What, pest?" he said, sucking his teeth.

"Stop calling me 'pest' and I'll tell you," she said, smiling sweetly and without malice.

"You are playful today," he laughed. "What's on your mind?"

"Close your eyes."

"Uh…you just told me to pay attention to you!" he complained. "I can't do both!"

"Close your eyes _and_ pay attention to me," she said, rolling her eyes. "Try and manage it, I know that's tough for you, little boy." She patted him on the head as she stood up. Sighing in mock exasperation, he leaned back and crossed his arms, closing his eyes. He heard her walk to the front room, rustle around in there, and felt her presence next to him. He could smell her shampoo as she leaned over, one of the new luxuries that she was consuming in quantity. Something plopped on his lap, and he smelled a hefty, greasy scent. "Open."

He did, and his jaw dropped.

They were big, black boots, of a military style. They were high in the ankles, had thick laces, solid canvas around the front. He reached out slowly and curiously, pressing the toes. They were very solid; either there was a steel plate in there, or they were just that well built up in leather. They had been polished until they reflected his face, the source of the greasy smell.

They were beautiful.

"Oh…my…" he murmured, turning them over. He had been roving in sneakers and cast off boots that had all been broken out. These were not pre-Impact…they were clearly fresh-made, by someone who had a good idea of what they were doing.

"Stop gawking like an idiot and put them on, baka," she teased, massaging his shoulders. He was in his sock feet, and started to work them in to the boots. They took some effort to get on, but that wasn't a bad sign. He finally forced his heel down in the first boot, and it felt nice and snug, without being tight. He could squirm his toes around, felt good blood flow…nice. He popped on the second boot, laced them up, and stood. He took a few steps.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to spoil me," he said in wonder.

"Knew you'd like 'em," she said, beaming.

"Are these custom made?" he asked.

"To your feet and yours alone. You don't want to know how much I had to trade to get them," she said.

"No, not really. How did you get my foot measurements?"

"Really, now, Shinji," she said witheringly.

"Right, it's a woman thing, I got you," he said, still enraptured. "I'm afraid to take these out…they're so shiny. It'd be a shame to dirty them."

"Hey, that's what boots are for," she said, kneeling down and propping one of his feet on her lap. She shifted it, checked the ankle and the laces. Overall, she was pleased with how spot on her measurements had been. "They just shined it up so it'd look nice when I gave them to you."

"What's the catch?" he said, and she pinched his calf. He yelped, and drew his leg back.

"No catch!" she said accusingly. "Can't I get you something nice just to get you something nice?"

He smiled, squatting down in them so he could be eye-level with her. "They're way too nice," he said, clearly pleased. "Thank you."

"Glad you like 'em," she chirped, pecking him on the forehead. She stood up, brushing her hands on her lap and beaming.

"What's the occasion?" he asked, but she grinned coyly and retreated into the house. She didn't want to tell him, but she had the urge to celebrate what she felt was the best progress they could have made, together. Her decision a year ago to go to him, to sleep next to him, was the first of a series of decisions, each one part of the overall, larger decision to make things right. Make them right by her. Make them right by Shinji. She had known that he was doing what he could, and much of his guilt had slowly, surely drifted away. Not all away, of course. There was that little, niggling worm of it, but that could stay. It was proper to have those reminders of the sins we carried. They keep us from repeating them, she decided.

Yes, they had made progress, and all was right with the world.

* * *

"Why?" The way she asked made Shinji flinch. It wasn't screamed, it wasn't snapped. There was no anger or confrontation in it. It was quiet, and hurt, and bewildered. She was looking at Shinji, and he wanted to take back what he said. Claim it was a mistake, nothing more. Just a whimsy. He couldn't, of course. What was said was said, it was out in the open…and she knew the truth in it.

"We…we're doing better. We are doing better. Why?" she pleaded.

"I don't know," he said, and there was pain in the voice all its own. They were on the porch, and he was staring north, and speaking about things she didn't understand. All she knew was that he said he needed to go. He said he wanted to leave. To walk that way…and she felt the ground cave in under her.

"Why?" she asked again. "Is…did I do something wrong? Is something here wrong? Why?"

"No, not that!" He waved his hands. "It's nothing like that. Everything is how I always wanted it to be. You and me…this is what I've wanted…It's…more complicated than that, though." He looked at her, his eyes honest and full. "I feel…what do I feel…?" Shinji seemed to drift away. "I feel I would die without you. I want to die if I can't be here, take what we built, and be happy with it. And I feel…pulled." He squinted, and looked back at her. "It's like paper cut. Everything else is so much louder…but you can't ignore it. There's something up there…through the trees…past the hills." He turned, and gazed down the road. His mouth widened, as if he had more to say…but no words came out.

Asuka stared at him, feeling a shadow fall over her. He wasn't here, anymore. He was there…wherever there was. She knew it without having to hear anything else. He could try and stay, maybe even get over the urge. The memory would linger, always sitting there between her and him. Maybe someday, he might even come to resent her for holding him here while his heart pulled him to the north, when his body couldn't follow.

And everything was going so well.

* * *

Shinji stood at the table, everything laid out in place. He examined each piece of equipment before stuffing it into his pack, making note of where it went. Preparing a ruck was a science, balanced between efficiency for space and accessibility for those items that were important. Asuka watched him from the hall, pressed against the door like a child watching an adult. He moved mechanically and without motivation, but he moved nonetheless. He was a man that had made his decision, and he didn't like it…but he was following through with it.

She swallowed, and laying her forehead against the wall. They were sixteen…but she had been thinking of him more as a man and less as a boy. How could a person change so much in two years? All that change…and now he was going. It was hard to take. She didn't understand it…didn't know how to begin. She shook her head, slipping through the house. She couldn't fathom what was happening, but she was still capable of making decisions. Those little decisions that had built one on the other, a foundation that seemed threatened now by shifts in the ground. To hell with that; she could still do something.

Shinji, for his part, couldn't understand why he was taking this course. Asuka was right; everything was going so well. He had been able to see her without seeing his fingers on her throat, seeing every stupid mistake he had made in the time he had known her that had made their lives so difficult. There was more than affection or desire between them. There was love. How do you up and walk out when you get something like that?

His fingers continued to move, and continued to pack. He felt like a prisoner, in a way. His body was going through the motions when his heart was split so cleanly, and he was just along for the ride. You're not really a prisoner though, he told himself. You want to go. Teenage wanderlust or whatever it is…you need to go. For no other reason than to say you did, most likely.

He smelled her shampoo next to him, and looked up, surprised. She held a vest in one hand and a rifle in the other. "Take this," she insisted. "There are eight magazines in the vest. Each of them loaded with thirty .223 rounds. That's not counting the one in the rifle." She glanced at it, and added, "I also chambered a round before loading. So it's more like…thirty one in the rifle."

Shinji shook his head. "That's not necessary…"

"The world belongs to the rats," she said flatly. He looked up into her, and he saw the iron there. The will that had drawn his attention so long ago, that had attracted him, and frightened him. Now, he looked into those eyes without fear. They were eyes for him, and his were for her. "Take this. If you have to…go…" Her lip curled, but she pressed on, "Take this."

He stood, rising up. They were both still growing, but he had surpassed her in height a few months ago. The way she stood, though, it was clear she was the largest person in the room. For a moment, he didn't want to leave…it was overpowering, the urge to stay. He felt his heart shudder.

The call insisted, though. The string tugged, reminding him of where his path lay. He gingerly reached out, and laid his hand on the rifle, his fingers resting on hers.

"Please come with me," he whispered. She drew back, surprised. "Just…come with me. Out there. We'll watch each others backs. It'll be like it used to be. You always kept me out of trouble, right?" Asuka didn't remember it like that. It was always Shinji that seemed to do the rescuing. Against all her attempts to be stronger than him, stronger than anyone, it was always him who saved her. She couldn't resent him for it, not anymore. She could only be confused. Why did he say that?

The thought passed through her mind. It could work. The world was uncertain, and clogged with vermin, but the two of them…they were invincible. When they were together, even God would shudder. And it would be the two of them. Only them, all to each other. No one had to share. The greedy thought pushed on her, and she opened her mouth to say yes. Of course she would. Give her a second, she'd be packed and set and ready. All she needed was a minute.

"No," she murmured.

"Why?" he asked. She looked into his eyes…and couldn't answer.

* * *

She went with him to the edge of the Spread, where the bush met civilization, such as it was. It was one of several highways that led from the gutted ruins of Tokyo-3 and into the unknown, spanning miles and miles up into who knows what. They stood next to each other, both wanting to speak but neither wanting to be first.

Asuka grimaced, and said, "Anta baka."

"Yes, I am," he agreed. She laughed, a sound mingled between relief, amusement, and heartache.

"Don't get killed, out there. Don't get killed, don't get hurt…God, you'll be the death of me, you blithering idiot," she sighed.

"Not if I'm out there, I won't. You'll have to get a whole new blithering idiot to put you in the grave," he said.

"I'll get a whole pack of 'em," she said. "Between Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke, I'll be just fine."

"Hikari?"

"Okay, maybe just Toji and Kensuke," she agreed. He laughed, and nodded. They didn't look at each other, but continued to gaze down the long, forbidding road, looking now like a hallway leading to a dark and forbidden room. Mysteries lay at the end of that, for both of them, but only one was taking the plunge. The other would be left to wait, and wonder.

Something electric seemed to thrum, the signal they had been waiting for. The moment when they would have to say the dread words, and part. There was no dramatic hug, no passionate kiss. They drifted slowly into each other, shoulders touching briefly, before they leaned heavily into one another. An arm came up, a partner joined it, and they held on to each other, like two pieces of a whole trying hard to become one again.

She nuzzled him, and he held her close. "Not goodbye," he murmured. "Just…not goodbye. Okay?"

"No," she said, agreeing. She understood. "No, we'll…yeah." She swallowed. "Yeah." They stood that way for a long time, but it was not nearly long enough. Asuka was the first to break away, and she looked at Shinji. There were no tears. There would be no tears. She looked at him firm and fierce, the way she always did when she was hurt. It was who she was.

Shinji held that gaze, drawing strength from it…and turned, facing the road. He took a deep breath, and took one step. Then the other. The steps that took him onto an unknown path. Away from the Spread. Away from safety. Away from Asuka.

She stood watching as he walked north. North into the wilderness. His rifle was slung over his shoulder, bouncing lightly against his pack. She watched as he made his way down the road, becoming small enough to cover with her hand, then with her thumb. Soon, he had passed well beyond what she could see.

Asuka stood there until evening fell, and wondered why for the life of her she didn't go with him. She wondered why she didn't follow. She wondered…and did nothing.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin:** It must be mentioned that there's more to what affects a teenage brain work than experience; the chemical content is also parceled in such a way that teenagers quite literally think in ways different and sometimes incomprehensible. They can draw wildly varying decisions and conclusions from a set of criteria that would lead an older person to something completely different. I feel, in this case, that these kids are acting way too much like adults at times, in terms of the things that affect them and how they approach them.

Despite that, disaster, tragedy, and deprivation also have an affect, a psychological and even chemical affect, on how people behave and operate. Factored with that, and what these children themselves went through via Instrumentality (which we have no way of understanding anyways), it's a bit easier to argue that they behave like adults because they literally have no childhood left. Their brains are still developing, but the experience is there. That's probably less 'therapy by Third Impact' (as Isamu would say) than it is 'you have no innocence anymore, so you have no excuses.' They aren't acting like adults because they're somehow fixed...they're acting like adults because they don't remember how to act like children anymore. That's a really awful thought, if you think about it.


	28. You and I

Asuka lay silent, her feet braced against a rock and a stump, respectively. Her rifle was an extension of her arms, the iron sights merely the cusp of her eyes. She studied the deer, framed by the black ring, and breathed slowly in the killer's manner. In for the count of three…wait for the count of five…out for another three. Wait two…in three. Over and over. So soft and so slow, it might have been a song. The safety was off, and her finger rested gently on the trigger guard. A moment more, and that would be the end of it. Gently, she moved her finger to the trigger itself, caressing it until the moment she squeezed slowly, like making a fist. The weapon would bark, the deer would fall. Life would carry on as it always had.

The doe nuzzled the earth, pushing through the upper layer of moss for things of more interest to her. She was young, had not yet borne life or mated. She would soon, but not if Asuka's rifle decided the issue.

She sat, and aimed…and did little more.

"It's hard, isn't it?" Shinji murmured, above her. "To destroy something beautiful."

"Look at you, waxing philosophical," she teased. The doe raised her head, regarded Asuka with a curious eye, and went back poking through the moss. "Where did you come from?"

"Around," he said. "You seem to be getting into more and more trouble, these days."

"Oh, you know me," she said, lowering the rifle and propping up on her elbows. "Can't leave me alone for a minute without me falling into a volcano or something."

"Yeah, you're a nuisance," he agreed. The doe raised her head, and began to slowly, gracefully move. "Seriously, though…what happened?"

"I got into an argument with God," Asuka said. "I'm sure you can imagine how _that_ went."

"Poorly, I would take it. You and the Almighty didn't see eye to eye?"

"We haven't for awhile. Just like old times," She rolled over onto her back, reclining on her arm. Shinji stood above her, his legs braced out on either side of her hips. He continued to watch the doe, his arms crossed. "Well, except for the part where she tried to kill me with her mind. That was new. I think she always wanted to, you know."

"Who? Rei?" He looked down at her.

"Or something like Rei. Maybe it is Rei…it's hard to figure it these days." She scrunched her nose. "You need to be here to figure this stuff out. This wasn't my game."

"You're the one with the college education," he teased, "You figure it out." She said nothing, and Shinji looked down to see her face sullen and thoughtful. "What?"

"This isn't one of those things you solve with the head," she mumbled. "This is more intrinsic, I feel. This is a school of thought I never studied before."

"And I have?"

"You were born into it," Asuka said, rolling her head to the side. "I trespassed. Look at you and Rei…you were both part of this thing from the get go. I was always the outsider…" Her voice drifted to silence.

Shinji stepped forward, and Asuka rolled onto her stomach to watch as he walked towards the deer slowly but with purpose. She picked up her pace a bit as he approached, before she bounded off into the woods, like a thought that hadn't even existed.

"What did you hope to accomplish by that?" Asuka laughed.

"Just a whimsy," he said, turning towards her. He grinned. "You were the outsider, huh? Second Child."

She crossed her arms, looking at the ground in front of her thoughtfully. "Maybe I was in the program longer, but does that matter? There were plans for you from the beginning. Before it all-"

"Some plan," he said, cutting her off. "None of it went the way it was intended, I think."

Asuka looked up at him, her eyes penetrating. "None of it?" Shinji shrugged.

"Maybe it did. Maybe there was never any plan to begin with…it was all the whim of chance. Who knows?"

Asuka cocked her head to the side. "You do." Shinji, she noted, didn't reply. Asuka smiled, looked down at the grass, and felt her eyes ache. "You're not really here again, are you?" As she spoke, she heard the sea calling to her.

* * *

Asuka rolled her head to the left, her silky red hair like a pillow. She was in the Plug Suit, her arm bandaged. Shinji lay next to her, in his school uniform. He was fourteen again. She was fourteen again - thirteen, really. They were young, and had their lives ahead of them. What could come between them? Nothing. Nothing at all.

The sky was red, the sea spoke to them, and about them were crucified giants. The promise of the future.

"Do you remember?" Shinji asked, "Long ago…when we were called to witness?"

"Witness?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"The Return…the first Return."

"When they came back to us," she said, "The first of those who came from the sea…yes, I remember."

"Do you remember…what we said? When we spoke in another voice?"

"Another voice?" She tried to remember. Did they say anything? What had happened on that day. She couldn't picture it…the images just didn't come to her.

"The body sang electric," Shinji insisted. Asuka looked into his eyes, and saw it as it had happened. Kneeling in the sand. Their hands over the eyes. The images, the roar…the light. The light!

_It is done_.

"Is that why you left?" Asuka asked. "Was there something…that happened then?"

"Something that started…something that had always been…"

"I don't understand."

Shinji smiled. "Neither do I. I've been trying to make sense of it." Asuka reached out her hand, to touch his face.

"What about Rei?" she asked, "What does it mean? The two of them? You have to explain this to me. Which one of them is real? Which one is the real one?"

"That's your problem to solve," Shinji said sadly, "I can't do it for you. I'm not there to do it." His hand came up and held hers. "We have to wake up now."

Asuka felt tears forming. "I don't want to."

"I don't want to, either," Shinji said. "But we have to. Wake up." Wake up, Asuka, wake up.


	29. Symptom

Asuka opened her eyes. She was laying on her side, in Kikyo's house, curled into the fetal position. Her eyes felt wet, but she felt calm. Refreshed, even. In fact, she felt like she had never had a better sleep. She tried to recall the terror and agony that the Figment had brought to her, but it seemed so far away as not to be real. She sat up slowly, blinking away the last vestiges of that dream and trying to cling to the one with Shinji. When the body sang electric, he said. And we spoke in another voice. More riddles, and nothing to show for it.

She'd strangle him when she found him.

She turned, and saw Rei sitting quietly next to her. How long had she been sitting there? The girl studied Asuka with distant eyes, the lids half-closed. She looked tired.

"You were crying," Rei said quietly.

"And you're talking," Asuka replied. She drew her legs up and hugged them. "How are you feeling?"

"Not better," Rei said, looking down. "But I'll live."

"We always do," Asuka said. Rei glanced at her, saw the smile at the end of those words, and nodded. A shy smile greeted it, then flickered away like sunlight during a storm.

"I don't want to talk about this," Rei said. "I don't know why we are: _you're_ the one who passed out. What happened last night?"

"Just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about," Asuka said while trying to stand. She made it halfway before she decided that standing was overrated, possibly hazardous to one's health, probably a myth told to gullible children anyway. She sagged forward and tumbled lightly onto her face, groaning. Rei acknowledged the antics with a single raised eyebrow.

"It looked like…a little more than a bad dream," Rei murmured.

"Oh, it was just awful!" Asuka said, waving her hand flippantly in the air. Her head was buzzing, the room was spinning. She was now so bleeding hungry it wasn't funny…apparently torture must take it out of you. "There were these dogs, and they had vuvuzulas. Do you know what a vuvuzula is? Straight from the depths of hell, that's what. They chased me around the Brandenburg Gate, insisting I sign their release forms so they could share the good news about dianetics. You were there, too."

"I think you're making that up," Rei murmured.

"Cross my heart, that's the story," Asuka said. Well…it certainly was _a_ story. She felt no need or even desire to share the assault on her by the Figment, or that the Figment even existed. Nor did she wish to talk about Shinji. It wasn't that she wanted to keep that a secret, but that dream…it had been so _real_…it had more the feeling of intimacy than anything else. It didn't seem appropriate to talk about.

The Figment, though…she had no desire to deal with that right now.

"You're not telling the truth, and that concerns me," Rei insisted. Asuka grimaced…she was too perceptive to be only fourteen. Granted, she was _Rei_, which in itself carried a vast host of implications great and profound, but still…

"Rei, need food. Now. Please." she snapped, and would say no more.

* * *

"Since you're talking again," Asuka said, munching on a bean cake, "I figure we can move on, soon." She watched Rei closely, as a flurry of emotions and doubts played out across her face.

"Um…yes…" she said, her fingers squirming. It was simply uncanny, Asuka thought, looking at the differences between the Rei here and the Rei last night. One was so…human. The other…

The bite of bean cake had lost its taste, and Asuka swallowed it. She put down the rest, and wiped her mouth with her hand. "You don't want to."

"No, I…" Rei's mouth closed with a click.

"You're…afraid to?" Rei shrugged. "You don't know why, you just can't," Asuka ventured again, and Rei gave her a withering look.

"Stop doing that," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry. You just seemed to have trouble sorting your thoughts," Asuka explained.

"That's not helping." Rei looked down at her hands, which had stopped their twitching to remain folded demurely in her lap. Her voice had that old note, the flat and almost breathy one. Like she was trying to expend as little effort as possible to talk. That concerned Asuka…she didn't want Rei to regress to that state of detachment that she had held for so long. What could she do, though? She had no idea how to 'fix' people, or that if it was even right to try and do that. You always risked doing more harm than good with things like that.

"What would help?" Asuka asked.

Rei closed her eyes, then stood and left the room. Asuka blinked in surprise, watching as the girl left. She sat still, and did not follow her.

* * *

"Look, I _know_ that you folks don't care for modern tools and implements and whatnot. Especially weapons." She threw that in as an afterthought. Nana had her arms crossed and a skeptical look on her face. "All I'm saying is, I can't go another day in this kimono. I want my clothes. And boots…I really, _really_ want my boots back."

"And the knife, the guns, all that?" Nana asked.

"It…would be _nice_…" Asuka said, her eyes searching the ceiling for anything at all of particular interest, "To _know_ where they are…at least. And they do need to be looked at. Disassembled and checked…at least…"

Nana continued to give her that look. "Oh, come on!" Asuka snapped. "They're _my_ items, I have a right to know where they are. Stop holding out on me and tell me where they are!…Please."

"Why do you want them?" Nana asked, bluntly.

"Well, first off, they're _mine_. Second off…I just need to get out of Myoji for a bit. I want to stretch my legs, and I'd like to do it with my own boots and a little protection."

"It's peaceful out there," Nana insisted. "I go out for herbs everyday and I have never needed more than a walking stick." Asuka crossed her arms and gave Nana a skeptical look all her own. "Oh, I've lived far too long a time to get a look like that from a child like you!" she grumped, shaking a finger in Asuka's face.

"I am a _grown woman_, and I want my things, or so help me God, I will…" What would she do? Burn the village down? They were a little grating, but she liked these folks, all the same. "I will hold my breath. I'll do it." She gave Nana a look that dared her not to believe it. The old woman laughed.

"Fine, come along, you barbaric heathen. We have your things stored at the headman's home." With a sniff that was only _slightly _disapproving, Nana escorted Asuka to the house where her things had been kept.

* * *

It was nice to kick out of Myoji, even if just for a bit. Asuka needed to parcel things out, give Rei a little more space…get space for herself. She left the rifle, but took her pistol and knife, and hit the tree line, pushing up the hill on the south side and through the woods. It wasn't long before she walked among knee high ferns. Was this a plant that was even native to Japan? She couldn't tell. So much of the world seemed to have regressed to something prehistoric and primordial in its rebirth from Third Impact, that it could have been from anywhere. The wolves were North American, the bears were Russian, and who knows where the dogs came from? Anyplace, anywhere, species better suited to survival or more aggressive and ambitious than the native flora and fauna had kicked in and said 'This is mine.'

The hill she had picked was nicely sized: even after she had gone a good thirty minutes out of sight from the village, she had yet to near the top. The air in here was heavy, and moist, and warm, and she was already coated in a thick sheen of sweat. It felt good, though. Moving felt good, like running. It must be natural for man, she figured, to be in a constant state of motion. To leave one place behind and seek out another, or to cycle between points like planets making their orbits. The still heart was the dead one, you could say. Then why had she been still for so long? Why had she remained in the Spread even as she watched Shinji and her heart walk away? Why deny that natural state?

She stopped, and looked down at her feet. Only part of her was out here because of the Figment, and most of her was out here purely because she had gone long enough without Shinji, and decided she had had enough. And yet, there was a part…a small part…that wondered if she was out here, simply because she didn't want to die from stillness. That it was less a desire to see Shinji again, and more a childish drive to uproot and upset. Create some chaos. Sow some seeds of destruction.

Put a few more bodies in the ground and call it a day.

"Be still."

Her heart jumped into her throat, and she whirled as if to draw, but caught herself. She saw the source of the command, a man bracing his rifle against a tree. She would have drawn, put a good number of bullets into that tree, and he would have shot her down dead with a smile.

"Easy," Asuka said, palms out and hands in front of was a neutral gesture, but one that transmitted vulnerability, appeasement. "Easy, no need to point that at me."

"Hands on your head, fingers locked," he said quietly. Slowly, she did just that. "Kneel, cross your ankles. Do it now!" She complied, and heard movement behind her. There were two, it seemed. She had never detected either of them moving up on her. She felt a kick to her back, and she pitched forward onto her face. A hand clamped down on top of hers, and a knee inserted itself between her ankles before she could straighten her legs.

These weren't bandits.

She felt a hand roughly paw at her clothing. The knife was removed, as was the pistol. "Be brief, we can be more thorough at the village," the first one said. "Just make sure she has no weapons."

"Boot knife," the second replied, dropping them on the ground. The first picked through the items, unloading the pistol and stuffing it into his combat vest. He left the knives on the ground.

"We're going for a walk," he said, "Get her up." The one on her back released the pressure on her ankles, but hauled her up with his hand still on top of her head, trapping the other two. It wasn't meant to keep them there with any sort of permanence: it made movement for her difficult, and in the time it would take to clear his hands, he could still shoot her. She had to find a break, somewhere in here. This was the moment to fight back, and any moment longer she waited, the harder it would be to come out on top. Or come out at all. Then something happened.

Her right arm started twitching. Violently. "Stop fighting!" the man behind her snapped.

"I'm not!" Asuka pleaded, feeling the arm jerking up and down. What in God's name was happening?

"Stop messing around, and-" the first one snapped before the Asuka's guard squealed in pain. Still linked into the fingers on her left hand, her right hand had twisted enough so that the thumb and forefinger were up and pinching the offending wrist of the guard. They were pinching with such intensity that they had met each other in the center of the wrist, separating flesh and bone like they were cooked chicken.

Pain can make a man lose himself, and do things that he knew were not the wisest thing to do. The intense agony from his arm being peeled apart made the fellow release his rifle and grab at the offending hand, to try and pry it out. Asuka didn't know what was happening, but wasted no time. She knifed her left hand swung back, the heel of her hand striking the man in the groin. His legs buckled in and he fell in place. Without any prompting from her, Asuka's right arm released it's grip and _dragged_ her body around as it lunged at the man's face. There was a horrible crunch as it struck, the fingers clamping at the same time. He fell backwards and away, broken, senseless, and dying.

Asuka turned, staring at the first. His mouth was open, and his eyes wide. He stood frozen, and then move, raising his rifle up. As he did, Asuka's right arm whipped around, hurling the dead man's rifle at the slowly reacting target. As it flew from her fingers, Asuka had just the time to wonder when, exactly, she had relieved the fellow behind her of his weapon. She didn't recall actually reaching down and picking it up, or grabbing it as he fell.

Those thoughts left her mind as the spinning weapon struck the man square in the face, pitching him backwards and down the hill. Asuka stared at his legs, trembling visibly even from here before they stilled with a sickening suddenness. "God," she muttered, suddenly afraid. "God." Her arm jerked left, right, and backwards, as if looking for more another opponent. She hugged the arm against her side. "It's all right," she murmured, to no one particular. "All over. Calm down." As if it could hear her, it slowly calmed, relaxing into her side, the fingers working themselves before finally relaxing into mere trembling.

What had happened? What on earth had happened? She stared at the hand, trying to process it, and simply failing. There was no reason for it. It had behaved like it was a completely separate part of her. A separate part with a vested interest in _protecting _her, but no less skin-crawling than the realization that her arm had acted completely on its own. And what's more…

Where did that strength come from? She made a fist with her right hand. It didn't feel like any bones were broken. No bruising or sprains. That just didn't happen: assuming she had had some adrenal dump and the arm could have possibly, _possibly_ acted on sheer panic instinct…which was a theory itself so riddled with holes that Asuka couldn't believe she was considering it…that could not have possibly protected her arm from the trauma itself unleashed. Flesh was only flesh. It would have been injured by the sheer chaos it had created.

The Figment. Her torture, her punishment…was there more to it than simple punishment? Was there a connection?

"What did you do?" she murmured, rubbing her hand. She swallowed, feeling her heart racing as the adrenaline burned away. She lifted the hand up to better look at it, and wondered where this stranger had come from. Somehow, it all seemed to be Shinji's fault…if he hadn't left the Spread, the Figment wouldn't have begged her to follow, and she wouldn't have nearly decapitated a man with a thrown rifle. Yes. Perfect correlation. It all made sense.

"Shut up," she grumbled, partially to the hand, partially to her own racing thoughts. She was panicking, and that was making her over-think. One thing at a time, like always, Asuka. One thing at a time.

The men. They were well armed, well-dressed, well-trained. Motivated. They were well-fed, so they couldn't be bandits. They had crept up on her like a pair of cats, and out here, that couldn't have been random…they had have seen her somewhere and trailed her. They had detained and searched her with speed but evident skill, they had planned to return her to the village…

The village. They had said they were taking her back to the village. Use your brain, Asuka, they wouldn't take you back unless there were more of them! She grabbed her knives off of the ground, then relieved the first man of her pistol. She loaded it and sprinted down the hill, fearing what she would find at the bottom.


	30. Red Devil

Panting, Asuka raced down the hill, hoping she made it in time, or in the very least didn't break her ankle on the gradual decline. Either would be a victory for her, at this point. She thought to herself that it would have been smart to take one of the rifles with her, but it was too late to go back now. Her reeling mind had only allowed her to focus on the things she knew were hers, and now she was rushing into a situation with several heavily armed men…she assumed it was several…and only a pistol and two knives to show for it.

Good thinking. It is no surprise you survived eight years as a salvager. She grimaced as she came up to the edge of Myoji, and could see that many of the villagers were sitting in the square. Not all of them, but a goodly number. As she feared, there were armed individuals standing around them,

She glanced across the heads. No patch of blue…that was good. Either Rei was hiding her features amongst the hostages, or she hadn't been rounded up. She then took stock of the guards. There were twelve, three women and nine men. They all had an air about them that spoke of purpose. What that purpose was, who could say, but they were clearly competent. That concerned her more than their numbers did.

Asuka drew her pistol, and advanced down to the nearest house. Leapfrogging from one hiding spot to the next, she closed up, to get a better view of the hostage takers. She focused on the one that seemed…or at least felt like…the leader. He was a slight, bored looking man with a single firearm, a rifle slung across his back. He had a lot of knives…a distressing number, actually…scattered in plain view on his person. The sides of his head were shaved, and a single, closely cropped band of hair ran from his forehead back down to the nape of his neck. Something about him made her skin crawl. He was conferencing with someone, a larger fellow who was more open in his movements. The fellow turned, and spoke to the crowd.

"We come to you with the words of the Teacher," the Spokesman said. "To address the failure that was our Return to this world, that we had rightfully abandoned for Paradise." Mohawk scratched his chest lazily with the tip of his knife, looking bored. "He offers his apologies for overlooking this village in our expeditions to the heretic south," the Speaker continued, "And brings to you his words of comfort and hope. He gives you all a chance to join in this mystical operation, to take back our place as it should have been. To return to the Sea, and tear down the false beacons that lured us from that comforting embrace…to face this scarred world. This rough and corrupt earth that we had ascended from, to the heights of perfection."

Asuka bared her teeth. Acolytes of the Teacher. Of course. If bandits and starving animals weren't bad enough, a paramilitary cult had to come along and rattle things. She breathed through her nose, and began to plot. She couldn't take down all twelve with the villagers right there, but she might be able to scatter them. Force them out of the village to reassess the situation, which would allow her to pursue and destroy at a more leisurely pace. The question here was one of firepower. She needed her rifle.

And what's more, she had a new problem…all of that depended on what her arm decided to do. It was one thing to take on a bad situation even when you were at ease with your own competency. It was another when you had an arm that seemed to be acting on its own.

She swallowed, and looked at her hand. She had the unnerving sense that it was expectantly looking back at her and listening, as if eager to be let in on the game plan.

"Um…okay," she murmured. "Listen, now…Right…Hand…Righty…whatever. I'm sure you are keen on assisting like you did back on the hill, but I'm going to need you to be…a little…more discreet. As in…not…do whatever it is…you did…up there ohmygodI'mtalkingtomyhand." She balled the offending limb into a fist, baring her teeth. "Psychopathic teenage gods…dream-talks with philosopher-Shinji…and now, I'm having to persuade my arm not to go off the reservation. I remembered when the end of the world used to be simple." She rubbed her forearm and gathered her thoughts, hoping that whatever a_ttack_ had seized her up there would remain subdued until she could sort this situation out. She had to get to the headman's house. Get her rifle…that would even things nicely.

As she crept around the house, she practically ran over one of the three armed women. Asuka didn't know why she was there, hadn't seen her leave the ring of guards. For her part, the female thug was stepping aside to see if she could see anything of their two missing companions. She had come face-to-face with a woman dressed in modern clothing and tactical gear, quite unlike everyone here, and her mind blanked.

Their eyes met, the moment passed, and the need to act came upon them. The thug began to bring her rifle up, but Asuka advanced, trapping it low with one hand. She thrust the pistol out, striking in the side of the throat with the muzzle. The woman dropped like a felled tree, her eyes crossing and her jaw slack. The man behind her cried out, and earned a bullet in his cheek for his efforts.

And that was the silent approach. "Baka, baka, baka," she muttered, slipping back behind the building. She scanned, and saw the denser cluster of houses in the village to the right. She ran towards it, hearing shouting as those investigating the gun shot saw her sprint and disappear into the warren of passages between the homes. She came up on a three-way intersection, and cut right, bracing her back against the wall and watching the corner. She heard the thunder of boots coming down the passage, and she tensed.

One of the women passed, while one of the men followed and turned towards Asuka. She brought the pistol barrel up and down across his cheek in a backhand swipe, using her other arm to propel him around. She gripped his collar, jammed the pistol into his back, and fired twice. The first turned as Asuka looped an arm under the bodies armpit, and gripped her weapon hand as it came around the neck. The woman across from her hesitated, and Asuka fired the braced pistol sideways from a range of less than eight feet, hitting her opponent in the eye. She spun under her own power, a reflexive action to the assault that tapered off as she died.

Asuka heard movement behind, and dropped the body, spinning and falling to a crouch as both hands held the pistol at the high ready. One of the thugs hoping to cut her off or flank her had slid between the two buildings, his rifle sideways to compensate for the shallow clearance. She shot as he brought the barrel up, striking him in the throat. He stumbled and fell backwards, his feet flopping up as his nervous system spasmed and ceased to function. Asuka saw the tip of a rifle barrel on the left, as someone had followed up on the corner and backpedaled as the man was shot. Asuka advanced, her pistol at the high ready. She braced against the corner, just as the rifle's owner, the third woman in the gang, strafed across with her rifle up. Asuka let the muscles in her legs go slack, and she fell with little grace onto the seat of her pants with a huff. The woman had fired three times, forming a shot group tight enough to cover with a hand in the spot where Asuka's chest had previously been. Asuka emptied her magazine, peppering the woman's torso. She staggered back, and spun in place, dropping the rifle's muzzle into the dirt as she tried to walk away, her free hand wandering over her body in a feeble attempt to deal with her wounds. She collapsed about five feet later.

Breathing slowly, Asuka ejected the spent magazine and loaded another, releasing the slide catch. She holstered the pistol and drew her knife, hurrying back down the alley in a crouch. She had dispatched six of the twelve, and all with a pistol. She knew that the last six would be converging on this spot, and if she could be a little quieter in working through them…or at least make it harder to detect where she was…she might have a better chance of simply forcing them out of the village to regroup. She could hear more people advancing, calling harshly whispered orders to each other.

She waited at the spot where this all began, hearing a pair of feet advance with purpose down the alley. It was a nice trick, really. Common sense said she wouldn't be here, because that was tactically stupid. She would have rushed elsewhere. They had to investigate, of course, check for survivors or some indication of where she bolted, secure in the knowledge that _no one_ would be staying behind.

A thug appeared, moving his weapon aside to check a body, and he saw movement in his peripheral vision. He turned in time to see something _red_ slip by. Asuka, still crouching, slashed her blade down across the tendons on the side of his knee. He grunted and fell to the ground, as she back-swiped and drove the blade up and between his legs. He shrieked in agony as she removed the knife, her eyes locked onto the man in front of her now. In his eyes, she had just magically appeared there, full of malice and evil intent. The screaming further disoriented him, and he froze.

Asuka was up and grabbed the gun while throwing herself to the side, taking control of the weapon as he fired on instinct. The shots peppered the end of the alley, hitting his dying friend. Asuka felt her body go slack as the loud report frazzled her, but she began stabbing behind her, finding skin. The man tried to grab, doing a surprisingly smart thing. Despite having been stabbed five times, he ejected his magazine and fired the last round, rendering the weapon safe and allowing him to release it and fight with both hands. Asuka rolled the knife in her hand to a more traditional overhand grip, and turned into him, cutting as she moved and slashing his throat. He gurgled, but she kicked him away, feeling the warmth of his life spatter on her.

Two more appeared at the far end of the alley, and she spun back into the small side passage as they opened up, spattering the ground with bullets. She felt the concussion as they ricocheted. The distinct _tink-tink_ as they bounced off the dirt was heard even over the thunder of the rifles.

That was eight, which left four. If she was able to drop these two slugs, that would leave two overall, and that was far better than she had anticipated settling for from the start. She scurried around the structure, knowing that they were going to be smart and try to cut her off at the opening. She lowered her head, and pushed herself into a full on sprint. As she cleared the alley, she saw her instincts had been proved right, and both were hurrying towards the entrance. She angled at them and launched through the air.

She burst across the first one, trapping his rifle and slashing opening his throat. The man gagged and tumbled back, propelled by his attempt to retreat and Asuka's forward momentum. His companion took the brunt, bracing against it and pushed the dying man away. Asuka was at his side, and attacking.

As she swung around, she felt her arm seem to _leave_ her. She slashed down across the man's stomach, a blow meant to hurt and disorient, and followed by turning and striking at the back of the knee, meant to cripple. As she pushed him away with her free hand, she realized that the entire leg below the knee had simply gone flying away, and the man's torso was turning fast than his lower body. She stumbled back, staring in shock at the sight, then looked at her right hand. It was trembling, and the smallest finger seemed to jitter and squirm against the knife.

"I said no!" Asuka grated, popping the inside of her wrist and loosening the fingers. The knife fell to the dirt, and she hugged the arm to herself. She wasn't go to allow this _thing_ to run rampant until she had figured out what the _hell_ was going on with it. She waited for the trembling to pass, the sense of control to return to her. She breathed deep, and felt eyes on her. She jerked her head to the left.

Mohawk was staring at her, his eyes curious and his hands at his side. He had seen the whole thing; watched her decimate the man, watched her rally her will against the arm. He cocked his head like a dog.

On pure instinct, she drew the pistol and fired. He wasn't where she had aimed, was instead sprinting towards the woods. God, he was fast! She emptied the rest of her magazine as he bolted and dove into the wood-line, disappearing from sight. She ejected the magazine, and inserted her last clip. She waited for him to return from the woods, to fire back. Neither happened. It looked like he had checked out completely.

That left one.

She forced thoughts of Mohawk and her ridiculous, infuriating _arm_ from her mind and hurried back towards the square. The majority of the villagers had scattered, leaving the area eerily quiet. She heard a commotion from one of the houses at the edge of the space, and advanced slowly on it, pistol at the ready. Two figures pushed out of the door, and Asuka grimaced as she focused on them.

The Spokesman had a woman in front of him. There was no doubt in Asuka's mind that there was a pistol behind her. He was screaming: "You will drop your weapon right _now_, or so help me, I will end this woman's _life_." The woman was amazingly calm, all things considered, and her eyes were locked onto Asuka. She stood very still, waiting passively. It was a credit to her resolve to do that; when one was a hostage, and one lacked the ability to act, simply waiting could be the hardest thing in the world. You would either be rescued, or be killed. When left with those two options, both out of your hands, it was easy to break down.

Not that it was helping right now. She was between Asuka and an opportunity to end this little farce, and the situation was becoming dangerous.

With no other options, Asuka began talking. "Isn't that the point? To send us all back to Paradise? I heard your sales pitch. What's the point of threatening her if that's the plan anyway, huh?"

"It's simple," he said, "I know what waits for me, but do you know what waits for you? Or her? No, because you have doubt. You doubt the truth of it, so you will put down your weapon to avoid harming this woman. I know that, and you know that. So let's stop fencing, shall we?" He was shifting constantly. There was always a part of him to aim at, but it kept moving. As much as Asuka was loathe to say it, there was an art to keeping a human shield, and this fellow had a grasp of it. Unlike others, Asuka didn't chalk that up to cowardice, especially here. It was about disorienting those on the other side of the shield, making them blink.

He was waiting for an opening. It was then that Asuka caught a sight of blue rounding the corner to the right, moving with deliberate purpose and speed. In her peripheral vision, Asuka saw that it was Rei, advancing on the man, dragging one of the mallets the villagers had been using for setting posts. Asuka took a deep breath, and reminded herself there were more openings than the obvious ones. Rei with a massive hammer was less obvious than most, but Asuka would take it.

"Fine, fine, let's just calm down," she said, ejecting the magazine and working the slide. The bullet in the chamber glinted in the sunlight as it flew through the air. Asuka held the empty pistol in one hand as she raised her arms. "Let's talk. You have cards. Just don't…hurt anyone, all right?"

The Spokesman pushed the woman down, and aimed his pistol with both hands at Asuka. He was done talking, and it was clear he wasn't taking chances. He was smart…but outnumbered. Before he squeezed the trigger, his ears registered the movement next to him, and he had enough time to turn before the mallet came down across his head. It caught the back of his jaw, shattering it on the left side and spinning him in place. The pistol flew from nerveless fingers, and he fell onto his back. He lay still, the world swimming in his vision as he managed to focus his eyes on what had struck him. The girl stepped over his legs, staring at him with a cool indifference that frightened him.

"Wait…wait…" he was gasping through a broken jaw. He held up a finger, forbidding. "Jes…jes wait…" Rei hiked the mallet over her shoulder and brought it down into his chest, like she would at a carnival to ring a bell. It bounced off his ribs, as though it had struck a tire. He jerked, grunting as the wind left him, and lay twitching on the ground. "Kkk..kkk..kkk…" he creaked as his mouth filled with foamy saliva.

Asuka watched him carefully as she circled to Rei. The girl kept staring at the man, swaying drunkenly on her legs. Asuka holstered the empty pistol, reaching out and pushing away the mallet. As she did, Rei swayed and fell into her arm, and Asuka grabbed her, hugging her tight.

"Stop looking. Stop looking at him," she murmured, turning between Rei and the slowly departing man. "I've got you, I'm here."

Rei leaned heavily into her, and Asuka felt an arm slither up her back, trembling…but determined. "I…needed…to break something…" she muttered.

"I would say that you did," Asuka agreed, placing a protective hand on the girl's head. Rei let out a hiss of air like a balloon deflating.

"I'm tired," she muttered.

"You did good, Rei," Asuka said. "This wasn't bad. You saved my life. You did good, you did real good."

"No, I didn't," Rei murmured. She looked up at Asuka, and smiled. It was a sad smile, but an honest one. A healthier one. "I don't feel bad anymore, at least."

Asuka nodded. "I know what you mean," she said. "Let's go inside." Rei murmured something. "What?" Asuka asked.

"I can't move my legs," she said, a little louder, "Fix it." Asuka sighed as she scooped the girl up and headed towards the house, as the villagers slowly returned to the square. It was over…for the moment.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: There's a lot of what you could call 'Solid Snake' tactics in this chapter. While it might be possible for them to work, in a realistic combat situation, the likelihood of success trying to use such tactics is low...astronomically, in fact. While it is very easy for a small armed and motivated group (or even individual) to control a large population (especially one that lacks the means to defend itself), one individual taking down an armed group is just…very not realistic. It demands that the opposing force have little to no dynamic as a team, which is difficult for any unit to build, but not so that a single person (even a highly trained one) can dispatch them with naught but a pistol and knife. Call it 'deus ex tactica.' The nice thing about fiction is that all of that is largely irrelevant. In this case, it helps to showcase a cool little action sequence, and highlight how competent Asuka has become in this world in terms of combat and survival (bearing in mind she was already supposed to know something of martial arts in the first place). And it's just fun. I like to think that if anyone could get away with doing this, it would be Asuka. Or Steven Seagal.

…and now I'm wondering who would win in a fight between Asuka and Steven Seagal. Probably Chuck Norris. I kid, of course…we all know it would be Andrei Arlovsky.


	31. You See Your Leash

Asuka stared at her arm, hearing the noises outside as the people of Myoji formed a patrol to search the forest for more intruders. Five of them were dead: three of elderly whose hearts gave out in the excitement, one man who was beaten to death in the paddies as encouragement to others to run to the village, and a girl child who had been stampeded in the initial panic. Others were hurt, and all were afraid. Asuka heard none of them. She was staring at her arm, feeling sweat prickles on her neck.

If one looked at her right arm very closely, one would note a thin, almost invisible line of what that ran from the skin between her forefinger and middle finger all the way back to her shoulder. It was a testament to the absurdly sharp blade of the Lance of Longinus that had filleted the arm of Unit-o2, her mother, her only purpose for existence. She closed her eyes, trembling at the memory. It still hurt, at times…to be that close to her mother. That close…so close…

Asuka opened her eyes, and stared at the seam in her arm. That line, once invisible, was now a centimeter in width.

"Miss Asuka," a voice called. It was Kikyo's husband, Ryu, the man Asuka had strangled on her way to see Rei some time ago. She turned, pulling her arm close to her. Her back was to the door.

"Yes?" she asked, distant.

"We've found the items you said to look for, about one hundred meters into the woodline from where the intruders first appeared." She looked over her shoulder at him, her red eye flashing. "We inspected them, as you said to. No traps, nothing. We've brought them to the center of the village."

"Thanks, I'll be a moment," she said. He bowed, and disappeared. Asuka kneaded her right hand with her left, gazing down at the arm. That line…Asuka pulled her sleeve down. One thing at a time, always one thing at a bleeding time. She exited the house, and saw Rei was already outside, bending over the line of rucks that had been arranged in the square. Rei turned her head at Asuka's approach, and glanced back at the rucks. Lying next to them was a line of rifles, and beyond that, the bodies of those Asuka had killed, including the two that were up in the woods. In total, thirteen rifles, rucks, and bodies. All minus one, cheeky little sinner that he was.

"Those are all the same rifle," Rei said. Asuka looked at them. Type 89 rifles, known as 'Buddy' in the JGSDF. These were actually Mark IIIs, all of them so heavily updated as to be unrecognizable from the original pattern rifle, but they were military weapons all the same. All the rucks were the same, as well, and each of the dead wore similar load bearing vests.

"They must be at a military depot, or very near to one," Asuka murmured. "This is all JGSDF gear." She opened one of rucks, throwing its items out. She went down the line, checking each one in the same manner. Rations, sleeping kit, minor toiletries. Extra clothing. The rations were of the later military issue model, with a shelf life of twenty years, the clothing generic.

No personal items. No books, no pictures, no journals. Nothing. Not even maps or compasses. How were they finding their way south? How were they keeping track of where they had been, how to return?

It made no sense. _And aren't you the Queen of the Nonsensical?_ Her arm twitched, and she grimaced. She turned and walked some distance away from the bodies, trying to piece it together. She recalled what the Spokesman had said. A lot of mystical gobbledygook, frankly. What clues were there in that? The mistake of the Return…it meshed with what the failed bomber back in the trade town had said. What of Mohawk? The way he moved, the way he made for the woods…

Hell, the way _all_ of these people were…there was an indication that these people were at least trained, and some of them - specifically Mohawk - seemed to have that preternatural sense of danger, of response…the kind of thing more suited to animals than men.

The kind of thing she had. She tugged at her lip. Who were these people? A shadow fell next to her, and she turned to see Rei staring at her, her face a little paler than normal, if that was possible.

"Three of those people are…" Rei closed her mouth, and shrugged. Asuka glanced back, knowing _precisely_ what Rei was talking about.

"I worked over a lot of them with my knife," Asuka said. "It's not pretty."

"One of them was _cut in half_," the girl insisted "One them…his head is hanging like there's no bones in his neck. Another one…what happened to his wrist? His _head_?" Rei never raised her voice, but there was a strong note of concern in what she said. And a note of fear, too. "Asuka, what did you _do_?"

"Adrenaline can make you do some strange things. Superhuman things, if you think about it." That was a bad lie, and Rei caught it easily.

"You're not telling me something." Rei was scowling now, her nose scrunched up in irritation and disbelief. It was a patently angry expression. "How long has your left eyelid been that color? I don't remember it being so pale."

"My eyelid?" Asuka blinked, touching it reflexively.

"And your hand," Rei said. "I don't remember that line being there."

"It's always been there," Asuka murmured, but shaken. Her eyelid, too?

"Stop lying!" Rei screamed, quivering and drawing glances from the villagers. She held Asuka's gaze with an intensity that the woman had not yet seen in this Rei. It made her quail under the firm eyes. She looked down, folding her fingers in and out of her hand.

"There's…something happening to me. I can't explain it," she said.

"What? What's happening? Did it have to do with last night?" Rei demanded. Asuka scowled herself, irritated at being interrogated like this.

"I don't have to answer this," Asuka muttered.

"Yes, you do! You _have_ to answer this, because you looked out for me! How can I look out for you if you don't _let me_?"

Asuka inhaled, checking her temper. She really had no right to be angry at the teenager. She studied Rei, and said, "There are things happening right now that I can't explain, and frankly, they frighten me. I _am_ withholding things from you, and it's not because I trust you or don't think you can handle them. I just…don't understand them. And, honestly, I think if you knew about them…they might hurt more than help you." _I could always make another one_.

"Isn't that something _I_ should decide?" Rei insisted. Her voice had become shrill, but her expression was no longer angry. It was hurt, but engaged.

"It is! I'm not saying it isn't…I mean." Asuka gathered her thoughts. "I _want_ to tell you about what's going on, but I don't know _how_ or even if I _should_." She flexed her hand. "I'm honestly scared out of my wits, here, and just trying to put two and two together."

Rei stared at her, uncomprehending. "Is there…_anything_ at all you can tell me?"

Well…there was one. "I've been dreaming of Shinji," Asuka murmured. Rei chewed on that, and shrugged.

"Well, I'm _sure_ you have. It's the entire reason you came out here, right?"

"No, not like that," Asuka said, looking at her hands, tracing the line that had appeared. "Like…I've seen him. I saw him the first night we were here. He was here…I-I _know_ he was _here_. And the dreams…they don't feel like dreams. They feel like…I'm talking to him. _Really_ him, not just a…dream version." She glanced up at Rei, a hunted look on her face.

Rei was staring away from her, to the east. Her face was calm. "The Strangeness," she murmured.

"The what?"

"In the room where I was born, there were three words: the Top, the Bottom, and the Strangeness," Rei said, looking back at Asuka. "Do you know what those mean?"

Asuka _did_ know, in fact. It was strange that she should remember her college degree after all these years…but she did know. "It's a characteristic of physics, having to do with quarks," Asuka murmured.

"A single quark can be in many places at once," Rei said.

Asuka turned her head. "You…I mean, Lilith…well, _you_…" She fluttered her hands, knowing she was confusing herself. "You were everywhere at once…at Third Impact."

Rei nodded. "A quark can be in more than one place at the same time."

"Shinji is…in more than one place, is that what you're saying?" Asuka said. She felt a rising sense of distress, the feeling that the search had been for naught…how could they _find_ someone if he could be anywhere and everywhere _at the same time_. Rei, for her part, shrugged.

"I don't know…it's just…what if it was really _Shinji _talking to you? He's where we're going, where we need to look for him. And he's talking to you at the same time. What did he talk about? What did he say?"

"Something about the first Return Day," Asuka murmured. "I didn't understand a lot of it. I wanted to, but…it was above my head." Rei looked back at the center of the square, the dead bodies and the remaining equipment. Asuka studied her, and asked, "How did you remember that? The bit about your room?"

"I saw it in Shinji's memories. He and Misato went there…they were shown it by Dr. Akagi." The bleach-blond woman drifted through Asuka's mind for just a moment, and she blinked.

"That's strange Misato said nothing about it."

"I don't think she remembered it," Rei said. "It seems…the Return scrambles things. That's how I see it."

"Hmm…you have a point. You have a point, there," Asuka said thoughtfully. She filed that away for later, focusing on the Strangeness…the concept of being in Point A and Point B, at the same time, just because. She didn't know what that had to do with Shinji, but it was the only thing that seemed to fit in a whole series of things that didn't. What it was worth in the end, though…that was difficult to say.

"We'll understand it more when we find him, I'm sure of that," Rei insisted.

Asuka nodded. "You're wrong, though. Decidedly wrong about one thing," she murmured. "Well, two, actually." Rei scrunched her eyes.

"What?"

"Well, one, you're staying here until I get back: _we_ is canceled for the moment," Asuka said, "Because, for two, Shinji isn't anywhere near where I'm going. At least I hope he isn't." Rei was about to protest, but the look Asuka gave made her flinch. "I'm going to find the Teacher. He has explaining to do."

* * *

That evening, Asuka had cannibalized as much of the equipment as she could, reassembling a new ruck. All the rounds were 5.56 rounds, and the few that had pistols were using 9mm. Asuka herself used .40 caliber rounds. She would have to accept she would be low for her pistol for a bit, as well as the magazines expended against the SDF renegades and the bandits before Myoji. The tug had become a low, dull thrum that was pulling her ever north, but the tracks for Mohawk led to the northeast, away from the thread. She felt a thrill of fear at what the Figment would do to push her back on course, but she pushed that down. She had to deal with this, and deal with it now. Three for three incidents was too many.

She had the items she needed spread out in front of her, and was sorting them when someone came into the room. She ignored them, as it was most likely someone else coming to beg her not to go. She heard a click, and turned. Rei was dressed in her traveling clothes, and examining the bolt of an unloaded Type 89. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" Asuka snapped.

Rei gave her an ugly look. "I'm getting ready to leave, what else?"

"What else? How about when I said you were staying here," Asuka said.

"You did say that," Rei said. She hit the catch release, letting the bolt slam forward.

"First off, don't do that, you'll screw up the bolt assembly," Asuka said peevishly. "Second off, no, you are not going anywhere. You're staying here, I'll pick you up when I come back this way."

"_If _you come back this way, because you're going to pick a fight by yourself against a cult of paramilitary psychos," Rei snapped, laying the rifle down and pulling a magazine out of her vest. She had already loaded a good number of full magazines about her person.

"You have no combat…okay, you have a _little _combat experience," Asuka said. "You have no place in going to deal with people like this. I was _lucky_ to have done what I did today, no mistake. It'll be harder from here out. Harder and bloodier."

"I've killed," Rei snapped, but she sounded less than threatening. Frankly, hearing her say that made Asuka wince, and the woman felt her blood begin to boil.

"I never wanted you to do that!" Asuka yelled. Rei stared at her, surprised. Asuka had never raised her voice to Rei in the time since she had Returned, not once. Even when she had been angry in the marsh, she had been shrill and loud, but not outright yelling. "I _never _wanted you to do that," Asuka repeated. "I mean…what'll Shinji say when he finds out that you've killed someone. That I've put you in danger time and time again. What'll he say to that?"

"What _will_ he say?" Rei asked.

"I don't know, but I don't want to find out!" Asuka snapped. She took a deep breath. "You and him…always had that connection. I was jealous of that, as a girl. I'll admit that. In a way, I'm still nervous about what will happen when you two see each other again. I'm not so worried about that, though, because I got him in the end. We had to work hard for it, but we made it work. And, to be honest, you're a child. Or you look like a child. You're in a child's body!" She rubbed her forehead in agitation. "The point is, you're still something special to him. And if he finds out…that I've put you in harm's way…or…" She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know…what he'll say to that."

She sat quiet for a long moment, unsure of what else to say. She felt sheepish for admitting that to Rei, admitting one long buried and long forgotten source of her jealousy. The closer she got to Shinji, the more those things were remembered. She felt silly about it, a bit guilty. Certainly ashamed. And yet, a part of her was also very aware of how important Rei was to Shinji. What would he say to all of this? To what had happened?

She heard a click, and opened her eyes. Rei had loaded a magazine. "You'll need to help me zero the weapon," Rei said gently. "I don't know how."

"Rei…"

"I made the decision to come. Not you," she said quietly. "I killed two people, because I chose to. I have to live with that. And I'll live with that." She looked at Asuka. "I am going to help you. That's all there is to it."

* * *

Kikyo made one last appeal to them to stay in Myoji, but Asuka was determined to leave, and Rei was determined to follow. They set up a small range on a flat spot of land, and with the last light of the day, they burned through two clips to ensure Rei could fire the rifle with accuracy, adjusting the iron sights appropriately. The shots rang true in the night air, and the children in the village stood at a distance and watched, fascinated. Each shot filled Asuka with a strange feeling of dread, and watching the bullet holes through her binoculars magically compress over the evening felt like that same dread drifting closer and closer. She was proud of how natural a shot Rei seemed...but felt sick to be proud of that. By the time the last light had faded, Rei found she had a liking to the weapon...and Asuka could only mumble she was glad. She wasn't, of course.

They napped fitfully that night, dressed to leave with their rucks nearby. There was tension between them now, but it wasn't the kind either of them could really yell about as much as they wanted to. Rei knew Asuka wanted her safe, and Asuka knew Rei wanted to help. It was a bad deal all around, and one of them was going to lose the argument either way. Both might, if things went bad enough. Either way, it was a fitful night.

They started out fresh and early the next day, with no one awake to see them off save Nana, who had always risen before the sun. The old woman watched the strange foreigner and the ethereal girl vanish into the morning mists, saying a silent prayer. Bad things had come with them, and it might be possible bad things would leave with them. It seemed sad that such portents of doom should follow two girls such as them, but that seemed to be their fate. Their karma. One did not meddle with such things…merely pray that they worked themselves out.

As they made their way through the woods and the thinning mist, the girls were watched by two ruby eyes glimmering beneath blue hair. The head they sat in tilted right, and then left. Like a breath of air, the observer vanished.


	32. In a Year of Crows

The house was too big. The silence was too loud. The memories too temporary, and too permanent at the same time. Shinji had gone, and Asuka was left alone to ponder the emptiness that he had left behind.

_I should have gone with him_, she thought. _Should have gone. Can go. He's only a day ahead of you. You can still catch up. Go and pack now. You can catch up easy!_

She didn't go and pack. She did nothing of the sort. She sat at the kitchen table and stared at the stove where he had cooked. It had been hopping once they had a natural gas flow again. He was something to behold with a skillet, a pot, and a stove that actually heated. She popped her knuckles, missing that. Missing him. Missing him badly. She stood, and began to pace through the house, in slow and aimless routes that led to nowhere in particular. Through the bedrooms, into the entry room, in and out of the kitchen, and finally into the bathroom, where she stared at her reflection until she was certain it was her and no one else. That crystal blue eye, and it's blood red mate. Her triangular face, small nose. She was still a looker, Shinji. You didn't know what you were leaving behind. Her hair…her red, red hair.

She held her hair, running the strands sensuously between her fingers. She was a vain thing once, and still a vain thing when it came to her hair. If there was one thing she truly loved about herself, without reservation, without second-guessing or embarrassment, it was her hair. It marked her as unique in a land of brown to black hair. It was her hallmark. Her last link to the old Asuka Langley Soryu that Shinji had first seen, so long ago on the deck of the Over the Rainbow. It was her.

Asuka let go of her locks, and picked up the scissors. They were Shinji's, and she had, more than once, cut his hair for him. It was often a hack job, but he was always grateful for it, always asked her to do it. She couldn't understand why. He would always go to Taiko's to get it evened out. He always asked her to do it first, though. She studied the scissors, feeling that tenuous link with Shinji slipping away even now. Without preamble, she looped the scissors onto her fingers and snipped a lock of hair free.

This began a mechanical process, unfeeling and deliberate. There was no haste, there was no hesitation. The scissors snipped away tress by tress, the length shrinking as Asuka's numbness rose. She watched as she changed before her eyes, becoming a stranger more and more. Snip here, snip there. Snip the memory, snip the present, snip the whole sordid meaning of the thing. Snip snip snip.

Finally, she laid the scissors down, and perused her work. She had made a true mess of it: her bangs remained, bunched on her head, but as one went back, the hair got progressively shorter. She craned her neck left and then right, musing. The hair was patchy back there, but undeniably shorter. She sighed, wondering if she should get someone to clip or even shave it down, and decided that she just didn't care enough. She left the hair in the sink, and shuffled out of the bathroom, feeling numb and liking it.

She slept that night in Shinji's room. The sheets still smelled like him.

* * *

The months came and went, and Asuka simply worked to make do. Kensuke convinced her that there lay opportunity in salvage, and someone with his eye for electronics and valuables, and her vaunted Pilot honed combat skills (of which she was admittedly skeptical of herself) and her over-sized armory could make a fortune. She had dragged her feet until he offered a controlling share in any business they started. She finally allowed herself to be persuaded, and they started up a salvage company.

There was no need for licenses quite yet, as new Restored Government didn't even have salvagers on the radar. As far as anyone with a crowbar, a backpack, and maybe a healthy lack of self-preservation was concerned, it was a gold mine out there. It began to bring the equivalent of financial success in the barter system of the Spread, and that brought with it the need to expand. Kensuke declared that they needed a more permanent space, and possibly more employees. He convinced Asuka to check out a warehouse he had in mind, and the two met one fine day to look over the site. It was…very large. Larger than Asuka had thought it need be, and she found herself counting echoes as Kensuke went on and on about what a great find it was.

"It'll be perfect!" Kensuke insisted. "Look, we can have offices right over there, we have an assembly floor here. We can store items in here, clean them, repair them. This is easy pickings. We can have employees here…come on, a real business! With real profits."

She sighed, spinning in place slowly, gazing up. "It's just so big…" she murmured.

"It's room to grow," he insisted.

"You know what you're doing," she said, shrugging.

"Oh, come on, at least pretend like you're interested," Kensuke protested. She sighed, and fixed him with a baleful eye.

"I trust you to make smart choices. I'm only in this for the excitement."

"And the profits. I'm going to make us rich, just wait and see," he said cheerfully. She grinned ruefully, and continued to inspect the warehouse. In truth, it seemed like a good idea to set up shop somewhere, and this did seem a good location for it. They parted after an hour, satisfied with the structural integrity and potential security of the place. Kensuke headed for his street, and Asuka made a beeline for home.

The walk back was quiet, and introspective. She kept dragging her feet, but in truth, she did love hunting for salvage. Something about it felt…natural. Being in the uncivilized woods, seeking out leftover treasures from time past. Feeling that copper sense of danger…

She wasn't lying when she said she was in it for the excitement. With Shinji gone, things had taken an ashy flavor, devoid of sweet or salt. Asuka felt more like lying down and tuning out more and more each day. Going on salvage, though…some of it was mundane, but there was an element of danger to it all. The potential for ambush by the growing predator population, the increasingly hazardous nature of unoccupied buildings…there was a thrill in it. A perverse thrill, she grumbled to herself.

Did you become a death-seeker? Asuka sneered at herself as she opened the front door and stepped into the house. She headed to the kitchen, and figured it would just be like her to get all mopey like this. Nearly a year without Shinji, and already she was over analyzing all of her decisions. She walked into the kitchen, kicking herself mentally the entire time.

Her nose twitched. Something cried danger, and she turned to her left. The pantry door was open, and there was someone in there. It was a short, wiry man in filthy clothes. He was the source of a rank smell of sweat, filth, and mud. Asuka stood very still, her heart racing. He hadn't seemed to notice her yet, and she was reluctant to alert the man. That reluctance began to give way to indignation. She looked to the door, feeling the urge to leave…and decided to instead challenge the man. He was destroying her pantry, after all!

"Who are you?" she snapped. The man whirled, dropping handfuls of rice. He had an unhealthy look, and his face was sallow. "What are you doing here?" she continued, throwing all the arrogance, haughtiness, and command into her voice that she could muster. It would have made for an impressive sight if the man had any of his wits about him, but as Asuka studied him, it became clear that he wasn't operating on all cylinders. He must of have been mad with starvation. She could see flecks of rice on his lips, and knew then he had been eating the uncooked rice, shoveling the hard grains into his mouth and swallowing without so much as chewing. How starved did you have to be to do that?

His eyes ran up and down her, sizing her up. There was an ugly twitch in his face, and animal-like snuffling. "Get out of here, now," she demanded, putting her hands on her hips and glaring. "Imagine, breaking into a stranger's home! We're trying to build a civilization, here, and…and…" His eyes had gone glassy, and he was smiling. It was a toothy grin, but there was no joy in it. It was like watching a chimpanzee smile. It was a grin of death.

He was hungry…a more primal, more wretched kind of hunger. "Stop," Asuka murmured, but he lowered his body while arching his neck, like a snake coiling. Asuka took a step back, knowing that she had to run _now. _She knew not to turn around and show him her back, and began backpedaling. He lowered his head like a bull and charged, his shoulder connecting square with her midsection. She went up and down, slamming into the hard ground. The wind burst out of her, and for a moment she was stunned. She felt her legs wrap around his torso and lock on pure instinct, trapping him and pushing some of his weight off of her. A flat hand grabbed her face, and another one was searching for her arms. The stench was everywhere, and the fear burned in her. Her heartbeat boomed in her ears like war drums, and slowly the fear vanished. She remembered being afraid, under water, under death…under doom certain. That fear…that fear of dying…replaced by something like joy.

It began to surge in her now. Something like joy. Something others called hate.

_Fight, damn you, fight, damn you, fight fight fight fight…_

"Kill you…" she murmured, her trembling hand clamping onto his face and pushing up. "Kill you…" she grated again louder. The world was going gray, and her heart was racing. She felt no fear anymore. Only hate. Hate upon hate upon hate upon hate upon hate….

"_Kill you_!" she shrieked, her thumb finding his eye and burrowing in. She felt moisture and grease, and the pressure immediately ceased as the man threw himself backward, wailing. He rolled on the ground, covering his face. His feet kicked and he screamed, screamed, screamed.

"_I'll kill you_!" Asuka shrieked, rolling over and grabbing his hair to pull herself closer. She snaked an arm around his neck, clamped her legs on his own, and burrowed her face into his head, into the stink and the filth. Pushing. Pushing his neck into the crook of an arm that was tightening, making a hole far too small for his neck.

The pain of the eye was forgotten as he realized he was being strangled to death. He tried to buck and kick, but she was locked in. Throughout her mind, the words resounded…Killyoukillyoukillyoukillyou killyou…

Somewhere in her mind, the black shape of crows circled above her, some vague half-memory that was lost to her at the moment. All she knew was that the crows mocked her. Threatened her. How she hated them. Hated them enough to kill.

* * *

It was a long time before Asuka loosened her grip. She smelled excrement, knew the man was now dead. She kicked him away, her clothes filthy from the fight, and she looked at the body. For one numb moment, she saw that he was dead. Dead as dead as dead.

She stood on shaky legs, pacing in the kitchen. She laughed. It started as a giggle, and turned into a full-blown hysterical jag. She couldn't help it. She felt good. Relieved. Pleased. So happy. So happy she wasn't dead, or hurt, or worse. Happy as happy could be. She laughed it out of her system, leaned over, caught her breath, and was promptly sick on the floor.

Asuka looked at her right hand. It was on the one that had damaged the man's eye. It was filthy with blood, darker in hue than rabbit's blood, and she let it drop to her side. The air in here was too warm, too putrid with too many foul scents. She stumbled out of the back door and took a few deep breaths of outside air. It didn't help; the stench seemed to cling to her, to follow her.

She looked back in the kitchen, and saw the crumpled body. You could have run. You should have run. He didn't know you were there, you could have just slipped out the back. He was hungry, after all. He wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't himself. He was once a man, but he had forgotten to be one because he was so, painfully hungry. You couldn't judge a person for forgetting themselves like that.

Did you judge Shinji like that?

For a moment, for a very real moment, Asuka was afraid she had just murdered Shinji. She fell to her knees and sobbed at the sudden and unexpected pain in her chest, the mixed feelings of dread, terror, guilt, self-loathing, and a whole melange of other raw, seething emotions. She wrestled in under control, looked at the body, and swallowed. Standing up, she brushed her hands on her lap, and, with great care and great dignity, entered the house. Kensuke lived closer to the warehouse than she did, so it was a safe bet he was there now. The phone lines had been up for about a month, and he had insisted that she, Toji, and Hikari all join him in getting on the lines, just in case. She stepped over the body, and went to the phone in the entry room. She dialed his number, and listened to three ring before the line was picked up.

"Mushi-mushi," Kenuske said. Her mouth quirked at hearing the familiar greeting again after so long without a phone.

"Kensuke?" she said on the line.

"Asuka? Everything all right?"

"I just killed an intruder in my home."

"A…what!? Are you okay, do you need-"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I need to get out of this house now." She swallowed. "I'm going to Hikari's. Can you and Toji come here and empty out my home? Just…take everything to the warehouse?"

"Um…yeah, sure. Have you called the Contabulary?"

The Constabulary? Oh, yes…there were police again. "Could you do that for me?" she asked. "Let them know where I am if they need to speak to me. I'm leaving right now."

"I think you should stay, Asuka. I mean…"

"I'll be at Hikari's," she repeated, hanging up the phone and breathing deep. She stared at the front door, and without another word marched up to it, opened it, and walked into the street. She walked away from the home she and Shinji had shared for the last time, leaving death in her wake.


	33. Squirm

**Notes from GobHobblin**: I find I've been neglecting some of my other fanfics…and now I'm getting ready to start another one. And I know it won't go for awhile because…I just love this fic too much! Soldier Asuka and squirrel Rei are too much fun to write! Why? _WHY_?

* * *

The line on Asuka's arm had widened by a few centimeters by a week past Myoji, becoming a pale band from the fingers up. She couldn't tell yet, but it even seemed that there were tendrils, faint and wispy, extending from that line. Rei had announced her intention to call Asuka 'Spot' on account of the fact that the porcelain white mark that had appeared on her eyelid now seemed to have spread down the top of the cheekbone. Asuka had smiled and teased Rei back about that, but in truth, she was alarmed.

Mohawk did not seem to have been concerned about covering his tracks, and the trail he had left was clear and clean to Asuka's experienced eye. They followed it for a solid two days before Rei began to talk in word salad. Asuka had asked if she wanted to stop and eat, and Rei replied, "Tetris."

"I'm sorry?" Asuka asked.

"Opera in Monday," Rei said earnestly, "With figs." Asuka stepped over and took the girl's face in her hands, looking into her eyes. They were quivering in the sockets, unable to focus.

"Power plants," Rei said, reassuringly, trying to bat the hands away. "Tomato in basin."

"We're stopping, you're going to sleep," Asuka said. Rei looked like she was going to protest some more, then mumbled and leaned heavily into Asuka. The woman guided the girl over to a spot to bed down, helped her get her sleep system out, bundled her up, and let her drift away.

She considered getting her own sleep system out, but thought the better of it. She snuggled down next to Rei, watching the girl sleep. She had pushed her hard over the last two days, and Rei had done a good job of staying alert through it. She was a tough girl.

_You're such a mom, Asuka_, something chided her, and she snickered. Different. She was different. It was good to be different. It felt like she had…entered a new part of her life. A natural one. 'This was the real Asuka,' it seemed to say. Behold the defenseless, and defend them. What was it Nana said? A wolf among wolves. A wolf for the sheep. She liked that. That sounded good. She could live with that. She was still smiling when her eyes sank shut.

* * *

It was dark when Asuka opened her eyes. Something was nearby, and its presence had awoken her. She turned left, and saw bare, skinny legs, the color of fine china, right next to her. In that moment, she felt sleepiness flee and wished she could follow it. Her heart began to pound, and her mouth went dry. She took a breath, and followed the legs up. Red eyes glared at her through a blank face. Something seemed to be lingering behind those eyes, something new.

"Wondered when you were going to show up," Asuka murmured.

"I have not left," the Figment said testily.

"I'm not going after Shinji," Asuka said. "How's that square with you? What do you plan to do? Melt me? Tear out my organs? Hmm?" There was a note of defiance in Asuka's tone, but she felt afraid. Very afraid.

The Figment knew it, as well. "You act as though you have no fear. I can see it in your cells…you know that there will be consequences. And you are not prepared to pay them."

Asuka swallowed, but said nothing. The Figment leaned forward, turning her gaze to Rei, sleeping peacefully. "Don't," Asuka whispered.

The Figment returned her cold stare to the woman, and said, "You have seen your new leash." Asuka's arm rose on its own.

"I thought you had something to do with that," she mumbled. Slowly, purposefully, the arm turned towards Asuka. The fingers clenched on her throat, and began tightening. She said nothing, but continued to stare at the Figment, even as her eyes began to water and face heated.

"If you do not do as you are asked, then you will be _made_ to do as you are _told_," the Figment said. "You are afraid…but perhaps you are truly prepared to die to spite me. Is that correct?" Asuka tried to speak, but the hand was too tight.

"No, that is the way of it. I see it in you…you revel in destruction. It gives you your purpose. What about her?" The hand released, and moved over Rei's head, hovering bare inches from her face.

"No, wait, no…no…just _wait_," Asuka gasped. Her stomach cartwheeled, and her heart pounded. "She has nothing to do with this…thing between you and me. Leave her alone."

"Nothing? _Nothing_?!" The Figment was screeching, her bland face twisted, which scared Asuka even more than the emotionless, uncaring facade earlier. One was predictable…the other was not. Rei squirmed in her sleep, and for a moment Asuka was afraid she would wake up.

"She has interfered every step of the way! She has prevented you from closing the distance between me and Shinji! You are to locate Shinji! Nothing is more important!" Asuka's hand was trembling painfully now, and the fingers squirmed like worms. Sweat beaded Asuka's face. "I should tear this girl apart limb from limb, tendon from tendon, _cell from cell_! It was a mistake to make her! It was foolish to craft her! I should undo everything about her!"

"I am going…because of something else…Rei has nothing to do with it…" Asuka grated. Shift the attention back to her. Away from Rei. Shift the attention. Shift it.

The hand began to arch, the fingertips aimed at Rei's face…

"The Teacher…I need to see the Teacher," Asuka said, wracking her mind.

"Why?" the Figment snapped.

"He might know something about Shinji!" Asuka pleaded. The hand calmed its murderous twitching. Asuka, you idiot, what did you just say?

"Explain," the Figment snapped. _I would love to, if you give me a moment to figure out why he might actually know something about Shinji_, Asuka thought. She had blurted it in panic, with no real thoughts as to why it held any truth. She licked her lips to buy time.

"Um…the Teacher…his people are all over the north…" Asuka said. "And Shinji…was last seen in the north…right?" The Figment cocked her head, and reached a slender hand behind Asuka's head. She grabbed a clump of hair, and lifted Asuka off the ground. Asuka gasped, and resisted the urge to grab at the hand.

"Go on," the Figment said.

"Somebody like Shinji…everyone I've talked to remembers him. He…he…he sticks out. The Teacher…surely he knows something about him…it's worth investigating…"

The Figment considered it, then nodded. "Yes. Yes. Yes, this is logical. This…makes sense. You are intelligent, Asuka, most intelligent. I should trust your judgment, more. I was concerned that you might have lost track of your priorities. I am glad to see that you are still fulfilling your purpose. You are a good dog, Asuka, a good dog." The Figment cocked her head, inquisitive. Perhaps she wondered if this was the right thing to say, the appropriate praise for the situation.

The Figment dropped her, and she hit the ground with a huff. She wanted to vomit, but refused to allow herself. She stared at the Figment, who seemed to have gotten lost. She was turning in place, as if she couldn't decide where to go. "We shall discuss your progress more in the future. Well done, Asuka. Well done well done well done." And like that, she was gone.

Asuka breathed heavily, staring into the night where the Figment had disappeared. She was wrong. The Figment wasn't lacking in emotions…it was far worse than that.

The Figment was insane.

She didn't know where it had come from. Was there something making it behave more erratically the longer she couldn't see Shinji? Was she simply like this the entire time and better at hiding it at the start? Asuka didn't know. It felt like an entirely different entity tonight than the one who had first charged her with finding Shinji. And there had been no indication that this was where future discussions would go.

To be threatened by something rational was scary in and of itself, but to be threatened by something…like that…there was no rhyme or reason to what could upset it, what could set it off.

She stared at her right hand. The band was bigger, wasn't it? She couldn't tell. It had to be. It felt like it had gotten larger. The thought that she was being eaten alive flitted through her mind, and she trembled violently.

She looked down at Rei, who was shifting slightly. The thought of her hand…tearing into Rei…The though then came to her of cutting off her hand. That scared her just as much. Loosing a limb to accident or combat was one thing, and frankly she had prepared herself for something like that. She wouldn't like it, but she could live with it. To actually…take it off yourself…

Asuka sniffed, crying silently. She was terrified. She was terrified of the Figment, she was terrified of her own frigging _hand_…

Something warm pressed into her side. Snuffling, she looked to her right, and almost laughed. Rei was doing it again. She had squirmed over the foot of distance between them to press against Asuka. Seeking out warmth, again. Seeking out a fellow human. Be a neighbor.

She remembered something Shinji had told her, which in turn was something he had heard from Misato. The hedgehog's dilemma. When hedgehogs clustered together, seeking warmth from one another, they only drove each other further away due to their quills.

Humans weren't hedgehogs, she decided. She looked at her hand, and felt her fear evaporate. Something older came back, something more like her.

"If you touch her," she said to her hand, "It's the chopping block and a bonfire for you. I won't even think twice about it. Clear?" The hand seemed to consider it. "Just…work with me, okay. Work with _me_. Like old times, okay? You and me go way back, so let's no let a…raving, insane pixie come between us." She rubbed her hand, as if she could rub the evil out of it.

She felt better, but only just. She wrapped her arm around Rei, and pulled her close. She didn't sleep that night, but she was warm, and that was good enough.


	34. Dead End

When the morning sun came, Asuka had already separated herself from Rei, and was up and ready when the girl awoke.

"Ready to move?" Asuka asked.

"Did…you sleep at all?" Rei asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Sure. Slept very well," Asuka said happily.

_I was concerned you might have lost track of your priorities._

Rei moved sluggishly, but with a purpose, packing the sleep system and getting ready to move. She had gotten used to eating on the walk, and knew they had to make time to catch up to Mohawk. The longer they waited, the more chance they would lose the trail. After she was packed, she said through a yawn, "All right, Spot. M'ready."

"You keep calling me 'Spot,' I'll have to think of something mean to call you. Wonder Girl just doesn't have the same ring anymore," Asuka huffed.

"That's a risk I'm prepared to take," Rei said, and squeaked as Asuka tousled her hair. They were on their way then, and Asuka was pleased to see the trail still lay where it was. It hadn't been disturbed, or muddled by anything coming through. It took half a day, but they finally came to something that looked promising. The trail led to the cusp of a ridge, which overlooked the ruins of a dense town, or small city…it was hard to tell, as the ruins seemed to just stop in some places.

It looked like there were about five or six bodies crucified on the outskirts, around the main road leading in. That was as good a sign as anything, but it concerned Asuka and made Rei nervous.

"Bandits?" Rei asked. Asuka shook her head.

"Bandits don't advertise where they are. They'd rather you think they weren't there and stroll in. That's advertisement."

"The Teacher and his minions," Rei said.

"Or an outpost," Asuka said. She scanned through her binoculars. No patrols, no life on the streets, nothing. No sniper perches. No smoke from cooking fires. It was all very quiet, save for the crucified unfortunates rotting in the front yard. That was very odd…

"What do we do?" Rei asked.

"Sit tight, watch, and wait," Asuka murmured. It would be a long day.

* * *

They sat for a full twenty-four hour period, and still no life appeared in the town. They took turns during the night, allowing each other to take catnaps. Still no movement, no signs of life. That should have reassured Asuka, but it didn't. Not with the crosses. She sat trying to decide what to do. Flank the town, maybe, but what if there was something in there that would benefit her? Sneak in? Possibly, but from where and how?

_You are a good dog, Asuka, a good dog._

Asuka bit her cheek thinking on that. She had spent a whole day watching the town…it seemed to be safe. And she was unwilling to do anything else to displease the Figment, at this point. She had to go down there, and soon.

As she considred this, Rei lay still next to her, but was making a grumbling sound that could be construed as a purr. Asuka was half-listening, staring through her binoculars at the entrance to the town. Her other hand was scratching Rei's tummy as the girl reclined against a tree, her arms behind her head and her combat vest open. She had been a real trooper overall, as usual, and had been very patient for the whole day and night that Asuka had insisted they sit here, quiet and watching, waiting to see what would happen. She'd taken her watches without complaint, and been studious during them. It was a soothing balance after two nights ago.

_I should undo everything about her!_

Asuka grimaced, and lowered her binoculars. No movement, nothing. That bothered her more than the crosses. She looked over at Rei, still grumbling contentedly.

"Up! Let's go!" Asuka said cheerfully, patting Rei's stomach. The girl mumbled an _oof_ and opened her eyes, rubbing her stomach while giving Asuka and accusing glare. "Button up your vest and we'll get moving," the woman said.

"It's a zipper, not a button," Rei said snidely.

"Touchy, touchy," Asuka teased. "Having a good dream, were you?"

"I like having my tummy rubbed," the girl muttered, fiddling with the zipper catch of her vest.

"You're like a puppy," Asuka chuckled, and Rei sniffed indignantly.

"A cat. I'd rather be like a _cat_."

"Cats don't like having their stomachs rubbed, we talked about this."

"You assume all cats are the same," Rei said peevishly, as she finished zipping up the vest and picked up her rifle.

"They are. Self-centered, needy, demanding, general nuisance," Asuka said, listing off the points. "Truth be told, aside from having your belly rubbed, yeah, you _are_ like a cat."

"You're an awful person. I hope your head falls off at an inconvenient time," Rei sad, sticking her tongue out.

"It might, if you're not careful. It'd be a shame, too. It's an awful good-looking head," Asuka chuckled, shrugging into her ruck and plotting their advance down the ridge.

"Whatever, Spot. Where are we going?" Rei had switched from playful teasing over to professional curiosity with admirable swiftness.

"That path, there. That should lead us down to the road, and from there…"

"We stroll in again? I don't like that idea," Rei mumbled. "What if there's someone watching?"

A valid point, but Asuka didn't feel like skirting the town. She wanted to check for clues, signs of life…the possibility it had been evacuated, and something left behind. "If there is, we'll deal with it then," Asuka said, but she couldn't quite convince herself of that.

* * *

Upon approaching the crosses, it could be confirmed that, yes, they were bodies. Some were fresh, others older, but they had all been alive at one point. None now. They walked between them, scanning the buildings. It was a modern town, with closely packed structures. It may be that this was the center of a larger town that had receded to the growing forest, or maybe a factory town, with a high population but high density as well. They moved down the street slowly, tens

"This is a bad idea…" Rei murmured, and Asuka was about to agree when someone appeared down the road. He had come off of a side street, and was now walking slowly into the center. Asuka felt her skin crawl.

"Don't move," she whispered to Rei. If they stayed still, at this distance, they might be overlooked. Slow movement and no movement at all was stealthier than people gave it credit for. Asuka fought with the urge to open fire on him and push for cover…it was the right thing to do, but something about the way he moved seemed off. Then she knew what it was…he was looking at them as he walked.

He knew they were here, and he hadn't opened fire. It was clear he had a rifle. What was going on? And where had he come from? Where had he been watching, how had they been detected? He turned back to where he came, and waved. Reinforcements, probably. Asuka felt a strange glee, then. She _wanted_ a fight, wanted something to lash out at. She welcomed it.

"Well, the hell with it," Asuka grimaced, doing a brass check on her rifle. "I've had it up to my eyeballs in these creeps, so if they want to fight it out, I will _fight_ it out. I've come out on top every bleeding time. Seriously, what do they think they've got against…me?"

There was a noise she couldn't quite peg coming from down the street, something that was balanced and muffled by the many collapsing structures. Something familiar about it…but alien at the same time. Two more figures joined the first, walking casually. One turned back, his arm up and signaling. The noise became pronounced as something large and green cleared the corner.

It was a Type 89 tracked infantry fighting vehicle, jerking and shivering, a sign that someone unfamiliar with the controls was driving it. Boxy, squat, and angled in a way that brought a knife to mind, it carried a single, rectangular turret. Inside that turret was a 35 millimeter cannon capable of putting out 200 anti-material rounds every minute. It was slowly tracking back and forth, looking for targets.

The girls were in the middle of the road. Asuka felt a dry lump in her throat, staring at it and vaguely registering the four or five more figures that escorted it around.

"They have…a tank…" Rei murmured, taking a slow step backward.

"Technically…it's an infantry fighting vehicle…but the point stands," Asuka conceded, her arms limp and her head tilting. "We should…get off the street. Now," Asuka began edging to the left, but Rei stood stock still. "Now!" Asuka screamed, and Rei bolted. Asuka ran the other way, aiming for the hollowed out buildings in front of her.

As they split, the cannon began to boom, a low and steady _thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk_ that was felt as well as heard. As Asuka sprinted, she heard a sound like canvas being shredded following in her wake, as each round tore into the asphalt. One of those rounds was capable of tearing Asuka in half, if not liquefy her outright. And it sounded like the cannon had picked her. On the plus side, that meant Rei was safe. Unfortunately…the cannon had picked _her_.

She squeaked as she dove into the remains of the building, landing hard on her stomach and getting crushed under her ruck. She squirmed out of it, and began crawling in the general direction of the IFV, the roar of the oversize shells cutting through the cement and plaster of the structure. "This day sucks," she hissed. The firing finally ceased, and she heard the roar of the engine as the vehicle began to trundle down the street. Most likely, it would be moving slowly: civilian roads were not meant to carry multi-ton armored vehicles, and roads ten years behind on repairs were bad enough as it is. Asuka could actually hear the grinding, churning sound of roadwork being chewed apart by the treads as the vehicle advanced. In addition, if it did have someone with no idea of how to drive it actually driving it, that would be a plus in her favor, as well. Armored vehicles were not _technically_ harder to drive than a car, but there is an art and a science to managing something of that size.

_Keep them focused on you_, she thought. She risked a peak up, and fired three shots at nothing in particular. She then began running deeper into the building, as the room she had previously occupied was chewed into dust. It looked like a pathway had been hollowed out from this building to the next, all the way down the block. That made sense, if this town had been occupied for as long as she thought it had been. These were rat tunnels, a means for moving personnel or equipment swiftly from one point to the next. It was ideal for setting up defensive lines.

Or setting ambushes.

She threw herself to the ground as three figures strafed across her vision, laying up a steady stream of fire. She rolled out of the improvised passage, and practically bit into the floor as the world roared again, the massive slugs from the IFV annihilating the room she was in. That was starting to grate on her.

The firing stopped, and the wall to her left collapsed, too pockmarked to structurally sustain itself. She scrambled over the remains, deeper into the ruins and further from the street. She had to find a way to counter that _thing_ somehow, but her mind was blank. You didn't fight an IFV, you _ran_ from it. She had no support, no explosives…nothing. And she was exactly the kind of target that an IFV with supporting ground troops liked…an isolated, running _human_ target. Meanwhile, if she was being tracked here, Rei was being tracked across the street. At least she didn't have to contend with that evil turret.

She saw an open door, and scurried towards it as someone tried to come out. She fired, dropping him, and sped up, hoping to surprise anyone else on the other side. As she burst into the next room, someone's rifle came down on top of hers, pushing it to the floor and clearing both of her hands and the rifle from her chest. She let out an _oof_ as a fist struck her in the solar plexus, knocking her back. A solid hook struck her in the chin, ringing her bell and knocking her back against the door frame. She saw a shape tumbling towards her, and she snarled, kicking out and stopping the advance. Her vision focused, and she attacked, throwing hay-makers to force her opponent to clinch up. She then did a stutter step, switching her stance and throwing a soccer kick against the inside of the man's left leg. The hard toe of her boot connected and knocked the limb out and back. He fell to his knees and dropped his hands to keep him up. Asuka threw a hard, low, tight right hook and knocked the man to the ground. One more kick, and he was out cold.

She glanced up, taking in details in a second: this room led into another one, a room closer to the street. There was a woman, in the door. She had a rifle, and it was coming up. These things correlated in Asuka's mind, and she scrabbled at her own rifle and fired without aiming. The woman fell backwards, avoiding the scattered shots and taking cover. Asuka pursued, and just as she cleared the door, her right hand let go of the pistol-grip and jerked up like a snake.

Asuka grabbed her hand, gritting her teeth. No, no, no, _no_! Not now, not right now, of all times! The woman was practically under Asuka's feet, and she bounced up, rifle in hand and thrusting towards Asuka. She was either going to fire or stab with the barrel, and either one could kill or seriously injure. It all was happening in slow-motion, which Asuka deduced as meaning it was beyond her control. What would happen would happen.

Her right arm wrenched out of her grasp, whipped up and down with enough speed to crack at the air, and struck the rifle. It then jerked up again, striking the bottom of the woman's chin with such force that she was lifted into the air. It was clear to Asuka that her opponent was now dead, and as the woman collapsed, Asuka saw that the rifle's barrel had actually been bent at a ninety degree angle from the force of her arm.

"Settle…settle…" she whispered, feeling the arm relax, control come back. She couldn't fight like this…she couldn't just sit back and let her arm go willy-nilly on everything. It was going to get her killed, she knew it. "Damn you, Figgy, damn you, Figgy, damn you…" Asuka grated, and the mantra seemed to help. Before long, she could flex her fingers without them trembling. The sense of the world came back to her as well, and she realized that something very loud was outside.

The Type 89 burst into the building, it's tracks whining as it bore down on Asuka. She screamed in surprise, tumbling backwards and trying to retreat before it or the collapsing ceiling crushed her. She made it five feet before she realized that the IFV wasn't moving forward anymore. Nor was it moving backwards. She watched the treads run up, spinning at a blinding rate. They reversed, and did the same. They pulverized the concrete of the building, and then tore runnels into the dirt, but the vehicle did not move. It was stuck. She didn't know how, or what it had done to _get_ stuck, but it _was_ and that was all that mattered.

"Oh…oh, thank God," Asuka gasped. She was in the dead space in front of it, below the arch of the turret and out of danger from its fire. The entire front of the building had collapsed about them, and it could only be luck and the whim of a vindictive god (most likely the latter, in her case) that had prevented her from being under any of those slabs of concrete as they came down. A hatch on the top of the turret popped open, and a man's arm waving a pistol popped out. A head and torso followed, and he began to scan the dusty room for Asuka. A splash of red burst from the man's throat, and he shuddered, grabbing at the injury and falling back into the vehicle. Asuka sat up, looking past the IFV. She saw Rei across the street on the third floor of a building, her rifle propped on rubble. "Good girl," she said, "Good girl." She had no idea how Rei had avoided the other goons, but she was glad for it, and it gave her the time she needed to worry about putting this _thing_ out of order.

She had two frag grenades left, and decided it was a damned good time to use one. Scrambling up the IFV, she made it to the top of the open turret hatch. She could see someone inside pushing up past the dying man in an attempt to seal the hatch. She pulled one of her previous grenades, removed the pin, and dropped it through the hatch, closing and sealing it herself.

There was the muffled sound of a bang, and no more. The hatch in front of her popped, the heavy armor plate between her and the driver. His arm snaked out, and she saw a pistol with an over-sized magazine. She tumbled behind the turret as a steady, thunderous _brrrrt_ sounded and a shower of sparks cascaded over the turret. That wasn't a pistol, it was a submachine gun. She could try flanking him, but doing so would expose her to that weapon. Submachine guns, like all automatic weapons, were intended to suppress an enemy at range in order to allow someone to flank. At closer ranges, however, or in the midst of corridors and passageways, they were meant to chew an opponent into paste.

She heard a rifle shot from behind her, and a cough above her. The driver slid over the turret, having clambered up from his seat in order to get a better shot. For his troubles, he was now dead.

Asuka rolled onto her back, and saw Rei across the way. The girl waved, and pointed below her. The implication was clear: get over here. Asuka nodded, and pulled her last fragmentation grenade. She pushed over the turret, and dropped it into the still open driver's hatch. She scrambled away, and carefully crossed the street with her rifle up. She made it halfway when someone began to open fire, the shots clattering around her. She broke into a dead sprint, and made it into the first floor ahead of them. Asuka made her way with more careful deliberateness up to the third floor, where Rei was waiting in a corner of the room, her rifle pointed at the entrance. She stood up when Asuka appeared, and walked up to her.

"You okay?" Asuka asked, putting a hand on Rei's shoulder.

Rei nodded, her lips tight. "That…didn't feel so bad." She looked at the rifle, and back at Asuka. "That's normal, right? That's not…wrong?"

"No, no, it's not. Everyone you put in the dirt is one more person I wished you didn't have to…God's teeth, I wish you didn't have to. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy you saved my life twice doing so, though." Asuka smiled, weakly. Rei snickered, and smiled happily. There was a shadow of innocence there, and it was gratifying to know it wasn't lost.

"Thanks. It's weird…but I feel better hearing that."

"We're all the same boat, Wonder Girl," Asuka said, pulling Rei to her feet. "It's enough just trying to bail it out, much less tip it over."

"Or sink it outright," Rei mumbled.

There was shouting in the street, and Asuka risked a glance out of the window. Mohawk was down there, next to someone who was directing others. Two were checking on the IFV, and about ten more were spreading out in front of the structure, loose but intent. "Do you think he knew we were coming?" Asuka murmured. Rei peaked over her shoulder, and saw the distinctive man.

"I think he _wanted_ us to come," Rei said. "I feel…like there's something unhealthy about him."

"So it's not just me," Asuka said, leaning back. "Okay…I made a mistake _again_, and it looks like we have to ditch the rucks. Again."

"I'm starting to wonder how you've stayed alive for ten years," Rei said, smiling slightly.

"Dumb luck and a lot of unresolved anger issues, mostly," Asuka replied, leading them out. Maybe they could jump to the next building over…or cut back to the entrance and up into the hills? How to get out of this?

"Okay, Rei, I'm stumped beyond fighting them all. Do you have any ideas?" Asuka asked.

"There's a canal to the north," Rei said, "I heard the guys who came after me talk about it. They were mentioning a camp on the other end."

"Back up. The guys who came after you?"

"Yeah. I hid, and they passed me by, and decided to go after you instead. I think they were trying to flank you from the south before you crossed the street and got back in touch with me."

"What did they say, exactly?"

"Um…they were wondering if I had slipped by the roadblock, and one of them said it didn't matter, the camp on the canal would catch me if I did. They didn't say the direction, but since we're still heading north, I figured…"

"The canal is to the north, that's smart," Asuka agreed, but it didn't give her much to work with, beyond knowing that they would probably have a lot more bearing down on her in a minute. Voices below them spoke of more entering the house. She summed up what she had. Trapped on the third floor, with Rei, and a squad of folks below coming up to kill her. From the moment she spotted the town, resolved to go through rather than around it, things had come apart. That was out of character for her. What was the cause? Why had things gone so wrong?

_You are intelligent, Asuka, most intelligent._

The Figment. That was why. She was running scared and making stupid decisions, not because of what was in front of her, but what was behind her. She was so jittery at the idea of what that false-Rei would do that she had thrown caution to wind and put herself, and Rei, into a very bad situation. This would end with them killed or captured…or captured…alive and captured…

And that gave Asuka a plan. And it was a _terrible_ plan. It was all she had, though, so she might as well run with it. "You're pretty good at hiding, right?" Asuka asked.

"Sure…if I…_need_ to, but…"

"Okay…Rei, I have a plan, and I think you're not going to like it."

"What?"

"Um…I surrender, and you hide."

Rei looked at Asuka like she had just grown a second head. "That's…a stupid plan."

"That's what we have right now, so I figure I get caught, let them take me back to the camp, leave you be and you follow at a safe distance. Then I'll make a daring escape, hook up with you, and we go on our merry way. It's foolproof!" She gave a winning smile, and Rei squinted in mounting horror. She realized that Asuka was _serious_.

"That is an _awful_, _awful idea_!" Rei snapped.

"It's the only one we have, and it gets you clear. Please, Rei, just hide." Asuka exited the room, pausing for just a moment to look back at Rei. "It'll work out. It always does, okay?" Rei seemed rooted in place, and Asuka smiled reassuringly. She then turned and left before seeing what Rei did.

* * *

Asuka stood next to the stairwell, hearing movement at the bottom. She took a breath, steeled her nerves, and called out, "All right! All right, you win! I'm surrendering, okay?" There was the sound of movement below. Silence.

"Throw down your weapons!" a voice called up.

"Fine. I'm tossing them down the stairs, okay? Just…take it easy." She unloaded her rifle and ejected the round, and threw, wincing as it clattered heavily against the floor. Then the pistol. Then the knives.

"That's it, okay? Nothing else. I'm coming down now," she called.

"Fingers locked on your head, or we will shoot you down," someone said bluntly. She locked her fingers, _prayed_ that her arm didn't go off on its own, and slowly marched down the stairs. She could see them lined up below, all rifles pointed at her. She stepped into their midst, and took stock of the faces. Three women, five men…they all looked so _normal_ up close. Not like the desperate, starving faces she had seen on bandits and slavers.

"Where's the other one?" one of the women asked.

"She was gone before I got here," Asuka said. "Feel free to look." Without being told to, three people headed up the stairs. Asuka forced herself to remain calm, or at least calm enough that her nervousness could be construed as being captured and nothing more.

"Lace your fingers." The order came from the woman who first spoke, and Asuka did. She grunted as someone roughly pulled her hands behind her head, and she heard the snick of tape binding them together. The did the same with both of her arms, to prevent her from simply rotating her hands back in front of her.

Part of her could appreciate the cleverness of that restraint. Often, the instinct was to lace the hands behind the back, like an old-fashioned crook with handcuffs on. There were so many other devious ways of handling a prisoner, however. In this way, she would be hard-pressed to work her hands to the front, her fingers were much more easily locked (and thus much harder to separate), and it would be easier to control and maneuver her. Besides, with her arms like this, she already felt the blood seeping out of them. If they decided to cut her arms loose, they would be weak, and stiff. Fighting back would be difficult, to say the least.

The three returned as two of the group roughly but efficiently pawed through Asuka's clothing, looking for any hidden weapons. "We didn't find anyone up there. Should we blow the floor?" Asuka felt a thrill of terror in her chest. She hadn't anticipated that.

"No," the woman said. "We've already wasted enough time here. Let's move." Asuka was then dragged roughly down to the bottom floor and out of the building, where she was promptly surrounded by more of the militants.

"Why is she still alive?" a man snapped.

"You know our standing orders," the woman who captured Asuka said.

"To hell with that, the armor is down and she killed five of our people!" he retorted hotly.

"All prisoners go to the Teacher, and _he_ decides what to be done with them," the woman snapped. "Maybe it's the cross, maybe the post, maybe the hole, but he decides. And _if_ he decides to give her a place with us, you'll shut up and deal with it."

"That's a load of crap, and you know it! Cut her throat now and-" he bit of his next words as Mohawk sidled close to him, chuckling through his nose. He was chewing on his thumbnail, and drifted into the hothead's personal space. He studied him for a moment, before reaching out and brushing something off of the man's face. The hothead swallowed, and backed up. Whatever else he was going to say, he decided not to.

Mohawk seemed satisfied, and he turned. In quick succession, he stuck his thumb and middle finger in his mouth and gave a piercing whistle. He then snapped the same fingers, twirled his index finger in the air, and pointed north. Lazily, he began walking in that direction, and everyone fell in on him. Asuka felt herself propelled along with them. As she walked, her mind bounced back and forth between the Figment, Rei, Mohawk, and her inevitable destination.

She was being taken to meet the Teacher. For what it was worth.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: It goes without saying, but never, never, _never_ take on an IFV alone. Asuka is a professional. And a little crazy. And, I'll have to come clean…I _really_ wanted to see Asuka fight with a piece of mobile armor. It'll probably happen again: I'm a nerd, like that.


	35. Violet Interlude

**Notes from GobHobblin**: The last chapter kind of got ahead of me...I just really wanted to do it. The story had been kind of morose (to me) up to that point, so I just wanted to do something over the top for the fun of it. As for the inevitable meeting...well, you all are so eager to see the Teacher, that I really want to take the time to ensure you have a satisfying sort-of reveal (can't give away too much, now…) Thus, I'm delaying that chapter for a bit of time to give it more work than the normal one. In the meantime…hey, how's Misato doing?

* * *

The militia lieutenant stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching the disastrous scene unfold…or _implode_, more likely, in front of him. He shifted from foot to foot, feeling like he should be doing _something_. A chair went sailing through the front window of the bar, and he held up a hand to shield his face from flying glass. That dissuaded him from immediately offering assistance, and instead to continue his stance of watching and waiting.

A burly militia sergeant came flying towards the door, and the lieutenant had just enough time to step lightly back and let the man sail past before resuming his post of awkward observation. He sighed, as the sounds gradually died down and the mayhem ebbed away. His CO walked towards the door, running her fingers through her hair and humming to herself. She brushed past the lieutenant, hunkered down over the sergeant (rolling on the ground), and said, "Never make me have to come down here and sort this crap out again! If you're gonna be a sergeant, you're gonna drink as a sergeant! Keep your men under control!" She straightened, and called in a sing-song voice to the waiting Constables, "All yours, boys!"

The men seesawed on their feet for a moment before going in to collect what was left. It looked like a bomb had gone off; men and women in militia uniforms lay scattered across the furniture, on the floor, over the bar, rolling, groaning, or staggering. "Kurozawa!" the woman snapped.

"Ma'am," he said tiredly, picking himself of the door and hurrying to catch up with her. She was young for a fresh light-colonel, though if rumor was to be believed, she was a Major in a security organization as-of-yet-to-be announced, making the commission not out of place. Considering how she handled this little bar fight, Kurozawa could see what she was an in-charge kind of person. When they got the news some militia were rowdying it up, he thought that her coming down here would involve some yelling, so bullying, and brow-beating as the Constables broke it up.

He didn't expect to see such a…hands on approach.

"I don't want to have to leave my office again to come handle this crap. Make sure all our NCOs know that," Misato Katsuragi snapped, jabbing a finger in the man's face.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, his tone respectful but weather-beaten. It had been an interesting two months. He had been assigned as aide to . Katsuragi about as soon as she had been commissioned. He was surprised to see that she was quite young, which wasn't entirely surprising (given the lack of actual military experience that seemed to be making its way to the Restored Government). She didn't carry herself like a young officer. There was no doubt who was in charge when she spoke.

He didn't know whether she was in the Self-Defense Forces or what before the Third Impact…but wherever it was, she did things as hands-on as she could get. Which meant a lot of running for him.

"Making me come all the way down here to deal with that crap. I've got enough to worry about. Which reminds me: have you received _any_ messages detailing a movement to the Northern AO?"

She must be desperate if she was asking her aide if he heard anything. "As of yet, no, ma'am. Still training and ready-up ops."

Misato made a snarling noise, and Kurozawa rolled his eyes. It was probably meant to sound threatening, but it sounded decidedly less so. Look intimidating, Misato could be. Talk intimidating, just as well. Sound intimidating…well, that was hit or miss. Not that _he _would call her out on it. "What's the point of being commissioned if you can't _do_ anything?" Misato snapped.

"I hear you, ma'am," he replied somewhat enthusiastically. The general rule of any military hierarchy is that gripes flowed up, and crap flowed down. Misato was on the fine line…she wasn't exactly griping (though one would never tell a colonel what they can and cannot gripe about), but she was certainly letting her frustrations go downhill. She was being jerked around at the top, so by God, she would crack the whip on those under her.

"Two months, training up militia, and for what…sitting around, patrolling the woods, and _waiting_ for the next attack. What are the SDF up to?"

"You mean the camp in the north, ma'am?"

She stopped and turned on the lieutenant, causing him to backpedal to keep from running into her. She gave him a withering eye, and put her hands on her hips. "Did we discover any other vast enclaves of the military lying around in the past couple of weeks that I wasn't privy to?"

Kurozawa felt himself shrinking under that glare. "Not that I've heard of, no, ma'am." Her chin was starting to jut forward, a dangerous warning sign. "Those troops are still in negotiations with the Restored Government, ma'am. Sounds like their champing at the bit to go north, but don't want to do so without proper support."

"Hmph," Misato grumped. She could understand that. From what she heard, the Colonel up there (soon to be General, if the negotiations went at pace) had kept things together nicely. They had a good, solid, professional force that was ready to do _something_, and it sounded like the folks in the Five Points Attacks were causing them all sorts of headaches.

"You have to understand, Kurozawa," she said, turning and walking down the street again. "It's not that I don't understand the government's position. I _do_…they're scared, and all these little attacks…bombings, shootings all that…it's got them worried. They want to pull in and weather it. But you don't weather this."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied dutifully.

"They'll just keep picking away at us until there's nothing left to pick. You need to go out, find the source, and strangle it. That's how warfare works. Defend and attack. You can't win on the defense, it's only on the attack."

"What about letting the enemy wear themselves out on a solid defense, ma'am?" Kurozawa offered as a devil's advocate.

"Like at Verdun? Because that was so successful?" she snapped. Kurozawa shrugged, not taking it personally. That was one of the role's of an aide: assistant, adviser, and chew-toy/punching-bag when necessary.

"No, LT," she murmured. "Not when you don't know the strength of the opposing force. Look at the Tet Offensive in the American Indochina War. That almost broke the Vietnamese, but the Americans didn't know that. They thought the Vietnamese were stronger than they really were.

"These cultists…we don't know how strong they are, we're only reacting to them. We need to engage with them, if only to test their strength!" She sighed, rubbing her forehead.

Kurozawa raised an eyebrow. "Ma'am, when was the last time you slept."

She glared at him, but softened her expression. "Twenty hours ago."

"Go home, ma'am," he implored. "Sleep in late tomorrow. I'll cover things until you're rested."

"Ah, Kurozawa, it's…complicated." She waved her hand. "The place I'm staying in is suddenly too big."

"You _need_ to _sleep_," Kurozawa insisted. "Or at least _try_ to. Please?"

Misato crossed her arms and pouted, refusing to budge on it. Kurozawa spread his hands in a pleading gesture. "All right. All right," she grated through her teeth. "You win. I'm going to go home. And try to sleep."

"_Thank_ you, ma'am," Kurozawa sighed.

* * *

Misato stepped into the apartment with a sigh, rubbing her forehead. Pen-Pen was up surprisingly late, and regarded her with mild surprise when she walked in. He warked at her, and she made a face at him. "Oh, go eat a tuna," she muttered.

She locked the door and went to the fridge for a beer, and stopped in her tracks. She had been working so hard for so long, she had greatly reduced her drinking habit. Having done so, she was hesitant to start again. She rubbed her eyes, and stared at the penguin who was staring back at her.

This is what they called full circle. She had started this whole thing as a career woman living alone with a semi-intelligent penguin, and now here she was again…a career woman living alone with a semi-intelligent penguin.

"Should have gone with Asuka," she murmured. "Should have gone with Rei, too." She rubbed her eyes, and walked into Asuka's - now her - room. She shed clothing as she walked, and was in her bra and panties by the time she made it to the bed.

She paused at the edge, staring at her stomach. The snowy white skin from hip to ribs, a new addition to the ragged scar on her torso. Another wound from another time. She rubbed at the spot with her left hand, feeling suddenly gross and imperfect. Disgusting. Disgusting.

_Always so hard on yourself_. She looked into the window, saw her reflection. Saw a man with an honest face smiling at her, under brown hair long and unkempt.

"It's easy to do that when you're alone," she said.

_Who's fault is that?_

She closed her eyes. "You've been dead a long time. Dead and gone."

_Not entirely. You haven't let me go._

"Don't intend to." She turned to face him, and again, as always…he wasn't there. She sighed, and turned out the light. The glow of the Spread met her, as it had met Asuka before. It struck Misato why the girl had changed so much when she met her. It was lonely here, and all that life below her seemed to highlight it.

_You could let me go, you know. Drift away and find someone new_.

"What would be the point?" she murmured, crawling under the covers of the bed. "Everyone else was insignificant. Casual and painless. You were the only one I really wanted, and look where that got me."

_Tragedy always hits us. Are you going to let me be a happy memory or a millstone?_

"Millstone hell," she snapped. "You could come back. _I_ did, and I got blown in half. You'd _see_ that if you were here. See everything, again." She suddenly felt sad and disgusted in herself all at the same time, still gross in her broken skin and miserable that he wasn't here to share it with. He made her feel whole.

_Am I coming back?_

"…I don't know." She burrowed into the pillow, uncertain and unhappy. She had staved off these questions when the girls were here. She continued to push them off with overwork. Now…she had to answer them. Had to, in the night, when no one was here.

_Misato, babe_, he said, _Life is better than what you're making it_. She had nothing to say to that, and drifted into a fitful and dreamless sleep.

* * *

She awoke the next morning to someone banging on her door. "M'wha, hurma," she grumped, sitting up. Her watch was still on her wrist, and it said 0850. She was late to the office, woken in the middle of a heavy sleep, and pissed about both. She started to take a step for the side of the bed while reaching out for…something, she wasn't quite sure…at the same time. This resulted in her tilting wildly out of bed and landing with a heavy thud on her chest.

"What!?" she screamed, awake and angry now. Stamping and stumbling through the apartment, she came up to the door, unlocked it, and threw it open.

"_What_!?"

Kurozawa stood in the doorway, unperturbed and with his eyes expectantly focused on some vague space over his commanding officer's head. The two militiamen with him gawped for a moment, their eyes wide and jaws hanging loose. Quickly, they turned around, facing away and doing their best to appear as though they had been guarding the door the entire time.

"We have an emergency meeting scheduled for 1100 today, ma'am. It sounds like we're moving north, all active militia. The Restored Government and the SDF reached a deal," he said, cool as ice.

Misato blinked, and then grinned. "Hot damn!" she snapped. "You hear that, Pen-Pen? We're going on campaign!" The penguin poked it's head out of the bathroom, perturbed. "Okay, _I_ am. You get to watch the flat, and Kensuke watches you," she said. The penguin seemed to shrug, and disappeared back behind the corner. Turning back to Kurozawa, she asked, "Any word on when, or is that for the meeting?"

"Ma'am, that can be discussed on the way, after you…" He made a brushing gesture.

"Hmm? Oh, right. Ten minutes and I'll be out," she said. She closed the door, and hopped through the apartment, shuffling back into her uniform. She suddenly felt better…much better.

Campaign. Movement, purpose, action and activity. No more waiting, no more receiving. Go out, find this Teacher, find his little minions, and squeeze till the pips squeak. This was something she _needed_. She needed to take her aggression out on something, give herself a life again. Something to focus on, just for a little while. She couldn't answer those questions that lingered, didn't even want to. She knew that she had to…just not yet.

_I have work to do. Subordinates to push around, superiors to outwit, and an enemy to confound. And no ghosts_, she beamed. _No ghosts…not for now_. She'd square with them, oh yes. That needed to be done. Not now, though. That could wait.

Misato Katsuragi had a war to fight.


	36. Great and Terrible

The walk through the ruins to the canal and into the camp was tense. They all seemed to expect her to burst into flames or something. She was glad to disappoint them, as the slightest deviation in her behavior would have probably resulted in death.

Coming up to the canal, and the single bridge over it, Asuka was still wondering where that camp was when she began to see tarps, and then people. It was no wonder she hadn't spied them from the ridge; she could barely see them walking up. They had disguised everything brilliantly.

As they stepped over the bridge, a fat man with nasty scars on his face crossed, and sized up Asuka. "Is this what we were waiting for?" he snapped.

"This is her. Took out the armor, too. Teacher'll want to have a word about that," a woman said.

"You're saying this little girl took out the 89 all by her lonesome?"

"She had some help…blue haired pipsqueak. We're still looking for her," one of Asuka's guards said. Scars nodded, walked up to Asuka, and without breaking stride, punched her hard in the stomach.

She whooped, doubling over and collapsing to the ground, actually carried backward by the momentum of the powerful strike. Scars sniffed. "Seems human to me. Being that she is flesh and blood, explain to me why we are short the IFV."

"Uze drove it into a structure, got it stuck. They popped the hatches to try and get at her, and she dropped some grenades in. The steering column, instrument panels…all of it is shot to hell. I mean, we could _try_ to drive it…"

Scar nudged Asuka's head with his toe as she coughed, trying to calm her shuddering diaphragm. "What's the point? We don't have parts, were lucky to get it down here. Those idiots…I told them a hundred times, I'll say it _again_, you button up, you don't open the hatches for anyone! That's what the foot support is for. And who said anything about driving into buildings?"

"I guess Uze thought…"

"Uze wasn't a thinker. You told Uze what to do, and he would do it. Half you pukes don't realize that…there are people in this outfit who do the thinking. If they tell you to do something, shut up and do it to the letter." He regarded Asuka one last time, and shook his head. "A whole IFV…absa-frigging-ridiculous. Get Cherry Bomb here out of my sight."

"We need a truck to take her to see the Big Man," someone said.

"Whatever. Take Kuzo's truck."

Rough hands grabbed Asuka and hauled. As she was pulled to her feet, she saw that Mohawk was still staring at her. Scars leaned over the smaller man, and asked in a deprecating tone of mock-respect, "So, Tea-Leaves…seeing as we've stopped our convoys and all camp activity for a week waiting for you to net this fish, are we little folk allowed to once again start doing what it is we are supposed to do?" Mohawk gave him a sidelong gaze, and then flicked his fingers in a dismissive gesture. "Oh, thank you," Scars said, bowing low and extending his arms. He turned, and began shouting at a group of men and women staring at the scene. Activity suddenly burst from the seams, and Asuka heard engines revving up. Eight-ton trucks, covered with gray tarps to blend them into the structures around them, were being started and readied.

They had kept them silent this entire time…just because of her? Her guards began to propel her forward. She tried to crane her head around to study Mohawk, or Tea-Leaves as he was called, but her raised arms prevented her from seeing behind. She tried, instead, to take stock of what she saw. Crates, equipment, all the necessary ingredients for running an army. They were all being gathered, assembled, and organized here. Myoji was in the way, probably to the SDF base. She wondered if it might not be better to try and escape now to warn those behind. The Teacher could wait; this looked dangerous.

It was then it registered to her what Scars had said. 'Take Kuzo's truck.' That implied immediacy. She felt a dull panic in her chest, realizing that if she didn't escape now, she would be on her way elsewhere very quickly. She hadn't anticipated that. She was trying to figure what to do when one of the guards said "That one, there."

He pointed to an ordinary and unadorned truck, save for a skull that had been lashed to the hood like a grotesque ornament. Nothing else on the vehicle was done up or tricked out in any way. No war paint, no decals, no little doodads. Just that human skull…somehow that made it worse in Asuka's mind. It emphasized it.

"Oh, don't mind Paz," one of the guards said, circling to the driver's side and patting the skull affectionately. "He watches the road for us, don't you, Paz? Let's me get some sleep when I drive." Evidently, something about that was hysterical, because the driver began giggling on an almost obscene way. No one else did, though, but no one seemed surprised or bothered by it. Asuka couldn't tell if it was deliberately intended to unnerve her, or this was what went for normal behavior around here.

She was lifted into the rear bed, and made to sit next to the driver's cabin. A large man sat roughly on her legs, and laid his rifle on his lap with the barrel pointed at her. Tea-Leaves sat next to them, reclining against the sidewall and crossing his arms. She swallowed, as the truck started, and said as casually as she could, "So, where's the Teacher?"

"Shut up," a woman said, hopping in the back of the flatbed as the truck began to pull forward.

"Don't be that way, Suki. She's just trying to make small-talk," the truck's passenger said, sticking his head through the rear window.

She glared at him, but seemed to relent. Fixing Asuka with an ugly look, she said, "We're going north, now. Might not make it before dark. Not supposed to drive at night, but you got Tea-Leaves attention." She jerked her chin at the reposing man. "That means you got the Teacher's attention, so the sooner you meet, the better. You'd better hope that your stunt got you respect."

"Careful," the man sitting on Asuka's legs said, "Last person the Teacher respected is hanging over the doorway. Well…_parts_ of him are."

Tea-Leaves smiled, murmured something to himself, and said nothing more.

* * *

Asuka actually slept on the drive north, despite the numbness of her arms, and the pain of having someone weighing down her legs. Despite the fear of what waited at the end. She had fitful dreams, of talking skulls and burning cities. She dreamed that the Figment was stitching a collar into her neck, the entire time saying, "Good dogs get treats, bad dogs are put down. Good dogs get treats, bad dogs are put down…" The vehicle slowed, thankfully pulling Asuka bake into wakefulness. Her arms ached, and she shifted groggily.

"Stop," the man on top of her said, giving her a pointed look.

"My arms hurt," she explained.

"Let 'em hurt," he murmured, looking over the truck's roof. Asuka craned her head, and saw that they were in the midst of a cluster of buildings. It looked like it used to be a factory, possibly an auto-assembly plant. There were people everywhere, busy and focused. The sky was turning purple, but it seemed like their work wasn't going to wind down anytime soon. The truck pulled to a stop in front of the larger of the warehouses, and all began exiting the vehicle. Her own guard stepped off of her, pulled her up, and pointed to the edge of the flatbed. Awkwardly, she hopped down, and was pushed towards the massive open doors.

Something was draped over the entrance, and it took her a moment to realize it was a human skin. Before she could ponder the implications of that, she was prodded along into the building. She was being led over a factory floor, now, one that had been converted into a barracks. People watched as she was pushed by, all with a detached curiosity that glazed over the face. Up stairs she went, over a catwalk, to what must have been the overseer's office. It was suspended over the floor, and it's windows had been boarded over. Two massive men stopped the procession.

"Who's this?" one said in a resounding basso voice.

"This is the one that's been giving us headaches, according to Tea-Leaves," one of her escorts said. The man looked at her, and nodded to the other guard. He stuck his head into the office, and said, "Take her in and then stay. When he's done with her, you'll get out of here." They pushed her past the door guards and into the office. It was so dim that she hadn't the time to adjust her vision, and tripped over something. She fell heavily to the floor, and when she tried to get up, more hands grabbed her, forcing her into a kneeling position before retreating. The door closed, and she was in the room, seemingly alone.

She tried to stretch or shift her arms, but she had no luck. She shook her head, looking into the gloom. She could make out a silhouette framed by an orange glow, realized that someone wearing a robe was sitting in front of her. She smelled burning wax, and decided the glow was from a candle. Lights flickered on of their own accord, filling the space with orange light.

"I've been hearing things," a slow and husky voice murmured. It was creaky, muffled, and tired, but very male. "Something about a red-haired foreigner cutting up the faithful. Impressive things. Just had to meet her for myself." Asuka tried to gauge the tone, and shrugged.

"So…" she mumbled. "You're the Teacher."

"That's the rumor," came the wan reply. He said nothing for a moment, seemingly engrossed in whatever was in front of him. "You…have caused some trouble for me. If my right hand is to be believed," the Teacher drawled, "You've killed eighteen people…stopped one of my armored vehicles…stalled the whole advance south, really. That gets some…attention. Gets my eye on it, you know." He stood, still robed…but he was big. _Very_ big. He turned to face her, and she almost scoffed. His face was covered in a wrought iron mask, flat but with a crude carving over it depicting a snarling demon. His eyes glittered in the dark holes of its eyes, malignant and curious.

"It's all a bit theatrical," Asuka murmured.

"The mask? Of course. It's the _spectacle_ of it. You come all this way, and what do you expect to see? Oz, the great and terrible? Hiding behind the curtain?" The masked head shook slowly. "No. You expect to see a monster, something big and fierce. You want to see a troll in his lair, frightening the villagers. It's easier to give people what they want. They respect that."

She studied him, and he studied her back. "Why do they call you the Teacher? Did you pick that for yourself?" Asuka asked.

"It just kind of happened." He made a brushing gesture with his hands. They were massive, and the fingers were square-tipped. "I started talking some sense, you see, and people just sort of…listened. Being seven-foot-tall kind of helped with that. You know the Americans, with George Washington and all that? They said he was always the tallest in the room, so he was bound to be in charge of something."

"Is that what you are? George Washington?" She smirked. "Are we going to sit and talk American history, you and me?"

"We could discuss Turkic history, if you prefer. Or perhaps an assessment of South African platinum production post-Second Impact. Would that please you?" Asuka said nothing, and the Teacher made a slow, almost threatening grasping motion to the east. "It's always important…to see what's going on _outside_ in the world. Beyond the borders. Make sense of these things, what have you, isn't that right, Asuka?"

She felt a thrill when he said her name, but she fought it down. She had been traveling for my months, and Shinji had been talking about her the entire way. It was probable that this man knew who she was. It didn't change the feeling of illness that welled up when he said it, though.

"You should know, foreigner. How was Germany when you left it? Nice and pleasing, I warrant?" _That_ made her more uncomfortable, but he continued on without giving her a moment to reorient. "The point being that if one is to suffer the indignity of existence, one should try and understand it. Simply because this is a flawed state of being is no reason not to better oneself."

There was so much wrong with that statement, that Asuka didn't even know where to begin. "For a cult leader, you're sort of worldly," she murmured. "More like a Bond villain, I should think."

"Just because I have faith…doesn't mean I should be blind to the world."

"And what do you have faith in, exactly?"

"That this…all…a mistake. Easy enough, if you think about it." He had shrugged out of the robes, and Asuka could now see that he was more than tall, that his largeness was not restricted to what he wore. He was massively built, and moved with a distressing ease. Flowed, really. His skin had been marked in tattoos, prayers in Kanji and Romanji script, in a variety of languages. "Human history, all of it, has pointed to this inevitable, black-and-white choice…existence, or destruction. If the Second Impact had not happened, how long do you think we would have had until we eliminated ourselves? Assume that you and all of your fellows successfully destroyed the threat of the Angels, what next?" Asuka stared at him, stunned. Nana…Nana was one thing, guessing that Asuka had been a Pilot. Hearing this man say that was even more unnerving than him knowing her name.

"We had the Evas, the ultimate weapons. But more than that…we had the N2 devices. Non-nuclear explosive devices with a magnitude of a fusion bomb. No radiation. How long before we started to use those? How long before we wiped ourselves off this rock?" He shook his head. He got close to her and leaned over, and she almost gagged on the overpowering scent of incense.

"We were part of a super-organism, in the sea. A single human, a single human being that would survive until the heat death of the universe, maybe even into the birth of the next one.

"And look at this…we returned to what? A world in ruins. Is this how we were meant to live? Scrabbling for the sustenance our individual, meaningless points of so-called _life_ need in order to continue? This is a regression, to have come back to this pitiless world. A devolution. As one whole…we didn't need God to sustain us anymore, we had _become_ God. And now we're lost in the woods again."

It was surreal, listening to him. How did this drive people to kill themselves with bombs, to attack innocent and unarmed people? It didn't fit. What's more, there was hypocrisy to it. He lamented the inevitable destruction of mankind, but he was doing his damnedest to bring it about!

"This…is nonsensical," she grated, "It's absurd! You talk about saving humanity, but you're responsible for hundreds of deaths! Why not kill yourself, then? Why this whole mission to the masses?"

"The mission to the masses is the _point_. People return every day, every year, and it's not stopping. The super-organism will die…there won't be the critical mass needed to sustain it. And still…more leave it, lulled by the siren song of individuality. A false beacon. It's not enough to simply put oneself back into the Sea. All of it. All of it has to be torn down, returned to ash. The gate has already been opened, the only direction we have left to go…is the Sea. That's all."

"You're _assuming_ that. What happens if you're wrong?"

"If I'm wrong, I'm wrong." It was a frank answer, and something about it scared her. "I've never let a little thing like that stop me, before. Events are proceeding at pace as it is. This will all be finished in a half a year at the most."

"You have an endgame, then," Asuka said.

"Of course, but you don't need to know about that. It's irrelevant to your position in the world. The only thing that matters to you is where you go when you leave this room." One massive hand reached out and cupped Asuka's face. She resisted the urge to pull away from it. It was like the Figment, attempting to caress her cheek. A friendly, loving gesture that seemed…threatening.

"I'm willing to overlook our initial meetings in order to offer you a position in my host. To lead us south, and finish this work. When I say it will be done soon, I'm not bragging and you know that. There are things at work, things that will be done that will tip this whole play to my designs. You have the choice of assisting it…or impeding it, and failing anyways. What's your choice?"

Asuka swallowed, and kept her mouth shut. She had nothing to say. The Teacher snuffled, nodded, and stood. He whistled behind his mask, and Asuka heard the door open. Three guards entered the room.

"Where to, Teacher?" one of the newcomers said.

"The hole," he said. "She's been given a choice, and she needs to think about it. I want her to sit alone for a good long spell…She might be a coworker in the future, though, so be nice."

"If she's says no, Teacher?" one of them asked.

He shrugged. "She has a brilliant shade of red, does she not? A scalp for the post, probably." He nodded. "Yes. Let her think about it, though. She's a smart girl…I'm sure she'll come around." He waved them away. Hands came under her arms, and she was dragged from the presence.

* * *

The hole, appropriately, was the lowest point underneath the factory warehouse. No natural light pierced down here, and no artificial light for that matter, save for loosely connected wires of strung bulbs glowing faintly. The trip to the hole became surreal, and dizzying, as darkness seemed to swallow her and her guards, retreating only to vomit them back into dim awareness once more. They pushed into a room, at the back of which was what appeared to be a former utility closet, with an iron gate welded onto the door frame and reinforced. A single, bright bulb glimmered in the room, and they pushed her in, not removing the restraints. The gate locked, and they left, closing the door behind them. She had enough time to view her small space before the bulb flickered, and went out. She was now alone in the dark, and she was afraid.

The dark had always frightened her, and this was beyond black. It seemed an inky and visible presence, that clawed at her. She struggled and squirmed with the tape, focusing on that, trying to take her mind off of terror of being alone, being forgotten, being dead while alive, dead at the bottom of the world, dead dead dead…

She couldn't free her arms. She began to panic, and instead took to kicking the gate, hoping she could kick it loose. It too sturdy.

Trembling, she slid to the ground, and closed her eyes to the black. She wanted Rei. She wanted Rei very badly. If she had taken a chance earlier, she wouldn't be here. She and Rei would still be cutting north. Going to find Shinji, and to hell with this madness.

Shinji. She needed Shinji. She needed him now. She trembled herself into a half-sleep, his name still in her mind.

* * *

The light-bulb was dim, but after the long darkness, it was blinding. Asuka squirmed up, blinking it away as her eyes slowly and painfully adjusted. She heard chewing, and was surprised to see a chair had been placed in the center of the room. Tea-Leaves was there, eating a piece of roasted chicken with his fingers. For a moment, she couldn't tell if she was dreaming or awake, but she hadn't dreamed as she slept. So, she had to be awake.

"Is Tea-Leaves really your name?" she mumbled irritably. He sucked grease off of his thumb, regarding her.

"Does it matter?" he asked. She almost gasped, surprised by his newfound voice. He spoke in frank, tenor tone, one that drawled but gave the hint of an educated dialect. It was a voice that seemed suited to a businessman or banker. Seeing it come out of the murderous looking fellow was disconcerting. Asuka worked herself into a sitting position, feeling dizzy in the disorienting light. She had no idea how long she had been down here, but she suspected it had only been a few days, maybe not even that long. It could have been a few hours. That was the problem with isolation like this. Time became a liquid thing, loose and imperceptible.

"I thought I was supposed to be ignored…are you here to let me out?" Asuka grumbled.

"No, just here to have lunch," he said. "Maybe a word or two. Good talk helps the digestion." She heard him chewing noisily, and the image of a dog rooting through a garbage can came to her. He said nothing else, finishing his chicken and belching quietly.

She blinked, groggy and fuzzy in the light. "So…you're just…down here. Eating. Despite what your boss said…his orders?"

"Yeah, that's our working dynamic. He weaves the mumbo-jumbo, I just do what I do." He took a thoughtful sip from his cup, and added, "It's a beneficial relationship. Like one of those pilot fish that follow sharks. He does the big stuff, I suck up the little fragments."

The way he spoke was strange, and bizarre. He spoke as though he didn't hold much water for what the Teacher said. Was that why he was here? She dared not fan that hope, but pursued the topic out of curiosity. "You don't…you don't believe what the Teacher says?"

"Of course not." He sniffed. "What authority does he have to say it? Did he have a vision, or was he crowned in light by the kami?" Tea-Leaves shook his head. "No, he _deduced_ it. Said this is how it is…that it is _how_ it shall _be_. And people follow him. I tell you, I wish I had that kind of a draw." She said nothing, and he took that as a sign to continue. "The big fellow…well, he can wax about the apocalypse all he wants. It was a mistake, it wasn't a mistake, who knows? I know that we have plants and animals again, and all of those were supposed to go up, too. If it was a mistake to come back, why did _they_?"

Asuka said nothing. She had heard Shinji musing about that very point, once, but they were simply happy to have food that could be caught or harvested. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, don't you know. "You have a point," she conceded, though suspicious.

"Of course I do. Unlike the other hired guns around here, I actually think. That's why it's all so amusing to me, when you get down to it. There's nothing worse than seeing a bunch of grown men and women beating their chest and weeping about not being in the drum circle anymore. Absolutely hysterical. Those are the kind of people who want answers so bad, if you told them that broken glass was water, they'd swallow it whole. Take a fellow like the Teacher, right? He comes along, he has answers. He believes his answers, and everyone looks at him and says, 'There's a fellow who can fix this.' And they follow, all the way to the bank.

"The point is," he said, squaring around to her, "All it is, really, is rhetoric in the end. I could care less. What I do like…what I am going for, in all this…is a good, hearty…bloodletting. That's good for me, as an individual." He sniffed again, and sipped once more at the drink next to him. "It's a natural state, you see…to be in combat with that which is around you. At war with nature, for instance. Surviving in that. At war with the Other, the outsider who wants your food, your territory, your women…just doesn't like the fact that your nose turns up and his turns down, that sort of thing. We are built to be in conflict, we humans. This entire…" he belched under his breath, "…_Instrumentality_ thing? What's natural about that? To all be part of one great and glorious kumbaya whole, that's…silly. Ridiculous. We are individuals for a reason: to assert ourselves against _other_ individuals."

"So…why even throw in with him?" Asuka asked, genuinely confused. "Why follow him if you don't believe any of it?"

He seemed surprised she should ask. "Big, bad, and balmy back there is the only game in town for a fellow like me. Sure, I think what he says is a load of _crap_…but I like the way he says it." He wiped his face. "He's off the rocker, of course, but if he wants to blow things up and reward me for it, hey…a jobs a job. Might as well enjoy it."

"I get the sense a lot of you are in it to 'enjoy it,'" Asuka muttered.

"Maybe, maybe not," Tea-Leaves agreed. "We have plenty of people out there that just want to break stuff. It gives them a purpose, you know? Bossing minions around, planning and executing attacks, or just…torturing the little folk. Whatever rocks your socks, you know?"

Asuka swallowed, and tried a different tack. "So why keep following him? The Teacher? If he wants you all dead in the end anyway, why not…topple him? Take over?" She craned her head and looked at him. "Why don't you do it?"

"You'd think I'd take the Teacher one-on-one? I wouldn't even stab him in the back…too much risk he'd survive. No, no, I know my place in the pack, and he's made that clear. He tolerates me because he needs someone like me, someone to do the dirty work, sniff out the difficult problems…like you, for instance. And you, you've been fun."

"Fun? What makes me 'fun?'" she sniffed.

"Well, you're a _killer_. You have some people who fight for survival, some people fight because they have to. Maybe you think you do that, but in the end, you fight because you are just…so…_good _at it. I mean, you are really good. It's like watching poetry in motion when you cut folks up. I'm guessing, you're like me…you like the knife. Firearms are fine and all, but a knife requires talent. It requires a certain form of artistry combined with a willingness to risk your life…to close with and annihilate the opposition and _know_ that they've been defeated."

Asuka thought of the knife…thought of the times she'd killed with it. Thought of the Progressive Knife…she shifted. There was a queasy sensation building in her, and she thought of great, spindly things burning cities. She thought of crows circling her head.

She thought of a barely seen figure in clouds of white.

"You know nothing about me," Asuka murmured.

"I know more about you than you want to admit," Tea-Leaves said, indifferent, "You see, Miss Asuka Langley Soryu, I have seen what happens when you…unleash your inhibitions. You, you're a fighter. You're a nasty, in-the-mud, _blood-drinking_ kind of a fighter, and I like that. Oh, I love it. Gives me the chills, inside. Watching you is like watching art, and the best kind of art is the kind that is done out of love. You love killing as much as I do."

Asuka studied him through half-lidded eyes, and turned away. "You know nothing about me," she said again, quietly.

"You've left a trail of bodies up to here. I know a killer when I see one, little girl, and I see one in you. I see one in you." Asuka turned her gaze back towards him, and felt something inside stir at that. Something like joy…that others called hate. How it frightened her so.

"This conversation is over, little boy," Asuka said. "Go run to bed and leave the grown-ups be."

Tea-Leaves sucked his teeth in thought. "I imagine that we'll have a chance to settle-up. I hope we do. I can't wait to see what happens when you let yourself go around little-old-me…yeah…that'd be something to see." He seemed to go distant, pondering the imagined battle in his mind. Then he smiled, a dull, flat thing that seemed to mock the concept of the expression. He scratched his neck, and stood to leave.

"There's nothing more I have to say to you, so don't bother me anymore," Asuka added quietly. He turned, his features skull-like underneath the bare-bulb of the small room.

"You never had to say anything. I already knew all I needed to. It was when you had an…argument with your arm. That was my education." He left Asuka alone, and the light vanished once again, abandoning the woman to her thoughts and the darkness.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: The inevitable reveal is always less than what you hope for, and I'm not sure this met up to anyones expectations. In a way, that's not so bad: when you actually find the villain at the end (if indeed he is the end), it usually is underwhelming. Look at the disastrous endings of several very powerful figures in the past decade. The way they go usually highlights what they never were in life. Either way, though, I hope it wasn't a disappointment.

I actually had this image for the Teacher in mind before I saw Dark Knight Rising, and after seeing Bane, I realized there was a lot of similarities - the Teacher, however, was meant to be more of a mix between Grendel, the Lord Humongous, and Lucifer…which as I type that, I realize is pretty much _Bane_. I didn't adjust it, though, because that is something that's personally scary to me - a large, very intelligent, and charismatic person who is deeply unhinged. Take Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York: part of you thinks he's a really cool guy, but would you want to be in the same room as him? It's the kind of person who can persuade people to do what he wants, but can also frighten and bully others into his direction as well. A lot of his personality I actually drew (surprise, surprise) from the character of Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. This educated, pseudo-mystical, seemingly intelligent man who had decided that being a savage was what the world really needed at that moment.

Tea-Leaves is just fun to write, though.


	37. Goings and Comings

**Notes from GobHobblin**: I think qwertyui has posted an excellent idea…a very good one, in fact…(scribbles in idea folder). I may have to give that a shot someday!

As for the nutters in the north, GhostWriter73 (that'd be a great band name…), this is generally where a lot of the 'off' people have been drawn. Those who are solitary to the point of misanthropic, those who are unable to patch things together…the perfect kind of recruits for the Teacher. I'd say only a small core of his 'army' really want to go back to the Black Moon (not that they even know what that is, but they are 'believers'...they have faith in what the Teacher says). These are the ones who form his personal guard, his officers, or the ones going to the south to do nasty things. The rest are either too scared to say no when 'recruited,' too happy to be part of something organized and big, or like Tea-Leaves…they just want to break things and get away with it. I thought a lot about Chechnyan and Serb militias, or African warlord armies, when patching together the Teacher's group. Really any country that's collapsed into chaos…a lot of those armies collect together simply because someone is in charge, and they're getting a meal out of it. The crazy tends to follow, however…

* * *

If there was thing Rei had found she had a talent for, a true talent, it was in being unseen when she wished. She had made it into the camp too late to find Asuka, but she had made it, and no one was the wiser for it. It was strange, she thought; these people seemed to show such competency in all other matters of fighting, but they had deplorable security in some of the oddest places. It had to be arrogance, Rei decided. The arrogance that they were the most dangerous things in this part of the country.

Unfortunately, they were right. There had to be over a hundred or so people here, scattered through the ruins. They were digging in, setting up ambush points and booby traps. This was more than an encampment, it was a forward deployment area. She had the feeling that this area would become more crowded soon, swarming with men and women intent on bringing death and ruin to the south.

Again, she wished Asuka had thought of another plan. She probably hadn't considered Rei would try and infiltrate the camp on her own, but then again, she hadn't considered getting caught, either. It was odd to Rei, the way Asuka had been acting. She seemed had seemed hyper-competent and adaptable, but then that seemed to have left. She had made foolish decisions, and even Rei knew that. She didn't know what had happened. Was it because _she_ was there? Had she somehow affected Asuka's ability to be objective? She didn't know. All she knew was that there was only one way to go, and that was north. Whether Asuka wanted it or not, Rei was coming.

But how? She had been sitting by the vehicle pool for what seemed like hours now, and none of them had moved. One of them had to be leaving soon, but which one? And more importantly, how to get on? She didn't plan on surrendering herself; _somebody_ had to fix this mess. She sighed, shaking her head and nestling down. She had found a spot in the midst of a stack of crates, and had nested there, hoping against hope that something would present itself. She heard voices, and perked up, peeking. She saw two men, one large, scarred, and fat, gesturing to the vehicles.

"This one goes north," the scarred man said, pointing to one of the trucks. It was much more massive than the others, and it's flatbed was a series of tarps lashed one over the other like a quilt. It looked like a good place to hide, Rei thought.

"Guards for it?" another asked.

"Why? Who's gonna rob from us out here? Besides, if they manage to steal it, what are they gonna do with it? We already have twenty-three, _and_ the equipment to work the damned things. They want a multi-ton paperweight? Good for them." The scarred man spit on the ground. "I don't care who drives it, just so long as they actually know how to handle a rig this big. Figure it out, Sozu."

"Right," the skinny man said, and they walked away. _To the north_…that was it. And it had to be going the same way that Asuka had. If it was big and important, it would go to the same place, right? It was the best thing Rei had to go on, and she carefully looked out from behind the boxes. First, left, then right…then she scurried across the space between the crates and the trucks. Slipping from truck to truck, she made her way to the massive rig, and pushed herself up and under the tarp. It was dark underneath, and a strange scent of dust and steel assaulted her. There was something very large being transported on the truck, orange in color and barrel shaped. It was massive, whatever it was…

Rei stifled a gasp, recognizing it from some long-ago memory. She was lying next to an ICBM, one tipped with an N2 warhead. She could see the serial number now, recognizing it from her days as a Pilot. All the Pilots knew about them…had to use them, sometimes.

_We already have twenty-three_…

Sweet mercy, they had twenty-three N2 warheads. Twenty-four, counting this one now. She heard the truck's cabin doors opening and closing outside, heard the engine roar to life. The flatbed beneath her shuddered and bucked, and she knew they were on their way. She didn't know what lay in the north, and looking at this cargo, she was afraid of what she would find.

* * *

Misato stepped out of the helicopter, Kurozawa at her elbow and in the midst of other troops. She was in full battle-rattle, her hair in a bun underneath the back lip of her Kevlar helmet. She crouched under the down-wash of the rotor blades, scooting forward until free of it. She straightened as the other soldiers hurried off to find their respective assignments. Misato kept walking straight forward, her own objective in sight. In front of her stood one of the newest militia brigadier generals for the Restored Government, a small, doll-like woman with a big, mean mother of a First Sergeant. It looked like the perfect command team to Misato.

"Gen. Tatsumoto, I presume?" Misato asked, saluting as she walked up. The smaller woman returned the salute.

"Col. Katsuragi. I hear you're to be one of my government observers?" There was a slight challenge in the statement.

"I hope it doesn't cause too much of an intrusion," Misato said, trying to gauge the woman's tone. This could either be a good working relationship or a bad one. "Allow me to introduce my staff, Lt. Kurozawa." The man made a face, but only for a moment, and bowed to the General. The woman's mouth quirked at the quip: it was not uncommon for Colonels to have groups of soldiers following them. Misato had no command, just a rank, and only one soldier underneath her, to whom she had applied the grand title of her complete and total staff. Misato caught the momentary smile, and that was a good sign to her.

"Welcome, Lieutenant. I hope your ready to get some dirt under your boots," she said.

"Yes, ma'am. We've been ready since the first blast." Tatsumoto nodded; she had heard about the accident, the first cache discovered some time ago. The first people of the Restored Government to lose their lives to the Teacher.

"Good. And you, Colonel?"

"Glad to have a superior that wants to do something, frankly," she said, and Tastumoto's eyes widened. What Misato had said was grossly insubordinate, not to Tatsumoto but to the general command structure. It was flattering at the same time, but that was hardly the point. Tatsumoto turned her gaze to Kurozawa, who had found something interesting off to the right to focus on. She turned back to Misato, who met her with firm eyes. She had said it, she meant it, she would stand by it. Tatsumoto tried to size that up, and then nodded.

"Could you remove your hardcover, Colonel?" she asked.

Confused, Misato popped the seal and removed the helmet. Tatsumoto nodded, and then smiled. "I see what's behind that attitude, now. I thought your name was familiar, but it's the hair I always remembered - no other shade quite like it. You were with NERV, right?"

Misato's face was blank, but Kurozawa glanced at her in surprise. He hadn't known that, and as an aide, he was supposed to know more about his CO than strangers did. It was the principle of the matter, and what was more, it made for a good aide. He could prepare his CO for anything that might come her way by that kind of knowledge.

"Yes, I was. I was the Chief of Operations and Security with them, ma'am," Misato said woodenly. She was hoping to avoid this, but the fact that she had died killing SDF troops would probably turn up at some point.

"Some of your friends came through here," Tatsumoto said happily. "A woman with red hair and a girl with blue."

Misato's eyes widened. "Asuka and Rei? They were here? When?"

"A month or so ago," Tatsumoto said, "Around the time we made contact. They suggested we do so in the first place."

"Where are they now?" Misato demanded, suddenly towering over the general. One hand made as if to grab her arm, and the First Sergeant had his hand on his pistol. Tatsumoto's own hand went up, stopping his motion. She recognized the look on Misato's face.

Longing and fear. Her hand continued the motion, reached out, and comfortingly gripped Misato's raised arm. "They left. They were pushing north to try and find another friend."

"Shinji," Misato said, her arm relaxing. Her eyes went distant for a moment, then returned. She looked at her hand, and realized how threatening her gesture had been. A good way to start off a new relationship…

Tatsumoto smiled, and gently pulled at Misato's arm. "Let's get off the landing field, Colonel. I think you and I have a lot you want to talk about..."

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: Not a long chapter, but something to tide you over. Happy Holidays, FanFic Friends!


	38. Little Fears

The Teacher sat hunched in his quarters, his mask next to him. Tea-Leaves stood by the door, picking at his teeth with a thumbnail. The boss was in repose, as usual. Tea-Leaves studied the mask, positioned to look back at him. Squinting as he found whatever he was digging for, he made a sucking sound and flicked at his fingers. He snuffled, considering that the Teacher probably did that to remind him that he was always watching, always seeing. He expected that the Teacher probably _could_ see him…maybe smell him. Sense him in some way. Tea-Leaves understood that, to an extent, but not in the way the Teacher did.

"She is formidable," the voice said, still creaky and flat but now un-muffled.

"That she is," Tea-Leaves murmured.

"You have a fascination with her," the Teacher said, flat and almost accusing.

"You seem to, as well," Tea-Leaves retorted casually.

"She was the first…or at least among the first," the large man replied, running a hand over his shaved head.

"You find that out from the boy?"

"When I spoke with him, yes," the Teacher murmured. Tea-Leaves sniffed, and began to fiddle with his arm. When in the presence of others, he often stared at and studied people. The Teacher, he had seen enough. With nothing new or interesting to occupy his attention, he tended to misbehave a bit.

"Did it ever occur to you he might be the reason we keep coming back? Or her, downstairs?"

"From time to time," the Teacher murmured.

"And you give her the option to join," Tea-Leaves mumbled, plucking at in an ingrown hair.

"Of course," the Teacher ran a finger over the contours of his mask. "She has come to us from such a very long way, has she not? What purpose has brought her here? To join with us, and end this failed experiment called individuality? Or to break us? End…all of this?" The hand waved about his head in a circle, to encompass the whole of the Teacher's works. "Tell me, have you ever seen or met with the boy they called Shinji?"

Tea-Leaves shook his head. The Teacher, with that uncanny second-sense of his, chuckled, as if he had seen the motion with his own eyes. "He had been hardened by the world when I met him, but still youthful. He carried a great pain…a _great_ pain. I never understood it in the brief time we knew each other, but I felt it had to do with the girl. I think I was right…but as time goes on, I wonder. I wonder…"

"If that was all he carried?" Tea-Leaves ventured. The Teacher's great hand came down on his mask and lifted it, settling it over his head and sealing the latches. The man turned, and faced his minion.

"I think we are not the only thing operating in this new world," the Teacher murmured. "I think that it all will come apart soon, apart at the seams. If we fail, another will succeed. Because that is the way of it."

"You would know," Tea-Leaves said through an almost-mocking grin. "What if the girl says no? Just kill her?"

"Wouldn't you?"

"Doesn't seem sporting. Or fair," Tea-Leaves said.

"And when have you ever cared about 'fair?'" the Teacher chided.

"She's different," Tea-Leaves said bluntly. "You admit that yourself."

"She is…yes…she is." He breathed in deep, and nodded to himself. "Do you know what a 'sin-eater' is?"

"Nope." Tea-Leaves succeeded in plucking the hair, becoming distracted by his arm again.

"I doubt you would. Old Catholic, European concept. When a man of means is on his deathbed, a beggar is paid to eat a symbolic meal. That meal carries the sins of the wealthy man, which are then passed on to the beggar, so that the man can enter into Paradise."

"Hum." Tea-Leaves nodded, seemingly pleased. It was the kind of trivia the Teacher knew, but also the exact kind of fact a man like Tea-Leaves would find interesting.

"This girl was seen with someone who was blue-haired, yes?" the Teacher said, drifting closer to Tea-Leaves until he towered over him. Tea-Leaves stopped fiddling with his arm and gazed up at the man, unafraid.

"Yes. A girl, of fourteen."

"There are so many who have crossed back with the marks, but I wonder…hmm." The Teacher held Tea-Leaves gaze. "To kill Asuka Langley Soryu is one thing, and that girl…if she is who I _think_ she is…that's quite another."

"And Shinji Ikari?"

"Yes…you are right. I probably should have taken the chance when I had him in my grasp. But I was not the Teacher then, and you were not among us."

"I warrant, then, that you need a 'sin-eater' to handle the problem of Asuka, and Little Blue…and maybe pick up the search and find Shinji as well?"

"Her arrival makes me wonder, and you have me thinking," the Teacher said. "Perhaps it would be wise to turn our attentions to these small matters. So, yes…I may need someone to clean up the details. I cannot say, however, what the consequences will be, and that concerns me." Tea-Leaves could understand that. It was hard to drift anything past the Teacher without him noticing.

"So you need a 'sin-eater,'" Tea-Leaves repeated, musing. "Haven't I always been that?"

"You have, yes, you have. Yes." The Teacher turned his bulk away, returning to his spot of repose. "Handle it, like you always have. When the time comes." Tea-Leaves nodded, and left, knowing the audience was over. The Teacher returned to his musings, pondering whatever it was a man of his nature pondered.

* * *

Rei didn't sleep on the trip up. The flatbed was hardly comfortable, but sitting underneath a multi-kiloton weapon probably contributed to the sense of unease she had. She spent most of the night remembering what she could about N2 devices. They were conventional explosives in a solid-matter state, which left no residual radiation as a more conventional nuclear or atomic device would. They could degrade, but at a slower rate than other explosives could. Given their importance in dealing with the Angels, a good portion of any good N2 device was simply in place to preserve and maintain the explosive itself; any prolonged exposure to an oxygen-nitrogen environment would gradually decrease the potency of the device. It made sense why the devices would be difficult to locate in quantity…given ten years of neglect, a good number of those airtight seals were probably over and done with.

Something else bothered her about this, and it wasn't the devices themselves…it was the time it took in order for her to collect her thoughts. It used to be instantaneous, mechanical, and without any hindrance. Now, however…

It wasn't something she had noticed immediately. It had occurred to her during her time recovering in Myoji, and the isolation of the trip highlighted it. Why the loss in recall? Why had her mind…slowed?

There was more to it than just that: some information wasn't there at all. She knew her birth from the Sea of Man, why she had been born…to experience humanity, as a human, unhindered by the constraints that had been placed on her by her cold upbringing. She remembered Shinji, Asuka, Misato…other things…other things…things she didn't want to remember, things that drifted through her heart with the delicacy of a sledgehammer. And other things…

Other things she couldn't remember, and she didn't know why. She could remember some things with such clarity, such focus, but there was no rhyme or reason to what lingered and what had vanished. Why? What had happened to her? An unintended side-effect of returning, of going from being an omnipresent, omniscient, and night omnipotent entity to…this? A frightened girl huddled on the back of a flatbed? No. No, there was something else here, there had to be…

But what? She hadn't thought in this way for a long time, and now that she did, she was nervous, and panicky. She was just a teenager…she shouldn't _have_ to think of these things. Should she? When did she start to think of herself as only a girl?

No…when did she start to think of herself as only _human_?

Her thoughts were interrupted by voices passing the vehicle. They were still moving, but she heard people talking out there. They must be getting close to their final destination. She scooted to the edge, and carefully lifted the tarp. They were in an industrial park, passing structures, people, the smells of dust and fire and food. It wasn't populated out there, but it _was_ busy. There was an army being gathered out there, and Rei knew she was entering in to the heart of it. They passed a fence, and all of that just…stopped.

A sequestered area…one where there were less people. They were probably going to stop the truck soon, remove the missile. She had to leave, right now. The truck beneath her slowed, ever so slightly, and she took that as an opportunity to roll free from under the tarp, hoping against hope that no one would see her. Rei tumbled off of the flatbed, landing heavily into the tall grass by the side of the road with a squeak. She scurried into the green, not hearing anyone shout or call out. She slid to a halt, and turned. And she saw the missiles.

It seemed that they were being set down in some sort of drainage canal, the kind meant for excess water used in cooling instruments; she could only see the top of each warhead, in a long line. They were all pointed upwards, towards the sky. It seemed that the canal placed the warheads at just the right height with ground level to disassemble them…yet none were disassembled. She counted them in her head…twenty-three missiles, all still in one piece. Why they hadn't touched them, she didn't know, but she was thankful for it…all the N2 devices were together.

That was good…but it had to wait for the moment. Somewhere in this place, Asuka was waiting. She had to find her. Find her now…and sort this all out later.

* * *

The quiet thundered in Asuka's ears, punctuated by the beating of her own heart drumming in the recesses of her mind. Shapes seemed to swim through black in front of her, teasing her with their freedom beyond the locked gate. Her arms no longer hurt, but she no longer felt them, either. She was down in the pit, and wondering how to crawl out again. Or if she even _wanted_ to. She was daily reminded of why she had never left the Spread in the first place.

As if to accentuate her loneliness, she felt as though a presence had joined her. It was impossible, of course, because the door hadn't opened. Of course, not everyone she knew required doors…and the dread came to her. She lifted her head, slightly. The Figment was there, nude and glowing in the dark. Asuka stared at her, wondering if it was an illusion. A fevered hallucination come to haunt her. She closed her eyes, and opened them again. The Figment remained. Asuka rolled her face towards the floor, tears flowing free. She was done. It was ended. She had no where to run, nothing to defend her. She waited, dreading, deciding then and there that all she had left was defiance. Defiance when the end came, as it would.

"Second Child," the Figment called. "What a state you have come to."

"Come to gloat?" she whispered.

"Why would I gloat?" the Figment asked, her voice calm and bland. Asuka raised her head, in confusion. Not hope, though. Never hope…hope is the gift you give to kill.

"Okay. Threaten, then."

"I am still confused. This is a new experience for me, and becoming more frequent. It is not pleasant," the Figment said. Asuka blinked. What was this? What game was the Figment playing.

"So kill me then. Just stop playing around and…do whatever it is you plan to do."

"I never understood your jokes. I do not understand them now."

Asuka squirmed to a sitting position, her arms aching and burning. This…serenity. This calm. This was not the nature of the Figment as she had last seen her. What was happening? What had changed? Was this…even the same being?

"Who are you?" she asked, bewildered.

"I am Lilith, who you knew as Rei," came the reply, bland but with a hint of sultry dismissal. It was said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"When was the last time we spoke?" Asuka asked.

"Ten years ago, on the day of-"

"Stop." Asuka shook her head, surprised. "Ten…ten _years_ ago?"

The Figment stepped forward, and the grated door opened gently at her approach. Asuka felt a thrill of fear…but sat in place. The Figment…was it the Figment? It stood at the threshold of the door, staring down at Asuka as she lay huddled on the floor.

"I need to see what you have seen," she said, extending her finger towards Asuka's left eye. Asuka did not turn, or flee, but sat frozen in place, unable to move as the finger approached. It came close, closer…almost touching the eye now…

* * *

Asuka drifted slowly over the sea, her toes barely touching the waves. She was young again, a girl of fourteen. The world was rose colored, the sea was blood red, and the air was cool on her skin. She felt calm, at peace. Happy. Unburdened.

_What is it you have seen? _Asuka turned her head to the left, and saw Rei, serene and floating next to her. _What is it that has touched you?_

_Touched me?_ She felt her right arm rise up of it's own volition, the fingers tense and relax. _This? It's always…been…like this…_No, it hasn't been. _You mean…since it began to go it's own way?_

_Awakened…unleashed. The arm is no longer yours. The eye…it sees for others…who? Who have you been seeing for?_

"I don't understand…" she whispered, her voice thunderous in the silence.

"You have been stamped…stamped for purposes not your own. Who has done this?" the Figment asked, a strange note of sympathy under her voice. "Who has touched you? This presence is not familiar to me."

"You don't know…" Asuka said, surprised. "You have no idea…none whatsoever."

"This is puzzling. And upsetting." Asuka could have laughed, as bland and flat as that statement was. "Explain it to me. How long have you been the way you are?"

"The arm? And the eye? I've…ever since the Third Impact. I died! I…came back!"

"You died, and you came back, for Shinji, my Shinji. He loved you…so deeply. I wanted him to feel the connection he had abandoned Instrumentality for." Rei drifted close, almost intimate in her range. "To risk the pain…one last time."

"And you lost sight of him…you sent me to find him…" Asuka murmured.

Rei shook her head. "I have lost sight of many things. I did not ask you find him, though."

"But…but you did!" Asuka felt frustration, confusion, even panic. "You…you told me to find him!"

"Whether you looked for him or not is not by business, and not my concern," the Figment said. "The connections between are the business of those souls to develop. How else can they have weight and meaning? How else can they have purpose?"

Asuka shook her head. "You threatened me. You…threatened to…" The Figment extended a hand, the palm resting against Asuka's cheek. A wave of calm seeped through her, warmth and peace. It was as if the breath of God had flowed over her.

"You have been threatened. And harmed." There seemed to be a dangerous note to the Figment's voice. "I do not approve. You are Shinji's, and Shinji is yours. I do not approve of this meddling."

"_You_ were the one meddling!" Asuka said, still at peace but unable to contain her voice. "It hurt you to let him go…you couldn't let him go!" That had to be why the Figment had tormented her so, right? Because she wasn't able to just…leave things be? It was hard to determine.

"Of course it hurt," the Figment said, surprised. "What did it matter? I am the mother of countless souls, now. I cannot know him as you would. He made his choice; it was you. I gave you to him, and gave him to you. Is that not love?"

And with that statement…that tone of selflessness…Asuka knew. She knew beyond a doubt. This was not the Figment. That meant…there were _three_ Reis running around now? Happy Rei, Mother Rei…and Rei the Grudge. Terrific.

"I feel…a little overwhelmed…" Asuka sighed.

"I must assess this situation further," the Mother (and that's what Asuka could call her if and when she could figure out who was Lilith and how this all worked!) said. "Things have happened that are beyond my sight. I need to understand this. You must leave this place until things become more clear."

"Just…stop and explain this to me, Wonder Girl," Asuka sighed, feeling the peace leave and become replaced with weariness. "I'm up to my eyeballs in Reis, right now."

The Mother suddenly smiled, a very genuine, almost shy smile that Asuka remembered…from a long time ago. "You used to call me that. Wonder Girl. It used to irritate me, but I would never tell you that. It is actually…nice to hear again." She nodded, sagely. "There is no time for that, at the moment. You should go. Wake up."

* * *

Asuka gasped, as the light fled. She was alone, sitting in the dark, but not afraid. Her mind tried to piece together what had happened, what had occurred. "More of them," she mumbled, leaning against the wall. "One was enough." So at least three…possibly more. Unless it was all a trick on the part of the Figment, but it didn't feel like one. At least, it felt to involved to be something the Figment would do. That being seemed too…impatient for such games.

Things had become more complicated.

She sighed, rubbing her wrists, trying to decide where to go next…and realized she was rubbing her wrists. Her arms were in her lap, freed and unbound. Her heart began to race. Slowly, carefully, she reached out along the wall, towards the gate. Her hand passed space it would have been, and kept going. She was alone, in the dark…but freed.

For three seconds, she just sat, breathing slowly. And then she was up, and moving. Fast.


	39. Slow Death

**Notes from GobHobblin**: Oh, qwertyui…you poor dear. Sometimes I worry about you…;)

Glad to be writing for all you awesome folks again. I had an idea for a new fic that I might put up a few chapters for, as well as a little post-Christmas thank you gift to all the folks who've taken the time to leave comments on the stories. It was also something I wanted to do for fun, a little shout-out, and an exercise on my part: to see if I could incorporate all of your awesome handles into the story in one form or another. Over time, I'll try to include all the favers and the followers…mostly because you guys have some awesome and off the wall names, and I really want to see if I can fit them all into a story. More to be posted on that later!

* * *

"We've captured around twelve people from beyond the outer marker," the captain was saying, "Based on interrogation of the prisoners, we think the enemy are massing here, in this town." Using a map of Japan from before Third Impact, the captain placed his finger on a town called Ishima. "We don't know what their strength is, as of yet. We don't think it has to do with them holding out; I think they just don't know. More than likely, the number is growing weekly, even daily. Call it two hundred to five hundred."

"Any idea of what their material stores are? Weapons, vehicles, supples?" Tatsumoto asked.

"At this time, some armored vehicles, technicals…if they're to be believed, mounds of small arms, ammunition, explosives. Unsure on the quality of food and medical stores. Again…" the captain shrugged. Numbers subject to change. Tatsumoto nodded. Some things were beyond their ability to gather right now.

"How far would you say Ishima is from here?" Misato asked.

"By vehicle, two, maybe three days, if we used these highways here." He pointed to an almost direct route from the area the base occupied, to Ishima. "But that was pre-Impact. Make it five to six, now, road condition permitting. We haven't been that far north."

"We could try and fly some troops in, try for an airborne or air assault scenario," Misato ventured.

"Unless you have a fleet of helicopters to use and backing artillery, it won't happen, ma'am," Kuze said. "We have the trucks and vehicles to transport the majority of our force here, especially with the Government's militia to hold the rear."

"So the plan is an all-out ground assault?" Misato asked. Tatsumoto nodded.

"We'll transpo the majority of our force in eight-tons, our IFVs, and every civilian vehicle we've scrounged up. We can move at least three hundred troops that way," Kuze continued. "Not counting our scouts, of course. At fifty miles out, we'll begin arranging ourselves into a column for assault. We move in, and prepare to take the city based upon what our scouts find."

"Any risk of them circling around, or attacking our rear?" another captain ventured. The intelligence captain shook his head.

"If they were doing it on foot, maybe, but that's moving a lot of troops over a lot of ground rapidly. There's two ways they can really hurt us: ambush us on the road, or try to come down it before we do. Our most likely scenario is having to fight it out on the road, and I think we're better prepared for that than they are."

"Really?" Misato asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"We've been hoarding IFVs like gold," Kuze said. "We can field at least eight for the trip. What's more, those IFVs are fitted with Jyu-MAT missiles. It sounds like the ones the Teacher has don't. I don't know why, but if it's true, we have a decided advantage in armor-to-armor engagements."

"Can we count on the same advantage in personnel?" a senior NCO asked.

"Possibly. From what we've got, it's a hodgepodge of talent. Still, I'd argue they have the advantage there," the intelligence captain said, and glanced at Tatsumoto.

"We need to keep our formations as tight as we can," she said. "Bearing in mind the appropriate intervals for preservation against massed and fragmentation weaponry. We need to be able to support any forward momentum with mass. They've been good at picking off smaller elements…patrols and the like. We can't allow them a chance to get into us, segment us and fragment us."

"I hope you're not talking human-wave tactics, ma'am," Kurozawa murmured. Misato crossed her arms, her posture backing her aide's question.

"No. Mutual support tactics…a gradual advance involving the majority of our troops against the enemy main force," Tatsumoto said. "If they are gathering at Ishima, then we have a chance to hit them while they're tied to a single area. Hit them and hurt them bad, before they scatter. That's what our main objective is, and that is my intent: to move to Ishima with speed, scout their defenses, and smash them while they're still gathering strength.

"Does anyone have anything else to ask or add?" No one said anything.

"We'll be leaving at 0500 in the morning. We're going to be ready by 0430. The First Sergeant has the details about what needs to be done and when. Let's be about it." And with that, the meeting was done.

The officers and senior NCOs filed out, as Tatsumoto gestured for Misato to stay. The Colonel stopped, feeling Kurozawa at her elbow. She jerked her head, sending him on his way. He trailed the departing staff out, leaving the women alone.

"Still jittery?" Tatsumoto asked.

"I don't like being in the dark about the girls," Misato admitted.

"Keep the faith," Tatsumoto said. "They're determined. If we're lucky, we may find sign of them in this expedition."

"Maybe…if we don't all die first," Misato said, grinning. Tatsumoto smiled back.

"Ever the optimist, are we?"

"Going on a reconnaissance in force to find an enemy of undetermined strength with ten-year old vehicles on questionable roads. Which may or may not have ambushes, booby-traps, or an army coming down it. What's not to be optimistic about?" Misato said brightly.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you sounded excited," Tatsumoto teased. Misato shrugged. For the life of her, she was. More excited about things than she had been in a long time.

* * *

The guard had a moment to turn his head before all he saw was fingers and no more. Asuka's hand crushed his skull, picking the body up and slamming it down like a dog with a rodent. Her victim's companion stared in shock, and tried to bring up her rifle. The arm snapped, cracking the rifle in half and crushing the woman's sternum. She collapsed against the wall, trembling as she died.

Asuka hugged her arm to herself. "All right, settle," she whispered, glancing down the hall. "Settle." The arm trembled, but obeyed, more or less. That way looked familiar…she started to run, wondering when she would be clear of these utility tunnels. She was always pushing up. As long as she was headed in a vertical direction, she couldn't go wrong, she figured. As she ran, a face appeared on the right, stepping into view from a side passage. The arm went up and out, striking the man's cheek and spinning his head faster than the body beneath it could follow. "Good girl," Asuka murmured, deciding that Righty might as well be a girl, since it was attached to one. She slid to a halt at an intersection, seeing stairs to the left. When she reached the first step, she saw a woman descending, looking shock as Asuka came up. The right arm snaked out, grabbing the woman's foot and flinging up and over Asuka's head, wrenching it's latest victim through the air and against the ground with a sickening crunch.

Unimpeded, Asuka burst up the stairwell, gasping as bright morning sunlight stung at her starving eyes. Tears streaming down her face, she glanced around, wildly. No one, no one, no one yet! She picked a direction that seemed to have the most coverage, a clump of buildings with a wood-line beyond, and ran towards it, hugging her wildly twisting arm to herself.

"_Please_ settle down," she pleaded as she scampered across the concrete, slipping between the buildings and coming up on the corner of the left one. As she did, blue and white appeared in front of her with a suddenness that made her jump backwards. Asuka put no stock in coincidences, but she was always glad when they happened. She almost hugged the girl, but doing so would have unleashed her eel-like limb.

"Asuka!" Rei gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth. She had said that somewhat loudly.

"Rei, I'm glad to see you," Asuka breathed. Well…at least _one_ of you. At the moment, _this_ one was currently the favorite, and all reports indicated that would be the case for a while now. "And shocked! How did you get in here?"

"No time for that n…your eyebrow is blue."

"What?"

"And why are you fighting with your arm?" Asuka had just processed 'your eyebrow is blue' before remembering she was restraining Righty.

"Okay, my right arm is possessed and I don't know about the eyebrow. What do you mean 'blue?'" Rei twirled a lock of her hair. Asuka grumbled to herself. "All right, _fine_, I'll have a blue eyebrow. How do we get out of here?"

"Wait, wait, I need to tell you something," Rei suddenly gasped, remembering. "They have N2 warheads here!"

"N2…what!?" Asuka glanced around, realizing she had said that rather loud. No one had noticed. "What? Warheads?"

"Yeah. They haven't done anything with them, yet, but they have them. What are we going to do?"

"What are…what are _we_ going to do?"

"We can't let them keep 'em!" Rei protested.

"Look, I think we bit off more than we can chew just now," Asuka said. "We need to get out of here, then we can figure what to do next. Maybe go south, let Tatsumoto know. She'll have the manpower to do something about it."

"What if they detach one of the warheads by then?" Rei asked. "What if they use one of them on Tatsumoto? Asuka, we have to do something about them now." Asuka grimaced, feeling the arm settle into mere trembling.

"Look, my arm is not really playing nice right now…" She gazed at the hand. The white band was much wider. She looked back at Rei. The girl's brow was furrowed, her jaw thrust forward. Asuka sighed. "Fine, what do you have in mind?"

"I was hoping you'd have a plan," Rei admitted, relaxing. As she did, someone shouted from behind. Asuka turned, seeing people rushing out of the stairwell she had left. They hadn't seen her, but they had discovered her handiwork. Muscling Rei around the corner, she swallowed.

"All right, things are _not_ going well right now, Rei. We have to get out of here, then we can figure out what to do. Let's go, okay? That way." Rei nodded, hurrying along the wall, the woods and piping from old gas and oil conduits to their right, running waist high along the ground. When they made it to the center of the wall, they turned and started towards the forest when it all came apart.

"Stop!" someone called from their left, and Asuka turned to see a man circling the corner.

"Rei, run!" Asuka screamed, her arm squirming out of her grasp as she bolted towards him. He raised his rifle, and Asuka's arm slipped down and along the ground. A rock flew up and buried itself in the man's forehead, pitching him backwards. Another guard appeared, and Righty was on him. As Asuka was dragged behind it, she was pulled into the midst of a group of troops, beyond which stood the Teacher and Tea-Leaves. She didn't know why they were here, but she didn't care. They were around her, and the arm was whipping like a hunting bird now. The screaming began immediately.

The Teacher stood impassive, watching Asuka's antics as she dispatched the guards in front of him. Reports had been brought to him of Asuka's rampage through the underground, and he gathered his personal escort to investigate himself. Asuka and Rei were much closer to his warehouse than either of them had suspected. Tea-Leaves laid a hand on his shoulder, and the Teacher shook his head.

"I'll discipline her," the hulking man said, "You will finish it." Tea-Leaves shrugged, and continued to watch. At a gesture, the other guards stepped behind the Teacher as he walked forward. "You've come to see me, have you?" he said, jaunty and pleased. Asuka dispatched the last guard near her before the arm seemed to catch his scent, and leapt towards him…and missed. And missed again. And again.

The Teacher seemed to lack solid form. She knew that wasn't true…he was simply _that_ fast. He was always just out of reach or out of angle of her deadly arm. It moved too quickly, too erratically for Asuka to fight as she normally would. All she could do is stand there, and wait for it to do it's work. At some point, somehow, the Teacher slipped in and struck Asuka across the face. She spun, and the arm tried to snatch behind her, grabbing at the retreating Teacher. The fingertips brushed at his skin, but couldn't find purchase as Asuka fell to the ground, bleeding from her lips and nose. It felt like a sledgehammer had hit her, and her vision swam fuzzy for a moment.

"So who am I fighting? The woman, or the arm?" the Teacher chided. Righty seemed to react to that, jerking up with such force that it _pulled_ Asuka to her feet. A massive foot came under it, striking Asuka full in the chest and hurling her backward. She actually flew ten feet before hitting the ground pipes and sliding to the ground. She struggled, coming to her feet slowly and ponderously, using the pipes to support her like a railing. The arm had stopped, but that did her no good, now. Fights were not long, drawn out affairs except between two equally matched opponents. The Teacher had to have at least twice her body weight, maybe even three times it, and he moved like a man much lighter. He had struck her twice with two powerful blows, and she had been staggered by them. Staggered badly. She tried to raise her arms, but they moved sluggishly.

"Are we all here, now?" the Teacher's voice droned, as if from far away. "That's too bad for you. You would have fared better if it was you fighting me. You would have still failed, of course." She saw his mask float in from nowhere, and she swung for it, with about enough strength to kill a mosquito in a bad way. He moved to the side, grabbing her arm and hair, and pitching her forward. Her eyes watered and her chest spasmed as her throat struck against one of the horizontal pipes. She fell to the ground, nerveless and shivering.

_I can't breathe!_

The Teacher turned away from her, nodding to Tea-Leaves. "Do what is necessary," he said. He heard scrabbling behind him, and turned. He crossed his arms in something like amusement, as Asuka stood on wobbly knees and began to make a zigzagging retreat to the woods. Both hands were on her throat. He turned back to Tea-Leaves, who looked back and shrugged. He began a leisurely walk after her, three guards in tow.

* * *

Asuka, for her part, was making a grand effort to put distance between her and the murderous Teacher. _I can't breathe!_ It felt like a baseball was in her throat, her rapidly swelling larynx preventing her from speaking, from swallowing, from breathing from breathing from breathing _my _God,_ I can't breathe!_

She stumbled through the bushes, managing to sneak small spoonfuls of air through her nose, down the back of her throat, but already she was beginning to see spots. Her knees were shaky, and as she pushed through the brush, she stepped into air and couldn't find her purchase. A hill…she couldn't stop. She tumbled down and down, finally rolling onto her back at the bottom and watching the world swirl above her.

_I can't…breathe…_

She trembled as oxygen starvation came to her, knowing that the next thing would be the gray, then the black. That would be her passing out…it would spare her the indignity of waiting for eventual brain death, to be followed by organ failure. She would die here, under these trees, under this sky.

And then Rei leaned over her. Was it Rei? Did Rei have to watch her die? They may be following her…why was Rei here?

"You have been a foolish dog," Rei said bitterly. Oh. Yes. It was inevitable she would show up. "And here you are dying. Dying. Dying and you have not found my Shinji. You are useless to me. So useless. I should let you die here. I will. I will, and remake you to be more loyal. The way you _should_…should…" The Figment shuddered, glancing away. A _second_ Rei appeared, standing, off to Asuka's right.

"I…see…you…" the newcomer said, slowly, menacingly. The voice seemed to flicker in and out of the air. The Figment shrank, and disappeared from Asuka's view. The new Rei looked down…it was the Mother. It had to be the Mother…

"Second Child…what have you come to?" the Mother said, flat and almost exasperated. Tears of effort streamed from Asuka's eyes as she tried to say something, anything…then they crossed, and she laid her head down, and died in the forest.


	40. Deus Ex Machina

Asuka stood in the corner of the hospital room, her short legs stockinged and her hair feeling like the braids were too tight. The woman Daddy loved now always did the braids too tight. Asuka tried to tell her not too, but she never listened.

She stared at Mommy, holding the doll she always had. "See that girl in the corner?" Mommy said, "See that girl, Asuka? That's not a good girl. She's a bad little girl. She never does as she's told." Asuka said nothing, feeling the hurt burn like it never did before. "She's a nasty, naughty, evil little girl. She should never have been born."

"I'm sorry, Mommy," she whimpered, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry. Please don't be angry."

Mommy looked at her with red eyes, from under blue hair. "You were a bad little dog, Asuka. A very bad dog."

"I want to be a good dog…mommy…please…" Asuka began to murmur, feeling her eyes numb in their sockets. The hospital room seemed to fade, and her mother's face grew ugly, grew frightened.

"You should have listened, Asuka. Now you've ruined everything! I'll never find him now!" she began to wail, and Asuka felt her legs grow long, her arms lengthen…the hair felt loose…no, it wasn't there.

_I can't breathe!_

"I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead I'm dead I'm…god damn you!" she hissed. The Figment stared back at her, pure hatred on her face as she cradled the doll. "Damn you! Damn you for this! How…how _dare_ you?" The emotions and memories of that childhood flooded over her, but the pain left. It was replaced by hatred, pure, seething, burning. She took a step forward, but peace seemed to settle. She looked to her left…

And saw Rei. No, not Rei…the Mother.

"Dead and dying in the forest. I thought you would be more careful, Second Child," she said.

"Let her die!" the Figment wailed, but the Mother turned an eye towards her that made the being quail.

"You are a trespasser. A thing that should not be. A cancer that can speak and nothing more," the Mother said patiently. "I shall deal with you presently."

"Wait…wait, _wait_!" Asuka gasped, taking a moment to paw at her throat. The swelling was not there…which made sense, as she was _dead_. She was handling the thing with remarkable grace, she thought. "What…please explain this to me like I don't know what's going on, because I _don't_!"

"I'm sorry," the Mother said, sounding very much like Rei the way she used to be. "I forget that you see things in such a limited fashion. Being here…in this place…having things hidden from me. It is a nostalgic feeling. It reminds me of what you can and cannot see."

"That…doesn't really help…" Asuka mumbled. The Mother smiled gently, and the Figment let herself out of the bed, trying to wander away, but only circling Asuka and the Mother helplessly. It was as though there was a leash tying her to the spot.

"You have been pulled into things you were not meant to be a part of. At least not in the way events have proceeded," the Mother explained. "She is to blame for it. Every Ego must have an Id."

"An Id?" Asuka skewed her face up. "That's an Id? That's…your Id?"

"A Super-Id, in a way…" the Mother mused. "And not mine…Rei's."

"You are Rei," Asuka said skeptically…then blinked. "But you mean…you mean…"

"That's a lie, a filthy, false, disgusting lie!" the Figment shrieked, breaking Asuka's train of thought for a moment. "I am the one who made _her_!"

"Life is always an accident," the Mother said, as Asuka numbly tuned her out. "That is what makes it resilient. To intentionally create life…to craft an individual…there is always unforeseen consequences."

"But…_you_ are _Rei_," Asuka insisted again.

"I am not the only one you have called Rei," the Mother said. Asuka felt cold, and the Mother continued. "It took me a moment to see. To see as I should have. Things…have been kept from me."

Asuka turned to the Figment, who no longer looked angry. She looked terrified, broken, and miserable. It…wasn't…possible…

"You…are…you're _Rei_?" It began to come to her…whenever the Figment had appeared, Rei had been asleep…Rei had been asleep…asleep…

The Figment began to shriek.

* * *

Rei felt a buzzing in her head as she tried to push through the bushes, tears streaming down her face. She had left Asuka. Asuka told her to run, but she had left Asuka, _again. _She was dead this time, for sure. She had to be.

The girl stopped in place, falling to her knees. She gripped her head, scratching at her scalp. She had _left_ Asuka _again_.

"Don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead, oh God, oh God, oh God…" she began chanting, alone and afraid. Asuka could handle it. Asuka could handle anything. She was Asuka. She watched her cut through men like they were nothing.

_She had left Asuka again._

The buzzing became a drone, and Rei began to claw at the dirt, no longer sad but now terrified. What was this? Where did it come from? Her sinuses went numb, and she felt a thin stream of drool break from her lips. She looked up…and saw herself. Was it herself? Was it…was it…

"Here!" someone said behind her, as if from a great distance. She turned, to see someone in the trees. A rifle. A raised arm. She turned back, but the phantom image was gone. She stood up, and tried to run. Tried to run.

_She had left Asuka again_.

* * *

"There are holes. Places I cannot see anymore," the Mother said. Not the mother…no…this was Lilith. This _was _Rei, the real deal, the original, one and only. The Figment was just that, the Figment and nothing more. And Rei-Out-There…what was that? _Who_ was that?

"All over the world. Things beyond my sight, and I don't understand why." Lilith shrugged, and smiled in wry amusement. "It concerns me. I could not see with sight…but a vessel. A vessel to see for me…"

"A drone," Asuka said. "A probe. So…my Rei…is a probe."

"Your Rei is _Rei_…but yes. In a manner of speaking," Lilith said. "I took a part of me…the _better_ part of me…and made a daughter. A new soul…fresh and unsullied."

"Not unsullied," Asuka replied, looking back at the Figment. She had been carrying the Figment along…the whole time.

"No. It wasn't Rei's fault," Lilith said. "She never knew what was in her. A stowaway, you could say."

"I am no _stowaway_," the Figment pleaded. "I _am_ Lilith. I am the one who…made all of this…" It was unconvincing, and broken.

"The desire to find Shinji…it…that's what compelled you, wasn't it?" Asuka asked. Lilith shrugged.

"I had watched you two grow. You seemed to have solved the riddle that Shinji feared. The pain should have driven you apart, but it brought you closer…I watched, and was pleased. And then…he left. And vanished. He was not the first thing to pass from my sight…but I had to act."

"And you made Rei."

"And my desire went with her. It festered, and there you have that which is before you." Lilith crossed over to the Figment who quailed beneath her like a child expecting to be struck. "She pushed things along handily, didn't she?" It was flatly delivered, but Asuka could detect the sarcasm. It was an amusing thought, a sarcastic God. Something about that made Asuka smile, despite all that had happened.

"She touched you. You arm…and your eye. You saw things for her…through that eye. It was what alerted me to her presence. I apologize."

"Apologize? I mean…well, accepted, but how did _this_," she pointed at the Figment, "Happen in the first place?"

"Yes. I am Lilith who is in many places at once. It is not inconceivable that a part of me could…manifest itself in multiple ways as well. Even when contained in flesh." She shrugged. "It means I need to limit Rei more than I already have. To create life deliberately…it's trial and error. I may be all-powerful…but I'm not perfect." Asuka tried to frame a response for that…and just couldn't. How _did _you respond to that? God had shuffled her feet, and that was that.

"What…was I supposed to do?" the Figment whimpered. "What other choice did I have? I had…to exist…to…find him…"

"That is not your concern anymore," Lilith said gently, and kissed the Figment on her forehead. And then she was gone…as though she had never existed.

* * *

Rei felt the buzzing reach a fever pitch. "Please…please stop…" she whimpered, to her pursuers, to the buzzing, to the whole world. She just…needed…to stop. She gasped, her eyes rolled up in her head, and she fell forward.

Five guards circled her, walking leisurely. She had made a slow pursuit, and they had decided to let her tire out. There was a relaxed, almost joyful atmosphere to them. The intruder had broken the tedium of endless patrols.

"Easy catch. Not too shabby," one of them muttered. "She's a cute little thing, ain't she?"

"Looks like she's twelve," another said dismissively.

"Ah, she's probably old enough," the first muttered distractedly.

"The Teacher wants her untouched," a third said flatly. The first made a face, but said no more.

"Um…is there…" a fourth mumbled, before trailing off.

"What?" the second said, nudging the girl.

"Is there…supposed to be _two_ of them?" They all glanced up, to see the same girl standing, staring at them. And then a second one. "Th…three of them?" the man stammered.

And another appeared. And another. And another.

"You must go home now," they said as one. "I shall show you the way."

* * *

"Things…are much clearer now." Lilith nodded in satisfaction. "Yes…much clearer. I shouldn't involve myself directly, but seeing as I am here, now…" She looked up. "I may as well fix a thing or two." She locked her eyes on Asuka.

"A thing or two..." Asuka muttered. "And that's...what, you just _fixed_ it all? And you couldn't have done that before?"

"I didn't fix it all...but I did remove part of the problem," Lilith replied. "The girl...she won't know what was lost. She won't even know it was cut away." Asuka shook her head. Would she be able to deal with that? Now that she knew...it was Rei all along...would it be awkward? Frightening?

Would it matter? She was dead. Again. She laughed.

"What?" Lilith asked, turning.

"Just...laughing at myself. It's all I can do. I lasted for a good while. And now...what? What do I do now?" She held her arms wide. "I'm dead! Dead twice in one life! What do I do with that?"

"You should wake up, now," Lilith replied. She began to fade…fade into light, too bright to see…but Asuka couldn't turn away…

* * *

With the breath of a single second, at least half of the Teacher's army burst apart in reddish fluid, spattering shocked bystanders in the remains of their former comrades. One person in Tea-Leaves party burst, and everyone gaped in surprise…except for Tea-Leaves, who gave it a single glance, and continued following the trail. The Teacher was on his way back to his quarters when half of his surviving guard burst, their sodden clothing splashing down onto the pavement. He stared at the puddles, and then felt…_felt_…a distant rumble. No, not distant. Just low. Rising in pitch.

Rising from where the N2 missiles were being stowed. He turned, and watched as all 24 N2 devices, as one, rose into the air on the far side of the compound. He craned his head to the left, curious.

"Uh…the…the fuel…from those rockets…was degraded…" one of the guards stammered, uncertain of which was more shocking: the disintegrated people, or the rockets flying that should not be flying.

"Deus ex machina," the Teacher murmured.

"Teacher?"

"The god from the machine," he said, watching the rockets rise higher and higher. "In Greek tragedies, a god was lifted from a box by a crane to aid the protagonist. A simple plot device…to fix an impossible problem. It's cheating, really. Lazy way for a writer to fix a problem." He crossed his arms, and smiled under the mask. "It's fine, though...all fine. We have done what we always wanted."

"What…was that?" the man said.

"We've gotten the god's attention," the Teacher said, walking back towards his quarters, pleased. High above, past the atmosphere and well beyond the intended range of the ICBMs booster, the N2 warheads exploded as one, the bright tip of a beacon that any and all could see for miles.

* * *

When he arrived, a girl waited for him. A girl with blue hair.

"I have waited for you," he said, "And you have come."

"I have come for reasons that have little to do with you," she said, "But I was forced to bring my attention to you. What a paltry thing you are."

"Paltry enough to gain the attention of God," the Teacher said.

"Don't flatter yourself," the girl said. "You have put a lot of effort into tearing down the world. I knew men like you. Their ambitions, their appetite for destruction…it ended in the same way. Confounded by a child. You are a lot less than you think you are."

"And yet you are here…and why? What did I do now that has got your attention?" He paced the room, glaring at her. "The woman. The red-haired one, Asuka. Asuka Langley Soryu…was that what brought you?"

"No, but she focused my attention greatly. You

"A sideshow, am I?" the Teacher asked, curious.

"You just so happened to be in the same place that I rectified a problem that was of much greater concern for me. I cost me nothing to take a moment and deal with you in a way that was…appropriate."

"By destroying the warheads…by…disintegrating some of my followers?"

"I have taken back those who were not ready. They had come from the Sea, but were not ready. When the time is right…they will return," the girl said.

"And me? The rest of it? All of…this? Why leave it?" the Teacher asked.

"The choice was already made by one whose opinion I value far more than yours," the girl said. "This world is as it is, and it shall be as it shall be. That is the decision, and that is what stands. As for you…" she cocked her head. "There is someone I know who might not forgive me if I deprived her the chance to meet with you again. Normally, I don't care what she thinks…but I am inclined to make an exception in this case." The girl vanished, leaving the Teacher alone with his thoughts.


	41. The Devil That You Know

**Notes from GobHobblin:** Okay…'rug-chewing-insane' is now going into my permanent personal lexicon, because it is awesome. Thanks for that gem, leroygordon!

* * *

It was midday when _it_ happened.

"Colonel, do you see that?" the driver of the truck mumbled, pointing. Misato felt her jaw drop, as she beheld a thick, fat contrail of smoke. It rose higher and higher into the air. Kurozawa sat in the dummy spot between Misato and the driver. She snatched his binoculars off of his LBV without even looking at him, as he raised his hands in feeble protest. She focused on apex of the trail, squinting and adjusting the binoculars. It was hard to tell from this distance…but it looked like _multiple_ missiles.

"That can't be good…" she mumbled. "Where are they headed?"

"Up and over, I think," Kurozawa said.

"That doesn't mean anything, they could be going terminal before ditching their boosters…and coming down…" Misato felt queasy as she said it. That was the way ICBMs worked: they carried their payload to a terminal point, usually in low-orbit, before unleashing their payloads in devastating airbursts.

"No, really, ma'am…it looks like it's…just going up. No arc, nothing…" Kurozawa said. "I mean, it's hard to tell from this angle, and all, but still…" Misato lowered the binoculars. It was true…they were piercing the veil of what could just be perceived, climbing above the atmosphere and going higher…and higher…

Something flickered.

"Cover your eyes!" she snapped. A second sun burst through the sky as those missiles detonated at the same time, feeding each other's burst into one great, massive nova of heat and light. She could see it even through her closed eyelids, having to cover them with her palm. If it was close enough, it may have even punched a hole in the atmosphere…that was a pleasant thought.

The truck swerved slightly, then jerked forward with enough force for Misato to smash her head against the seat. Fortunately, she was wearing her helmet, and the most she got from that was a sore neck and a nasty cut on her hand from the mounting bracket on the front of her headgear. She blinked stars away from her vision, and felt Kurozawa's leg land heavily in her lap. He had been bucked forward, and collided with the front windshield. He seemed shaky, but unhurt.

"You okay?" she asked, grabbing his vest and helping him to right himself.

"Feel dizzy…" he mumbled, clamping a hand on her forearm and pulling with her. "How's the driver, ma'am?"

"Can't…see…" the man mumbled. "What hit us?"

"The rest of the convoy, I think," Misato grunted. She opened her door, and leaned out. The vehicle behind them had bumped fenders. If it was two cars, that would be an exchange of numbers and you were on your way again. These were eight-ton transport trucks. The mass differential was significantly greater. "Check for injuries!" she bellowed, and the order was repeated down the line.

She hopped out, as Kurozawa gingerly took her seat and recuperated. She hurried down the line, seeing Tatsumoto. She had exited her own vehicle, and was walking down the line with a detached cool that ignored the fact that something _big_ had exploded over their heads. Her henchman was elsewhere, doing his First Sergeant's best to get the convoy up and moving again.

"Where's your shadow?" Tatsumoto asked.

"Took a bad knock, and sitting steady for a moment," Misato said. "What the hell was that?"

"Who knows? What I want to know is how the hell they launched. Look at that," the diminutive general grated. Misato followed her gaze. The corona of the blast was still floating overhead, a great halo of exploded particles drifting through the thin air where the earth ended and space began. "The fuel to manage one of those things has to be completely degraded in every missile base in the world. That's impossible, what happened."

"Impossible has happened before," Misato murmured. "Twenty to one that's where the Teacher is?"

"You think?" Tatsumoto asked. Misato smirked.

"Do you believe in coincidences?" she asked. Tatsumoto shrugged, surveying the remnants of the blast.

"Only when they work in my favor," she muttered.

* * *

"Holy God! I mean…_God_!" The man was hysterical, splattered red in the remnants of their former companion. "Daisuke…he just…just…"

"Shut up, already!" another man snapped. Tea-Leaves ignored the whole ordeal. He had no illusions that there were strange happenings in this world: the Third Impact had proved that. Daisuke exploding into something with the consistency of water was hardly something to get riled up about, especially considering what the Teacher's whole program entailed. Personally, Tea-Leaves was more curious about the missiles that had just launched, despite being mechanically unable to do that. It only seemed to highlight the impossible becoming possible, and how bemused by it Tea-Leaves was. Still…knock hard enough, and something was bound to answer.

Maybe the Teacher was getting his wish, who knows. There was a trail to follow, and he was on it. He saw the world go pale white for a moment and briefly covered his eyes to stave off the overhead explosion. He actually felt heat on his neck for a moment, and lowered his hands after a minute.

"What…the hell is going on!?" the first man said, stumbling across Tea-Leaves vision and through the trail. Sneering in irritation, Tea-Leaves walked by him without a second glance, picking up the trail again. It led to a hill, and down it…and then stopped. Tea-Leaves slid down the hill and studied the spot, pawing at the leaves. Clearly a person had lain here…but they were not here, now. And more to the point…there was no sign as to how the body had moved. The hysterical man stumbled down the hill, the other guards slowly working their way down. Tea-Leaves all but rolled his eyes as the man landed next to him. "This…is…all wrong," he whimpered, sitting up. He saw something, and Tea-Leaves furrowed his brow, turning to see what had caught his attention.

Think of the Devil…and she shall appear.

Not but twenty feet away, Asuka stood, looking rested and well. That discoloration she had, the splotchy white spot on her face and hand…they were gone. The eye was still red, but the discoloration…and the injury. He had seen the Teacher pop her throat against that pipe. You didn't shrug off something like that. Something smelled off. Tea-Leaves narrowed his eye, trying to sniff out the solution.

"She's…she's there!" the man next to him bellowed, raising his rifle. "She's-" Tea-Leaves cut him off with a knife hand blow to the throat, with enough force to knock him unconscious and stop his heart. He stiffened and fell backwards, his face slack and his eyes unfocused. Tea-Leaves looked back up the hill, the other men only halfway down. They looked at the dying man, then at Tea-Leaves. There's was no hostility in their faces…only mild curiosity. He gave them a flicking gesture with his hands, dismissing them like a butler dismissing the lesser staff. Without a word, they turned and worked their way back up the hill.

Satisfied, he turned and focused on the woman. She was studying him, her stance loose and unconcerned.

"You look…chipper." Tea-Leaves nodded, looking Asuka up and down. "Last time I checked, you were choking to death on your own larynx. Now…" He shrugged, gesturing to her as if to encompass the change itself.

"Friends in high places," Asuka murmured.

"Is that it? Sounds like cheating." His face skewed up. "You did die? Didn't you? Dead and gone…and here you are, back and fresh and new. That's hardly fair for the rest of us." Asuka had nothing to say to that. She had died twice, and been brought back twice by Lilith. That seemed rather a pattern, there, she had to admit. "Or maybe…" Tea-Leaves rubbed his chin. "Maybe I can put you down but _good_. You want to put it to the test? See if…you come back again?"

Asuka really didn't want to test that. It was possible she could…but just as possible that she couldn't. Really, all things said and done, there was nothing to say that dying again _would_ be a free pass. That could be it.

And just because she had come back twice didn't make Asuka any less afraid of death. He took a light step forward, working his shoulders loose like a cat unlimbering.

"How's the arm? You two playing nice now?" She stared at her right hand, flexing it curiously. The tremors didn't…feel like they were there. The white line was near invisible again…but the arm felt…

It felt…

"You're talkative today," she said, studying him through her lashes. She made a fist with the hand. "Is talking all you're going to do?" He smiled, appreciative…then burst forward, a knife in his hand as if by magic.

He advanced on her, sharp and concise slashes leading the way. She retreated, hands up slightly, the blade dangerously close. There was really nothing to do with a flurry like that _but_ retreat. It was too easy to risk laceration or death.

As she retreated, though, she began to notice something. It was hard to detect at first…but Tea-Leaves seemed to be getting _slower_. Not slower himself, he seemed to be chugging along at a solid rate with his blade. It was more like…the _world_ had begun to slow. To take focus she hadn't seen before. The knife almost seemed stable, at times…like she could reach out and take it…

_Friends in high places…_

Tea-Leaves was impressed by her speed, figuring he would have landed at least one or two cuts by now. Her arm never spasmed, but he was determined to ruin it just in case. She seemed to stumble or slow, and he took a chance, muscling his shoulder in and stabbing. It struck home, and stuck. He gave a solid jerk of his body to pry it loose, but it remained firm. For a moment, he considered ditching the blade…but it felt wrong. There was no warmth on his hand as there should be. He felt his arm jerk up, out, and over, and was stunned to see that Asuka had caught the blade of his knife with her right hand, pinching it between her _thumb and forefinger_. And yet, it was as if it had caught in a clamp, immobile and solid. His jaw dropped, and he found himself truly shocked. _That arm…_

"Cheating again," he murmured.

"Looks like it, huh?" Asuka agreed, and threw herself back as a second knife appeared and slashed low. She retained her grip on the first knife, pulling it forcefully from Tea-Leaves fingers. Deftly, she flipped it end-over and landed the grip into her waiting palm. It was a good knife…six inches, single edged, angular for a solid core in penetrating body armor. A good knife. Tea-Leaves pulled another knife, and was now armed in both hands. "Who's cheating now?" she said, coyly.

"Every advantage, you know," he mumbled, adopting a loose stance. Asuka twirled her blade again, holding the knife in an icepick grip. She adopted a defensive stance, and waited. Tea-Leaves shook his head in disappointment. "Where's the violence, huh? Where's the fury?"

"Not today," she said. "Not for you."

"That's a shame," Tea-Leaves sighed, "I was so excited to see which of us could win when we collided." He stepped lightly, and was on her, the knives flickering snip-snip. They were fast…but still slow to Asuka's eye. Whatever Lilith had done when she brought her back, Asuka wasn't complaining. All it was now was a matter of waiting. Waiting for the right moment…

He thrust, a little too hard and too far.

The icepick grip can allow for slashing, if you knew how. It allowed for a strong downward stab, but that was at the cost of stabbing from the sides and from below. The real strength of an icepick grip was in the clench…the ability to sweep and hook an opponent's attack with the blade. If the edge of the weapon was reversed, pointing towards the blade handler, that grip could be devastating. As it was now.

Asuka trapped the thrust, sliding along the inside of the arm. The blade sank, ran, _shaved_…before coming loose and up. Tea-Leaves' other attack went wide, limp and then tense, when Asuka forced the blade up under his ribs, then slipped out again, pushing him away with her free hand. He tried to give a back-hand slash with his ruined arm, but missed, almost falling to his knees. He kept his balance…barely.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Asuka asked.

"No," he mumbled. "No, not really." He swayed in place, dropping his knife and probing the injury to his chest. His mangled arm leaked his life with strong, steady pulses onto the forest floor. "I should…sit…somewhere." He was going into shock, and a part of him recognized that. "Not…what I wanted at all."

Asuka watched he staggered, but didn't sit. He looked around, confused for a moment. He then fell forward like a tree, and was very still after that. She looked at the knife, sticky in her hand, and let it drop to the ground. She looked up along the hill, towards the Teacher, towards his insanity.

Rei was out there somewhere. She felt a moment of doubt, a twinge of fear remembering the Figment. The dark thing that had ridden along with them all this time. It had been in that girl the entire time, like a bomb. By all rights, Asuka should wash her hands of it and leave.

Rei was out there somewhere.

Fixing her teeth in a feral grin, Asuka buckled down and hurried up the hill. She had work to do.


	42. Consequences

Backtracking to the place where she first fought the Teacher, Asuka was able to find a wide set of tracks leading off in a different direction into the woods. Hurrying, she began to walk the trail. It was a good bit of time before she saw a familiar shade of blue, and beelined for it. She broke past the brushes to find Rei, sitting on her heels with her back to her. Scattered about were five sets of clothes, and something red soaked into the dirt. A coppery scent like blood filled the air.

It seemed Lilith had been enthusiastic in halting Rei's trackers. All the better for her.

"Rei!" Asuka called, "Rei, are you okay?" The girl did not answer, seemingly lost. Asuka hurried over, figuring the girl must be in shock. Worse, she must have seen Lilith. She _had_ to have seen Lilith…maybe she was having trouble processing it. How to explain that?

"Rei…" Asuka said, circling the girl and squatting in front of her. She looked on the girl's face, and felt a coldness start inside. "R…Rei…" she mumbled. The girl's eyes were vacant, and her mouth hung open as a slight trickle of drool ran down her chin and onto her chest. When she blinked, the eyelids moved slowly. Her hands lay on her lap, palms up and the fingers still. Asuka gently placed a finger on the girl's chin, and turned her face towards her. Rei's eyes focused on her, but there was no recognition. No…spark.

Nothing. No one was home.

Asuka flinched back, falling on her seat and scooting backwards, suddenly feeling a crawling sensation under her skin. Rei continued to gaze empty at her, and Asuka swallowed bile.

"Fixed it, did you, fixed it _real_ good," she moaned, rubbing her forehead. What was she going to do? What was going to happen?

"It wasn't intentional," someone said, and Asuka turned to see Lilith. "Things are fluid right now."

"What…did you _do_?" Asuka gasped. "She's…_look_ at her!"

"Things are in flux with her," Lilith said, as if in explanation, "This place was supposed to be closed to me. It is opened now…but nothing is perfect. I may have cut too deeply."

"Cut…too…deeply," Asuka chanted. "You…cut…"

"It was distracting, dealing with the devices…and handling those who wished to go back to the Sea of Man," Lilith continued. "There was such noise here…it is gone now, but it was a strain while it lasted. So strange…I was distracted."

"You didn't have to do _anything_!" Asuka shrieked. Lilith turned a curious eye to her.

"I have done things to ease your path. The missiles are gone, and the Teacher's army is reduced," she explained.

"I could have figured it out!" Asuka snapped, "I could have…_done_ something. This…what did you do? Why did you do it?"

"I brought you back and mended your body," Lilith said, "I gifted you in ways to make the road easier. I removed the cancer from your way, you won't be threatened again."

"I…" Her mind reeled. "What if I didn't _want_ to come back?" Of course she _did_, she was scared of dying all the same. It was the first thing she could grasp at, and she was sick looking at Rei. It made her feel nauseous to see someone that had been so full of life…so empty.

"Are you complaining that I brought you back?" Lilith asked, confused.

"No, I just want to know _why_!" Asuka screamed. "Why I'm back, why I'm…what am I, a toy? You're little wind up doll?"

"I thought you would be pleased…" Lilith murmured, and Asuka blinked. Did she just hurt her feelings? She shook her head, uncertain of what to do or say next. "I understand you're frustration concerning the girl," Lilith said, "But I cannot say whether it's permanent or not. It may fade in time."

"It _may_? It _might_?" Asuka stood up and advanced on Lilith. The child-sized being looked up at her, serene and unafraid. "You've _erased_ her! She's _gone_!"

"She's disorganized," Lilith said. "I've erased a part of her that was never meant to exist. Did you expect something like that would have no consequences?"

"But…this is…this…" Asuka squeezed her hands, her voice fading. What was there to say?

"She will return, or she will not. That is all there is to it. Take her with your or don't. If you decide to leave her, however, understand that I will unmake her. I will return her and all she is to the Sea, and make a new one. I still need a vessel here."

"I see five remains here. If you were going to do that anyway, why protect her?" Asuka asked, accusingly.

"Because I didn't know what choice you would make," Lilith said. "You are here, now. What is your decision?"

"Leave her. Don't touch her," Asuka said without hesitation. "Just…let me think. Let me think."

"While you are thinking, do you intend to talk to the Teacher again?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Asuka mumbled, pacing.

"I assumed you would want to. I spoke to him myself…he seemed unimpressive." She shrugged. "Still, people seemed to listen to him. The right man in the right place with the right tools…what will he do now?"

"He seems resourceful enough," Asuka murmured.

"Perhaps, but those with the true desire to return have been returned. How long will his army last now?"

"How long do you think?" Asuka said. "What's left are the worst of the batch, I bet. The killers, the egotists, the broken folk."

"And the frightened and bullied," Lilith continued. "What's left is not that dangerous."

"You'll leave that to us tiny ants?" Asuka said, a bit snappishly. She couldn't stop looking at Rei.

"I've already interfered more than I intended to," Lilith said. "These decisions should be left up to you."

"Except where I'm concerned."

"You lost the right to be a normal human when you fought with Heaven, Second Child." Lilith said. "Did you expect any different when you chose to stay with the Third Child?" Asuka stopped pacing, the question hitting home. It was an uncomfortable thought. Throughout her childhood, she had considered herself something special. Even afterward, she couldn't help but feel that she was a step ahead of everyone else. She had earned that through experience and training.

Now, though…to essentially be told she _was_ special…made her uncomfortable. It wasn't the kind of uniqueness that she wanted. It felt less like adulation, and more like a burden. She was suddenly weary, and sighed. The dream of the giants returned to her, and she glanced down at her arm. A gift. _I thought you would be pleased_. She inhaled, and kicked the ground.

"You know what I expected?" she snapped. "Silk nightgowns. Jewelry. Make-up in the evenings and boys tripping over themselves to hold my hand. That's what I expected." She turned her right hand over, looking at Tea-Leaves' blood still staining her palm. It was brown, now, like rabbit's blood. "I expected to be the best, and guess what? I am the best. Somehow, through sheer dumb luck, I've been beaten only once out here. One defeat I couldn't come back from, and I squirmed out of that, too, because I went to middle-school with God." She glared at Lilith.

"I've put a lot…a _lot_…of people in the ground, and I was still fine with that. I changed my expectations. I expected to finally have Shinji in _just_ the way I wanted him, and when he left, I expected to just keep doing what I was doing until I couldn't anymore. And now I'm up here, and I don't _know_ what to expect. I just…want…" She felt so tired.

"I just want…things…to be the way they _were_." She was suddenly very tired of it all. It was as if Lilith, so effortlessly coming in and cleaning everything up, had only highlighted how pointless it had all been. What did it matter? What did any of it matter? It wasn't even the main reason she was up here. She didn't care about the Teacher, really…she never _intended_ to deal with him and his group. They were just in the way, between her and Shinji. She didn't even know what she would find when…or if…they every reunited.

It was all so messy.

She turned and looked back at Rei. And that was coming apart, too. The girl hadn't been what she remembered…but she was something better than what had been around the Spread for a long time. It had been rejuvenating to have someone to look after besides herself…and now the girl was sitting there drooling on herself. Asuka wanted to scream…but she didn't care anymore. She sat down next to Rei, and used the corner of her sleeve to wipe the girl's chin.

"And what were they?" Lilith asked.

"I don't know," Asuka sighed. "I'm just tired…tired." She brushed at some of Rei's hair from her forehead, and the girl turned towards the motion. She seemed to like it. Asuka wanted to cry, but didn't. There was nothing left in her, but anger. She couldn't think.

_So don't think, just act. You always acted. You're troubles began when you _stopped_ acting. Act. Act. Act._

It was Shinji's voice that said it, but something older and distinctly _her_ that formed it. She closed her eyes, and stood, pulling Rei to her feet. She wobbled a moment, and Asuka scooped her up.

"Wonder Girl," she snapped, "Follow me." She followed her trail back through the woods, past the pipes and between the warehouses. She leaned Rei against a wall. "Do me a favor and make sure no one bothers her," she asked.

Lilith shrugged, but it seemed to be a gesture of consent.

"And, when this is over, and I've come back," Asuka said, "I don't ever want to see you again. Ever." She turned, and went to find the Teacher.

* * *

Often times, the greatest method of infiltration was to simply look like you belonged. A serious expression and an angry stride could do wonders in terms of opening doors. In the case of Asuka, though, it did more than that. It parted the sea.

Those who would have halted her looked at the woman marching through their base, and simply turned away. Their animal instincts said 'stay back,' and between the missile launch and the sudden spontaneous liquefaction of some of their number, they were through with dealing with _anything_ for the extent of the day. Besides, they had their hands full. Some of them had watched those missiles until they burst, and were now blind. Others had been injured from being too close to the missiles when they went up, suffering from a combination of burns and concussive injuries. It was a mess, a real mess, and this woman looked like she could make it worse. They steered clear of her.

She marched up to the warehouse where she had been taken, under the human skin still stretched over the entrance. She made her way up to the catwalks, towards the Teacher's quarters. They were a bit braver here; one man actually tried to stop her. He skipped up from behind her and brought his rifle up and over. She turned and caught the butt with her right hand. He broke both of his arms when the weapon stopped, earning derisive, whistling laughter from at least one person too broken to care that Asuka was here and dangerous. She left him and the others, and continued down the catwalks, towards the Teacher's lair. His hulking guards had been replaced by two smaller men who both looked just as mean. They made a motion to stop her, but she continued to advance, pointing at one of them.

"Do something," she snapped. "Do something. Right now. I dare you, little boy." They didn't. They backed up, and gave her room to pass. She marched up to the door, opened it, and let herself in. Just as she had found him the first time, the Teacher sat with his back to the door, his torso bare save for the tattoos. He didn't so much as twitch as she closed the door, and stepped into the room.

"I was wondering when you'd come by," he murmured.

"I'm surprised…considering what you did," Asuka said.

"You wouldn't be the first impossible thing to happen today," he said. "Besides, I spoke to someone who indicated your survival as such."

"You spoke to Lilith?" Asuka asked.

"Is that what she's called?" The large man hummed to himself. He tilted his head back and forth. "Charming name. Biblical, too. Unfortunate implications, of course." He stood, and turned. He studied Asuka, and hissed, "Are you here…to finish this little farce?"

"No," Asuka said. "No. I'm not going to fight you. You're not worth it."

"Not worth it? And here you stand, after hunting me down. What more is there? My missiles are gone, my faithful have vanished…isn't it time to defeat the monster?"

"I have fought with monsters…real ones. And I've dealt with my share of human ones. There's a funny thing I've learned about the human monsters," she said, "When you strip away the trappings, the rhetoric, the power…there's really not much there. By the time you've hunted them down to their bunker, all you find are sad, broken men who write out orders for armies that don't exist anymore."

"I'm not broken," he said, "And my army…is still there."

"It's still there…and you're still dangerous," she agreed, "But I don't care about you. I've wondered what's behind that mask, but in the end it's really not important to me. I don't know you, and I don't care to know you. I'm through with you."

"Even…at the cost of helping your friends in the south?" There was a tone of wonder, of surprise behind the words. Asuka smiled.

"There's an army coming for you. You may have gotten lucky with the start of your 'campaign,' but you've got people coming for you that won't stop. Some of them are worse than me, I bet." She pointed at him. "I can leave you for them."

"They'll find me ready, and prepared," he said. "I have not been defeated, only set back. Your friend Lilith has called me a sideshow. That may be…that may be. I'll burn down this country and then see what she says." Asuka squinted at him. He was right; he wasn't broken. He was just as ready to wage his war now, even after being told he was wrong by no less than God. What kind of a man did that?

"I don't…get it." She shook her head. "I don't get it, at all. You've had your say with her, and she said no. The only ones who could go back did. So why? Why persist?" As she spoke, the Teacher slowly crossed the floor.

"When it is all that I have left, why should I abandon it?" he said in a tone low and oily. He suddenly shuffled, left, then right, then was above her. His arm was up, and bearing down. He _still_ moved fast…but not fast enough. Asuka twisted, her right arm coming up and striking the mask open-palmed. The man tipped to the side, his feet flying up and over his head as though the carpet had been pulled. He lay on the ground, breathing heavily for a moment. A hand-print had been indented into the side of the mask, and one of the latches had broken, but it still clung to his face stubbornly.

"I said we will not fight, and we will not fight," she said in a tone of authority.

"I…see that…now…" he wheezed, sitting up. "I may…have to change…my course on that."

"And on the rest of it?" she asked. He shook his head.

"I will burn this world down, one way or the other," he said. "I will defy this Lilith with all of my soul, all of my flesh and bone. I will…" he slowly stood on wobbly legs. "I will bring about our final reckoning, and if I must do it with only the dregs and rocks, I will do it. You should kill me if you want me to stop."

"I won't," Asuka said. "I'm tired of it. No more killing today. I'm exhausted on the thought. And I'm done talking about this. I have only one question I came to ask, and the rest is just noise to me. Did you meet a boy who came through here? I don't care about your crusade and anything else…just tell me about the boy. Shinji-"

"Yes, I knew him," he grated, leaning against a wall for support. He couldn't see out of one of his eyes, and he suspected it was from the hit and not the mask being broken. "Shinji…Ikari. I spoke to him…some time ago. He stayed for a time…we got to know each other well. He…carried a burden. He could hide it, but I saw it. I saw all through him." He shook his head. "He left…when I began my work. I think he was disappointed in it…I don't know why he would care."

"Where did he leave?" Asuka asked.

"North. Just…north." He sighed, feeling tired, more tired than he had in a long time. "Take your troubles north and don't bother me again. I'll kill you the next time I see you."

"Because that worked so well for you the first time," she said in a sing-song tone. "Haven't you heard? I'm special. The Bosom Companion of the Prophet or some crap like that. I'll have him explain it to me and send you a pamphlet. _If _you're still alive, that is." She opened the door to his quarters, and turned. "There's a woman who was eager to meet you, named Misato Katsuragi. It doesn't really matter if you know who she is or not. If you thought _I_ was trouble, wait till you meet her…and she _really_ wants to meet you."

She left, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Asuka marched into the nearest motor pool she could find. She grabbed a man by his shirt and demanded to know which vehicle had the most gasoline. He began to protest, but the look in her eye told him not to. He pointed out a civilian model jeep: she thanked him, and pushed him away with enough force to land him sprawling on the ground. She began to load it with extra gas tanks. As she did, two men with rifles walked up to her.

"What do you think you're doing, Red?" the largest asked her. She turned, and the look in her eye made him flinch, despite himself. She sized him up, then looked at the rifle dangling from his chest. It was a Howa Type 89 in fairly good condition.

"That's a nice weapon you have there," she said, then fixed him with that look again. Nothing else was said for a moment, and he turned to look to his companion for assistance. The other man had begun to edge away from Asuka. There was something…wrong about her aura, right now. She was exuding the kind of confidence that made bears whimper and wild boars as sweet as suckling piglets. Still waiting for some sort of response, Asuka turned and crossed her arms, her glare seeming to increase in intensity.

Swallowing, the man removed his sling and handed her the rifle. She snatched it from him, checked the firing bolt, the sights, the trigger. She nodded.

"Thank you," she said with a smile, "Piss off." The two guards did so gratefully.

* * *

It took a few more trips around the base to find enough food to load the jeep, and soon she was ready. She drove back to where she had left Rei, and found her still sitting in the lee of the buildingz, vacant and empty-headed. There were two splashes of red against the wall near her, with soppy clothing lying inside the muck. Lilith had kept her promise.

Picking up the girl, Asuka turned back to the jeep and saw Lilith standing prim next to the passenger side door.

"I know you want me to leave you alone," she said, "But I will have to come back. From time to time. It's these…empty places, you see. I must understand why they are what they are."

"What about this one? You said this was an empty place." She pushed past the phantom, and loaded Rei into the car. "Doesn't this give you the information you need?"

"No…it was like a cloud had lifted. I can see clearly, now. Clearly from here all the way to the coast."

"The coast?"

"Where Shinji was." Asuka turned her head and fixed the god with a hard eye. "I will show you," Lilith said without being asked. "I owe you that. For the trouble you've endured." Asuka thought of all the cruel things she could say. All the nasty words she could throw her way for the 'trouble' that had come her way…but she didn't. It wasn't really all that bad, and she was aware a lot of it was her own fault, in the end.

"All right," she said in resignation. "All right. Your help is appreciated, Wonder Girl. Even after…" She turned back to Rei. Her head had lolled to the side. "Even…after…"

She turned back, but Lilith had already gone. She felt the tug of the thread again, but it felt less like a leash. It felt…soothing, almost. Rubbing her eyes, she got in the jeep and drove it out of this place. She hit the highway, and turned north. Just north.

She turned to the north and left the Teacher and all of his mysteries and miseries behind.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: This was brought up in a couple of reviews (whether in disappointment or curiosity), so I wanted to address it real quick, as I haven't (and can't really find) a place to address it in exposition in a better way. That is: why is Shinji not the Teacher?

Partly, because it was expected. I was resistant to play to the expectation, simply because it would have been the obvious choice. Mainly, it comes down to the philosophy I have on the nature of evil. That is, when you strip away all the trappings, the monsters that haunt you tend to be rather pathetic. Basically, they're nobodies. They may hit the scene with acts of terrible destruction, strange and frightening philosophies and what have you…but in the end, you always find them holed up in a backroom with stacks of pornography, making plans for armies that either don't hear them anymore, or don't even exist. In this case, the Teacher is still quite dangerous…only a fragment of his die-hard supporters have been tanged. That may throw off the command structure a bit, but he can adjust. He doesn't need the missiles…and everyone is still scared of him. As far as Asuka is concerned though, he's not worth her time. He's just a nobody with delusions of grandeur and the inability to know when he should stop.

In a way, he's really kind of pathetic. The scary thing is, he's not the only one like that in this post-Impact world…and not _nearly_ the most dangerous. What I'm saying is, if _this_ guy is a small fry…

And fret not, gentle readers, for sweet Tea-Leaves...I had the audacity to have 'God' come in and fix some things, and call the chapter 'deus ex machina.' I am fairly certain that I can think of a way to bring him back for the fans. If he's not good and dead. He might be.

Like, really, really dead...


	43. War

They were not far from Ishima when they first heard gunfire. The scouts reported back that there seemed to be a third faction already attacking the Teacher's troops. That didn't mesh with anything that had been revealed or discovered up to that point. Misato had left the truck (much to Kurozawa's protest) and hurried up the line to join the advance force on foot as they began to move in on the town. They head spread out from the road in a massive wedge, with three Type 89s forming the center of the wedge like a great arrowhead. Some troops were clustered up next to the vehicle, ready to use it for cover. Misato knew that there was also a squad in each of the 89s, ready to deploy as soon as they were carried into a good position for assault. As they advanced, Misato could hear the snap-pop and long rattling of rifle and machine gun fire, and the occasional pop-whump of grenades and explosives.

"They are getting busy in there, ma'am," Kurozawa noted, walking next to her. "You'd think we'd already showed up?"

"It doesn't mesh, Kurozawa," she said, "Who're they shooting at? Who picked a fight with them? Bandits?"

"No way," he said. "If they have the numbers we expect them to have, who'd _want_ to pick a fight with them?" She shrugged in wonder and concern.

They were no more than a hundred yards from the outer edges of the town when they got their first sign of resistance. A series of barricades and walls had been tossed up around the outer edge, hemming in the town loosely, and clearly with the intent of forcing anyone in down the main road. As they advanced, an IFV of some sort trundled into view and turned it's turret towards the column. It opened fire, the loud report of the heavy machine gun ripping through the air. The heavy rounds came whistling in, skipping off and around the lead 89. Sparks showered the ground and the nearby support troops, who threw themselves off the road to avoid the incoming fire. The 89's commander dropped into the turret like a weasel vanishing into his hole, narrowly missing being torn to pieces.

As suddenly as it started, the opposing fire ceased. Kurozawa raised his head from his spot in the dirt.

"Getting a little dicey, huh, Colonel?" he asked. He got no reply, and realized that he was in fact watching the Colonel bolting towards the lead 89. "Oh, no," he mumbled. "No, no…no, _Colonel_!" He started to get up when the fire started up again, and he began half-skipping, half-crawling after her.

Misato clambered up the back of the IFV, as the commander risked a glance out of the turret.

"What are you _waiting_ for!?" she snapped, slapping in the back of the head and causing him to fall into the vehicle. "You've got two antitank missiles! Do you want a written invitation?" She followed him down into the turret, screaming and scolding at him. When Kurozawa made it to the vehicle, he saw her legs sticking out of the hatch, and heard her voice peeling the paint off of the interior. A second sense told him he needed to get down…_now_.

He threw himself under the IFV as one of the anti-tank missiles kicked off. He felt the back-blast through the soles of his feet, as the vehicle around him shuddered. From his perch, he saw the missile rip down the road, collide with the opposing IFV, and blow it's turret into the air. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw a pair of boots land in front of the vehicle. Misato squatted, and looked at her aide hunkering underneath the vehicle.

"What are you doing, Kurozawa?" she asked.

"Oh, you know…taking a break," he grumbled, crawling forward. "What are you doing, ma'am?"

"Getting things done, what else?" she said, dragging Kurozawa the rest of the way clear. They skirted underneath and around the 89 as the 35-mm cannon began to pound rhythmically, the back-blast of the fire slapping against Misato's back. "What are you slack-jawed morons doing?!" Misato yelled at anyone in earshot. "You just gonna sit there or are you gonna take the town!?"

Officers and NCOs began shouting their troops into action, as the other armored vehicles began working their way down the road as the eight-tons pulled off the asphalt. Troops disgorged, and began advancing behind the wedge. The forward element was now in a half-jog, expecting to hit the ground at the first reports of enemy fire. Those reports never came, and they made the hundred yard movement in relative peace, guarded by the watchful turrets of the 89s.

Upon reaching the walls, Misato could see more clearly that they were ramshackle arrangements, meant to hinder rather than stop outright. If they had been manned, it would have been a dicey affair. Any troops who would have been posted there were elsewhere in the town, though, fighting…whoever else was here. Misato advanced with the lead element, was up and over the ramshackle barriers with Kurozawa in tow, and stopped in place. There were a lot of dead folks around, and she _knew _they couldn't claim responsibility for all of this.

No…this was a breakdown of order. There was no third part. She grabbed a passing trooper with a radio. He began to protest for a moment when he saw her rank.

"Get me a link-up to Top Dog," she demanded, and the soldier dialed in the commander's channel. Her handed her the phone-shaped mike.

"Top Dog, this is Violet," Misato said. "Please respond, over."

"This is Top Dog," Tatsumoto's voice came over the line. "What do you need, Violet?"

"We're finding bodies here…and it doesn't look like an outside party."

"Say again, Violet?"

"I'm guessing that there were differences. It looks like infighting…and…I'll be." She let go of the mike, walking over to a drying, greasy slab of red, clothing twisted and crusty inside the remains.

"What…what was this?" a nearby soldier asked, fighting the urge to vomit. "What did they…do?"

Misato was already dead with Instrumentality occurred, but she had heard the stories of what happened. More to the point…she knew LCL when she saw it. Even in this state, it was obvious. She retrieved the radio.

"I've found the problem, Top Dog," Misato said. "It looks like a miniature and targeted Impact took place here."

"An _Impact_?" came the incredulous reply.

"That's what it seems," Misato said. "I'm betting it cut their command chain down the center. That, and trying to figure out what happened…I guess tensions started to rise." A snap-pop nearby made everyone duck slightly. It sounded like the fighting was shifting back towards them. "If we push through them now, we might be able to knock them out before they have a chance to sort their differences."

"If that's what you think, that's what we'll do," Tatsumoto said. "Top Dog, out."

"Roger," Misato said, handing back the mike. "Kurozawa!" she shouted, then turned in surprise when he popped up to her right. "Come on, let's see what else is going on in this mess."

* * *

Sweeping out the bulk of the enemy force was not difficult…most of them were already scattering when they rolled through. They would have to deal with them later, but considering only half of what was left still seemed a cohesive force, that wasn't a hard pill to swallow. The problem was what remained behind.

In the history of warfare, urban warfare is by far and away the hardest, most difficult environment to fight in, and that's the truth even when civilians weren't involved to confuse the situation. Every environmental condition had its own threats and factors, but only an urban environment could have those same conditions and compound it in ways only man could. The nature of structures often made pinpointing the location of firing positions difficult as shots and shouts resounded through structures, baffling and confusing the point of origin. The many artificial features of the environment could make finding anything that stuck out even more difficult, and there was frequently no mid-range contact. Everything was either from very long distances or very short distances, making movement a test in resolve and facing the fear of encountering an unseen sniper or a close-range firefight. This was all affected by the issue of levels: urban fighting was not on one plane, but usually on three or more. Any movement down the street had to account for possible firing positions in the second and third stories as well as street level ambush points, and that wasn't even taking the underground into consideration. Any city, even one on unstable soil conditions, required tunnel networks underneath for sewage, utilities, or public transportation. Modern structures required deep foundations, and those foundations could form their own ad-hoc tunnel networks. With all that in mind, the environmental conditions of the biome in which the city was placed came into play as well. If the city was in the desert, you still had to play with sweltering heat, sand, and unpleasant fauna. In cold environments, hypothermia, frostbite, and snow. In the jungle, wet-rot, disease, and the results of evolution gone haywire.

In a word, it was stressful.

What was more stressful was the nature of movement, and that was the crux of the Expedition's problem. In the open field, you could force the enemy from the field, or even surpass and break them into small pockets. Those pockets could be flanked, forced, captured, and destroyed. In urban environments, however, those pockets were situated in ready made fortifications. The result was a whole battlefield of little unconnected but completely viable points of resistance. Some had no more than a single man to them, while others had twelve to twenty. It made no difference how many there were to each: hunkered down and holed up, they could cause some hurt before being broken.

If they had artillery, it wouldn't be a major issue: any points of resistance, they could have just flattened, especially as there were no civilian considerations to affect such decisions. Unfortunately, they had none beyond mortars, and those were anti-personnel ones, not portable artillery. Still, they had lots of explosives, and the structures themselves were hardly stable. After a few trial and error attempts to traditionally assault and seize each point, one platoon made the discovery that some structures (especially multi-story ones) were quite fragile after ten years of neglect. All they really had to do was assault close enough to slap some charges on key points on the structure, retreat under cover, and collapse the structures on the positions. In some cases, the buildings were so fragile that all it took was a well-placed shot from a grenade launcher to bring the whole thing down. It was a nasty and cruel way to win a fight, but this was combat. It was what it was.

They still took prisoners, when they could. Standing orders were to detain surrendering enemy personnel, but some (especially the SDF remnants) were still harboring some unresolved frustrations. It was stopped when it was caught…but other times, it wasn't.

Misato watched as one line of surly, filthy fighters were being led out of one building, a jeep-mounted machine gun overlooking them to keep them honest. At the last count, they had taken fifty alive. There was no telling how many had been in the city to begin with, but they had a rough estimate of two-hundred dead, not counting the many patches of LCL that were scattered about. Their own casualties had been fantastically low, with fifteen dead and fifty or so injuries (most minor). All the casualties had been sustained in the mop-up. They had hit them hard and fast, and enjoyed the fruits of decisive action.

"General," she heard a voice behind her call, and she turned. Tatsumoto was walking up, with a small escort.

"This was a lot less painful than I expected it to be," the woman said with a smile.

"Still got hit some, though," Misato pointed out, but she agreed with the general. This could have been _much_ worse. "So what now?"

"We dig in, make this a new FOB, radio back…and get ready to keep up the push," Tatsumoto said. "We've hurt them, but missed the bulk of the force, and I bet the Teacher is still up there."

"Unless he got what he wanted," Misato said, jerking a chin towards one of the stains. Tatsumoto shrugged.

"If he did, then someone will take over. Maybe they'll fight it out, and weaken themselves in the process, but once it's settled…"

"They'll still have an army," Misato agreed. "What are we going to do with them?"

"We'll hold the prisoners until we can convoy them back," Tatsumoto said. "I heard they actually got a pair of Chinooks up and running. If we can swing it, they'll fly up supplies, then fly the EPWs back."

"Not the wounded?" Misato asked.

"Next trip," Tatsumoto said. "I know we need to make them the priority, but we don't have any major or life-threatening injuries, so they'll have to wait. Considering the behavior of the Teacher's clique, I want them out of here as soon as possible and under lock and key." Misato nodded. It was a deviation from standard operating procedure, but it was Tatsumoto's call. And frankly, Misato agreed. The less troops guarding them, the more to watch for a possible counter-attack.

"It's your call, General," Misato said. Tatsumoto nodded.

"I'm headed back to the command post. If you find out anything else, you can contact me there," she said. "See if you can find anything else snooping around."

"As you wish," she said, nodding to the General as she walked away. She rubbed her eyes, feeling the after-echoes of the battle fading away in her head. She had a brief memory of something…a grenade explosion. Very long ago. She hadn't had time to think about that during the battle, but in the calm that followed…

"So what do we do now, Colonel?" Kurozawa asked, interrupting her thoughts. Misato shrugged.

"Wait, and prepare. We're still going north, Lieutenant," she said. "We have to meet the Teacher, after all."

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: Happy New Years, FanFic Fanatics! /)^3^(\


	44. Wake

**Notes from** GobHobblin: Who would like to see a buddy-cop show with Misato and Tatsumoto? It could be called Violet Thunder and set in Miami. Misato could live on a houseboat, and Pen-Pen could be like Sonny Crockett's alligator. He has roughly the same appetite as a gator…

* * *

Caring for a mentally disabled person was hard enough in a stable situation, but doing so on the road was a sheer nightmare. It was fortunate Rei could eat on her own: when food was put into her mouth, she would chew and swallow with little or no encouragement. She could also sip water on her own. Asuka took that as a very encouraging sign. Basic bodily functions were a hit or miss affair, however. Sometimes, Rei would be agitated enough that Asuka had a sense of what was bothering her, and other times, things just took their course. They had only been three days in the car, and it had already felt like a much longer time than that.

The hardest thing overall was, Asuka was surprised to find, was not the physical demands, but the mental ones. She had taken to not looking or even talking to Rei, because it only highlighted that the girl would not talk back. It was a distressing, depressing, and truly agonizing turn of events. It had first hit her only two hours beyond the Teacher's base, and it had gotten worse from there. She really wanted to hate Lilith for it, hate her as much as she had hated the Figment.

And that would only remind her that the Figment was no longer tormenting her every step. It was a nasty trade. She wondered if that was worth dealing with…_this_. She wondered if it wasn't better to have left Rei to Lilith to do with as she saw fit. It seemed cruel to drag the girl along, with no idea of when…or even _if_…she would come back. Asuka pondered these things as she drove along the broken road, the late afternoon sun overhead. The third day was just about over, and a fourth would begin. They had to find somewhere to stop, and rest. Clean up Rei. Deal with it. Deal with it and move on. Life was hard, get over it. She sighed heavily, and without thinking about it reached over and stroked the girl's head for a moment. She hadn't done much of that in the past couple of days, and for some reason, she just wanted to. Right now.

"Stop," Rei said. Asuka glanced at Rei.

"What?" she asked casually, before suddenly slamming the brakes and sliding the jeep to a sideways halt in the road. She was very lucky the top-heavy vehicle didn't roll, or hit and flip on one of the cracks in the asphalt. She turned and stared at the girl. "Rei, did you say something?" Rei's mouth worked for a few moments, and then went back to its normal, slack-jawed repose. Asuka turned and looked back at the road. Had she imagined it?

"Stop," Rei said again. It wasn't slurred, it wasn't whispered. It was clear, stable, and calm. Firm.

"We've stopped," Asuka said. "We've stopped, Rei." She had turned in her seat now, and her hands were on Rei's face. She turned the girl toward her. The eyes were still unfocused, but moving, rolling gently left, right, up, down, as if seeking something. "We've stopped," she repeated. "What's the matter, Rei? What do you need? Do you need something?"

"Stop," Rei said again. For a moment, a brief moment, Rei's eyes focused on Asuka's. They held the gaze…then wandered again. It had happened, though. It had happened.

"Okay," Asuka said, breathing slowly and keeping down the urge to scream and shake the girl. She needed physical action, she wanted so desperately to _force_ the girl back into reality. "Okay…Rei." She began brushing the girl's hair, stroking her cheeks. She brought a soothing tone back to her voice. "Rei, what do you need? Please talk to me, Rei."

"St…" Rei blinked a moment. "Walk." The eyes refocused for another moment. "Walk…"

"You need to walk? You want to get out of the jeep, right?" That made sense. They'd been sitting for five to six hour spells, broken only by brief pauses for food or gasoline. She could get out, carry the girl for a bit. Give her some fresh air.

"Walk," Rei repeated. Asuka pulled the brake lever, turned off the jeep, and hopped out, circling to Rei's side. She opened the door, and undid Rei's seatbelt. The girl's legs twitched, and one managed to lift up and step out into space.

"No, wait, Rei. Maybe you should-" Asuka said, trying to stop the motion. Rei then pitched forward into her, having somehow dropped herself out of the chair. Asuka grunted, moving backward on instinct while holding the girl. She heard grunting, and tried to better support her so she could pick Rei up. That's when she realized it wasn't grunting…it was laughter.

"Oops," Rei said. Her feet skittered on the ground, trying to find purchase. Understanding she would not be dissuaded, Asuka lifted Rei slightly, allowing the feet to dangle for a moment before slowly lowering the girl back down. The feet made contact with the road, and they relaxed. "Walk," Rei repeated, one arm flapping up. Asuka took the meaning, and shifted her arm under the shoulder, to give Rei support with blocking her.

"Rei, this is a whole lot really fast. Let's just stand for a-" Rei lifted a foot and shifted it forward. "Okay, we're walking. That's fine. That's fine." Asuka moved with her as Rei uneasily lilted forward, most of her weight against Asuka. "You're going to break your neck if you keep this up," Asuka chided.

"Whiner," Rei murmured. Asuka smiled, despite herself. They were the first steps of what would be a long, excruciating hour. By the end of it, Rei was sweating, panting, and very ready for sleep, but she had managed to support her weight on her own, for the most part. She still needed help, and it was awkward, and painful…but she was moving. She was trying to walk, and that was something beyond amazing.

It was miraculous. Asuka would have expected something with much simpler motor control demands from Rei, should she ever start to come back. Picking something up, for instance. Walking…that was the single hardest task a human being could perform without ever realizing it. And it certainly wasn't successful, in this case…but it was something. Before they were back in the jeep, Rei's eyes were focused and present once again. She was able to speak, more or less, but only in single words. It was unreal how quickly she had gone from not being there to being back, more or less. Asuka didn't know why, or how.

Then again, a whole subconscious portion of her mind and personality had been scooped out by Lilith. What could that do to a person? Asuka had thought this would be a permanent state of affairs, and it seemed to be fixing itself now. Perhaps it was like a computer, requiring a reboot after a virus was removed. There was always the tension that something wouldn't start…then the logo popped up, and everything was back to normal. Perhaps Rei's mind was 'rebooting.' Asuka hoped that was the case. Either way, they were walking. That was good. Better than good.

* * *

Evening was upon them when they saw the roadside gas station. Compared to other structures along the road, it actually seemed to be maintained. Adjacent to it were several well-tilled plots, and a reedy little man tilled at the dirt. He ignored them as they came by, ignored them as they pulled up, and very nearly continued to ignore them as Asuka stepped out of the jeep. She eyed the station, seeing the character for AKIRA across the only sign on the building. She looked at the building, then back to the man. He seemed to realize that there was, in fact, someone standing there and it wasn't a figment of his imagination. He stopped pounding the hoe into the dirt and turned to face her.

"Do you live here?" Asuka asked. The man gazed at her, then at the gas station.

"This is Akira's Station," he said again. Asuka nodded, sighing to herself. She had a hunch she was probably the first person this fellow had seen in awhile, so navigating the social waters could be tricky.

"Are you Akira?"

"No," he said. "That's why my name is Not-Akira."

"Well…Not-Akira…do you mind if my friend and I stay here for the night?" she asked.

"It's not my station," he repeated. That sounded like a yes. Asuka would assume that was a yes. She circled the jeep, and opened Rei's door.

"Let's get out, Rei," she asked, and the girl made a very careful effort at standing. She was shaky and fragile in her attempt, but more confident than before. She accepted Asuka's hand, trembling slightly. Asuka felt eyes, and turned. Not-Akira had all but dropped his hoe, and was making a very poor attempt at hiding a very open stare at Rei.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"My friend," Asuka said, putting an edge into the tone. "Good friend. She's not well, and needs some rest."

"I could…I could…" he mumbled. "Maybe take care of her, or something."

"I've got it handled, thank you," Asuka said, waving him back. It was a gentle motion, but made with her right arm, and gently cutting. He wouldn't know how lethal her arm was, but he would know the tone of the gesture. Stay back.

She walked Asuka into the station. It was a simple structure, with a main space and a small office in the back. Only two rooms. She could drop Rei in a corner of the main space, but that might make resting for her a little difficult. The closed-in space of the office would be a little safer…but that was probably Not-Akira's room. As if he knew what she was thinking, he pointed to the door.

"You can use the back-room," Not-Akira mumbled, pointing to the office. "I sometimes sleep on the counter. It's up high."

"Of course it is, Not-Akira. How you doing, Rei?"

"Wobble," she said with effort.

"Bit further and we'll sit," Asuka said, steering her through the door. There was a mattress in one corner, but Asuka had the image of bed bugs and vermin dance through her mind while studying it. She moved Rei over to another corner with a view of the door, and sat in the corner with Rei propped against her, one arm around her. "Comfy?" she asked.

"Comfy," Rei agreed, leaning against her. It wasn't long before the girl had already drifted into sleep. Not-Akira entered the room without being invited, and sat down in the opposite corner.

"You could use the bed," he said, pointing.

"That's not necessary," Asuka said, forcing a smile.

"What's wrong with her? She's kind of funny…in her ways."

"Nothing you need to worry about," Asuka said casually.

"Is she a handful? Hard to travel with?" He shook his head. "Bad to travel with her. Probably not good for her."

"We're managing," Asuka said.

"You could leave the girl," Not-Akira mumbled, staring at Rei with very unhidden intentions. Asuka fixed him with a very piercing gaze, but the man didn't seem to register it. She had to remind herself that he wasn't so much as threatening as he was just retarded in social skills. It was the risk of dealing with individuals in the bush. He truly did not understand the very inappropriateness of what he was saying or doing.

"I could cut off your ears in return for that," Asuka said pointedly, and the man nodded, seriously considering it.

"Maybe…don't use them for nothing, much," he thought aloud. "I'd need to keep my nose, though…that can be useful." Asuka sneered, partially in amusement and mostly in sad despair at their temporary roommate.

"It's one of your best features," she said snidely, her other hand moving up and grabbing her wrist, encircling Rei in a very protective and possessive embrace. Even a hermit like Not-Akira could make no mistake for what that meant.

"She's all yours?" he asked. "That's not fair. Life never really is fair, though." He stared at his hands, sad all of a sudden. "I lived life, once. I died a year ago, I think. I'm a dead man, now."

"Dead as they come, you are," Asuka agreed.

"No one was around to dig my grave or pay respects, though," he continued, not hearing her. "So I couldn't stay dead. I have to stay alive until someone can bury me." He looked up at Asuka. "Do you think she would?" He meant, of course, Rei.

"She's all mine, remember?" Asuka said, using his own observation. Sometimes it helped to play along with a recluse's logic.

"I forgot," Not-Akira mumbled. "Do you think you could? I don't care who, so long as I'm buried. I don't want the wolves to eat my body. I'm scared of what would happen if my body gets eaten."

"Not in the cards, I'm afraid," Asuka said. "You have a little while to go before you're all dead, I think."

"I'm all dead now," Not-Akira said testily, "I just don't have anyone to bury me." He turned his face towards the wall, and Asuka knew the conversation was over.

"Hungry," Rei mumbled.

"Okay, Rei. Protein bar tonight, okay?"

"Hungry," Rei repeated, but the tone was satisfied. A protein bar would be nice.

"Why don't you go take a nap, Not-Akira?" Asuka said, fishing into a vest pocket for a bar. "If you're all dead when I see you next, I'll be sure to dig a nice, deep grave for you."

"Be sure it's very deep," he replied. "Wolves are good at digging."

"But not bears, right?" Asuka said, smiling devilishly.

"Don't care about bears," Not-Akira said, standing and walking out. "Bears don't follow me."

"You be sure to stay in that room tonight," Asuka said. "We want some privacy."

"It's my station," he mumbled.

"It's Akira's station, and you're not Akira," she reminded him.

"I was here first," he said petulantly, but said no more after that.

* * *

Not-Akira didn't sleep at all during the night, and as a result, Asuka didn't, either. She knew, beyond a doubt, that Not-Akira wouldn't _intentionally_ be a threat. That didn't mean he was completely harmless, and his curiosity and fixation on Rei meant he could cause some trouble just on the principle of the matter. Asuka didn't want him to have the opportunity, and cradled Rei the whole night as the girl snored lightly. Every now and then, Not-Akira would poke his head through the door like a child trying to escape from time-out, and Asuka would give him a few seconds to exit on his own time. If he remained, she would hiss at him through her teeth, and he would duck out of sight as quickly as he appeared.

In the early morning hours, before the sun was even up, she heard movement outside. Someone else was walking up to the gas station.

"Not-Akira," a husky voice called out. "You have visitors. Are you awake?"

"I'm not talking to you," the man yelled from the other side of the station. Asuka kept her mouth shut, pondering the nature of the new visitor. She heard the main door open, as whoever it was walked in through the station.

"I have trade, Not-Akira," the new voice called. "Let's trade."

"You wouldn't bury me when I was dead," Not-Akira snapped. "You're a poor friend. Don't talk to me and don't trade with me."

"I have pelts, Not-Akira. Good pelts."

"Wolf pelts?"

"And some."

"I don't want to trade. Go away," Not-Akira replied after a moment's consideration. The new visitor appeared in the doorway. Another bush man, it seemed, this one big and hulking, with a thin, stringy beard braided down his chin. He wore a backpack, and carried an old, bolt-action rifle.

"Not-Akira," the man said, "You have guests."

"He knows," Asuka said. "He's been our host."

"He's not a good host," the man replied. "He won't even trade."

"Go away," Not-Akira snapped.

"I'm going to leave some pelts and take some tubers," the newcomer replied. "I won't take the best."

"Take the yams, the potatoes aren't so good," Not-Akira replied. After a moment, he added, "I don't want to trade with you. You didn't bury me."

"I'm Nine-Fingers," the newcomer said, cradling the rifle in the crook of an arm and holding up his hands for explanation. On the left hand, his smallest finger had been severed at the base. "The gangrene got my finger," he said, "So I had to cut it off. I was Ten-Fingers before that."

"That's quite a story," Asuka said. "I'm Asuka."

"Asuka? That's a name. That's a good name," he said, satisfied. "Do you want to trade?"

"I have nothing to trade, but thank you," she said. Nine-Fingers nodded, as if this was the gravest news he had heard in months. Considering this was probably the longest conversation he had had in that time, it was probably true.

"How about gossip, then? I haven't but talked to my left hand this whole time, and it don't talk back." He smiled, his mouth full of broken teeth. Rei giggled.

"You're supposed to be asleep," Asuka chided.

"Woke up," Rei mumbled.

"What's that?" Nine-Finger's asked, cocking his head. He didn't seem to see very good, Asuka realized, the way he squinted. Focusing on his eyes, Asuka could actually see cataracts, even in the dark.

"It's a girl," she said, tensing slightly. If you lied to one of these folks, they could take it very personally, but if you told the truth, they could get quite greedy. You had to be ready, one way or the other. "Her name is Rei."

"Rei's a good name, too. Asuka and Rei. Those are good names. I like Nine-Fingers better, though." He scratched at the stump of his missing digit. "Itches sometimes," he explained.

"What gossip do you have?" Asuka said, smiling despite herself. She was still tense with this fellow, but he seemed to have a good vibe. He was garrulous for a hermit, but not needling or demanding. Further, beyond entering the doorway, he had not advanced any deeper into the room. It was as close to respecting personal space as you could get up here.

"Did you come from the south?" Nine-Fingers asked.

"Maybe."

"Then I have gossip for you, if you have gossip for me." He sat down, shucking his backpack. "You first, though. What news of the Teacher?"

"You know about the Teacher?" Asuka asked, curious.

"Of course. His folk were trawling all over the north not so long ago. I didn't like them…not right in the head." He tapped his skull. "Did he destroy the world yet?"

"Working on it. Probably not going to happen anytime soon, though." She smiled. "I slapped him around, if you must know." Nine-Fingers suddenly laughed at that, loudly and inappropriately. It was an honest laugh, though.

"I like that! I surely do! What else?"

"I think he made God angry," Asuka said. "Lost some of his followers, lost some of his arsenal, and picked a fight with the south he might not win."

"I always thought his appetite was bigger than his stomach," Nine-Fingers said. "I'm not surprised. Glad to hear it, though. I didn't like him. Not really. Never did trade. How can you trust someone who doesn't trade?"

"I'm not trading with you," Asuka said in a playful tone. Nine-Fingers grinned his broken-tooth smile.

"You trade in information. That's a trade. You want gossip? What gossip do you want?"

"Have you heard of a man named Shinji Ikari? A boy, actually, but he'd be a man now," she ventured.

"Shinji? Shinji…Ikari…you know, I heard of someone called the Anchor. That's the same character for Ikari, you know…so is 'anger.' Did you know that?"

"I did, actually," Asuka said, smiling. She had spoken about that with Shinji, teased him about getting an anchor tattoo, in fact. "That actually sounds promising. What did you hear about the Anchor?"

"Bits and pieces. It depends on what you want to know."

"Where is he?" she asked, flatly.

"On the coast, last I heard." An unexpected thrill went through Asuka, a feeling of sudden longing, excitement, and hurt. It occurred to her that she really was…truly was…getting closer to Shinji. After all this time, he wasn't so far away. She didn't know what would happen when they met, but…she shook her head. "I can't tell you where, though."

"That's actually helpful. I was headed to a spot on the coast where I thought he was…that's a good confirmation I'm on the right path," she said.

"Do you want me to pass the word you're looking for him?" Nine-Fingers asked. Asuka almost laughed; passing the word in his case might mean mentioning it if he remembered it on the off-chance he ran into someone, or scrawling a note on a tree or board somewhere that had high-traffic. Which in this case, meant a person passing by once or twice a month, if that much.

"No, but thank you. I'd like to surprise him," she said.

"Fair enough. I have to go, now." Nine-Fingers stood, picking up his backpack. "I have more trade to find, and Not-Akira is bad for trade. I have to take some yams, though, and leave a few pelts. He likes wolf pelts, but he hates wolves. Isn't that strange?"

"Not the strangest thing I've heard, but it is strange," Asuka agreed.

"Be careful of the gangrene," Nine-Fingers said, holding up his hand in warning, and then he was gone. Asuka heard him walk out. Not-Akira presently poked his head back through the door.

"He didn't bury me like he should have," he complained. "He's a bad friend."

"Scram," Asuka said, throwing a piece of tile at him. Not-Akira vanished. Shinji was on the coast…she was going to find him. She was going to find him…and do what? Probably scream at him. She smiled, knowing that's what she would do. She was mad at him, mad for leaving. She could admit that now…but she was mad only because she loved him. She could admit that, too. It would feel good to scream at him.

"Sleep," Rei said.

"That's fine, go back to sleep." Asuka felt a pinch.

"Sleep," Rei repeated. Asuka nodded, understanding. "Watch," Rei said.

"Wake me if Not-Akira gets frisky," she said.

"Frisky," Rei giggled. Asuka rolled her eyes, then relaxed, closing them.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: Come on, now…did you think a snark-basket like New Rei would stay quiet forever? ^^


	45. No More Illusions

**Notes from GobHobblin**: She's a tough, no-nonsense veteran who goes by the Book. Her new partner is a hot-headed, any-way-goes rookie with a penchant for partying. Together, this unlikely team will bring crime to it's knees as (bong) Violet Thunder. (Violet (wupash, now falsetto) Thundeeer!) Watch out, bad boys. When these ladies are on the case, there's no where to run. ((whispered) Violet Thunder).

* * *

Asuka woke to the sensation of someone elbowing her in the ribs. "Time to go," Rei said quietly.

"Why do you say that?" Asuka mumbled, seeing early morning sunlight outside.

"Just because," Rei said, shrugging. Asuka grumbled, and relaxed her embrace. Rei awkwardly stood up, still shaky. "Feeling better," she said.

"I can see that," Asuka said with a smile. "Do you remember what happened?" Rei shook her head.

"Fuzzy," she mumbled. "All fuzzy." Asuka stood, feeling her back pop. She glanced around, wondering where Not-Akira had wandered off to. She could hear someone cutting into the dirt outside with a metal tool, and figured he was out there dirt farming. She glanced around, wondering if she should try and barter for some supplies. She thought the better of it, and patted Rei on the shoulder.

"Let's go," she said with a smile. Rei nodded, and walked, on her own, out of the room towards the main door. Her steps were short and shuffling, as though her feet and legs were asleep. Asuka followed gently behind, her fingers lightly on Rei's shoulder. As they exited the station, the cutting noises stopped.

"Are you going to bury me?" Not-Akira asked.

"Not today, Not-Akira," Asuka said breezily. She opened the passenger side door of the jeep for Rei, as the sound of shuffling steps came up behind her. Asuka closed the door, and turned to look at Not-Akira. He was slouching and mopey looking.

"You're not going to leave her behind?" he asked. "She shouldn't be traveling."

"She stays with me, remember? We talked about that," she said patiently. She leaned forward slightly, and Not-Akira flinched. "You have a short memory."

"I get lonely," he mumbled. "Aren't you going to bury me?"

"Take care, Not-Akira. Go south for a vacation or something," she said, circling around to the driver side and entering the vehicle. She started the engine, and pulled out, looking over her shoulder once. Not-Akira had moved to the middle of the road, and stared after them sullenly. She sighed, and turned her attention forward again.

"Looking for the Anchor?" Rei asked.

"Yep," Asuka said with a smile.

"Sure it's…Shinji?" Rei asked, seeming to have trouble saying the name for a moment.

"You mean am I sure that Nine-Fingers was telling us useful information?" Asuka asked, realizing in that moment how much she had truly missed speaking with Rei. The girl nodded, her mouth opening and closing. No words came out, and she grinned sheepishly. "You get deep enough into the bush, the men and women you talk to have a smaller and smaller grasp of reality. Nine-Fingers was refreshingly lucid, and some are like that. They like being alone, it suits them. Regardless, you can't expect them to give you a novel when you're looking for information. You take what you can get."

"That why…you take his word?" Rei said, wriggling her hand like she was holding a pen.

"It's the best you can do. It's not about asking a lot of questions, but the right ones. Too many, and you start getting theories on why the moon would make a good wife, or how the Impact was caused by a French baker. Both conversations I've had, by the way." Rei giggled. It was a musical sound.

* * *

They hadn't been but five hours on the road when Asuka felt her right hand begin to shake. She was concerned, thinking that Righty was waking up again…but then the left hand joined it. She couldn't figure it out, until her heart started to race as well. She blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening. "Asuka?" Rei asked. "You don't look so good." In the last five hours, Rei's vocabulary and ability to speak had leveled out. She hadn't said much for the last thirty minutes or so, and was now studying her friend.

Asuka shrugged. "Uh, yeah, I just-" And then she hit the brakes, sliding the car to a stop as the pressing sense of _panic_ overwhelmed her. She shook her hands like spiders were crawling on them, and had just the presence of mind to engage the parking brake before tumbling out of the jeep. She was trying to breathe, and couldn't. Panic was consuming her, panic and fear…and hurt. A whole mess of emotions. She paced in front of the hood, shaking her hands and biting her tongue. Rei tumbled out of the passenger side, concern on her face. "Asuka!" Rei snapped, "What's the matter?"

"I just…I just…just…" Was she hyperventilating? She was. What had started this? She couldn't think. Rei positioned herself in front of the woman, forcing her to stop pacing. She turned towards the jeep, scrubbing at her scalp in a nervous motion.

"Asuka…" Rei breathed. "Is this…is this because Shinji is so close?" Rei, you little genius. You hit it on the head. Asuka nodded without thinking about it, knowing that was right. This was it. She was closing in on her quarry, after a long trip and a lot of close calls. He was close…so close she could see him again, even with her eyes open, and it was too much. She had been so focused on getting there, she hadn't thought of what would happen when she arrived. It was a lot of unresolved stress coming to the surface after a near decade of wondering about him, hoping he was okay somewhere. Now she was about to find out, and she frankly wasn't ready.

"He's…so close. I think he's close, I just…" Asuka leaned over the hood, fighting down the nerves. "It's been _eight years_, Rei. It's been…I'm not…I'm not…" She swallowed. "I shouldn't have come, this was stupid. I never should have come. This is stupid."

"Asuka!" Rei said, putting a gentle hand on Asuka's arm. "You…came so far to see him. You came through so much, with _me_ along the way as well. Why do you not want to go?" Asuka said nothing, shaking her head, and Rei scratched her back. "What are you not?"

"I'm not…who he left. I'm not…" She stared at her hands. Fine and strong…but all she saw were the square, dirty fingernails, the thick, uneven callouses. It was a shallow thing to think of, her appearance, but Asuka was still Asuka, and it was the thing she would think of. And it only compounded on all the other things about her that were different. The bloody road she had cut all the way up here…shorter than Shinji may have taken, certainly, but how many people did he put down to do it?

She wasn't the girl he had left…she was the woman that remained.

And more to the point, she felt…angry. Hurt. Betrayed. All of it came back to her with such strength that she had forgotten she never _quite_ squared away that Shinji was gone. She had been so eager to come find him, she hadn't thought of whether she should look for him, or even if she wanted to. She had forgotten the hurt…but not gotten rid of it.

Rei seemed to sense that. The conflicting tastes of longing and anger, the desire to see him versus the desire to hate him. And Rei knew Asuka, for all her hurt, couldn't hate Shinji. Asuka was probably mad at herself about that, as well. Rei nodded, and hugged Asuka.

"You know what you'll do," Rei said, teasing. "I do. I know what you'll do. You'll yell at him. You'll yell at the top of your lungs. You'll scream, you'll accuse, you'll cut into him, maybe even hit him. You'll cry like a baby, you'll make a big scene, and he won't know what to do at all. He'll be so confused, and so off-balance, and unsure of what to do.

"And it's going to be wonderful. It's going to be the greatest thing you've done in eight years and you'll know it, and he'll know it. That's what will happen." Rei beamed at Asuka, who snuffled. And then, very shyly…smiled.

"You got wise, you know that?" Asuka asked. Rei shrugged.

"I've always been wise, you've just been too dumb to notice."

"Don't push your luck, Wonder Girl," she said, shaking her head and wiping her nose on her sleeve. What Rei had described sounded nice…and maybe the end would be worth it, after all.

After a moment to catch their breath, the two returned to the jeep, and continued on their way, that tenuous thread becoming clearer and clearer.

* * *

**Notes from GobHobblin**: One more chapter, an epilogue, and that's it…for the first fic. I decided about halfway through to make this a series of at least two, maybe three fics. I have to wrap this one up soon, though, or I may not be able to for awhile. You will notice that my updates will drop in the next couple of months.


	46. The End of the Road

The jeep idled as they stared at the signpost. It was painted over with whitewash, and in the center was a symbol of an anchor. Beyond it was an old private road, at the end of which was a shack. Near the shack was a dock, with a large boat floating nearby. Beyond it, the red water of the ocean lapped up against the rocky shoreline. Asuka fidgeted, bouncing in her seat like a child waiting to see the dentist. Rei stared at her.

"You took on a tank, and you're scared to see Shinji?" she asked.

"It wasn't a tank, it was an IFV," Asuka muttered.

"Don't try to change the subject," Rei nagged. Asuka felt sweat under her palms, an ice sweat that seemed to glue her palms to the wheel. Asuka swallowed on a dry throat, and gave Rei a pitiful look.

"It's not fair," she said, sadly. "Why does he do this to me? Why does he…make me feel this way?"

"How do you think you make him feel?" Rei asked. Asuka shrugged.

"I don't know, because I haven't seen him in-"

"-In eight years," Rei said, extending a hand and placing it against Asuka's mouth, silencing her. "And he's down the road. Waiting for you. And me, too, you know. I haven't seen him in a long time." Asuka pleaded with her eyes, wanting to turn around and just call the whole thing off. She could walk farther, fight harder, and shoot straighter than anyone she knew, and she wanted to tuck tail and run from…Shinji. It just made no sense.

It made no sense. Snarling to herself, she put the jeep in drive and pulled forward along the road. Slowly. Very slowly. "I could walk faster than this," Rei teased, but Asuka ignored her. If she felt like taking her time, then by God, she would take her sweet time! The shack grew in size as it drifted closer, and Asuka could hear the ocean waves even over the engine. After what felt like far too short a time, she was now parked in front the shack. He had to be in there. Shinji was in there. He had to be.

"Ready?" Rei asked. Asuka breathed deep, nodded, and turned off the engine. When she did, the door to the shack opened, and a lump formed in her throat as someone walked out.

The man who exited the shack was massive, and despite the cold, his shirt was off. He was Westerner by appearance, with a bald head and great beard. His many tattoos marked him as Russian. His flesh was crisscrossed with the prison art of a professional criminal.

He was _not_ Shinji.

"Stay here," Asuka said. Rei, of course, ignored her and opened the door. Asuka sighed, and exited the jeep as well. They circled around to the front, meeting in front of the hood. Asuka stood in an aggressive stance, while Rei tucked her hands into her pockets.

"Hello," she said brightly.

"Hello," the man replied slowly. At least he spoke Japanese. His tone was solemn, yet friendly.

"I'm Rei, this is Asuka," she said happily. "Say 'hi,' Asuka." Asuka swallowed, opened her mouth to speak…and nothing came out. She waved weakly. God, she was so nervous she couldn't speak? This was stupid. Fortunately, the man didn't seem offended by it.

"I am Semyan," he said in careful, precise Japanese, "I am priest, and I am a fisherman. Or at least I was, at a time. There are no more fish in the ocean. Instead, I fish for men these days."

"You fish for men?" Rei asked. "That's a weird thing to do."

"There are many things to fish for," he said, "And many ways to fish." Rei giggled at the way he said it, and he smiled.

"You…seem to have a different profession than the one you started out with," Asuka ventured. Semyan looked at his chest, and nodded.

"In my youth, I was a man of sin. When God touched the world, I returned to make amends, and live as my mother would have wanted," he said. "I am not ashamed of what I was, for I have given myself over to a better life. I am priest, and I am a fisherman." Asuka began to feel uneasy, and not because of the man…Semyan seemed harmless enough, despite his fearsome appearance. What bothered her was that the thread had ended her. It didn't lead anywhere else…and she didn't see Shinji anywhere.

"So…are you alone here?" she asked.

"I have been alone here for some time," he said.

"Alone?" Rei asked. "No one else is here?"

"No, except for you two. I am sorry if you were expecting someone else," he repeated solemnly. Asuka got the sense he wasn't deliberately trying to be vague…he seemed to be working his way through the language by way of the discussion.

That didn't give her the answers she needed, though. The thread was gone. Where was Shinji? "Did a man…or a boy…come by here? It would have been…some time ago? He may or may not have had a beard, or…I have photo."

Semyan held up his hand and shook his head. "No, he did not. I do not know who came to this place in the last six months, and that is as long as I have been here." Asuka felt the nervousness recede, and instead felt a great numbness taking residence where it had lived. Six months…alone…and Shinji…was…not…here…

"Where…is…?" she began, and stopped. "Was he…never here?"

Semyan shook his head. "From what I gathered, he crossed over further to the south, or at least it sounds so, the way he tells it," Semyan explained in his slow, precise way. Asuka closed her eyes, feeling Rei's hand tighten in hers, in sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Asuka. We'll just try a…we'll…" Rei's voice trailed off, as she and Asuka came to the exact same realization at the same time. They both stared at Semyan, and asked at the same time, "Crossed over?" Semyan nodded.

"Yes…over the sea," Semyan said, as if surprised they hadn't known. "How do you think I came to be here?"

"_Over_ the sea?" Asuka snapped, hearing Rei whimper. Asuka was crushing her hand without meaning to. She shook the girl free, and took a slight step forward. "_Where_ over the sea?"

"He is over the sea, with the Brethren of the Cross, in Nakhodka," Semyan explained, "My order. He came to us a year ago, and was still there when I left. He asked if one of the brothers was willing to come and live in this spot for seclusion, and wait. He said someone very dear would come to him, someone with red hair. A red eye and a blue eye. That is you. I volunteered for the task." He smiled, crossing his arms. "I am a priest, and I am a fisherman. I have the patience of both, and I have made my catch."

"This…spot? He…knew I would come…here…" Asuka's mind reeled with many questions, and she was uncertain which one to ask. Rei asked one of her own, giving Asuka a moment to gather her thoughts.

"How did he know?" she asked.

Semyan shrugged. "He knows things…we never know how. God must have touched him, we think." He pointed a finger towards the heavens. "If he is beloved of God, then the Brethren will see to his safety and his needs. And for me…a good friend. I gladly took my isolation for his

"Why is he not here!?" Asuka suddenly blurted, her voice shrill and pained. She stumbled forward, intending to grab the man, but tripped and stumbled to her knees. "Why? Why?" Semyan knelt next to her, a look of distress on his face. This was not going as he intended, it seemed.

"He had a message to give," Semyan offered, his voice sympathetic. "He told me, to tell you…to go home."

"Go…go _home_?" Asuka whispered.

"Yes. He said go home, and don't pursue him. He wants you to live a good life, a happy one…and don't follow him." Semyan shrugged sympathetically.

For a moment, Asuka's mind was blank. She had…come this far. Through some _awful_ things…and she was being told to turn around, and go home. And never see him. Again. Ever. Because he…wanted her to go home. He wanted her to go home. Why…did he…want…

Rage jumped on her. Rage like she had never felt in her life, and she had felt many colors of that emotion in her time on earth. This was pure, bright, shining, and all-consuming.

"_The hell I will_!" she screamed. Semyan stood in shock, and Rei backed up. Asuka stared at him, her face twisted and her eyes burning. Throughout his life, Semyan had met many dangerous men, both as a criminal and as a reformed man. He had never been as intimidated as he was, now. If Shinji was touched by God, this girl must be His wrath. "I came here to find Shinji, and I will not, I will not, I _will NOT_ go home until I have seen him!" She stood on shaky legs, advancing with a wobble but determination. "I have come through Hell, past bandits and psyschos and wannabe Messiahs, I _died_, and I'm here now being told to go home? By _Shinji_?"

"He said it was the hardest message he would ever give, and he would cut his throat before bringing you pain," Semyan said, trying to defuse her anger. "He wants you to go home, to save you more pain."

"Save me more _pain_? Why did he say that?" Asuka rumbled, then shook her head. "No, never mind. I'll ask him myself!" The look in her eye made Semyan wonder if she wanted to talk to Shinji, or murder him.

"But-"

"How much pain I may or may not feel is _my_ problem to deal with. Shinji should know better than to expect me to do what he says!" She felt her lips quirk, and realized…she was grinning. She felt good. Determined. Alive. "You aren't staying here in Japan, I know that. So when you go back to Nakhodka, I'm going with you. And you aren't saying no, so don't bother trying to!" Semyan's mouth dropped open, and he crossed his arms. He looked impressed.

"There is nothing I could say to dissuade you?" he asked.

"The words don't exist," she snapped. To her surprise…he smiled. It was a small smile, at first…and then it became a toothy grin.

"He…thought you would say that...or something like," he said. "He wanted me to persuade you otherwise. I see you, now…and I will not. I care for Shinji…and I think this would be good, for you to see him." He shrugged, "I may have…exaggerated my determination to follow his wishes."

Asuka glanced at him sideways, squinting. A faint, almost-hope suddenly stirred in her chest, cooling her anger. "Really? Just like that?"

"I am a priest, and I am a fisherman," he said again, "And not a fool. If I do not help you, you will follow me, and my ministry will end on this earth. And whether Shinji believes it or not, he has lived his life as half a man. If I was a good friend, as I say I am…I would help him make his heart whole again."

"He must be a good friend…if you're willing to risk his displeasure, doing that," Asuka said with a hint of snark, feeling the strength return to her legs.

"Well…perhaps I overstate our friendship. But he is a good man. He deserves to have friends he will do the right things for him," Semyan said. "That is what any of us are called to do." He pointed to the large boat, moored against the dock. This close, it appeared to be a fishing trawler. "That is my ship, the _Rusalka._ It is a good ship. I have spent my days caring for it, and it will bear me home…and you as passengers." He turned back to the shack. "But first, we will eat, and then rest. I have few possessions, but you are welcome to them." He disappeared through the door, leaving Asuka and Rei alone. Asuke felt light-headed, and elated. Liberated, even. She breathed slowly, feeling her emotions level and calm.

One more step, it seemed. One more step…but he was not lost. Shinji was not lost. One more step, and she would see him.

"Asuka," Rei asked, quietly. "What about Misato?" Oh…right. The life in the south. The life she had left for this adventure. Asuka tried to say something, but couldn't. She turned and looked at the _Rusalka_ longingly, trying to think of what to say. Rei shook her head. "No, it's okay. You need to do this, I know." She sighed. "You know I'm coming with you, right?"

"I don't think you have a choice," Asuka joked.

"A hostage to your megalomania. Oh, joy," she sighed, and walked through the door. Asuka sighed, and turned to stare at the _Rusalka_. One…more…step…

* * *

Asuka straddled Shinji, the sand under his hair and the water staining through his white uniform shirt. The bandages lay some distance away, torn off and thrown aside. Her palms were on his wrists, and all of her weight was forward, pinning him down. If he knew how, he could roll her off. Shinji did not know how, at least not yet. He would learn, when she would begin to teach him. She would begin the year before he left. That was still a year away.

"You shouldn't come," he said.

"Shut up," she snapped, and edge in her voice. She was mad, and she wanted him to _know_ she was mad. "You don't tell me what I can or can't do, you know that. You've known that from the moment you met me."

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm asking you. Pleading." His eyes were like precious stones, glassy and full of sadness. "Please don't come. I won't run if you I you do…I know you too well. You'll follow. I won't run, but I'm asking you not to come." She shook her head.

"No," she said. "I'm coming. I'm coming and you won't stop me. You can't stop me. You belong to me, Shinji-Baka," she said. "You belong to me as surely as my hands or my feet or my eyes. You were mine from the moment I first saw you, and I was stupid to let you walk away. I shouldn't have let you walk, and I did. You're mine…and I'm yours. Always have been, always will be. So no more running, no more hiding. I don't know why you left, I don't care, but you don't get to wriggle out this time.

"No more running, Shinji." He sighed, tears forming and sliding towards his ears.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he whispered.

"You shouldn't have left, then," she said, but her voice was softer. "Don't make another mistake like that. I waited eight years for you, Shinji. You can wait for me. Wait for me, Shinji." She felt brightness cutting through the air, cutting towards her and threatening to pull her away. "Wait for me," she insisted.

"I'll wait," he said quietly, resigned. "I'll be there when you come over the sea…" and he faded into light.

* * *

She awoke with tears in her eyes, a pad beneath her separating her back from the concrete floor. Another dream. Another dream, and somehow she knew it was Shinji. Shinji speaking to her. She rolled over, looking across the small room. Semyan was sitting in a chair, his head lolled onto his chest. He was snoring loudly, but that wasn't enough to dissuade Rei and Asuka from sleeping. It was almost comforting, hearing someone so lost in sleep.

Rei, for her part, was on Semyan's cot. She was curled up tight, like a cat. Peaceful and serene. Asuka remembered those first nights when Rei had come back. Something about that moved her, in that moment. Standing up, she took her blanket and draped it over Semyan. He had insisted on giving his meager possessions to the girls, and it didn't seem fair, in this moment. He snuffled for a moment, and then continued snoring. Asuka crossed the room, and gently eased onto the cot next to Rei, scooting her bare feet under the blanket. Without waking, Rei shuffled over closer to the wall, making room, and then snuggled against Asuka.

This felt good, Asuka thought. She needed to be next to someone, right now. She needed human contact, human touch. Something grounding her in the here and now. She closed her eyes, holding on with both hands to the fleeting images from the dream. Shinji had promised to wait. He had promised…and she believed it. Smiling, with the warmth of Rei next to her, Asuka drifted into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Asuka sat at the stern of the _Rusalka_, watching as Japan faded behind them. The sun was beginning to cut above the eastern horizon, thick in her eyes, but she braved it to make out the last glimpses of land, before they sank beneath the horizon. Sorry, Misato. I can't go home, and I'm gonna saddle you with Pen-Pen. It'll be like old times and you know it. Sorry, Hikari. You were a good friend, but you have a life to live without fretting over me. Toji will console you, and you won't complain a bit. Sorry, Kensuke. On the bright side, the business is yours. You always ran it better, and you deserve the recognition for it.

Sorry, everyone. I'm going, and I don't know if I'll be back. Live good lives.

She felt someone scratch her head, and she turned and smiled at Rei. "So we're going to Russia," Asuka said with forced cheer. Rei smiled back.

"Your hair," Rei said, "It's getting longer." Asuka nodded.

"Yeah." She smiled, ruffling it. "I was thinking about…just letting it go, you know?"

"It always looked good long," Rei said. "I don't know if I ever told you that, but I always thought it suited you."

"And a short cut doesn't?" Asuka asked, squinting at her.

"Oh, you can do a pixie just fine," Rei said, smiling back. "It's just…you are you."

"I am me?" Asuka nodded. "Yeah, I guess say. Are you you?"

"I am me," Rei assured. "Semyan wants to show me what to do on the bridge, in case he needs an extra hand. Do you need anything?" Asuka shook her head.

"Go learn something," she said, winking. Rei disappeared up the ladder, and Asuka smiled at her back before turning towards Japan one last time. When she had arrived to this island, it had been with Unit-02. With mother. She had come with only the grandest of egotistical expectations, and never really expected…to die there. And she had. Twice, in fact. She had lived a life there.

And now it was fading away. By boat, nonetheless. Irony of ironies. She wasn't a little girl, though. She was a woman with life behind her, but life still ahead. And more than that. Shinji was ahead. Shinji was ahead. He would probably still be ahead when she got there…maybe moved on, again. Running from…whatever was chasing him. Running from her? Probably. Doubtful, but it bore thinking.

If not her, then what? She would ask him when she found him. She had no doubt in her mind she would find him. She was Asuka Langley Soryu…nothing could stop her when she set her mind to a task. She smiled, and then laughed. She laughed freely and without reservation. She was Asuka…Langley…Soryu…and she would _make_ Shinji remember that.

"Make me crawl all the way up Japan for a goose chase, huh, baka?" she giggled, "Oh, you're gonna get it when I see you. Watch out, little boy, watch out." He would get it, she promised herself. Get it, but good. She would yell. She would scream. She would slap him around, collapse on him, blubber like an idiot. She would cry tears and make a scene, all just to leave him stumped and befuddled and unsure of what to do. All just to see that look on his face. And then she would laugh at him. Point, laugh, and know…just _know_…that she still had that power over him.

And it would be wonderful. Of that she was certain.


	47. Human Sinister: Return Day

The Brethren of the Cross were not officially of the Orthodox Church, but they were men of that faith in a lifetime gone by. If anything, they resembled the monastic priests of the Greek branch of that sect far more than anything in the Russian sect, but that was irrelevant. They were men who had chosen to live a life of relative seclusion, in their compound surrounding the small chapel that was their church. There were the people of Nakhodka, nearby, for what it was worth. They would have fished if there was anything alive in the red waters of the ocean. Instead, they farmed, or traded along the coast. It was a simple life, but a decent one.

These people lived like Russians, dour and suspicious of those they didn't know, but welcoming and friendly to those who came into their homes. They were good Russians, and the Brethren got along with them. After all, the Brethren were Russians, as well, though their faith made them far more welcoming of outsiders than the average Nakhodkan.

It was why the Boy had come to them. He was a man, actually, but to Father Grigory, he was still a boy. Malcheek, they called him. He was treated by some as a prophet, and others as a ghost. Grigory treated him like a boy, and he was fond of him. It was why he took the walk outside the monastery's walls, to find the boy standing near the shore and watching the sea.

Grigory wandered up next to him, ignored for the most part. Shinji's arms were crossed, and his expression stern. Unlike the Brethren, he did not shave his head, setting him apart in more than his ethnicity. His beard was trimmed as close as he could crop it with scissors, but unshaved. It was difficult to shave, these days. His eyes were distant, but focused. Did he see something…or did he See something? It was hard to tell, sometimes. Grigory coughed noisily.

"The Dyevushka is coming, yes?" Grigory said, mixing Japanese and Russian. He had made a great effort to learn the language of the young man. Shinji smiled.

"Yes, the Girl is coming," Shinji replied patiently in perfect Russian. Grigory snorted.

"You're showing off," he said. "That's a sin."

"I like Russian," Shinji said, "It sounds pleasing to the ear."

"Without any accent," Grigory grumbled. "It's not fair. Not fair at all." Shinji turned towards him with a scrutinizing eye. Grigory glared back, and then broke, a creaking laugh issuing forth. Shinji smiled at him.

"You're harassing me," he teased.

"You need to be harassed," Grigory said. "You sit here gathering stones, and they will weigh you down and drown you."

"I don't want her to come," he said.

"You're an idiot," Grigory said. Shinji squinted at him. "You want her more than life itself." Shinji swallowed, and nodded.

"That's why…I don't want her to come." He kicked at the dirt.

"You shouldn't have sent Semyan, then," Grigory said. "He likes you, and he'll disobey your wishes for your own good."

"He was much more likely to turn her away than any of you," Shinji said. "Not…_as_ likely. I saw him bring her here. I saw him do this, and I still asked him…because there was the one path where he didn't. Where she left…and I never saw her again." He felt a stab at the thought, but clung to it. It was a pain he told himself he would feel because it was right. It meant he had made the right choice. "It would have been better for her…"

"No, it would not," Grigory said, patting Shinji's shoulder. "It would be better for her to be with you. Because it would be better for _you_ to be with _her_." He turned to leave, and paused. "You will, of course, tell her _everything_."

"What choice will I have?" Shinji said miserably. "She'll be here…and she'll want to know why. I'll be honest…for what it'll cost me. Cost her." He sighed. He then laughed. "You know what? I can't see what happens when she gets here. The path with her is…fluid."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Grigory asked.

"She'll make a scene. She'll make me suffer for it."

"I thought you said you couldn't see the path," Grigory asked.

"I can't, but I know her." He winked at Grigory. "Just giving you a warning, you know."

"Of course," the older man said, turning and walking back to the monastery. Shinji watched him leave, and turned back towards the east. He breathed deep, and closed his eyes. Asuka was coming. Asuka would be here. He would _see_ Asuka again. He shivered, in anticipation, and fear…

And sadness. He tightened his fists until the fingernails cut into his palm. It wasn't fair…none of it was. She would come all this way…all this way…He sighed, shaking the shadow away. It didn't matter. He was selfish, he admitted that, and in his selfishness, he wanted to see Asuka. She was right, in the end. He belonged to her, totally and utterly. Her slave in all but literal definition of the word. And there was more: he had _never_ expected to hear her say it. Never assumed. Yet…she had said it. _She_ belonged to _him_. It filled him with giddiness, and he felt like a teenager again. He felt happy.

He hoped it would last…but he knew better than to hope. He opened his eyes, and turned back to the monastery, to wait for events as they would come. As surely and faithfully as the tides of the ocean.


	48. Acknowledgements

And thus concludes Ten Year Whole, and the first book in a series. Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and following! I intend to go back to re-edit, and possibly extend, many of these chapters in the futre. There is also the possibility I will add more chapters as well, but for the time being, it's finished.

I can't believe that I've actually finished it, and as quickly as I did. It's occurred to me that this it the first book I've written, technically. Period. I'm giddy with the idea, even if it is a fanfic. I'm just glad it's done.

More importantly, I'm so glad you all took the time to read it, and I'm happy so many enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone who followed and liked it, as well as those who took the time to comment and review. Special thanks, as well, to GhostWriter73, the Polyethelyne Man, and Isamu for their helpful and encouraging PMs, and extra-special thanks to gorgeousshutin for acting as a sounding board for many of the things I put into the story. You guys were great, and I hope to keep entertaining you in the future. For those who didn't comment, review, like, or follow, but still took the time to read, thanks to you guys, too. I hope it was an entertaining read, and you got a good story out of it.

A _big_ thanks to my wife Mekanikora, who was patient enough to let me rant about my ideas for the story even while working on her own fanfic and sharing her brilliant Lit Major ideas and training with me. Some of the better twists were crafted in heated debates with her.

Thanks also, of course, to Hideaki Anno and Gainax for creating the NGE universe.

As for the further adventures of our favorite Red Devil, hang in there...the sequel will come, you can count on that. Asuka's bossy when it comes to these things, you know...


	49. Announcement

Sigh.

Okay, I was going to _try_ and hold off posting anything for a sequel, because I didn't want to get you guys anticipating rapid releases and being dissapointed if the pace didn't keep up. So, I was going to work on some other stuff a bit and gather my thoughts...and...

I really want to keep writing for Ten Year Whole.

So...

Ten Year Piece has it's prologue being posted today, which I advise be read with the gentle chords of Tuvan throat singing in mind as you do so. Again, the posts for that will probably be a little late in coming compared to the first fic...and I do really want to get back to Human Cage and Somewhere Vast and Dry when able (and God, espcially the Three Children. It's Victorian England, after all!) This has been my most popular fic, though, and I really, really...really liked writing it.

So you win. Posts starting today.


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